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Daily Archives: September 12, 2015

What do you think your future self would say to you now?

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When we look back on the past – whether just yesterday or many years ago, sometimes we think, “I wish I knew then what I know now.” 

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To help find peace of mind in the present, try working with that wish in your journaling practice. Go back to that previous time for a dialog with your younger self. Say all the things you wish you had heard at the time. The process is likely to turn up greater understanding than you expected, with insights into your present life as well as healthy perspectives on past events.

In your journal, write a letter to your past self, following these steps.

1. Take several minutes to make a mental picture of a time in your past that was stressful. Why was this period so challenging for you and exactly how did you feel? What kind of support would have helped you cope better? Are there mistakes you wish you could go back and redo? Are there decisions you made at the time that you still stand by?

2. Then spend a couple minutes making a mental list of what you have learned since that difficult time. If you could sit with your younger self and share an important piece of advice, what would it be?

3. On a fresh page in your journal, start a letter to yourself. Include as many details as you can remember of your life at that time. Be as empathetic as you can be towards your former self: be respectful of the feelings you had and understanding of the decisions you made.

4. Then give some advice to your younger self. What can your present self offer that might have helped you at that time? Say whatever you think would have been a wake-up call for you then. Be gentle, blunt, or funny; be kind but firm.

5. Before putting your pen down, be sure your letter includes a statement of love and forgiveness for your earlier self. Be sincere and generous, and reassure your past persona that you will be okay. After all, you survived and made it to today!

When you’re done writing, consider for a moment whether the advice you just shared might be relevant to any current issues in your life. What do you think your future self would say to you now?

 

By: Mari McCarthy

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Article Directoryhttp://www.articledashboard.com

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Posted by on September 12, 2015 in WISDOM

 

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When you resist “what is” happening you are at the mercy of such event.

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Many of us are convinced that we need to fight for what we deem is ours. We find ourselves in constant battles against the will of others that also approach life from this perspective. It is our ego based outer self that must forever win arguments, disputes, debates and confrontations. It is vital that we grasp that we build walls and barriers as long as we internally, verbally or externally resist “what is” in the current moment. It is these walls erected by the ego based outer self that prevents you (the perceived ego based outer self) to re-unite with the spiritual perfect self at your core. Our spiritual perfect self is one with God. Can you see how you make it impossible to experience the love and purity of the force that everything is made of? Your acceptance “what is” and your act of living your life in the now carve a doorway in the barriers that your outer self erected. When you resist “what is” happening you are at the mercy of such event. You allow the outer world with its ego driven individuals to decide your happiness or unhappiness when you resist “what is” in the current moment in your relationships or any other experience. Your acceptance of “what is” will allow your perfect inner self to guide you through “what is” in the most efficient manner. Your outer self is always spoiling for a fight or ready to defend what you currently perceive who you are. You are not your ego based outer self and there is no need to defend the majestic inner self. The inner self understand that it is often more advantageous to be happy than to be the victor or right in a silly ego based little drama or dispute.

Rene

 

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7 Factors That Influence the Quality and Life-Span of Romantic Relationships.

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Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win, by fearing to attempt.

William Shakespeare

7 Factors That Influence the Quality and Life-Span of Romantic Relationships and Marriage

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When most adults embark upon a new romantic relationship, they do so with the best intentions in mind. Yet most romantic relationships usually fail within the first three months, others break down within the first year and some that last longer and even lead to marriage create more pain than happiness. People often wonder why. Things looked so good at first! “It was love at first sight”, “we had such great chemistry in the beginning”, “we had so much fun the night we met”, they frequently will say.

 

Truly, it does seem like a great mystery why some relationships succeed and thrive while other relationships fail miserably or become such a great source of strife and sorrow. Relationships are dynamic, they tend to take on a life of their own and it’s really hard to pinpoint what went right or wrong after some months or years. There are some factors, though, which play a significant role in the quality and life-span of relationships, factors that influence our relationships in often invisible and unnoticeable ways, sometimes nurturing them, sometimes undermining them. What are these factors?

 

Self-esteem. I cannot stress enough the importance of entering a relationship with relatively healthy self-esteem. What is healthy self-esteem? Self-esteem must not be confused with self-confidence which is based on our more external characteristics or abilities. Healthy self-esteem is the sense that we are acceptable, likable, lovable and worthy as individuals. Unhealthy self-esteem distorts our perception, narrows our choices, constricts our behavior, lowers our standards, causes us to make compromises we don’t have to make, makes us “impossible” as partners with our extreme neediness and insecurity, and invites what we are most afraid of. If you feel that you do not have healthy self-esteem and if you recognize that this has often led you to wrong choices or kept you in unhealthy relationships, then invest in yourself and consider having some therapy to address your issues whatever they may be before entering a new relationship. It’s an investment in your self and your future happiness you will never regret.

 

Self-knowledge. We all have a sense of “who we are”, but it would be very helpful if we sat down and thought about “who we are” as if we had been asked by someone to give a thorough description of ourselves: our positive/negative traits, our abilities, our needs and desires, our preferences and dislikes, our values, our goals, ourdreams, our world-view. Knowing who you are automatically helps you see who you are a good match to and who is a good match for you, which leads us to our next factor:

 

Compatibility. It’s an obvious fact that not all people are alike. There is not only one type of a healthy personality, but many different types and many personality styles and not all are compatible between them. For example, an order-loving, cleanliness freak, a person whose life is constructed upon a lot of cultural “shoulds” and “musts” will have a very hard time getting along with a sloppy, chaotic and freedom-loving, non-conformist artist, even though the initial attraction and chemistry may be immense precisely because of these differences.

