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Very few of us understand that we are playing a chosen role on the stage of life.

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When you arrived on this plane you were already loaded with some software. You have a unique combination of your father and mother’s personalities that is embedded in your DNA. You also have your own “personality” that you developed during previous incarnations. You developed certain character traits during previous incarnations that are unique to you. You project who you “think you are” to everyone that come into your space. You are also exposed to a wide range of perceptions via your parents, the rest of the family, teachers and preachers. All this data is also embedded in your DNA.

 

Your body have a range of energy receptacles and transmission ports that is spread throughout your body. There is energy flowing through your system all the time. You thus have a unique frequency code that is broadcasted outside your body in the form of an aura. The collective energy that drives your body forms a shield or filter outside your body. There are some gifted individuals that can see this energy field. This energy “bubble” that encases your body contains all the data (previous incarnations, parent’s DNA plus new conditioning that took place). Most people then experience life through this shield and act out the perceptions embedded in this field. Many of us then concluded that we are our history and our personality. We then “spontaneously” and automatically slip into the many roles that we stored in this field and act and react according to the scripts we gathered (often over many lifetimes). This is how we get stuck in the same old habitual reaction patterns. This is also the reason why many of us endlessly duplicate our actions and reactions. Very few of us question the various roles that we play on the stage of life.

 

Actors take their makeup and characters off when they leave the stage. We in turn stay in character. Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life. We think we are the character in all the stories that we drag with us from early childhood. We become mad, sad, and aggressive or cue. We sulk and we fight, we dance and jump with joy or fall into a deep depression when specific emotions are triggered. The triggers in our life can be our thoughts, but it can also be something we detect via our five senses. I hope you notice from the above that we often remain in our sometimes silly little roles while the days, weeks and often a lifetime slip away.

 

It is only those that wake up and grasp the above that escape from this perpetual theatre. Only those that understand that they can create new and more effective roles for themselves can escape the often deadly and endless cycles that they live and die in. No growth or wisdom can penetrate the energy field that I mentioned earlier. No modifications can be made to our perceived perceptions without a concerted effort from our side. We must change and modify the recipes that we use or will endlessly confront the same outcomes we achieve historically.

 

How do you modify the software in your head? You do this by finding a comfortable chair and where you can close your eyes and for a short period of time and re-write the scripts that fall short of your expectations. Just relax and close your eyes. First look at yourself in your old role. Decide what you are not happy with. Don’t be critical and avoid going on a guilt trip. Become an impartial observer. Simply observe your performances and notice the things you do and say that often sabotage you success and happiness.

 

Now visualise yourself under the same circumstances acting and reacting in a manner that will make you happy and produce the outcomes you desire. Observe how you look and feel in your new role. Feel the joy, excitement and stimulation that the character in your mind’s eye must be experiencing. Let your imagination run wild and free. Do not allow any of your old fears to contaminate your creation. Know that there are no limitations in this dimension. There is no lack and no shortage of anything in this dimension. Then open your eyes and start acting according to your new script. You will be amazed if you repeat this exercise for a few days how you will begin to manifest things, experiences and breakthroughs that you never thought possible.

 

Please feel free to question me on this technique.

 

Rene

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Leave a comment

Posted by on October 28, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Only those that understand that they can create new and more effective roles for themselves can escape the often deadly and endless cycles that they live and die in.

When you arrived on this plane you were already loaded with some software. You have a unique combination of your father and mother’s personalities that is embedded in your DNA. You also have your own “personality” that you developed during previous incarnations. You developed certain character traits during previous incarnations that are unique to you. You project who you “think you are” to everyone that come into your space. You are also exposed to a wide range of perceptions via your parents, the rest of the family, teachers and preachers. All this data is also embedded in your DNA.

 

Your body have a range of energy receptacles and transmission ports that is spread throughout your body. There is energy flowing through your system all the time. You thus have a unique frequency code that is broadcasted outside your body in the form of an aura. The collective energy that drives your body forms a shield or filter outside your body. There are some gifted individuals that can see this energy field. This energy “bubble” that encases your body contains all the data (previous incarnations, parent’s DNA plus new conditioning that took place). Most people then experience life through this shield and act out the perceptions embedded in this field. Many of us then concluded that we are our history and our personality. We then “spontaneously” and automatically slip into the many roles that we stored in this field and act and react according to the scripts we gathered (often over many lifetimes). This is how we get stuck in the same old habitual reaction patterns. This is also the reason why many of us endlessly duplicate our actions and reactions. Very few of us question the various roles that we play on the stage of life.

