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Everybody wants to be accepted, respected/appreciated.

 

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Three-simple-things-to-follow

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WORDS OF WISDOM FOR TODAY

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I WILL PAY MORE FOR THE ABILITY TO DEAL WITH PEOPLE THAN FOR ANY OTHER ABILITY UNDER THE SUN

John D. Rockefeller

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You can boast with several university degrees, have enough certificates to paper a wall and still make very little progress in your career or life in general. Your path through life will be difficult and cumbersome if you are unable to successfully master the art in dealing with people.

I walked out of a chemist a few weeks ago because a rude and obnoxious clown with very limited people skills tried to make me and a few other customers feel like idiots. His manager later tried to justify what happened. he mentioning that he has a very “dry type of humour” and that we possibly misread his intentions. I love people with a dry sense of humour, but I resent it when a person goes into the “parent – child” mode when he or she speak to me.

This man lacked a major tool when it comes to the ability to deal with people. He lacked the ability to listen. He completed your sentences for you and jumped to conclusions before you even got into your stride telling him what your needs are. I noticed that his desk was empty the next time I visited the chemist. I think he possibly took up a job with some second rate circus.

Everybody wants to be accepted, respected and appreciated. You will have a turbulent ride in life if you fail to grasp this important fact of life. I believe that when you use the right approach you are often allowed to enter the more private space in a person’s mind. Our minds are usually a place that is usually only reserved for a small number of friends and family. If ignore this important fact, you will remain an outsider and never achieve your desired objectives. People will not do business with you if you lack people skills. The last thing we need is to wrestle and stumble our way through a person’s sticky personality.

You can make major problems go away or double your income by simple sharpening up on your people skills. I want to give you a very valuable tip today. Treat people the same way you would like them to treat you. This simple lesson is worth its weight in gold. When you start treating people the way you expect them to treat you, you will be astounded how most of them will become more compassionate and flexible. Try to be as fair as possible when you deal with people. You will be richly rewarded if you develop a reputation that you are a fair person in everything you do. Make it easy for people to be with you and deal with you. The worst thing that you can ever do is to attempt to always win arguments and show people the error of their ways.

Rene

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Posted by on February 5, 2016 in WISDOM

 

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Relationship Management – Remember the “time out” rule.

 

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Antique pocket watch.

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Mutual respect developed in relationships ensures sustainability and good quality choices. The key is to create a platform where parties can talk openly, without fear about observations, experiences and feelings. I sometimes find it almost humorous to hear from friends how their partner went crazy, hyperventilated and pulled out clumps of hair from his or her scalp after they share some bad news with him or her. A few dramatic performances by your partner after you share less acceptable news with him or her usually convince you that this open and honest thing should be avoided at all cost. That is one of the main reasons why partners begin to hide stuff from each other. It might be a good idea to set down a few ground rules about this open and honest mode of operation before you agree to take it on board. You must build in an escape clause if your partner begins to show symptoms of a heart attack or start looking for a sharp knife in the kitchen. I am exaggerating, but hope that you will accept that some ground rules must be put in place if one or both of the partners feel that honesty is the best policy. The best rule is to agree that you will bring in a “time out” period when any of the partners move away from a rational and objective communication style. You may find that one partner insist while he or she is foaming at the mouth that you conclude whatever you are busy talking about. My friend, take time out, even if you must dodge a few “flying saucers” on your way to your workshop. No problem, relationship or dispute has ever been solved amicably while one or both of the parties work in “crazy” mode. Showing respect and compassion is impossible while you jump up and down like a clown or make noises like a wounded buffalo. I thus suggest that you set some “playing” rules in this regard and avoid any engagement while upset or angry. Remember the “time out” rule if you want to master the art of dispute management.

 Rene

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Posted by on February 5, 2016 in WISDOM

 

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Relationships – No one can live up to unbelievable/unrealistic expectations.

 

Obsessed with couple relationships?

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insomnia

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Everyone seems to be obsessed with couple relationships – have you noticed? People who don’t have a partner are obsessed with trying to find a partner, people who do have partners are obsessed with what’s wrong with their partners and their relationships, and the people who are on their way out of relationships are already worrying about finding the next partner and the next relationship! It’s a veritable zoo out there (and in most of our heads) …

 

