Explain to your children that it is important to understand that every person is busy writing their own story in their book of life. Every person on this planet sees things from his/her personal perspective. No two persons view or experience things the same. You might think that something is obvious while other have a totally different take on the matter at hand. It will thus be silly to expect that friends, family and even strangers will see things from your perspective. Tell your child that he/she can avoid a lot of pain, frustration and conflicts when he/she fully understands that each person is living in his own world that he created for him/herself. We often feel rejected if a friend, someone at school with us or a stranger fails to act the way we expect him/her to respond. The biggest pain inducer that you child will ever be exposed to is his/her expectations. Life is very unpredictable. Your best friend today can become your worst enemy two weeks from now. Your friend possibly made an assumption about you based on false information given to him/her by someone else. It will be silly to feel wounded because you failed to sustain the relationship. You cannot control the thoughts and feelings of anyone. The best you can do is to confront your friend and ask him/her if your friendship is still ok. Listen what he/she say before you respond. Clarify any misunderstandings in a calm and relaxed manner. Move on if he/she reject your clarification or apology.
We give away our power when we have high expectations, hopes and dreams for someone else. We give such person ample opportunity to disappoint or frustrate us. We need to remain realistic and accept that there are an endless number of things that can happen and go wrong in relationships. Misunderstandings are the major cause of disputes. You give people control over you if you have unrealistic expectations. Teach your child to enjoy his/her relationships. Also teach your child that relationships can fail like most things in life. Show your child that it is sometimes necessary to walk away from relationships when it becomes a one-sided experience. It might be painful for a while, but will heal. Teach your child to be careful who they associate with. A person with a radically different focus on life can influence your child to go outside his/her norms. The desire to be or remain acceptable can influence your child to get involved in behaviour or things that could cause long-term damage.
Parents must understand that “fear of loss” and “fear of rejection” is major obstacles that your child will need to learn to manage. Show compassion when your child run into relationship problems. It might be a “storm in a tea cup” according to your perceptions, but could be a major issue for your child. Being isolated at school or not accepted in a group can be a painful experience. It is important that you carefully go through the principles above with your child long before he/she is put to the test. Parents keep in mind that you developed your own perceptions about everything as well. Do your best to see whatever is bothering your child from his/her perspective.