 

Actors take their makeup and characters off when they leave the stage. We in turn stay in character. Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life. We think we are the character in all the stories that we drag with us from early childhood. We become mad, sad, and aggressive or cue. We sulk and we fight, we dance and jump with joy or fall into a deep depression when specific emotions are triggered. The triggers in our life can be our thoughts, but it can also be something we detect via our five senses. I hope you notice from the above that we often remain in our sometimes silly little roles while the days, weeks and often a lifetime slip away.

 

It is only those that wake up and grasp the above that escape from this perpetual theatre. Only those that understand that they can create new and more effective roles for themselves can escape the often deadly and endless cycles that they live and die in. No growth or wisdom can penetrate the energy field that I mentioned earlier. No modifications can be made to our perceived perceptions without a concerted effort from our side. We must change and modify the recipes that we use or endlessly confront the same outcomes we achieve historically.

 

How do you modify the software in your head? You do this by finding a comfortable chair and where you can close your eyes and for a short period of time can re-write the scripts that fall short of your expectations. Just relax and close your eyes. First look at yourself in your old role. Decide what you are not happy with. Don’t be critical and avoid going on a guilt trip. Become an impartial observer. Simply observe your performances and notice the things you do and say that often sabotage you success and happiness.

 

Now visualise yourself under the same circumstances acting and reacting in a manner that will make you happy and produce the outcomes you desire. Observe how you look and feel in your new role. Feel the joy, excitement and stimulation that the character in your mind’s eye must be experiencing. Let your imagination run wild and free. Do not allow any of your old fears to contaminate your creation. Know that there are no limitations in this dimension. There is no lack and no shortage of anything in this dimension. Then open your eyes and start acting according to your new script. You will be amazed if you repeat this exercise for a few days how you will begin to manifest things, experiences and breakthroughs that you never thought possible.

 

Please feel free to question me on this technique.

 

Rene

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 3, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life.

When you arrived on this plane you were already loaded with some software. You have a unique combination of your father and mother’s personalities that is embedded in your DNA. You also have your own “personality” that you developed during previous incarnations. You developed certain character traits during previous incarnations that are unique to you. You project who you “think you are” to everyone that come into your space. You are also exposed to a wide range of perceptions via your parents, the rest of the family, teachers and preachers. All this data is also embedded in your DNA.

Your body have a range of energy receptacles and transmission ports that is spread throughout your body. There is energy flowing through your system all the time. You thus have a unique frequency code that is broadcasted outside your body in the form of an aura. The collective energy that drives your body forms a shield or filter outside your body. There are some gifted individuals that can see this energy field. This energy “bubble” that encases your body contains all the data (previous incarnations, parent’s DNA plus new conditioning that took place). Most people then experience life through this shield and act out the perceptions embedded in this field. Many of us then concluded that we are our history and our personality. We then “spontaneously” and automatically slip into the many roles that we stored in this field and act and react according to the scripts we gathered (often over many lifetimes). This is how we get stuck in the same old habitual reaction patterns. This is also the reason why many of us endlessly duplicate our actions and reactions. Very few of us question the various roles that we play on the stage of life.

Actors take their makeup and characters off when they leave the stage. We in turn stay in character. Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life. We think we are the character in all the stories that we drag with us from early childhood. We become mad, sad, and aggressive or cue. We sulk and we fight, we dance and jump with joy or fall into a deep depression when specific emotions are triggered. The triggers in our life can be our thoughts, but it can also be something we detect via our five senses. I hope you notice from the above that we often remain in our sometimes silly little roles while the days, weeks and often a lifetime slip away.

It is only those that wake up and grasp the above that escape from this perpetual theatre. Only those that understand that they can create new and more effective roles for themselves can escape the often deadly and endless cycles that they live and die in. No growth or wisdom can penetrate the energy field that I mentioned earlier. No modifications can be made to our perceived perceptions without a concerted effort from our side. We must change and modify the recipes that we use or endlessly confront the same outcomes we achieve historically.

How do you modify the software in your head? You do this by finding a comfortable chair and where you can close your eyes and for a short period of time can re-write the scripts that fall short of your expectations. Just relax and close your eyes. First look at yourself in your old role. Decide what you are not happy with. Don’t be critical and avoid going on a guilt trip. Become an impartial observer. Simply observe your performances and notice the things you do and say that often sabotage you success and happiness.

