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Being assertive doesn’t have anything to do with winning arguments or being right.

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Interview with Barbara Berger by Tim Ray - The Awakening Human Being

Working with clients every day has made us realize that so many of us have problems with having healthy boundaries, setting limits and saying no. Here’s an article from Barbara about some of the ways in which you can take better care of yourself by having healthy boundaries and setting limits. Enjoy!

 

“Good ways to say no, disagree and set limits

by best selling author – Barbara Berger

 

I’ve discovered that it’s usually possible to say no, set limits and disagree with other people if you can say it in the right way. (Unless of course the other person is drunk, violent or out of control. Then the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation as fast as possible.)

   But in general, many of our problems in communicating with other people in ordinary, everyday situations arise from the fact that we never learned how to communicate in a good way and be assertive. When you learn to do this, you will find it’s much easier to disagree with other people, say no, take good care of yourself, and set limits.

   So how does this work?

   Whenever someone comes at your with their stuff, here’s a good way to deal with them. You reply with sentences that are made up of two parts.  In the first part of the sentence, you acknowledge that you heard the other person and in the second part of the sentence, you deliver your response. So your reply goes something like:

–          I can understand that you feel that way – and this is really not something for me.

–          Yes I can relate to what you’re saying – and I’m really not interested.

–          Thank you for thinking of me – and no thanks.

   This is a skilful way to deal with whatever people are saying or asking because you begin by acknowledging that you hear them and that you understand what they’re saying (and even appreciate their concern). And then once you let the person know that, you can come with your response which is your no or your disagreement or you setting limits.

   Here are some more examples:

   Example one:

   Other person: “Barbara, we’re really counting on your coming to our little get-together on Friday. It will be good for you to get out and meet some new people.”

   My response: “Thank you so much for thinking of me and I can’t make it that evening.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, we’re counting on your coming.”

   My response: “I really appreciate you’re thinking of me and I can’t come that evening.”

   If the person keeps on, you just keep repeating what you said. Sooner or later the other person will give up.

   Example two:

   Other person: “Barbara, I think you should take that job, it would be good for you.”

   My response: “Yes I can relate to what you’re saying and it’s simply not for me.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, can’t you see what a great job opportunity this would be for you. You could learn so much.”

   My response: “Yes thank you for thinking of me and it’s simply not for me.”

   When you take care of yourself assertively in this way, it’s good to remember the other person probably won’t agree with you and doesn’t have to. Being assertive doesn’t have anything to do with winning arguments or being right. Being assertive is about expressing your point of view and taking care of yourself. It’s not about winning and losing. So be willing to hear and acknowledge the other person’s point of view (“you could be right”) and then clearly state your own position (“and it’s not for me”). When you have stated your position, don’t expect the other person to agree with you. He or she probably won’t. In fact expect the other person to argue with you or ask you again for whatever they are trying to convince you of. Again, when you have heard what they say, you can just repeat your own position or point of view again, kindly but firmly. You don’t have to come up with new explanations or arguments, just repeat what you said before. “Thank you so much for thinking of me, I really appreciate it, and I can’t come Friday evening.”  Just stay in your own business and repeat your own position. Remember – you are responsible for your feelings and opinions about the matter. The other person is responsible for his or her feelings and opinions about the matter. Each person has a right to his/her feelings and opinions. You don’t have to justify, offer explanations or find excuses for your choices, opinions, beliefs or behaviour  (You might want to explain but the important point to remember is that you don’t have to. You have the right to be you!)

   So to summarize, here are the main points to keep in mind:

–          State your position as clearly as you can.

–          Be kind but firm.

–          Don’t expect the other person to agree with you.

–          Be willing to hear the other person’s point of view.

–          Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself, kindly but firmly.

–          Don’t attack or criticize the other person.

–          Stay in your own business.

–          You are responsible for your feelings about the matter.

–          The other person is responsible for his/her feelings about the matter.

–          You don’t need to offer explanations or excuses for your choices, opinions or behaviour.

–          Show the other person you hear them and understand what they are saying.

–          Don’t make the other person wrong just because he/she doesn’t agree with you.

–          Don’t make yourself wrong (or criticize or excuse yourself).

Here are some more some more good ways to acknowledge the other person’s point of view while maintaining your own rights, position, and point of view. You can say things like:

–          I can understand that you feel that way and in my experience, I find that…

–          You could be right and I prefer to do it this way….

–          I can understand your point of view and I would rather not …

–          I really appreciate your feelings (point of view) in this matter and I still…

–          I am inclined to agree with you and I am going to decline your kind offer…

–          I sympathize with you and I would rather…

–          I appreciate your thinking of me and the answer is no.

And finally, learning to say no, set limits and be assertive like this takes practice. It’s not something one learns in a day or two, it really does take practice. In the beginning, it can often help to write things down so you can remind yourself of what you want to say when you know you’re going to be talking to someone you have difficulty saying no to.

   And for beginners, when someone comes at you and catches you off guard with a request and you’re not sure how to respond – another good technique is to ask for a “time out”. So to go back to example one, here’s how a “time-out” works:

Example one:

   Other person: “Barbara, we’re really counting on your coming to our little get-together on Friday. It will be good for you to get out and meet some new people.”

   My response: “I really appreciate your thinking of me; let me look at my calendar and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, we’re counting on your coming.”

   My response: “I really appreciate you’re thinking of me and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

   By postponing your response in this way, you give yourself time to plan how to deal with the situation assertively when you call back and respond.

Barbara talks about taking better care of yourself on Reality Spirituality radio

You can also hear Barbara talking about how we can take better care of ourselves on Rebecca Norrington’s talk show from Los Angeles.

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Click here to listen in.

www.beamteam.com

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Posted by on January 27, 2015 in WISDOM

 

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Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach – Best Selling Author – Barbara Berger

Cover Pebble Beach 2

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An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

.

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

.

READ MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK AND OTHER WORKS HER ON OWN BLOG AT THE LINK BELOW

.

http://adventuresofpebblebeach.com/

.

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 1, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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THE MENTAL LAWS – BY MY FRIEND/INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR – Barbara Berger.

 

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The Law of Focus

Read about the important “Law of Focus” and what it means for us in practice:

Law 6: THE LAW OF FOCUS

What you focus your attention on grows

This law teaches us that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

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   This is a far-reaching and very empowering discovery. It means we energize whatever we focus our attention on. Our attention “brings to life” out of the vast field of infinite energy or pure potentiality whatever we focus on. This has now been confirmed by Quantum mechanics which has proven that observation by a conscious observer is responsible for the collapse of the wave function (Heisenberg principle) into actual particles in the field of potentiality. In other words, the waves of energy or potential that make up the field of reality that we live and move and breathe in become actual time-space events when they are observed. This is how phenomenon pops out of the field when we focus our attention on it.

