Warning: Mature scenarios, foul language, and plenty of F-Bombs Ahead.
Money can’t buy you love.
Money can’t buy you health.
Money can’t buy you happiness.
But it sure as shit CAN buy you a lot of other very important things like freedom, options, control over your own life, and most importantly, power.
Today I want to introduce the concept of “fuck you” money. If you don’t already have a stash of fuck you money, it’s very important that you begin working on getting some as soon as possible.
What is fuck you money?
Fuck you money, as you may have guessed, is uncommited cash sitting in your bank account which you can use to live on when you need to say “fuck you!” to an asshole boss, customer, or employer of any variety.
It’s really that simple. It’s the stash of cash you will have which will allow you to operate and live as a free human being rather than a slave. I’m not saying you will have to quit work and spend your days stroking your beard on the porch and reading philosophy (although you can do that if you wish), but it will give you the option to quite simply pack up your things and tell anybody you don’t like to get out of your face.
This is good for several obvious reasons.
Why is fuck you money good?
Fuck you money is good because it gives you power and independence. When you have enough money in the bank to live for a few years, you don’t worry, toss and turn, and lose sleep. In fact, you sleep like a baby.
You may even have a conversation like this:
‘Yeah Jack, cancel that stag weekend, can you? I need you to come into the office on the weekend and file away some TPS reports.’
‘Sorry Jim, I have plans as you already know. We’re going to Vegas and will probably end up sniffing coke off a hookers asscheeks like The Wolf of Wallstreet, but maybe someone else can fill in.’
‘Now Jack, you know the company is going through some cut backs, you wouldn’t want to jeopardize your chances of future employment would you?’
‘Jim…You know what…Fuck you!’
‘Sorry? This must be a bad line….I thought you said…’
‘Yes Jim, I said fuck you! You can rest my hairy nutsack on your eyeballs. I quit.’
Now I personally am not into doing coke and if I went anywhere near a hooker’s asscheeks my little lady would have something to say, but the point remains. I might instead tell my boss I’m not available to work for a few months and go trekking in The Himalayas or train to run a marathon, whatever suits me.
The point is, when you have several years of living expenses saved and in the bank, you will have the kind of power and independence required for you to actually have the above conversation with whoever you please. Forward-thinking people might tone it down a notch or two, but the point remains—you could actually have that conversation if you wished.
That’s power. That’s what fuck you money can do for you. That’s why fuck you money is good.
How to get some fuck you money
If you’ve been an undisciplined naughty boy in the past, you may be a long way away from having this kind of power, and frankly that’s your karma. You reap what you sow in this life and your finances are no exception, so if you’re piled high in credit card debt and loans and have no savings, the best thing you can do is accept that you are in the shitter and make a commitment to get out of it as soon as possible.
The only way out of a hole is to stop digging and yell for a rope, then climb out. That’s just the way it is.
Ideally, if you have been a little more prudent and disciplined, you may have no debt and some savings, but you’ll want to build on that and if possible add to the pile until you have several years worth of savings on hand. This is when you will begin to feel the power of fuck you money, whereby if the economy tanks and you lose your job, if you get hurt and can’t work or if your boss tries to bully you and you tell him to get fucked, you won’t lose a single wink of sleep.
So, in order:
Pay off your debt and never get into debt again
Debt is for slaves. If you have 80k equity in your home and a 200k mortgage, sell it, take the money that is left and buy a house for that much. Even if it’s only 50k and you have to move, do so. If you don’t want to do what is necessary to achieve true power and financial mastery, don’t complain when you have to cancel your stag weekend to Vegas and file some TPS reports because you’re living way above your means. Life is all about choices.
To prove I’m for real and practice what I preach consider this, I make six figures a year and my rent is $300 a month. I moved to Asia so I could implement this strategy. You can too.
Lower your expenses
I don’t know you and I don’t know how you live, but I’m willing to bet my bottom dollar that if you are an average man in the western world 50% of your life expenses are absolutely unnecessary.
Lose the brand new car, lose the expensive cell phone plan and cable TV, downsize on the rent, move closer to your place of work, and eat simply. In a couple of years your debts will be gone and your bank account will be swollen like Arnold’s biceps back in the day. If your shoes cost more than $50, you need to be beaten will a financial stick. Expensive shoes are for girls, financial freedom is for men.
Save and invest
After you take care of the parasite of debt and downsize to a reasonable standard of living, start stacking that paper and building your “fuck you fund.”
You can even invest these funds in stocks, bonds or a mutual fund if you wish, but make sure that wherever you stick the money it is liquid so you can get it out easily if you need to access it in an emergency fuck you situation.
Bonus: Expand your income.
For the budding entrepreneurs among you, find ways to expand your income. Start a side gig, build an income-generating website, and create multiple streams of income. Invest all this money into further income generating assets while living of your primary income source and before you know it you’ll be rockin’ like Mick Jagger.
Having a fuck you fund is nice. Very nice. I know that firsthand because I enjoy the benefits mentioned in this article.
I personally choose to work because I enjoy my job most of the time and I also stand to become rich if i stick with it for ten or fifteen years. That being said, I could quite happily quit tomorrow and take a couple of years off to think about what I wanted to do next.
I don’t have enough to live forever, but I do have enough to live for a couple of comfortable years if i ever need to tell somebody “fuck you!”
And that, merry men, is why you need to get some fuck you money.
By Greg Freeman / Return of Kings