Now visualise yourself under the same circumstances acting and reacting in a manner that will make you happy and produce the outcomes you desire. Observe how you look and feel in your new role. Feel the joy, excitement and stimulation that the character in your mind’s eye must be experiencing. Let your imagination run wild and free. Do not allow any of your old fears to contaminate your creation. Know that there are no limitations in this dimension. There is no lack and no shortage of anything in this dimension. Then open your eyes and start acting according to your new script. You will be amazed if you repeat this exercise for a few days how you will begin to manifest things, experiences and breakthroughs that you never thought possible.

Please feel free to question me on this technique.

Rene

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on April 16, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Actors take their makeup and characters off when they leave the stage. We in turn stay in character. Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life.

When you arrived on this plane you were already loaded with some software. You have a unique combination of your father and mother’s personalities that is embedded in your DNA. You also have your own “personality” that you developed during previous incarnations. You developed certain character traits during previous incarnations that are unique to you. You project who you “think you are” to everyone that come into your space. You are also exposed to a wide range of perceptions via your parents, the rest of the family, teachers and preachers. All this data is also embedded in your DNA.

 

Your body have a range of energy receptacles and transmission ports that is spread throughout your body. There is energy flowing through your system all the time. You thus have a unique frequency code that is broadcasted outside your body in the form of an aura. The collective energy that drives your body forms a shield or filter outside your body. There are some gifted individuals that can see this energy field. This energy “bubble” that encases your body contains all the data (previous incarnations, parent’s DNA plus new conditioning that took place). Most people then experience life through this shield and act out the perceptions embedded in this field. Many of us then concluded that we are our history and our personality. We then “spontaneously” and automatically slip into the many roles that we stored in this field and act and react according to the scripts we gathered (often over many lifetimes). This is how we get stuck in the same old habitual reaction patterns. This is also the reason why many of us endlessly duplicate our actions and reactions. Very few of us question the various roles that we play on the stage of life.

 

Actors take their makeup and characters off when they leave the stage. We in turn stay in character. Very few of us understand that our character is nothing more than a range of roles that we are playing on the stage of life. We think we are the character in all the stories that we drag with us from early childhood. We become mad, sad, and aggressive or cue. We sulk and we fight, we dance and jump with joy or fall into a deep depression when specific emotions are triggered. The triggers in our life can be our thoughts, but it can also be something we detect via our five senses. I hope you notice from the above that we often remain in our sometimes silly little roles while the days, weeks and often a lifetime slip away.

 

It is only those that wake up and grasp the above that escape from this perpetual theatre. Only those that understand that they can create new and more effective roles for themselves can escape the often deadly and endless cycles that they live and die in. No growth or wisdom can penetrate the energy field that I mentioned earlier. No modifications can be made to our perceived perceptions without a concerted effort from our side. We must change and modify the recipes that we use or endlessly confront the same outcomes we achieve historically.

 

How do you modify the software in your head? You do this by finding a comfortable chair and where you can close your eyes and for a short period of time can re-write the scripts that fall short of your expectations. Just relax and close your eyes. First look at yourself in your old role. Decide what you are not happy with. Don’t be critical and avoid going on a guilt trip. Become an impartial observer. Simply observe your performances and notice the things you do and say that often sabotage you success and happiness.

 

Now visualise yourself under the same circumstances acting and reacting in a manner that will make you happy and produce the outcomes you desire. Observe how you look and feel in your new role. Feel the joy, excitement and stimulation that the character in your mind’s eye must be experiencing. Let your imagination run wild and free. Do not allow any of your old fears to contaminate your creation. Know that there are no limitations in this dimension. There is no lack and no shortage of anything in this dimension. Then open your eyes and start acting according to your new script. You will be amazed if you repeat this exercise for a few days how you will begin to manifest things, experiences and breakthroughs that you never thought possible.

 

Please feel free to question me on this technique.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 9, 2012 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

 

How Core Beliefs are Built in Childhood

 

 
by Ismini Apostoli

 

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

This topic is really inexhaustible, but, in this article, I will touch upon some basic processes. Beginning in infancy, and early childhood two main processes are responsible for the way we view ourselves, our world, our place in it and our relationship to it: our personal observations, through our senses and autonomous thinking processes, and the influence of others.

