If you tend to have anxiety over little things that turn out to be nothing in the end then you may dealing with a lot of little toxic thoughts that could potentially ruin your relationship.
Toxic thoughts are irrational thoughts that spill over into your imagination and become untrue stories in your head that you eventually start to believe. The initial thought is enough to have you concoct a wild story in your head that has the potential to cause fights and rifts in the relationship.
Examples of those initial toxic thoughts are:
- Is she cheating on me with that guy?
- Why did he really come home late?
- Why didn’t she say I love you today?
- Why did he give me that look?
- She’s going to leave me because I said no!
These random thoughts with no real substance behind them come from negative past experiences, low self-esteem, and negative issues that haven’t been resolved.
Once they take seed into your imagination you can literally start to feel out of control, so you try to prove that you are right by finding ‘evidence’ or gathering more visual clues from your partner that really doesn’t have any merit or substance to it, but helps your case in your mind.
For example if your partner works late one night and you wonder whether they were really at someone’s house then you may start to question why they took a shower when they got home or why they went straight to bed when they got home or any number of things that might point to them being at someone else’s house. Of course they probably took a shower to get clean and went to bed from exhaustion but your mind has already begun its own story that doesn’t accept those real answers as truth.
The problem is that you can keep on trying to convince yourself you are right when there is nothing really to prove right! This can cause you to act irrational and do and say things that are uncalled for, and that can lead to fights and over time breakup or divorce.
So if you are prone to toxic and irrational thoughts then your mission should be to get rid of the toxic thoughts and instead trust in your partner and what they say and do, unless they give you a real sign that there’s something to not trust. Toxic thoughts are a waste of time, make you feel bad, and use up time in your life that could be better spent.
Removing these thoughts can take practice though. Especially if you are always on guard and ready for a disaster in your relationship. You need to start by replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones. Your thoughts directly affect your feelings so if you want to feel as though you trust your partner you have to think as though you trust your partner.
Just being aware that your thoughts are toxic and irrational will help you to get rid of them. When you recognize that a thought is toxic don’t try to fight it. Instead replace it with a more appropriate and positive thought.
For instance, when your partner comes home late from work and tells you they had to work late your mind may start to wonder where they really were. Instead of allowing your imagination to continue picturing where you think they were, try picturing them at work and think about the hard work that they put in for the day. This will allow you to see them at work instead of ‘someone’s house’ and will help you feel better about the situation.
Replacing your toxic thoughts with more appropriate and positive thoughts will start you off in getting rid of those toxic thoughts for good. After that you should work on your self-esteem and confidence level by reading self-help books or talking to a therapist. The only way you can change the way you think is to take action and learn new ways to think. Your self-confidence and self-esteem will improve dramatically with each new belief you acquire.
Whatever action you decide to take, do not allow yourself to continue living with toxic thoughts about your relationship. True happiness in a relationship comes from trust and living in the moment. Allow yourself to see your relationship for what it really is at all times and work on issues as they arise, but do not make up issues in your mind because you will, in the end, create exactly what you are trying to avoid.