 

The power of attention

Attention, it seems, is the magic wand of creation—at least when it comes to your experiences and mine! So let me ask you—how are you using your power of attention? How are you using this, amazing ability, this priceless gift?

   Are you focusing on difficulties, lack, and illness or are you focusing on all the blessings in your life right now? What exactly are you doing? If you want to live a happy live, it’s important to take the time to take a good look at exactly what you are doing. Ask yourself—what is the general tone of your thinking? Is it a prayerful song of gratitude from morning to evening for the blessings of life—or is it one long complaint? And what is your experience? If you look carefully (and are honest) you will see that your experience is a perfect reflection of your focus. Always! And again this is because thought is cause and experience is effect. So when we look at the power of our thinking in terms of what we focus on, we see it is all about learning to use the power of our attention wisely. This is an extremely important key when it comes to understanding why our lives are like they are. And it’s also extremely empowering because we can learn to consciously direct the power of our focus.

   So let’s look more closely at this phenomenon.

 

Focusing on this moment

Here’s a big one. What is the general drift or tendency of your mental life? Do you spend a lot of time dwelling on the past? Or are you one of those people who is always worrying about the future? And does the thought of the future give you anxiety and sleepless nights? So much so that you fail to actually notice this moment?

   Or do you actually notice this moment? Are you mindful enough to actually be able to focus enough on what is happening right now? Are you able to actually experience and enjoy this moment? It’s embarrassing but the honest truth is that most of us have a pretty hard time doing this. Most of us spend most of our lives somewhere else (at least in thought)!

   And frankly, you might not even be conscious of what you are doing. And if you’re not conscious of what you are doing, you might not be aware of the fact that you actually have a choice! You might not realize that you can actually choose what you focus your attention on. But of course to do this, you must first notice what you’re actually doing. So you have to start by watching yourself for a while so you become aware of the general drift or tendency of your daily thinking. Once you become aware of this, you can begin to exercise the power of choice and begin to consciously choose what you focus your attention on.

   And yes, it sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to do—especially in the beginning. And no, there’s isn’t any magic wand or secret formula that makes this happen all at once and forever. Rather learning to focus the power of your attention is a lifelong project.

   But don’t despair! Just the fact that you are becoming aware of your thoughts and how you are using the power of focus is a great step forward. Especially if you can see that you are using the power of your attention in a negative way. This awareness means you are beginning to understand the way the mind works and that you are more and more able to see the cause and effect relationship between your thoughts and your experiences. This is crucial if you want to become the master of your focus.

   It’s also important to realize that choosing our focus is our only freedom. This is where we exercise our free will. So keep noticing what you are doing and keep practicing. Make up your mind to focus on the Highest and Best you can conceive of. And do it again. And again! This is the magic and joy of life. This is the great adventure. So enjoy your adventure and enjoy learning. Amazing things will happen as you become better and better at focusing on the wonder of this moment!

 

Focus and health

What is your focus when it comes to your health? This is a very interesting and challenging question for most of us. When you’re not feeling well, do you focus on every ache and pain—or do you focus on the wonderful strength and healing power of your body and of Life itself? You can see this is a most important question and crucial choice, especially when we know that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

   According to the law of focus, if we feel weak and then focus our attention on feeling weak, we will feel even weaker. Because whatever we focus our attention on grows. And if that is the case, then the reverse must also be true. If we focus on strength—on whatever strength we do have—we will feel stronger. Which means we have an amazing power at our disposal in terms of health and healing—so why not use it?

   When you think about it, it’s quite fascinating to realize that we have this amazing power at our disposal and we’re not using it! How can it be that we’re not using this priceless gift? Obviously because most of us don’t know about the power of focus! We don’t know it exists because nobody taught us how the mind works. So we don’t recognize this power or understand what it is and how to use it. Instead we are walking around in a daze, asleep to our true power.

   But now you are waking up! So claim your true power and think about the law of focus when you’re feeling ill. And use this wonderful power wisely. Watch yourself carefully and see what you are thinking and saying and focusing your attention on. And if you discover that you are sabotaging yourself and your recovery, you can start changing your focus now! It’s never too late.

 

Focus and challenges

The same holds true for all the many challenges and so-called problems we face in our daily lives. What is the focus of our attention when we face so-called difficulties? Do we focus on the potential in each situation and how everything in life is supporting us or do we focus on the hassle, the inconvenience, and the irritation? When you know about the power of focus, you can see how important your choice is.

   So make up your mind that whatever it is, you are going to grow stronger because of it and evolve into a more magnanimous and compassionate person—and watch yourself turn every situation into a true blessing, for yourself and everyone involved!

 

It’s your choice

So we see that what we focus our attention on grows. You focus your attention on something/someone/some thought and then you get to experience what you focused on.

   It is also important to remember that the focus of our attention is always our choice—always! We are the choice-makers—always—whether we are conscious of what we are choosing/doing or not.

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Click here to download The Mental Laws for free.

FOR MORE ABOUT HER BOOK GO TO THE FOLLOWING LINK!

www.beamteam.com

 
1 Comment

Posted by on May 16, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach – My friend – Best Selling Author – Barbara Berger.

 

Cover Pebble Beach 2

.

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

.

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

.

READ MORE ABOUT THIS BOOK AND OTHER WORKS HER ON OWN BLOG AT THE LINK BELOW

.

http://adventuresofpebblebeach.com/

.

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 30, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , ,

Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach.

 

Cover Pebble Beach 2

.

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

 

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

.

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

.

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 2, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , ,

Book Review – An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

 

Cover Pebble Beach 2

.

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

 

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

.

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

.

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on March 7, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach – My friend – Best Selling Author – Barbara Berger.

Cover Pebble Beach 2

.

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

.

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 13, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach – My friend – Best Selling Author – Barbara Berger.

Cover Pebble Beach 2

.

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

.

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

.

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

www.beamteam.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 31, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , ,

Book Review – The Adventures of Pebble Beach – Best Selling Author – Barbara Berger.

Cover Pebble Beach 2

An honest, fun, full-throttle story of a newly divorced woman throwing herself back into life…without a safety net!

Attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Afraid of being alone, getting older and losing your sex appeal? A little sex crazed (or a lot)? And still dreaming of a man who can save you from your life?