So what’s this obsession really all about? Well as far as I can see it’s all about feeling that wonderful, amazing feeling of love which arises for a very short period of time when someone looks upon you with the eyes of love. And yes, that is a very heady, intoxicating experience … but if you’ve noticed … it doesn’t last very long because after that first very exciting “falling in love” phase, “reality” sets in and you start to notice who this person really is and the other person starts to notice who you really are, etc. etc. etc. And then after that, it’s all downhill. Because no one can live up to the unbelievable and unrealistic expectations people have today when it comes to relationships. And so it goes – with the uphill battle of getting out of an unsatisfying relationship until the next moment of intoxicating “truly, madly, deeply” arises. And then we start all over again, thinking “this is it” for a little while at least …

 

But here’s the rub and here’s why it never works: The reality is it’s not someone else’s job to love us so much that we get a taste of our own “divinity”. It’s not someone else’s job to love us so “truly, madly, deeply” that we are intoxicated with life, it’s OUR JOB! It’s our job to get so in alignment with Life, with who we really are that we become intoxicated with living and dancing and singing and walking in nature because that’s who we truly are and because that’s our true nature and because Life itself is intoxicating, wonderful, beautiful and divine.

 

But sadly, we’ve been programmed from an early age to believe our happiness, our worthiness, and our very right to be and exist depends on the love and approval of others … and therein lies the problem.  And therein also lies the task before us … the task of reclaiming ourselves and the beauty of who we really are. And the job of enjoying Life because it’s ours and because it’s a magical gift that each one of has been blessed with. And this doesn’t mean we can’t and won’t have relationships, but they will be based on a common sharing of each other’s own beauty and divinity and uniqueness instead of that horrible, terrible, painful “I need you so I can feel alive and happy” crap! 

 

And so … if this is true (and it is), how can we regain contact with who we truly are, be ourselves honestly and authentically, and live joyously in the present moment, regardless of our partnership status?

 

Barbara and Tim

www.beamteam.com

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READ MORE!

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Inner Compass – Sneak peak from BARBARA BERGER’S new book.

 
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Posted by on February 5, 2016 in WISDOM

 

Our choice of NON-ACTION/RESISTANCE removed our option of potential control.

 

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Change

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Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice made my us. Our choice of NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE removed our option of potential control.

 

Spend some time today and probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.

 Rene

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Posted by on February 4, 2016 in WISDOM

 

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What matters to most guys is that his sexual prowess is validated.

 

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tantramenu

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Words that turn a man on trigger a specific response in him, both physically and emotionally. What matters to most guys is that his sexual prowess is validated.

He wants to know that you love what he’s doing and that his masculinity is arousing you. There is an almost universal male archetype of the strong sex-god rock star who is able to magically seduce and satisfy women.

Yes, even your brainiac math whiz-type has a fantasy of being THAT guy. When you say these phrases, it’s like you’ve crawled right into his sexual imagination.

Here are a few phrases you can say to him can give him that feeling of sex-god rock star he craves.

You feel so incredible.

Or you can fill in the blank with any kind of adjective there: amazing, big, good, fantastic, hard, huge, awesome. Add in the f-word for a more explicit effect. You get the idea. When you are having intercourse, telling him just how great he feels to you is the ultimate compliment. This validates his prowess and physicality in real-time. 

Don’t stop!

It could be any command really: harder, right there, give it to me. Again, feel free to add in curse words and explicit language. Giving him a command during sex to keep doing exactly what he’s doing to you is confident and hot. It’s hot because it shows him just how much you are enjoying it. Men say the number one thing they love during sex is an enthusiastic partner!

I can’t get enough of you OR I’m so turned on by you.

This phrase speaks to his ability to arouse you. That he turns you into a sex-hungry vixen who wants his body all the time. Is that an exaggeration? Sure. But think about how often we unwittingly turn our partners away because we are tired, or have a headache, or just aren’t in the mood. This doesn’t mean you have to be ready to go at it 24/7. However, when you feed his ego that he has the ability to drive you wild with desire you make him feel amazing, especially when you say this phrase outside of the bedroom. The idea that his woman is distracted in the middle of the day by sexy thoughts of him?

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By Felicity Keith,
Creator of Language of Desire

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Posted by on February 4, 2016 in 21 AND OLDER, WISDOM

 

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Everyone is the ruler of their own world/circumstances.

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Who really have the say and authority in your life (world)? Who is and have been creating your life experiences since early childhood up to now? Many of us have been playing the role of a victim for so many years that we are unable to recall who allocated this (victim) role to us. The question that we need to answer is, “Who is really in charge of your life and your world?” It is important to remember that everyone is a creator in his/her own right. Everyone is the ruler of their own world and circumstances. It is vital to understand that it is unacceptable to allow anyone to impose his/her ideas, will and creations on to us and our world. This is how we became the slave of those that enforce their will (scripts) on us and took over our domain.

