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Daily Archives: September 17, 2015

How Testosterone Secretly Shapes Our Society – Meaninglessness of modern life.

 
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Posted by on September 17, 2015 in WISDOM

 

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You will never find a lion crying his eyes out because he cannot fly like an eagle or swim like a dolphin.

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WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WINNERS AND LOSERS?

 

What would you say is the main difference between winners and losers? I am sure you can make a mile long list of potential differences. I found that winners see failure and setbacks as temporary while losers view them as long-term or permanent disasters.

Go to any hospital and you will see how even a glimmer of hope can fuel optimism and faith in distraught family members and friends of a very sick patient. This might be a crude example, but explain why so many people can quickly recover from painful setbacks and failures while others fall apart when faced with even the slight discomfort.

The key here is that the winner’s focus on life and view setbacks as part of the game and temporary while the loser sees failure as a potentially permanent disaster. Our natural tendency is to become apathetic when we find ourselves in a real corner or when we are faced with a problem that appears un-defeatable. Once you slip into this apathetic mind-set you lose you fight and faith. Even the smallest setback or problem becomes gigantic in our minds and fill our hearts with doubt and fear.

 

Winners work hard to avoid this mindset. They never see setbacks or failures as permanent. They know that nothing in life is permanent. I have seen how winners go bankrupt and rise up again to become financial giants a few years later. Why I say “winners” is because they did not allow the apparent disaster to floor them permanently. They learned from their mistakes and jumped back into the arena of life better prepared. If they saw their setback as permanent they would have become struggling beggars at the table of the affluent few. It is a known fact that most successful entrepreneurs boast with at least 3-4 serious failures before the finally hit the jackpot or find something that really works for them.

 

WINNERS FOCUS ON WHAT THEY DO WELL

 

Winners concentrate on what they know they can do well. If I am built like a beach ball and weigh as much as a small family car it will be extremely stupid if I develop a burning desire to become world one-hundred meter sprint champion. If I struggled with maths since the day I went to school it will be very stupid to enrol myself at university for a degree where maths is vital in the obtainment of my degree.

What some people fail to understand is that they build disappointment into their dreams if they do not become very realistic about their strengths and weaknesses. Most of us are good at certain things and not so good at others. Winners focus on things that they know that they can do well and save themselves a lot of time and frustration. They do not labour under the illusion that you must be a champion in everything you do. If they know they are not good at maths they do not contemplate suicide if they come last in a class of sixty-five. They accept that they are pretty good at certain things and less good in others. Stop setting yourself up for failure. It is a fallacy that you must be perfect in everything you do. You might be world champion material in specific fields or disciplines, why waste your time and energy on things that obviously do not suit you.

 

I suffered with the fallacy that I must be outstanding at everything I do. I tore myself apart when I failed or fell short of my own and others expectations. I finally came to terms with the undisputable fact that it make much more sense to focus on what I do well and to avoid setting myself up in no-win situations. Stop trying to be perfect in everything you do. You will like most of us mortals shine in certain areas and look quite clumsy in others. You might be a brilliant salesperson, but poor in administrative work. Rather appoint an administrative clerk to manage your office so you can spend even more time at what you are really good at. I wish I understood this principle many years ago. I would have saved myself years of frustration and doubt. You will never find a lion crying his eyes out because he cannot fly like an eagle or swim like a dolphin.

Rene

 
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Things my mother taught me – How Core Beliefs are Built in Childhood

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How Core Beliefs are Built in Childhood

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

This topic is really inexhaustible, but, in this article, I will touch upon some basic processes. Beginning in infancy, and early childhood two main processes are responsible for the way we view ourselves, our world, our place in it and our relationship to it: our personal observations, through our senses and autonomous thinking processes, and the influence of others.

As far as our sense of self is concerned, initially, we develop and build up our “I” through a mirroring process of what others tell us about us. “You are so pretty!” “You are a bad boy.” “You are stupid.” “You are lazy”. “You are just like your father”. “You’re like me, hopeless in math”. In conversations among grown-ups which we happen to eavesdrop on we hear: “Oh I don’t know what to do with her she is such a jealous child”. “He is my nightmare, I can’t wait for his bedtime so I can rest a bit”. “She’s chubby, but it runs in the family”. The “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” that we have heard in our childhood alone are countless. Some, to be sure, were circumstantial, although that says nothing about how one comment, one word spoken only once, one glance may have branded us for life. Others were repeatedly hurled at us. Some were not even necessarily “bad”, for instance: “she is so sweet and well-mannered”. “He always does what I tell him to do, he is so obedient.” These are “good” things, from a grownup’s point of view, right?

So, you may ask, does what we are told really determine who we are? The answer is no. It does not determine who we are, but it determines who we think we are. If the influences are strong, persistent, repetitive, we may grow without having even an inkling of who we really are. We have become a conglomerate of our parents’ most exacting expectations and worst fears. What’s worse is that we believe in this conglomerate as being our own true self.

You become hopeless in math. You become an overweight person. You become lazy. You become too obedient and compliant for your own good. You become so sweet and well-mannered that you do not react when people step all over you. You become what you repeatedly heard others say about you. All the countless “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” comprise what you call your Self. Isn’t there just a tiny bit of some authentic stuff in me, you may ask, is all of it conditioned in, drilled in, has not something of the realer me been retained? And you are right, there is, and bits and parts of you have indeed been retained. Those are the parts that eventually may urge you to seek some form of therapy, those are the parts that may erupt in unruly behavior, those are the parts that are extremely sensitive to criticism, to labeling, even to praise, because “praise” can be another victimizing behavior by shrewd adults and it is very widely used: “oh, I count on you to be mature and not hit your little sister when she ruins your school project you have been working on all week”.

Later on, more autonomous processes are at play, to be sure. Our own personal observations, our own identifications, choices and modeling of others, and various events that may leave a positive or negative mark – these are all ways of how the “I am” of each one of us is formed, influenced, empowered or disempowered. As we grow up, go to school, we develop our own “I am’s and am nots”. But by the time we are able to form our own opinions about our self and others, not only do we already carry some “baggage” of other’s people’s opinions of us, but we have also “inherited” a way of formulating, assessing and storing these personal opinions.

What I am trying to point out in this article is a subtle yet very powerful factor that is really responsible for a lot of damage, particularly if the outside influences or our own conclusions about ourselves are negative and self-sabotaging. Language is very important as a thinking tool, in fact there can be no thinking without language, except in very rudimentary forms. And we all make a small linguistic mistake which may have tremendous cognitive and emotional consequences: the erroneous use of the verb to be.

To make this point clear, compare these two sentences: What you did was (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.) You are (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.)

Unfortunately, this fatal linguistic mistake is very commonly made in our culture, and it affects very powerfully our cognitive processes, by leading us to conclusions that are over-generalized, absolutist, rigid, all-inclusive and permanent. Once all these various “you are’s” and “I am’s” are programmed into your basic programming, your self structure, you function automatically because your subconscious has accepted these conclusions as truths and as instructions that will automatically guide your action, your sense of self, and your presence in and interaction with the world.

This same process and the same linguistic and cognitive mistake is repeated also at a wider scale. Consider:

They (as a social class, a religious group, a racial group, an ethnic group) are…

We, in our family are….

Women are…

Men are…

The world is ….

Life is ….

So, you can see how powerful this little verb can be…Perhaps, while reading this article you remembered the “you are” gifts you received in your childhood, the “I am” gifts you have given yourself since.

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Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions:

  •  Which “you are’s” and “I am’s” in your experience do you find dysfunctional for you and would like to eliminate from your self-concept? 
  • What core beliefs about you and the world do you believe are hindering instead of encouraging your development and prevent you from realizing your highest potential? 
  • Which of your core beliefs are constructive and conducive to a healthy and happy life?

by Ismini Apostoli

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Posted by on September 17, 2015 in WISDOM

 

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Ignorance crumbles rapidly when it is exposed to applied knowledge.

ignorance22

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We gradually sever the chains of fear when we master our apprehensions. How do we overcome our fear? We expose the stuff we fear to scrutiny. 

 

Many of us are afraid to make changes in our world because we have been trained to fear the unknown. We for example fear retribution by the God perception that our parents etc. hammered into us since early childhood. The priests and the Bible left us with an endless range of examples of individuals that failed to blindly “believe” the dogma presented as truth. We gradually sever the chains of fear when we master our apprehensions. How do we overcome our fear? We expose the stuff we fear to scrutiny. We gather information and expand our knowledge. We become aware of the life that we created for ourselves. Some of us believe that there is nothing we can do about the way our lives unfolded to date. We can wake up and re-create our lives. We can dispel the defective illusions that tainted our lives to date by shining the light of truth into the dark dungeons of our minds. Ignorance crumbles rapidly when it is exposed to applied knowledge. 

Rene

We can dispel the defective illusions that tainted our lives to date by shining the light of truth into the dark dungeons of our minds. 

Rene

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Posted by on September 17, 2015 in WISDOM

 

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