Chick Lit meets Self-Help in this high-spirited tale of a newly divorced, 40-something woman with two teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career in advertising in the big city (plus going to quite a few therapy sessions). 

Until one day an unsavoury business scandal threatens to ruin the burgeoning career of our brave heroine…

REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS

  • A SINGLE LIFE SEEN FROM INSIDE Are you the type that is attracted to the wrong men – and do you do the most insane things to keep your relationships with them anyway? Are you terrified by the thought of being an old, wrinkled raisin that no man will ever want? And are you – once in a while – just a little hungry after sex? Yes? Well then you will really be able to identify with Pebble Beach. She is in her mid-40s, newly divorced, and mother of two teenage boys. She is struggling to make a career for herself as a copywriter. At the same time she’s trying – using all the tricks of the game – to make it as a single woman. Or in reality she’s trying to find a new man – but in fact it’s really going rather poorly on all fronts. “Single for the Second Time” is written by Barbara Berger, the woman who’s written more than 10 self-help books so among other things, the reader closely follows Pebble Beach as she goes through an intense therapy process in her search to find herself. The book makes you laugh, cry and think as well. It touches on themes like addictive relationships, low self-esteem, alcoholism and poor communication in an entertaining yet serious tone. A good and informative book for singles – and for those who don’t understand single women! ~ Bibi, Danish weekly magazine Søndag

.

MY REVIEW

.

  • I finished reading your book last night. I found this book dynamic, intense, stimulating and a real depiction of the complicated lives we all tend to create for ourselves. Pebble only took her power back after reaching a saturation point, a point where she mastered her “fear of loss”. It is astounding to read how her compulsive desire to please positioned herself in mortal danger. You succeeded extremely well with your depiction of her mental blindness and inability to identify individuals or situations that added very little or no value to her life. Most of us tend to see only what we want to see in others. This goes for everything else in life. You brilliantly displayed the horrific price Pebble paid before she woke up to her real potential. I loved how you shared her self-talk and futile attempts to make sense of the games that she became embroiled in. What I found enlightening and disturbing is that you will find a Pebble drama in every building, home or office that you observe when you look out of your window. You will without doubt discover the Pebble Beach in yourself when you turn away from the window and look in a mirror. Your subliminal ability to leave your reader with a question in his mind about his own compulsive and often obsessive behaviour in certain areas of his life gives this book longevity. It will be an idiot that reads this book and then sends it off to a second hand book shop. I recommend that we as readers take Pebble Beach off the shelf when we find ourselves struggling and straining to make sense of anything or anyone. This amazing book will then remind us once again where we allowed ourselves to get sucked in by illusions created in our futile minds that might once again return to our old and outdated software that we operated on historically. (Habitual reaction Patterns). The real value of The Adventures of Pebble Beach is that you learn and gain insight without even being aware of it. You become so embroiled by Pebble’s adventures that you fail to grasp that you are at the same time busy with a purification process while you load wisdom and insight into your sub-conscious archives.

Rene

You can read a portion of a chapter at the following link

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/04/22/part-15-the-adventures-of-pebble-beach-by-barbara-berger/

 

www.beamteam.com

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 5, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , ,

FREE E-BOOK – THE MENTAL LAWS – BY MY FRIEND/INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR – Barbara Berger.

The Law of Focus

Read about the important “Law of Focus” and what it means for us in practice:

Law 6: THE LAW OF FOCUS

What you focus your attention on grows

This law teaches us that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

   This is a far-reaching and very empowering discovery. It means we energize whatever we focus our attention on. Our attention “brings to life” out of the vast field of infinite energy or pure potentiality whatever we focus on. This has now been confirmed by Quantum mechanics which has proven that observation by a conscious observer is responsible for the collapse of the wave function (Heisenberg principle) into actual particles in the field of potentiality. In other words, the waves of energy or potential that make up the field of reality that we live and move and breathe in become actual time-space events when they are observed. This is how phenomenon pops out of the field when we focus our attention on it.

 

The power of attention

Attention, it seems, is the magic wand of creation—at least when it comes to your experiences and mine! So let me ask you—how are you using your power of attention? How are you using this, amazing ability, this priceless gift?

   Are you focusing on difficulties, lack, and illness or are you focusing on all the blessings in your life right now? What exactly are you doing? If you want to live a happy live, it’s important to take the time to take a good look at exactly what you are doing. Ask yourself—what is the general tone of your thinking? Is it a prayerful song of gratitude from morning to evening for the blessings of life—or is it one long complaint? And what is your experience? If you look carefully (and are honest) you will see that your experience is a perfect reflection of your focus. Always! And again this is because thought is cause and experience is effect. So when we look at the power of our thinking in terms of what we focus on, we see it is all about learning to use the power of our attention wisely. This is an extremely important key when it comes to understanding why our lives are like they are. And it’s also extremely empowering because we can learn to consciously direct the power of our focus.

   So let’s look more closely at this phenomenon.

 

Focusing on this moment

Here’s a big one. What is the general drift or tendency of your mental life? Do you spend a lot of time dwelling on the past? Or are you one of those people who is always worrying about the future? And does the thought of the future give you anxiety and sleepless nights? So much so that you fail to actually notice this moment?

   Or do you actually notice this moment? Are you mindful enough to actually be able to focus enough on what is happening right now? Are you able to actually experience and enjoy this moment? It’s embarrassing but the honest truth is that most of us have a pretty hard time doing this. Most of us spend most of our lives somewhere else (at least in thought)!

   And frankly, you might not even be conscious of what you are doing. And if you’re not conscious of what you are doing, you might not be aware of the fact that you actually have a choice! You might not realize that you can actually choose what you focus your attention on. But of course to do this, you must first notice what you’re actually doing. So you have to start by watching yourself for a while so you become aware of the general drift or tendency of your daily thinking. Once you become aware of this, you can begin to exercise the power of choice and begin to consciously choose what you focus your attention on.

   And yes, it sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to do—especially in the beginning. And no, there’s isn’t any magic wand or secret formula that makes this happen all at once and forever. Rather learning to focus the power of your attention is a lifelong project.

   But don’t despair! Just the fact that you are becoming aware of your thoughts and how you are using the power of focus is a great step forward. Especially if you can see that you are using the power of your attention in a negative way. This awareness means you are beginning to understand the way the mind works and that you are more and more able to see the cause and effect relationship between your thoughts and your experiences. This is crucial if you want to become the master of your focus.