Rene

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Posted by on February 4, 2016 in WISDOM

 

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Recall the “you are” (an idiot, special, useless) gifts you received in your childhood.

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How Core Beliefs are Built in Childhood

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

This topic is really inexhaustible, but, in this article, I will touch upon some basic processes. Beginning in infancy, and early childhood two main processes are responsible for the way we view ourselves, our world, our place in it and our relationship to it: our personal observations, through our senses and autonomous thinking processes, and the influence of others.

As far as our sense of self is concerned, initially, we develop and build up our “I” through a mirroring process of what others tell us about us. “You are so pretty!” “You are a bad boy.” “You are stupid.” “You are lazy”. “You are just like your father”. “You’re like me, hopeless in math”. In conversations among grownups which we happen to eavesdrop on we hear: “Oh I don’t know what to do with her she is such a jealous child”. “He is my nightmare, I can’t wait for his bedtime so I can rest a bit”. “She’s chubby, but it runs in the family”. The “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” that we have heard in our childhood alone are countless. Some, to be sure, were circumstantial, although that says nothing about how one comment, one word spoken only once, one glance may have branded us for life. Others were repeatedly hurled at us. Some were not even necessarily “bad”, for instance: “she is so sweet and well-mannered”. “He always does what I tell him to do, he is so obedient.” These are “good” things, from a grownup’s point of view, right?

So, you may ask, does what we are told really determine who we are? The answer is no. It does not determine who we are, but it determines who we think we are. If the influences are strong, persistent, repetitive, we may grow without having even an inkling of who we really are. We have become a conglomerate of our parents’ most exacting expectations and worst fears. What’s worse is that we believe in this conglomerate as being our own true self.

You become hopeless in math. You become an overweight person. You become lazy. You become too obedient and compliant for your own good. You become so sweet and well-mannered that you do not react when people step all over you. You become what you repeatedly heard others say about you. All the countless “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” comprise what you call your Self. Isn’t there just a tiny bit of some authentic stuff in me, you may ask, is all of it conditioned in, drilled in, has not something of the realer me been retained? And you are right, there is, and bits and parts of you have indeed been retained. Those are the parts that eventually may urge you to seek some form of therapy, those are the parts that may erupt in unruly behavior, those are the parts that are extremely sensitive to criticism, to labeling, even to praise, because “praise” can be another victimizing behavior by shrewd adults and it is very widely used: “oh, I count on you to be mature and not hit your little sister when she ruins your school project you have been working on all week”.

Later on, more autonomous processes are at play, to be sure. Our own personal observations, our own identifications, choices and modeling of others, and various events that may leave a positive or negative mark – these are all ways of how the “I am” of each one of us is formed, influenced, empowered or disempowered. As we grow up, go to school, we develop our own “I am’s and am nots”. But by the time we are able to form our own opinions about our self and others, not only do we already carry some “baggage” of other’s people’s opinions of us, but we have also “inherited” a way of formulating, assessing and storing these personal opinions.

What I am trying to point out in this article is a subtle yet very powerful factor that is really responsible for a lot of damage, particularly if the outside influences or our own conclusions about ourselves are negative and self-sabotaging. Language is very important as a thinking tool, in fact there can be no thinking without language, except in very rudimentary forms. And we all make a small linguistic mistake which may have tremendous cognitive and emotional consequences: the erroneous use of the verb to be.

To make this point clear, compare these two sentences: What you did was (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.) You are (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.)

Unfortunately, this fatal linguistic mistake is very commonly made in our culture, and it affects very powerfully our cognitive processes, by leading us to conclusions that are over-generalized, absolutist, rigid, all-inclusive and permanent. Once all these various “you are’s” and “I am’s” are programmed into your basic programming, your self structure, you function automatically because your subconscious has accepted these conclusions as truths and as instructions that will automatically guide your action, your sense of self, and your presence in and interaction with the world.

This same process and the same linguistic and cognitive mistake is repeated also at a wider scale. Consider:

They (as a social class, a religious group, a racial group, an ethnic group) are…

We, in our family are….

Women are…

Men are…

The world is ….

Life is ….

So, you can see how powerful this little verb can be…Perhaps, while reading this article you remembered the “you are” gifts you received in your childhood, the “I am” gifts you have given yourself since.

Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions:

  • Which “you are’s” and “I am’s” in your experience do you find dysfunctional for you and would like to eliminate from your self-concept?

  • What core beliefs about you and the world do you believe are hindering instead of encouraging your development and prevent you from realizing your highest potential?

  • Which of your core beliefs are constructive and conducive to a healthy and happy life?

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by Ismini Apostoli

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Posted by on February 4, 2016 in WISDOM

 

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