As far as our sense of self is concerned, initially, we develop and build up our “I” through a mirroring process of what others tell us about us. “You are so pretty!” “You are a bad boy.” “You are stupid.” “You are lazy”. “You are just like your father”. “You’re like me, hopeless in math”. In conversations among grownups which we happen to eavesdrop on we hear: “Oh I don’t know what to do with her she is such a jealous child”. “He is my nightmare, I can’t wait for his bedtime so I can rest a bit”. “She’s chubby, but it runs in the family”. The “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” that we have heard in our childhood alone are countless. Some, to be sure, were circumstantial, although that says nothing about how one comment, one word spoken only once, one glance may have branded us for life. Others were repeatedly hurled at us. Some were not even necessarily “bad”, for instance: “she is so sweet and well-mannered”. “He always does what I tell him to do, he is so obedient.” These are “good” things, from a grownup’s point of view, right?

So, you may ask, does what we are told really determine who we are? The answer is no. It does not determine who we are, but it determines who we think we are. If the influences are strong, persistent, repetitive, we may grow without having even an inkling of who we really are. We have become a conglomerate of our parents’ most exacting expectations and worst fears. What’s worse is that we believe in this conglomerate as being our own true self.

You become hopeless in math. You become an overweight person. You become lazy. You become too obedient and compliant for your own good. You become so sweet and well-mannered that you do not react when people step all over you. You become what you repeatedly heard others say about you. All the countless “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” comprise what you call your Self. Isn’t there just a tiny bit of some authentic stuff in me, you may ask, is all of it conditioned in, drilled in, has not something of the realer me been retained? And you are right, there is, and bits and parts of you have indeed been retained. Those are the parts that eventually may urge you to seek some form of therapy, those are the parts that may erupt in unruly behavior, those are the parts that are extremely sensitive to criticism, to labeling, even to praise, because “praise” can be another victimizing behavior by shrewd adults and it is very widely used: “oh, I count on you to be mature and not hit your little sister when she ruins your school project you have been working on all week”.

Later on, more autonomous processes are at play, to be sure. Our own personal observations, our own identifications, choices and modeling of others, and various events that may leave a positive or negative mark – these are all ways of how the “I am” of each one of us is formed, influenced, empowered or disempowered. As we grow up, go to school, we develop our own “I am’s and am nots”. But by the time we are able to form our own opinions about our self and others, not only do we already carry some “baggage” of other’s people’s opinions of us, but we have also “inherited” a way of formulating, assessing and storing these personal opinions.

What I am trying to point out in this article is a subtle yet very powerful factor that is really responsible for a lot of damage, particularly if the outside influences or our own conclusions about ourselves are negative and self-sabotaging. Language is very important as a thinking tool, in fact there can be no thinking without language, except in very rudimentary forms. And we all make a small linguistic mistake which may have tremendous cognitive and emotional consequences: the erroneous use of the verb to be.

To make this point clear, compare these two sentences: What you did was (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.) You are (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.)

Unfortunately, this fatal linguistic mistake is very commonly made in our culture, and it affects very powerfully our cognitive processes, by leading us to conclusions that are over-generalized, absolutist, rigid, all-inclusive and permanent. Once all these various “you are’s” and “I am’s” are programmed into your basic programming, your self structure, you function automatically because your subconscious has accepted these conclusions as truths and as instructions that will automatically guide your action, your sense of self, and your presence in and interaction with the world.

This same process and the same linguistic and cognitive mistake is repeated also at a wider scale. Consider:

They (as a social class, a religious group, a racial group, an ethnic group) are…

We, in our family are….

Women are…

Men are…

The world is ….

Life is ….

So, you can see how powerful this little verb can be…Perhaps, while reading this article you remembered the “you are” gifts you received in your childhood, the “I am” gifts you have given yourself since.

Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions:

  •  

  • Which “you are’s” and “I am’s” in your experience do you find dysfunctional for you and would like to eliminate from your self-concept?

  •  

  • What core beliefs about you and the world do you believe are hindering instead of encouraging your development and prevent you from realizing your highest potential?

  •  

  • Which of your core beliefs are constructive and conducive to a healthy and happy life?

 

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2012 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Is She’s Flirting? – Top 10 Signs!

 

 

 

Flirting is an important behavior that is both complex and fundamental. Everyone in the world, at some point in their lives will need to acquaint themselves with the art of flirtation if they want to experience the pleasures of the opposite sex. While there are mountains of advice to guide men on how to flirt effectively, that’s only half the story.

 

 

Men must also be able to recognize the signs she’s flirting. While any one of these visual cues taken alone often won’t constitute a green light, a combination of multiple flirtatious cues should pique your interest.