   It’s also important to realize that choosing our focus is our only freedom. This is where we exercise our free will. So keep noticing what you are doing and keep practicing. Make up your mind to focus on the Highest and Best you can conceive of. And do it again. And again! This is the magic and joy of life. This is the great adventure. So enjoy your adventure and enjoy learning. Amazing things will happen as you become better and better at focusing on the wonder of this moment!

 

Focus and health

What is your focus when it comes to your health? This is a very interesting and challenging question for most of us. When you’re not feeling well, do you focus on every ache and pain—or do you focus on the wonderful strength and healing power of your body and of Life itself? You can see this is a most important question and crucial choice, especially when we know that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

   According to the law of focus, if we feel weak and then focus our attention on feeling weak, we will feel even weaker. Because whatever we focus our attention on grows. And if that is the case, then the reverse must also be true. If we focus on strength—on whatever strength we do have—we will feel stronger. Which means we have an amazing power at our disposal in terms of health and healing—so why not use it?

   When you think about it, it’s quite fascinating to realize that we have this amazing power at our disposal and we’re not using it! How can it be that we’re not using this priceless gift? Obviously because most of us don’t know about the power of focus! We don’t know it exists because nobody taught us how the mind works. So we don’t recognize this power or understand what it is and how to use it. Instead we are walking around in a daze, asleep to our true power.

   But now you are waking up! So claim your true power and think about the law of focus when you’re feeling ill. And use this wonderful power wisely. Watch yourself carefully and see what you are thinking and saying and focusing your attention on. And if you discover that you are sabotaging yourself and your recovery, you can start changing your focus now! It’s never too late.

 

Focus and challenges

The same holds true for all the many challenges and so-called problems we face in our daily lives. What is the focus of our attention when we face so-called difficulties? Do we focus on the potential in each situation and how everything in life is supporting us or do we focus on the hassle, the inconvenience, and the irritation? When you know about the power of focus, you can see how important your choice is.

   So make up your mind that whatever it is, you are going to grow stronger because of it and evolve into a more magnanimous and compassionate person—and watch yourself turn every situation into a true blessing, for yourself and everyone involved!

 

It’s your choice

So we see that what we focus our attention on grows. You focus your attention on something/someone/some thought and then you get to experience what you focused on.

   It is also important to remember that the focus of our attention is always our choice—always! We are the choice-makers—always—whether we are conscious of what we are choosing/doing or not.

Click here to download The Mental Laws for free.

FOR MORE ABOUT HER BOOK GO TO THE FOLLOWING LINK!

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on November 5, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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More from ”Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life” – My friend – Barbara Berger Best Selling Author!

Let us stop searching for answers and implement a few of the principles we already understand and know. Let us stop looking for new rules, laws and words of wisdom and start using the ones we already know, but never apply!

In the book, Barbara describes the 10 ways she discovered one day when she was lying on her sofa thinking about her long, dramatic life – and she asked herself what she needed to remember to live the rest of her life a little bit more happily. In answer to her own question, she wrote down a list of 10 points or ways which she felt she needed to remember to live more happily. Barbara’s list turned into the book.

The 10 ways Barbara wrote down that day were:

1)    Accept what is

2)    Want what you have

3)    Be honest with yourself

4)    Investigate your stories 

5)    Mind your own business

6)    Follow your passion and accept the consequences

7)    Do the right thing and accept the consequences

8)    Deal with what is in front of you and forget the rest

9)    Know what is what

10) Learn to see beyond impermanence

 

In the book, Barbara explores each of these 10 ways and explains why each of them is so important!

 

Here’s a bit from Chapter 8 which is about the 8th way which is:

 

“Deal with what is in front of you and forget the rest

 

Resisting doesn’t work

Life teaches us that we cannot be released from powerful, stressful emotions by resisting, ignoring, or repressing them – no matter how hard we try. In fact, life teaches us just the opposite. We learn from experience that resisting, repressing and ignoring unpleasant emotions just tend to make things worse.

   When we learn the secret of mindfulness, we learn that instead of running away and feeling threatened by powerful emotions, we can just sit with them and breathe and allow them to be. Because mindfulness is peaceful, like a great calm ocean where the powerful waves of emotion can arise and thrash about, but do no damage. If this sounds like meditation to you, it is. Mindfulness is a kind of meditation. This awareness, this sitting with yourself and not doing anything and not expecting anything to happen is what meditation is all about. And so is feeling that you don’t have to achieve anything at all.

   So you just sit and breathe and watch your emotions come and go. And you do absolutely nothing about any of it. As we practice this and learn to let things be, we gradually start to desensitize ourselves to our fear of our own feelings. These tactics or techniques—mindfulness, observation, meditation—slowly and gradually release us from our own mistaken belief that our own emotions can somehow be dangerous to us. And if we combine this practice with the powerful technique of investigating our stories, over time we will find ourselves released from the grip of many of the highly charged emotions we fear so much. And in the end, life becomes a much kinder place to be.

  

The intention to be awake

So whether we’re talking about internal or external events, to be present and deal with what is really in front of you, you must be awake. And if you’re not awake, the only way to get there is to have the intention to be awake. Intention is everything. So be earnest and intend! Intend to be awake in this now moment. Intend to be mindful and see what is without interfering or interpreting or trying to understand. And be earnest about it.

   Intend to see without judging. Intend to drop your opinions. Intend to be here now and experience the fluidity of this moment as it is, and sooner or later, you will!

   Intend to keep bringing yourself back to the present now moment without commenting on it or explaining it to yourself. And if you slip away, as you most certainly will, come back and intend again. And keep practicing. And intend again. Intention requires constant vigilance. Nothing less will do.

   Intend to be awake over and over again. And then intend again. And each time you discover you’re not present but off somewhere in your mind conversing with your girlfriend or your father or your boss, bring yourself back to the now. And intend again.

   Keep intending to be here now.

   If you are earnest and this is your honest intention, you will discover that you can practice ‘seeing’ at any moment during the course of your day – no matter what you are doing. Just do it. Decide to be present and mindful when you are washing the dishes. Decide to be present and mindful when you are driving your car. Decide to be present and mindful when you are with your partner. And then watch. And watch again and decide to see what you are doing and what is going on – and you will.

   You can also take specific time-outs during the course of your day to practice ‘seeing’. You can, for example, start by just sitting in your chair and practicing ‘seeing’ as described above for five minutes. If you do this regularly – once or twice a day for just a few minutes each time – you will soon get the knack of it. It’s almost like learning to ride a bicycle. It takes a bit of practice, but pretty soon you will get it. And then ‘seeing’ will start to happen for you naturally – and who knows what you will see!!

