I was in the woods, on 5 acres bordering several National forests, Northern Wisconsin was the place.
It was an old, dusty, spider and spider web filled mini-camper, just enough for one person to sleep in with a small cook stove and sleeping bag.
No phone, computer, radio, TV, just a handful of books and quest to reach deep down within myself, to find myself, God, Nature ….whatever may be. I was dropped off and left there, not to see another soul for another 3 weeks.
By day 2, the ego/mind was going crazy lacking the constant stimulation from smart phones, TV’s, roommates, work/co-workers, society, etc. Yet I was aware of the “going crazy.” I tempered this with meditation near the camp fire.
The first couple of nights, there was fear in the pitch black night due to the visiting critters, the fact that the camper was used by bats as a shelter as well, and with the unknowing of what can be outside of the camper. I tempered the fear with prayer, observation, meditation.
Around day 5, I was settled with stillness, nature, silence, with myself, the mind settling down w/ lack of stimulation, and fear was no more. All I could do is just Be, Flow w/ what is. I fasted during the days, and ate a handful of grains, nuts, or a small fruit at night.
Somewhere around day 8-9, things began to make sense. Society seemed artificial. We’ve gone so far from Flow/Being and live in fear, ego, and addiction to stimulation. I was deep within myself, fine with myself. I was in a sense Home, deprogramming from societal ways.
Day 12-14, the tree’s began to glow. I hugged the tree’s and acknowledged the Life of nature. Squirrels, wild turkey’s, deer began to come near and check out what this odd human was doing there. As the days past, they would get closer and closer, having less fear of me
I found the core me. I was fine no matter what. Can face anything, feared nothing, and understood existence as Being, as Flow, as interconnected to me. Even the books I brought with did not matter to what reality taught me there in nature. The fasting tempered the lusts of the body for sexual release. The idea of sex, porn, lust w/ beautiful sexual women lost meaning and I saw through it, discovering many connections between the body and mind.
There are Universes revolving above my head. I’ve had this before, but it really sank in now. The majority of stuff is irrelevant in the big picture. I have closure and detachment in my life and if it’s time to physically die, today is a good day for that. I’m open to whatever Flow & Being has in store for a tiny grain of sand like me. Fear is let go of, and the grand scheme of things runs the show.
In Love with this type of existence. I’ve reached a part of myself and existence that I never knew was there, but always had a hunch about. Considering monasteries now or permanently living like this. However it’s time to say goodbye and get back to society, considering I still have some familial and financial obligations to take care of.
A friend picks me up and we go to a pizza joint to eat. Everything seems artificial, commercialized, and corporate/government ran. Still I see the Flow/Being within society, but it’s covered up, manipulated by ego/mind to fit it’s own molds and concepts of how things should be. In retrospect, everything now looks slow, lacking, dirty, superficial. The truth is there, but most don’t see the sublime. Rushing and wrapped in roles, the present moment is entirely missed, instead people have replaced this with; “what might one day be if only I can ____(fill in the blank)!”
This was a set of diary posts from my 21 day solo retreat in the woods. I can only imagine the further changes that would occur if I was to go the full 40 like Jesus did.
All that to say, that there is something to, letting go of the bias bubbles we’ve all created by being wrapped up in the necessities of catering to society and our own ego’s. By tempering that, with going into solitude, into the wild for a set amount of time, that bias bubble pops, and for that set amount of time, you find certain things about yourself, nature, Love, life, existence, that you would not otherwise find, things that remain with you for the rest of your life, things that the majority of people may not be aware of, but are most definitely there.
Food for thought perhaps, or the ramblings of a madman.