 

A lot of other variables may affect compatibility: social status or background, religious/cultural background, differences in educational level, values, a big age difference, past experiences, life-goals, etc. Family background also plays a very significant role: a person who comes from a broken family, for example, may not trust relationships, may not invest emotionally in relationships as much as a person coming from a family which stuck it out together to the end, may not have internalized the meaning of the institution of marriage in quite the same way as a person coming from a familywhere “marriage is forever”.

 

Timing.Frequently, a relationship fails because of poor timing. One partner is too involved with his/her studies, business, career for a certain period of his/her life and cannot or does not want to invest time and energy into a relationship, even though he/she may like a person very much. If that is the case, and you soon realize that this condition is not going to change for a while, instead of doing what people usually do – nagging, blaming, clinging, etc – let go and move on. That’s where good self-esteem comes in (I can find someone else) that’s where self-knowledge comes in (I know my needs, desires and preferences) and that’s where compatibility comes in (we have different needs but we are both OK).

 

True Attraction. Many times people go into a relationship not because they have met someone really special they want to be with, but because they feel lonely, or have been alone for some time and think that they “have” to have a relationship to seem normal and be socially accepted. I’m not suggesting that you stay alone, drowning in loneliness, frustration and isolation while waiting for the Ideal Person to come along! What I am suggesting, though, is that if you just rush into a relationship ignoring some red flags hoping they will go away, they won’t and pretty soon you will again find yourself out of a relationship!

 

Sexual Satisfaction. Another factor that often gets overlooked (except when it comes up in the therapist’s office) is sexual compatibility and satisfaction, and this is an area in which women especially shortchange themselves, many times out of a silly tendency to protect the male ego. Sexual satisfaction is the glue that holds a relationship together, and its lack is a deadly virus that breaks out into all sorts of ugly symptoms (chronic resentment, temper tantrums, passive-aggressive behaviors like constant nagging about irrelevant issues, infidelity, etc).

 

If you are at the beginning of a relationship and his/her sexual characteristics, body language, sexual/sensual expression are not as you would like them to be, do both of you a favor, end the relationship and move on. If from the start you don’t naturally and spontaneously hit it off, you never will – proof of this are all the sex manuals in circulation trying to cure the problem after the fact. There are perfect, multiple sexual matches for all of us out there and we do not have to compromise, or lie to ourselves or our partner.

 

Adequate healing time between relationships. Before planting the seed of a new love, we must take some time to weed our soil, purify our hearts from memories of past hurts, fears and sorrows by forgiving the past, blessing it for the wisdom it has offered us, and letting it go. Many people make the mistake of thinking that the only way to cure a broken heart is to fall in love with someone else immediately or, at any rate, find a substitute for the missing partner right away. Rebound relationships never work, because it takes some time for a jilted or abandoned partner to regain their inner balance, to mend the little holes and tears in their self-esteem and enter a new relationship with a clear and unburdened heart. Usually, the rebound relationship is still about “the ex” much more than it is about the new person we have met.

 

Ideally, romantic relationships are unions between two individuals’ hearts, bodies, souls, spirits and minds. I believe that knowing the factors that may affect them in various degrees helps us understand our past mistakes and prevents us from repeating them over and over again by helping us gain more clarity and insight into the complexity of relationships that often evades our perception.

Ismini Apostoli

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Posted by on September 12, 2015 in 21 AND OLDER, WISDOM

 

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Neither the future nor the past can ever be dealt with.

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turnkey

Neither the future nor the past can ever be dealt with, and they don’t need to be. You only need to deal with your present-moment thoughts about them.  When you are not having thoughts about those two realms of time, they bear zero relevance to your life.  You can safely let them go and feel free to deal with the living moment at hand.

 

This truth, once I fully understood it, released a huge weight from around my neck.  Life wasn’t crushing and heavy, it was as light as air.  Thin as a photograph.  I was finally able to look into each moment as if it were nothing more than an infinitely detailed and poignant living picture.  I could finally take the moments one at a time, because I understood that there never was more than one.  I could appreciate and observe each one, and know that my whole life lies within it, not just a tiny fraction.  There are no ghastly fears out there, stalking me from somewhere else, waiting to pounce.  If they existed, they’d be right here, in the picture for me to look at with the rest of the scenery.  Moments do hold me captive, and everything else does drop away. But they aren’t few and far between, they’re broadcast live, 24-7.

 

Moments can be observed with clarity, and can be navigated deftly, but our whole lives are just too vast to be managed at all, no matter how strong or organized we become.  The crushing weight of one’s entire past is always too much to bear, as is the frightful spectre of another forty or fifty years rife with dilemmas and tragedies.  It’s far too complex; there are too many contingencies and unknowns.  Surely something in there will overwhelm or destroy us.

 

A human being just can’t deal with that, and often it feels like the best we can do is distract ourselves from it.  But we don’t need to.

 

We just have to recognize that there is no ‘out there’ at all.  Life is in right front of you, all of it, always.  And there isn’t any more to it.

 

by David

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http://www.raptitude.com/2009/04/the-most-important-thing-i-ever-learned/

 

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