 

 

So, we’ve decided to lay down some distinct signs she’s flirting with you, so you can recognize the bait she’s laid for your affections. Women can sometimes be hard to read, but if you’re armed with a guide to signs she’s flirting, then you’re already one step ahead.

 

Number 10

She smiles

 

When a woman has an interest in you, her smile can hold your attention from across a crowded room and it is definitely one of the major signs she’s flirting. It takes an effort on her part to do so, so if she’s exerting this kind of effort, engage in her flirting by returning the smile.

Number 9

She keeps walking by

 

If it seems like she continues to walk by with apparently no sense of why she’s there, she’s there for you. She’s trying to get you to notice her with this obvious sign she’s flirting, and you need to say something endearing. By walking past repeatedly, perhaps out of her way, she’s giving you a sense that she wants your attention, but she’s making you work for it.

Number 8

She draws attention to her mouth

 

A woman’s mouth can be extremely seductive, and she’s fully aware of this fact. Some of the effective signs she’s flirting will have her applying lip gloss, running her finger across her lip or using the straw in her cocktail instead of just sipping from the glass. There is a tremendous amount of flirtatious energy tied up in a woman’s lips. Lips are flirting tools that are both potent and effective.

Number 7

She isolates herself

 

If, after having made eye contact, she strays from her pack, then she’s trying to flirt with you. Women know that the most difficult defense for a man to penetrate is her wall of friends and well-wishers. If she’s specifically removing herself from that fortress then this is one of the sure signs she’s flirting and letting you know she’s lowering her defensive barriers to let you in.

Number 6

She mimics your body movements

 

For some reason, when human beings are interested or infatuated with each other, they begin to pick up certain traits from the other person. If she’s mimicking your mannerisms — the way you hold a drink or the way you’re sitting — she may very well be interested in gaining your attention and is giving you solid signs she’s flirting. Imitation is a rather high form of flattery, after all.

There are a few more signs she’s flirting you need to watch out for…

Number 5

She plays with her hair

 

While relatively simple and commonplace, in the right hands a woman’s hair is a versatile weapon. When trying to get your attention, she may twirl her hair in her fingers or let it cascade in front of one eye, adding a sense of come-hither mystery to her persona.

Number 4

She touches you

 

The slight touch that sends chills up both your spines and makes your hair stand on end is one of the hallmark signs she’s flirting. When she reaches out and lightly touches your forearm or shoulder, hand or wrist, you know you have a live one. You need to reciprocate because there are few clearer signs she can provide.

Number 3

She makes eye contact

 

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and that through the eyes truth can be gleamed. Eye contact is a sign of confidence and trust. She’s stating that she is not interested in games and that her intentions are straightforward. The duration of the eye contact is proportional to her level of initial interest.

Number 2

She enters your personal space

 

Personal space, by definition, is where others are not. When a woman enters this space, say, brushing past you with a glance and a smile, she’s inviting a response with this sure sign she’s flirting. The caliber and character of her invasion will give you cues as to how you should respond.

Number 1

She approaches you to talk

 

Her approach may be closely tied to No. 2, but this cue takes it a step further. Cutting through any game she may be playing, her approach and specific engagement by speaking is playing her strongest flirting card. It allows her, while speaking to you, to maintain eye contact, play with her hair, lightly touch you, and mimic your mannerisms among other flirting techniques. If she’s come over to talk to you, she wants to know what you’re all about. It’s the first step in an interview process called dating.

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By James Griffin, Relationship Correspondent | askmen.com

 
2 Comments

Posted by on March 29, 2012 in 21 AND OLDER

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

It is with sadness that I must inform you that my friend Ismini suddenly passed on, on the 11th January 2010. It was this article that resulted in a wonderful relationship that developed between us. I wrote to Ismini to ask permission to use this article on my blog. She immediately without hesitation provided me with not only permission to use this article, but any of her works that I deem acceptable. I soon discovered that she is not just a person that is an outstanding author, but someone that is authentic and that actually live her messages. Ismini your pen will stop documenting your wisdom, your voice is quiet now, but you will live on forever in all your patients and my heart and mind.

 

Rene

 

What are core beliefs? How do they end up playing such an important role in who we are and in our lives? How do we get them? Do we have access to them? Are we aware of them? Is it within our power to discard the ones that do not serve us?

This topic is really inexhaustible, but, in this article, I will touch upon some basic processes. Beginning in infancy, and early childhood two main processes are responsible for the way we view ourselves, our world, our place in it and our relationship to it: our personal observations, through our senses and autonomous thinking processes, and the influence of others.

As far as our sense of self is concerned, initially, we develop and build up our “I” through a mirroring process of what others tell us about us. “You are so pretty!” “You are a bad boy.” “You are stupid.” “You are lazy”. “You are just like your father”. “You’re like me, hopeless in math”. In conversations among grownups which we happen to eavesdrop on we hear: “Oh I don’t know what to do with her she is such a jealous child”. “He is my nightmare, I can’t wait for his bedtime so I can rest a bit”. “She’s chubby, but it runs in the family”. The “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” that we have heard in our childhood alone are countless. Some, to be sure, were circumstantial, although that says nothing about how one comment, one word spoken only once, one glance may have branded us for life. Others were repeatedly hurled at us. Some were not even necessarily “bad”, for instance: “she is so sweet and well-mannered”. “He always does what I tell him to do, he is so obedient.” These are “good” things, from a grownup’s point of view, right?

So, you may ask, does what we are told really determine who we are? The answer is no. It does not determine who we are, but it determines who we think we are. If the influences are strong, persistent, repetitive, we may grow without having even an inkling of who we really are. We have become a conglomerate of our parents’ most exacting expectations and worst fears. What’s worse is that we believe in this conglomerate as being our own true self.

You become hopeless in math. You become an overweight person. You become lazy. You become too obedient and compliant for your own good. You become so sweet and well-mannered that you do not react when people step all over you. You become what you repeatedly heard others say about you. All the countless “you are’s” and “he/she is’s” comprise what you call your Self. Isn’t there just a tiny bit of some authentic stuff in me, you may ask, is all of it conditioned in, drilled in, has not something of the realer me been retained? And you are right, there is, and bits and parts of you have indeed been retained. Those are the parts that eventually may urge you to seek some form of therapy, those are the parts that may erupt in unruly behavior, those are the parts that are extremely sensitive to criticism, to labeling, even to praise, because “praise” can be another victimizing behavior by shrewd adults and it is very widely used: “oh, I count on you to be mature and not hit your little sister when she ruins your school project you have been working on all week”.

Later on, more autonomous processes are at play, to be sure. Our own personal observations, our own identifications, choices and modeling of others, and various events that may leave a positive or negative mark – these are all ways of how the “I am” of each one of us is formed, influenced, empowered or disempowered. As we grow up, go to school, we develop our own “I am’s and am nots”. But by the time we are able to form our own opinions about our self and others, not only do we already carry some “baggage” of other’s people’s opinions of us, but we have also “inherited” a way of formulating, assessing and storing these personal opinions.

What I am trying to point out in this article is a subtle yet very powerful factor that is really responsible for a lot of damage, particularly if the outside influences or our own conclusions about ourselves are negative and self-sabotaging. Language is very important as a thinking tool, in fact there can be no thinking without language, except in very rudimentary forms. And we all make a small linguistic mistake which may have tremendous cognitive and emotional consequences: the erroneous use of the verb to be.

To make this point clear, compare these two sentences: What you did was (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.) You are (bad, rude, inconsiderate, wonderful, clever, stupid, etc.)

Unfortunately, this fatal linguistic mistake is very commonly made in our culture, and it affects very powerfully our cognitive processes, by leading us to conclusions that are over-generalized, absolutist, rigid, all-inclusive and permanent. Once all these various “you are’s” and “I am’s” are programmed into your basic programming, your self structure, you function automatically because your subconscious has accepted these conclusions as truths and as instructions that will automatically guide your action, your sense of self, and your presence in and interaction with the world.

This same process and the same linguistic and cognitive mistake is repeated also at a wider scale. Consider:

They (as a social class, a religious group, a racial group, an ethnic group) are…

We, in our family are….

Women are…

Men are…

The world is ….

Life is ….

So, you can see how powerful this little verb can be…Perhaps, while reading this article you remembered the “you are” gifts you received in your childhood, the “I am” gifts you have given yourself since.

Take a few moments to reflect on the following questions:

 

  • Which “you are’s” and “I am’s” in your experience do you find dysfunctional for you and would like to eliminate from your self-concept?

 

  • What core beliefs about you and the world do you believe are hindering instead of encouraging your development and prevent you from realizing your highest potential?

 

  • Which of your core beliefs are constructive and conducive to a healthy and happy life?

 

Ismini Apostoli

 
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Posted by on March 10, 2012 in WISDOM

 

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