 

Happiness is the now

One of the things we discover when we are mindful is that happiness is the now. Where else could it be?

   And we also discover that happiness now is our true nature. How do I arrive at this startling conclusion? It’s simple. When you practice ‘seeing’ and ‘being’ in the present moment, you discover two things: First of all you discover that you are the now. Why is this so? Well it has to be. Just ask yourself – what is the now? The now is what you are. The now is where you are. The now is you… it has to be. What else could the now be, but you? Think about it. Without you, there would be no now!

   So let this sink in for a moment. You are the now.

   The second thing you find out is that when you are mindful and fully present, the experience of the now is utterly simple, entirely blissful, perfectly peaceful, and completely safe. Which is a pretty good definition of happiness isn’t it!

   Now this is a very important discovery because it means – despite what you may think at the moment – that you cannot do anything to make yourself happy because you already are happiness itself. Happiness is your nature – because you are the now! And the now is utterly simple, entirely blissful, perfectly peaceful and completely safe.

   When I contemplate this, I can come to no other conclusion than that you, the now and happiness are all one and the same! They are equal, identical and interchangeable – or all one – however you want to look at it. This I find is a pretty amazing discovery. To realize that this is who/what we are – and that happiness is our true nature. The icing on the cake is that there’s only one place we can experience the happiness that we are – and that’s right here now.

 

Unconditional happiness

The happiness I am talking about now is true happiness of course, the happiness that is totally independent of outer conditions. You can call this happiness – unconditional happiness. This is the type of happiness that no job, no amount of money in your bank account, no lover, no guru, no success or amount of fame can bring you. When you are happy because of outside circumstances, conditions or events – your happiness is conditional and based on value judgments, belief systems, and stories. Not that there is anything wrong with conditional happiness, but it is important to realize that when our happiness is conditional, sooner or later it will disappear because it is dependent on and triggered by external events and circumstances which will and do change.

   The happiness you experience in the present moment when you are mindful, is your true nature. It’s unconditional because it depends on no one or thing. It’s who you are.”

Read more about this amazing book at the link below!

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2013/07/09/book-review-barbara-bergers-new-book-are-you-happy-now/

 
2 Comments

Posted by on August 21, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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Book Review – “The Awakening Human Being” – Some parents think it’s their job to make their children happy.

Dear friends,

Sitting with clients every day makes me realize that so many people are confused when it comes to the parent–child relationship and what their responsibility is when it comes to being a parent. So in this article I try to clarify some of the basic issues that arise in the hope that the information in this article will help you understand what’s going on and help you deal with your children more sanely and constructively.

“Our children do not belong to us – they belong to the Universe…

 

Some parents think it’s their job to make their children happy and to think for them – but this is not true. It’s not the parents’ job to think for their children or to make them happy. How do I know this is true? I know this because it’s impossible for one human being to think for another human being or to make another human being happy. This is the impersonal universal law. It’s the mechanism of mind that operates equally for all human beings. There are no exceptions to this law. And this means that each individual is living in his or her own mental universe, which means that each human being is experiencing the results of his or her own thoughts. (See my new book “The Awakening Human Being” for a detailed explanation of this impersonal mechanism.)

This doesn’t mean that parents shouldn’t love their children and treat them with respect. But treating children with respect means respecting their intelligence, their individuality, their right to be who they are – and not trying to think for them (which is impossible) or expecting them to make you happy or for you to make them happy (also impossible).

Unfortunately since most people do not understand the mechanism of mind which says that it’s an impersonal, universal law that each person can only experience their own thoughts and interpretations of the events that are unfolding in their lives – a lot of confusion arises. And thus because people who are parents don’t understand the mechanism, they mistakenly think that it’s their job to make their kids happy. But it doesn’t work no matter how “hard” parents may try – and this is because it’s the child’s own thoughts and interpretation of events that determine their child’s state of mind. When you look around you, you can see for yourself that this is true. And this explains why one child who has been spoiled and given everything is still miserable, unsatisfied and always cranky while another child who may have very little (in the way of attention or possessions) is joyful and positive about life and his or her possibilities.

So when we understand this mechanism, it leaves us (the parents) with the following – it’s our job to take responsibility for our own lives and our own happiness and in this way teach our children (by our own example) the laws of the universe and the mechanism of mind. When children see their parents living sane, responsible, and authentic lives with integrity, they will follow their example. Again this is because the reality is that parents teach their children through their actions and behavior (not their words). The reality is that children naturally copy their parents’ behavior because this is the model for life and relationships they see and are exposed to. (Which is also why dysfunctional behavior gets passed down from generation to generation despite the parents firm desire not to do what their parents did!)

So it’s important to remember:

–          Children didn’t come into this world to make you happy (that’s your job).

–          It’s not your job to make your children happy (that’s their job).

–          Everyone wants to be free (including your children). It’s the universal urge in us all.

 No one fights to be a slave.

 Children came into their world to live their own lives (that’s their job).

–          You came into this world to live your own life (that’s your job).

–          You can’t know what your child’s dream is.

–          You can’t know what’s best for your child.

Can you even know what’s best for you?

–          Your child has a right to be who he or she is.

–         You cannot prevent your children experiencing the consequences of their thoughts, words and actions.

–          You cannot prevent your children from making what you think are “mistakes”.

o    How else can they learn about life?

o    How did you learn about life?

All this also means that it’s okay to show your kids that you’re not perfect (the reality) and that you don’t know all the answers (also the reality) and that sometimes life is difficult for you (also the reality) but that you’re doing the best you can to figure things out (also reality) and hopefully follow your integrity (probably your preference). And since this is a sane, realistic assessment and approach to life, it’s also a sane, realistic way of interacting with the young human beings who are in your care for some years.”

“The Awakening Human Being” is getting great reviews

  

Barbara’s new book “The Awakening Human Being” is getting excellent reviews! Here’s one from the New Consciousness Review in the US by Julie Clayton:

 

Deceptively Brilliant… Best selling author Barbara Berger has written a straightforward guide to understanding how the mind, and consciousness, relates to reality and the search for happiness. Her approach is truly “psychological thinking,” meaning that it illuminates thought that sees itself. Step-by-step she presents complex metaphysical notions, and then by asking the very questions we are asking in our own minds about these concepts, proceeds to unpack any confusion, objections, or uncertainty with equal clarity and simplicity. She provides both tools and investigation practices for taking care of our own thinking, and the path to true happiness. The simplistic style of this book actually reveals a profound depth of insight and a commendable ability to distil big thinking into manageable bites of food for thought. In the wave of emerging books framing spiritual principles into a pragmatic and reason-based understanding of the mind and consciousness, this one stands tall and is highly recommended.”

