It’s time for everyone to follow their own true path and stop chasing after the compliments and expectations of others.

01 Aug



Far too often people let their emotional well-being be dictated by the words and actions of others. It’s time for everyone to follow their own true path and stop chasing after the compliments and expectations of others.



Taking other people’s judgments personally undermines your self-worth.


In Don Miguel Ruiz’s inspirational book, The Four Agreements, he discusses this human flaw of taking things personally. According to Ruiz, nothing other people say or do is because of you. Rather, it has everything to do with their own reality. It says much more about them than about you.


Let’s say you have a co-worker who constantly puts you down. Maybe he or she does it subtly, but they nonetheless seek out ways to undermine your confidence. They roll their eyes when you speak up in a meeting. They make fun of what you’re wearing. And if you confront them about their behavior, they chastise you for not being able to take a ‘joke’. Hopefully, this isn’t your experience, but I think you know what I’m talking about.


You need to take a step back and think about why this person is acting this way. As a general rule happy, confident individuals don’t behave like this. Not at all. People who exhibit this type of predatory, cruel behavior are actually miserable, lack confidence and essentially project their negativity onto others.


Chances are you’re the target because this person knows that their continuous little digs get to you. It gives them power and makes them feel better (temporarily). As soon as their comments and actions have absolutely no impact on you, they’ll stop. Guaranteed.


In the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”

Don Miguel Ruiz also describes taking things personally as the “ultimate act of selfishness.” Huh? Well, when you take things personally, you assume everything is about YOU. It’s not. Again, what people say has so much more to do with them than it does about you.


Dr. Wayne Dyer also weighs in on the idea of taking things personally in his book The Power of IntentionDyer says that when you allow the opinions of others to be more important than your opinions of yourself, you lose self-respect. Why would you put your opinions of yourself below those of another person? Rather, you deserve to believe you’re valuable and worthy.


A few more kernels of knowledge on the subject:


1. Compliments are just gravy

Compliments are lovely aren’t they? But here’s the thing: If you’re hooked by the compliments, you’re hooked by the criticism. You need to get to a place where both credit and criticism can’t touch you. Compliments can’t be the source of your strength, because what if they dry up, what then? They’re just gravy – extra dressing, but no real substance.


2. Stop colluding

Let’s say you perceive a situation as negative. For example, a friend chose to spend the evening with someone else instead of you or you received a curt e-mail from your boss. You’re hurt. What do you do? One reaction that is temporarily soothing is to call someone, unload your hurt and anger, and get them hooked into your story. This is a big energy investment and utterly not worth it. Inviting others to collude in your story only perpetuates the pattern of taking things much too personally. Collusion is rounding up individuals who believe your ownillusion. Not good!


3. Always keep the larger goal in mind

Who you become on your life journey is far more meaningful than what happens to you. When you learn how to get beyond taking things personally by observing and then choosing an alternate response, you will eventually become unshakable. You can lose your job; you can be broke; you can be forced to leave your home. But no one can take away who you are – your essence. As you become a person who is clear and centred  you will have the tools to succeed in life no matter what happens in the external world.




These exercises are designed to help you move past taking things personally. To get the most out of these exercises you must put all your energy into them. Go beyond understanding them on an intellectual level, really feel the intention behind them.


To do these exercises, find a friend or a partner to help you out. In the first exercise you’re going to insert the name of someone who has hurt you in the past. Now say the phrase out loud and do it with as much intention as possible. Repeat it as many times as is needed until you feel the hurt dissipating.


For the second exercise, you’re going to insert your own name. Say this phrase over and over with positive intensity (not anger) to the person who is helping you with this exercise. Look them right in the eye and say it. If you’re not comfortable using the word ‘f*#k’, insert a word that has a lot of energy for you. (Harv was big on having us use this word because it can be rather liberating.) Also make sure you use the word ‘and’ (don’t use ‘but’), because you both love them and you don’t care what they think about you. Keep repeating this phrase until you feel a surge of personal power.


