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Daily Archives: October 2, 2017

The Theory Of Everything Unraveling Reality.

 

 
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Find Your Purpose!

 
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Do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people.

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Being Assertive

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.


Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner. Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:


Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.


Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”. Learn to say “no”.


Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.


Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person.

Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.


Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.


Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.


Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.


Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.


Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.


Ismini Apostoli

 
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How to Be More Confident! Tony Robbins

 
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What books do Tony Robbins recommend?

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Over the past 30 years, millions of people have seen a Tony Robbins presentation, listened to one of his audio lessons, or read one of his books.

In his career as a life coach, Robbins has worked with a wide range of powerful people, including President Bill Clinton, Salesforce CEO Marc Benioff, and hedge fund manager Paul Tudor Jones.

We spoke with him recently and asked him what books he recommends to anyone, regardless of where they are in their career.

Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl

Viktor Frankl was an Austrian neuroscientist and psychiatrist who survived three years in concentration camps during the Holocaust. In 1959, he published his meditation on what separated those who were able to find the meaning that helped them survive from those who gave up. “Man’s Search for Meaning” has gone on to sell over 12 million copies around the world.

“I don’t give a damn how rich you are financially or how abundant you are with your family or love, we all experience extreme stress in our life at some point,” Robbins says. “It’s the ultimate equalizer. If it’s not you, it will be someone in your family, and so the ability to find meaning in the most difficult times, I think, is one of the most important skills of life, and there’s probably not a greater example than that book.”

As A Man Thinketh by James Allen

The British author James Allen predates Napoleon Hill (“Think and Grow Rich”) and Dale Carnegie (“How to Win Friends and Influence People”) as a pioneer of the self-help movement. His most influential work is “As a Man Thinketh,” published in 1908.

Robbins says he’s read it more than a dozen times and often gives the book as a gift because it’s concise, easy to read, and profound. “It’s the whole concept of understanding that your thoughts really, truly shape everything in your life that you feel and experience,” he says.

The Singularity Is Near by Ray Kurzweil

Ray Kurzweil is Google’s director of engineering, a vocal futurist and transhumanist, and one of Robbin’s good friends. His book, “The Singularity Is Near,” details his theory that humanity will reach a point of “technological singularity” by the year 2045, a point from which machine intelligence progresses so rapidly that it exceeds humanity’s ability to fully comprehend it.

Robbins sees Kurzweil as something of a prophet. “I believe anticipation is power, that if you are going to have a great life, you don’t want to react to everything,” he says. “Where the world is going and what technology is leading us to in terms of the evolution of humanity is an incredibly valuable thing to understand.”

The Fourth Turning by William Strauss and Neil Howe

Neil Howe and the late William Strauss are largely responsible for the way Americans think of themselves as members of a particular generation, such as Baby Boomers and Millennials. Their 1997 book “The Fourth Turning” is a good introduction to their generational theory.

Robbins says that he finds the theory to be motivational. “It helps people understand that winter is going to come, but winter isn’t forever. Winter is always followed by spring. And it’s how to take advantage of whatever season you’re in,” he says.

Emerson: Essays and Lectures by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson is the father of the Transcendentalist movement that developed in the US in the 1820s and 1830s. It is founded on the belief that people are inherently good and are at their best when they are self-reliant and individualist, free from the corruption of society.

Robbins says he was hugely inspired by Emerson’s essays on the subject when he was beginning his career as a coach. “Self-reliance is a theme all human beings, especially those living in the Western world, have to fully understand if they’re going to do well in a world that’s changing constantly,” he says.

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Tony Robbins is the author of
Money – Master the Game

 
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Posted by on October 2, 2017 in WISDOM

 
 
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