 

Love Barbara

 

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on February 14, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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We never learned how to communicate in a good way and be assertive – by best selling author – Barbara Berger

Interview with Barbara Berger by Tim Ray - The Awakening Human Being

Working with clients every day has made us realize that so many of us have problems with having healthy boundaries, setting limits and saying no. Here’s an article from Barbara about some of the ways in which you can take better care of yourself by having healthy boundaries and setting limits. Enjoy!

 

“Good ways to say no, disagree and set limits

by best selling author – Barbara Berger

I’ve discovered that it’s usually possible to say no, set limits and disagree with other people if you can say it in the right way. (Unless of course the other person is drunk, violent or out of control. Then the best thing you can do is remove yourself from the situation as fast as possible.)

   But in general, many of our problems in communicating with other people in ordinary, everyday situations arise from the fact that we never learned how to communicate in a good way and be assertive. When you learn to do this, you will find it’s much easier to disagree with other people, say no, take good care of yourself, and set limits.

   So how does this work?

   Whenever someone comes at your with their stuff, here’s a good way to deal with them. You reply with sentences that are made up of two parts.  In the first part of the sentence, you acknowledge that you heard the other person and in the second part of the sentence, you deliver your response. So your reply goes something like:

–          I can understand that you feel that way – and this is really not something for me.

–          Yes I can relate to what you’re saying – and I’m really not interested.

–          Thank you for thinking of me – and no thanks.

   This is a skilful way to deal with whatever people are saying or asking because you begin by acknowledging that you hear them and that you understand what they’re saying (and even appreciate their concern). And then once you let the person know that, you can come with your response which is your no or your disagreement or you setting limits.

   Here are some more examples:

   Example one:

   Other person: “Barbara, we’re really counting on your coming to our little get-together on Friday. It will be good for you to get out and meet some new people.”

   My response: “Thank you so much for thinking of me and I can’t make it that evening.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, we’re counting on your coming.”

   My response: “I really appreciate you’re thinking of me and I can’t come that evening.”

   If the person keeps on, you just keep repeating what you said. Sooner or later the other person will give up.

   Example two:

   Other person: “Barbara, I think you should take that job, it would be good for you.”

   My response: “Yes I can relate to what you’re saying and it’s simply not for me.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, can’t you see what a great job opportunity this would be for you. You could learn so much.”

   My response: “Yes thank you for thinking of me and it’s simply not for me.”

   When you take care of yourself assertively in this way, it’s good to remember the other person probably won’t agree with you and doesn’t have to. Being assertive doesn’t have anything to do with winning arguments or being right. Being assertive is about expressing your point of view and taking care of yourself. It’s not about winning and losing. So be willing to hear and acknowledge the other person’s point of view (“you could be right”) and then clearly state your own position (“and it’s not for me”). When you have stated your position, don’t expect the other person to agree with you. He or she probably won’t. In fact expect the other person to argue with you or ask you again for whatever they are trying to convince you of. Again, when you have heard what they say, you can just repeat your own position or point of view again, kindly but firmly. You don’t have to come up with new explanations or arguments, just repeat what you said before. “Thank you so much for thinking of me, I really appreciate it, and I can’t come Friday evening.”  Just stay in your own business and repeat your own position. Remember – you are responsible for your feelings and opinions about the matter. The other person is responsible for his or her feelings and opinions about the matter. Each person has a right to his/her feelings and opinions. You don’t have to justify, offer explanations or find excuses for your choices, opinions, beliefs or behaviour  (You might want to explain but the important point to remember is that you don’t have to. You have the right to be you!)

   So to summarize, here are the main points to keep in mind:

–          State your position as clearly as you can.

–          Be kind but firm.

–          Don’t expect the other person to agree with you.

–          Be willing to hear the other person’s point of view.

–          Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself, kindly but firmly.

–          Don’t attack or criticize the other person.

–          Stay in your own business.

–          You are responsible for your feelings about the matter.

–          The other person is responsible for his/her feelings about the matter.

–          You don’t need to offer explanations or excuses for your choices, opinions or behaviour.

–          Show the other person you hear them and understand what they are saying.

–          Don’t make the other person wrong just because he/she doesn’t agree with you.

–          Don’t make yourself wrong (or criticize or excuse yourself).

Here are some more some more good ways to acknowledge the other person’s point of view while maintaining your own rights, position, and point of view. You can say things like:

–          I can understand that you feel that way and in my experience, I find that…

–          You could be right and I prefer to do it this way….

–          I can understand your point of view and I would rather not …

–          I really appreciate your feelings (point of view) in this matter and I still…

–          I am inclined to agree with you and I am going to decline your kind offer…

–          I sympathize with you and I would rather…

–          I appreciate your thinking of me and the answer is no.

And finally, learning to say no, set limits and be assertive like this takes practice. It’s not something one learns in a day or two, it really does take practice. In the beginning, it can often help to write things down so you can remind yourself of what you want to say when you know you’re going to be talking to someone you have difficulty saying no to.

   And for beginners, when someone comes at you and catches you off guard with a request and you’re not sure how to respond – another good technique is to ask for a “time out”. So to go back to example one, here’s how a “time-out” works:

Example one:

   Other person: “Barbara, we’re really counting on your coming to our little get-together on Friday. It will be good for you to get out and meet some new people.”

   My response: “I really appreciate your thinking of me; let me look at my calendar and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

   Other person: “But Barbara, we’re counting on your coming.”

   My response: “I really appreciate you’re thinking of me and I’ll get back to you tomorrow.”

   By postponing your response in this way, you give yourself time to plan how to deal with the situation assertively when you call back and respond.

Barbara talks about taking better care of yourself on Reality Spirituality radio

You can also hear Barbara talking about how we can take better care of ourselves on Rebecca Norrington’s talk show from Los Angeles.

Click here to listen in.

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on February 2, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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“Having healthy boundaries by as special friend – Best selling Author – Barbara Berger

Interview with Barbara Berger by Tim Ray - The Awakening Human Being

“Having healthy boundaries

by Barbara Berger

 

One of the areas where many of us have problems is “having healthy boundaries”. And it shows up in our difficulties in relating to other people and in experiencing true intimacy. So let’s take a look at this area and what it means for all of us.

So firstly, what do I mean by having healthy boundaries? When we have healthy boundaries, we understand that I am me and you are you and that each one of us has a right to be here and to be who we are. It also means that each of us has the right to make choices for ourselves and then to experience the consequences of all our thoughts, words and actions.  When we have healthy boundaries we understand this and respect everyone’s right to be or do what feels right for them (and experience the consequences).

As a result of having healthy boundaries we respect other people’s rights and we expect other people to respect our rights. This means that when someone tells you how you should think or feel or what you should say or do when you don’t specifically ask them for their advice; they are not respecting your boundaries and your right to be you. This is an example of boundary violation and is why it feels so uncomfortable. Taking good care of you means being able to recognize boundary violation when it happens and then being able to clearly tell the other person that when you want their advice, you will ask for it! But this works both ways, which means you also respect other people and don’t tell them what to think, say or do unless they specifically ask for your advice or opinion. In other words, you do not violate other people’s boundaries either.

People who have trouble with boundaries usually fall into two main categories: Boundary-less and walls. The first category (boundary-less) are people who have no boundaries and uncritically let other people tell them what to think, say or do. As well as people who tell other people what to think, say and do without being asked first. Both types of people are boundary-less.

The second category (walls) are people who have been violated so much that they have walls instead of boundaries and never let anyone get close to them. Unfortunately, this also prevents them from showing and sharing who they are.

And then of course there are people who swing between being boundary-less and having walls. In all these cases, it is difficult to have close, healthy relationships with other people and to experience true intimacy which is the ability to share who one is with other people in a respectful manner.

When we begin to understand what it means to have healthy boundaries, we can learn to communicate honestly and respect both ourselves and the right of other people to say and do what feels right for them. And we can also learn to take better care of ourselves when another person tries to interfere with our right to make our own choices.”

Barbara

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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FREE E-BOOK – THE MENTAL LAWS – BY MY FRIEND AND INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR – Barbara Berger.

The Law of Focus

Read about the important “Law of Focus” and what it means for us in practice:

Law 6: THE LAW OF FOCUS

What you focus your attention on grows

This law teaches us that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

   This is a far-reaching and very empowering discovery. It means we energize whatever we focus our attention on. Our attention “brings to life” out of the vast field of infinite energy or pure potentiality whatever we focus on. This has now been confirmed by Quantum mechanics which has proven that observation by a conscious observer is responsible for the collapse of the wave function (Heisenberg principle) into actual particles in the field of potentiality. In other words, the waves of energy or potential that make up the field of reality that we live and move and breathe in become actual time-space events when they are observed. This is how phenomenon pops out of the field when we focus our attention on it.

The power of attention

Attention, it seems, is the magic wand of creation—at least when it comes to your experiences and mine! So let me ask you—how are you using your power of attention? How are you using this, amazing ability, this priceless gift?

   Are you focusing on difficulties, lack, and illness or are you focusing on all the blessings in your life right now? What exactly are you doing? If you want to live a happy live, it’s important to take the time to take a good look at exactly what you are doing. Ask yourself—what is the general tone of your thinking? Is it a prayerful song of gratitude from morning to evening for the blessings of life—or is it one long complaint? And what is your experience? If you look carefully (and are honest) you will see that your experience is a perfect reflection of your focus. Always! And again this is because thought is cause and experience is effect. So when we look at the power of our thinking in terms of what we focus on, we see it is all about learning to use the power of our attention wisely. This is an extremely important key when it comes to understanding why our lives are like they are. And it’s also extremely empowering because we can learn to consciously direct the power of our focus.

   So let’s look more closely at this phenomenon.

Focusing on this moment

Here’s a big one. What is the general drift or tendency of your mental life? Do you spend a lot of time dwelling on the past? Or are you one of those people who is always worrying about the future? And does the thought of the future give you anxiety and sleepless nights? So much so that you fail to actually notice this moment?

   Or do you actually notice this moment? Are you mindful enough to actually be able to focus enough on what is happening right now? Are you able to actually experience and enjoy this moment? It’s embarrassing but the honest truth is that most of us have a pretty hard time doing this. Most of us spend most of our lives somewhere else (at least in thought)!

   And frankly, you might not even be conscious of what you are doing. And if you’re not conscious of what you are doing, you might not be aware of the fact that you actually have a choice! You might not realize that you can actually choose what you focus your attention on. But of course to do this, you must first notice what you’re actually doing. So you have to start by watching yourself for a while so you become aware of the general drift or tendency of your daily thinking. Once you become aware of this, you can begin to exercise the power of choice and begin to consciously choose what you focus your attention on.

   And yes, it sounds simple, but it’s not always easy to do—especially in the beginning. And no, there’s isn’t any magic wand or secret formula that makes this happen all at once and forever. Rather learning to focus the power of your attention is a lifelong project.

   But don’t despair! Just the fact that you are becoming aware of your thoughts and how you are using the power of focus is a great step forward. Especially if you can see that you are using the power of your attention in a negative way. This awareness means you are beginning to understand the way the mind works and that you are more and more able to see the cause and effect relationship between your thoughts and your experiences. This is crucial if you want to become the master of your focus.

   It’s also important to realize that choosing our focus is our only freedom. This is where we exercise our free will. So keep noticing what you are doing and keep practicing. Make up your mind to focus on the Highest and Best you can conceive of. And do it again. And again! This is the magic and joy of life. This is the great adventure. So enjoy your adventure and enjoy learning. Amazing things will happen as you become better and better at focusing on the wonder of this moment!

Focus and health

What is your focus when it comes to your health? This is a very interesting and challenging question for most of us. When you’re not feeling well, do you focus on every ache and pain—or do you focus on the wonderful strength and healing power of your body and of Life itself? You can see this is a most important question and crucial choice, especially when we know that whatever we focus our attention on grows.

   According to the law of focus, if we feel weak and then focus our attention on feeling weak, we will feel even weaker. Because whatever we focus our attention on grows. And if that is the case, then the reverse must also be true. If we focus on strength—on whatever strength we do have—we will feel stronger. Which means we have an amazing power at our disposal in terms of health and healing—so why not use it?

   When you think about it, it’s quite fascinating to realize that we have this amazing power at our disposal and we’re not using it! How can it be that we’re not using this priceless gift? Obviously because most of us don’t know about the power of focus! We don’t know it exists because nobody taught us how the mind works. So we don’t recognize this power or understand what it is and how to use it. Instead we are walking around in a daze, asleep to our true power.

   But now you are waking up! So claim your true power and think about the law of focus when you’re feeling ill. And use this wonderful power wisely. Watch yourself carefully and see what you are thinking and saying and focusing your attention on. And if you discover that you are sabotaging yourself and your recovery, you can start changing your focus now! It’s never too late.