Exercise 1

__________, I now understand that what you did and said had nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. You were projecting your own mental baggage and bad programming onto me. I unknowingly let in your poison. I now choose to let that poison go and fully release myself from this hurt.


Exercise 2

Hi, my name is __________. I love and respect you, and I don’t give a f*@k about what you think about me. Have a nice day!

1 Comment

Posted by on August 1, 2013 in WISDOM


Tags: , , , , , , ,

One response to “It’s time for everyone to follow their own true path and stop chasing after the compliments and expectations of others.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Mightyman Vukeya

DNS is in my DNA

Chris Brake Show Podcast

LIVE! Every Wednesday @ 8pm Eastern / 7pm Central on


Just another site

Digital Media

Join me here on my crazy techincal journey! Disasters will occur


Just another site

Lama Surya Das

Lama Surya Das, the most highly trained American lama in the Tibetan tradition.

My Life as an Artist (2)

Smile! You’re at the best site ever


A great site

Joseph Matheny : ars est celare artem

Reality Hacker | Artisanal Legend Crafter | Feral Scholar | Collarless Dog | Gamecaller | Mytho-Poetic Bricoleur | Labyrinthos Mythologicus Architect | Transgressive Storyteller | Caput Gerat Lupinum

My Story of Organized Crime, Organized Stalking, Public/Political Corruption and Domestic Terrorism

Over a decade of organized stalking, extortion, schemes to defraud, racketeering/murder in aid thereof, in colossal proportion.

dianetot's Blog

its all about life,love,passion,desires,truth


Parapsychology is what's beyond the humans and metaphysics is what's beyond nature, and both define the same thing... God.


Défenseur de la Terre/Defender of the Earth

Hathor Rabiah

A new name. A new city. A new life.

Opening Duirs



The Chocolately, Nutty, Interior of my life and Psychology

Celestial Elf, a2ndLook~

Perceptions 0f Reflections ((a backup blog for

Cindi Gale

To every thing there is a season ~

The Sting Of The Scorpion Blog (T.S.O.T.S.B.)

.......................Because Everything Else Just Bites!

Poetry Inspector

Favorites from around the Web

Los Sentidos De La Vida

Un Blog de Cine, Musica, Vinos... En 75 palabras aprox.

My Time is Now

Dancing With The Elderly- A Hollywood Actress's Day Job

let the free birds fly

surviving creating instigating



AshiAkira's Blog

Just another site


Yes I cut Samson's hair, he was an asshole.

diary of a single mom in the south

my life, my love, my story

My Hong Kong Husband

Third culture wife: Polish girl married to a Hongkonger, fresh off the airplane in Ireland. AMWF, lifestyle, culture, food, Asian fashion and a little bit of Cantonese

Dean J. Baker - Poetry, and prose poems


Loving Without Boundaries

A Modern Look At Practicing Polyamory / Ethical Non-monogamy


Ramblings from a disturbed mind ©2013 Cho Wan Yau

Middle-Aged Martial Arts Mom

Loving a crippling compulsion....



Just me being curious

A blog of questions and few answers.

I Dont Want To Talk About It

The Ultimate Paradox: Depression in Sobriety

Shepherd Mulwanda

ICT Research Training and Consultancy,Agriculture for Youth Development.

Don Charisma

because anything is possible with Charisma

White Shadows

Story of a white pearl that turned to ashes while waiting for a pheonix to be born inside her !

GIFT FROM THE HEART - Share and Care!

Appreciation, Respect and Gratitude towards all...... that there is!


Trying to make sense of turmoil

Dince's Chronicles

My Personal Blog

Awareness It Self

Quotes for spiritual enjoyment


Esoterically Eccentric

Doug Does Life

A Creative Monkey On How To Find Your Path In Life.

Never Quite Broken

What you did not build up, you cannot tear down.

%d bloggers like this: