Whose happy life are you living? Is it your own or someone else’s?

22 Jun

Interview with Barbara Berger by Tim Ray - The Awakening Human Being


Are you living a happy life? Are you enjoying your days? Are you doing the things you love to do? Are you feeling joy and passion in your daily life?


These are good questions, aren’t they? Here’s what Barbara has to say about this:

It has become increasingly clear to me over the years that a crucial element in personal development and living a happy life is understanding who you really are and what makes you tick. As I wrote in my book “Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life”:

“If you don’t know who you are, how can you live a happy life? And if you say your life is happy right now, I might ask – a happy life for whom? How can you know who is living your happy life if you don’t know who you are? Some people are living happy lives for their husbands. Some for their wives. Some for their children. Others are living happy lives for their parents. What about you? Whose happy life are you living? Is it your own or someone else’s? Because the real question is how can you honor yourself and make good choices for yourself if you don’t even know who you are? How can you do it if you haven’t taken the time to sit down with yourself and find out what’s right for you? And if you don’t know what makes you tick, how can you take proper care of you?

You can only take care of yourself if you know yourself.

You can only make good choices for yourself if you know yourself.

You can only set limits if you know yourself.

But to know yourself you have to be able to answer basic questions like:

  • What do you really like (not what you think you ‘should’ like or what other people think you ‘should’ like)

  • What’s OK for you

  • What’s not OK for you

  • What makes you feel good

  • What makes you feel uncomfortable

  • What you find unacceptable

  • Where your limits are

You can only find the answers to these questions by going inside and asking yourself humbly and honestly. Can you sit quietly with yourself and find out? And answer just for you. Again not for someone else—not for your wife, your husband, your boyfriend, your kids, your parents, or your friends?”

I find the idea of getting to know one’s self honestly and understanding the consequences of this honesty a truly fascinating thing to contemplate. And I’ve discovered it’s also often a real challenge for many of us … as I continue in the book:

“… because so many of us are people pleasers and afraid of conflict. These two modes of behavior make it very hard for anyone to look within and be honest with themselves. It makes it dangerous to truly know and acknowledge what we are really feeling about things because oh my God what if the way we are and the things we want lead to conflict? What if it is unacceptable to other people? What if the way we are doesn’t please people? What if it upsets them? What if they disapprove? What if the things we want are wrong? What if…? And on and on it goes… But when we explore these issues a bit more slowly, we find it often boils down to being unclear/confused about things like:

  • Being a ‘people pleaser’

    • Seeking the love and approval of others

    • Believing you are being loving and kind by doing what other people want you to do

  • Being afraid of disagreement / conflict

    • Believing that people ‘should’ agree when they don’t (fighting reality)

    • Believing conflict is bad or dangerous

    • Not knowing how to be assertive and communicate clearly

  • Having a lot of arbitrary ‘shoulds’

    • Having uninvestigated codes of behavior

    • Letting other people manipulate you with their uninvestigated codes of behavior”

So as far as I can see, the job of becoming a kind, loving, respectful and free human being is about learning how to honor who one really is while managing one’s relationships with our fellow human beings in a kind, respectful and assertive way. Be it family, friends or colleagues at work. And this is indeed challenging for so many of us … to find our way in terms of all this. It’s an ongoing challenge … And as many of you know, I’ve continued my exploration of these issues in my new book “Find and Follow Your Inner Compass” which just was released in Denmark. I can also tell you the book will be coming out soon in Poland and the Czech Republic. Other countries will be following soon and I hope to have the English publication date for you very soon. But until then we have a special offer for you ….


Powerful message by my friend the best selling author that not only write powerful words of wisdom, but live her guidelines and apply the wisdom she share with her millions of readers worldwide. Rene




Tim and Barbara

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Posted by on June 22, 2016 in WISDOM



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