Focus and challenges

The same holds true for all the many challenges and so-called problems we face in our daily lives. What is the focus of our attention when we face so-called difficulties? Do we focus on the potential in each situation and how everything in life is supporting us or do we focus on the hassle, the inconvenience, and the irritation? When you know about the power of focus, you can see how important your choice is.

   So make up your mind that whatever it is, you are going to grow stronger because of it and evolve into a more magnanimous and compassionate person—and watch yourself turn every situation into a true blessing, for yourself and everyone involved!

It’s your choice

So we see that what we focus our attention on grows. You focus your attention on something/someone/some thought and then you get to experience what you focused on.

   It is also important to remember that the focus of our attention is always our choice—always! We are the choice-makers—always—whether we are conscious of what we are choosing/doing or not.

Click here to download The Mental Laws for free.

FOR MORE ABOUT HER BOOK GO TO THE FOLLOWING LINK!

www.beamteam.com

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2012 in WISDOM

 

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Part 1 – Book by my friend Barbara Berger the international best selling author will be posted in serial format on a daily basis!

SINGLE FOR THE SECOND TIME

_________

THE ADVENTURES OF PEBBLE BEACH

 

By

Barbara Berger

 

 

Are you attracted to the wrong men and don’t understand why? Does the thought of being alone scare you? Are you afraid of getting old and losing your sex appeal? Do you sometimes wonder if you’re a little sex crazed (or a lot)? Do you find yourself looking in the mirror more than you did before? Are you still dreaming about a man who can save you from your life?

 

If this sounds familiar, you’ll find all this and more in Barbara Berger’s funny, thought-provoking new novel Single for the Second Time. The book is about an (almost) beautiful, not so young, newly divorced woman with 2 teenage sons who is trying to take control of her life, her looks, her sex-crazed body, and her new relationships with men – while struggling to build a career as an advertising copywriter and survive as a single mother in Wonderful Copenhagen.

 

Since the novel is written by self-help author Barbara Berger, it will surprise no one that the book’s heroine Pebble Beach, in a desperate attempt to understand herself, life, and her disastrous relationships with men, starts to go to therapy.

 

If you’ve tried being “single for the second time” or if you’re contemplating it, you’ll love this honest, fun, full-throttle story of how Pebble Beach (with all her charm and confusion) throws herself into life… without a safety net!

 

American author Barbara Berger lives in Copenhagen, Denmark and is the author of more than 10 self-help books including the bestseller The Road to Power – Fast Food for the Soul and Are You Happy Now? 10 Ways to Live a Happy Life.

 

 

 

 

Please do not read this if you have any problem with strong language and explicit material!

 

Chapter 1

 

The Vice-President of the Republic Group was grinding away, his red hot ramrod stuffed between Pebble Beach’s slim thighs. He was panting and puffing, and the sweat poured from his brow. He was an ugly, disgusting toad – the type of man Pebble would never have considered going to bed with. How she ended up here, with him deep inside her, was something she couldn’t quite figure out. She didn’t want to remember his face with the friendly eyes behind the toad-like grin or the idiotic sexist comments he was always making when he wasn’t pinching her ass or grabbing her tits.

How can I do it?

How can I sink so low?

What’s got into me anyway?

This isn’t like me at all.

Not at all.

Pebble Beach you see was a good, nice, honorable, hardworking woman.

This will surely screw up my career.

Nobody ever goes to bed with their boss and gets away with it, unless their brains are fluff and all they’ve got going for them is body. Of course this had to happen to Pebble just when everything was going great and she was finally making good money. Just like Pebble Beach.

No sense of proportion, my mother would say.

None whatsoever…

And a razzmatazz to you too!

If Pebble Beach could climax with the Vice-President of the Republic Group, then she could climax with anybody, a dirty dog included. She thought he was making an awful lot of noise for a Vice-President as he grabbed her tits.

Too hard!

Squeezing her nipples till they hurt. Of course that was when her cunt caught fire.

My nipples hurt!

Holy shit!

Suddenly she wanted it, too. Wanted it bad – and wanted him. Wanted him to come and wanted to come with him, no matter how toady-looking he was.

Who cares about his face anyway!

Or toads at this point in the game.

It’s his cock I want…

Cock, cock, cock….

Come on man, what d’ya waiting for kiddo!

She forgot the wart on his nose, too, and the fact that his name was Einar Bro. A name she considered quite idiotic, and especially considering the fact that she thought he was the most unattractive man she’d ever met in her life. Of course that was when one other minor detail popped up: Einar was her boss. She worked for the bloody toad. Or up until tonight, she did. You see, he’d invited her out for dinner, which had happened before, only before she’d been able to withstand his advances and talk about business, and stay cool. The Republic Group you understand was a booming Danish ad-agency, skyrocketing right up to the clouds, and Pebble Beach was their star American copywriter. She knew the score and he knew the score and just about everybody else in the business knew it, too.

Einar needed her, he needed her smart, tight English copy to meet the growing demands of European companies scrambling to go international in the global marketplace of the 21st century. And Pebble, darling Pebble, was talented enough to deliver what Einar needed to keep those heavenly cash registers at Republic headquarters humming. And what’s more, Pebble mostly enjoyed knowing he knew.

Mostly, that is.

So even if he mostly really wanted to slip his hands under her sweater, he managed to control himself most of the time. She wasn’t that young either, but she was pretty. And most of the time, she did her level best to head him off.

At least until tonight.

Tonight, she failed miserably, and there he was grinding away while her cunt turned from lukewarm to red hot. She’d already forgotten the majestic room he took her to at the Hotel D’Angleterre.

How did I end up here?

Did I drink too much?

She couldn’t remember how she got from the bar to the room.

My mind’s a blank.

Look at that pretty ceiling, will ya?

What am I, some kind of bimbo?

I mean I’m supposed to be a woman with brains!

Brains, ya understand!

Not just some dumb cunt…

Her breathing quickened…

Oh God, dear God, if only his prick was a little longer and a little thicker, you know… wider…. more filling that is… a little more like Albert’s… just a little more… oh God, you understand what I mean, I mean… if only he wasn’t so short and fat… and had a little more muscle on his body… just a little more, it would make all this a lot more, well you know… fun, you know, and less embarrassing when I wake up later, oh God, can’t you move me a little closer, you know to the less cash/more dash department and pronto…

 

Will be continued tomorrow!

 

Rene

 

Barbara Berger

 
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Posted by on April 3, 2012 in 21 AND OLDER, WISDOM

 

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