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Self confidence in 15 minutes – Everybody can learn to be more confident!

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Self confidence in 15 minutes

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Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

.

Author Unknown

 

You can repeat the above often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on February 10, 2015 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with.

.

glassespink

.

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.

Rene

.

parasitic

 

Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

 

SOURCE

.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 17, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Self confidence in 15 minutes.

.

.

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on November 10, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Self-confidence in 15 minutes.

 

.

.

Self confidence in 15 minutes

 .

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

.

Author Unknown

 

You can repeat the above often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 26, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Awareness is the key to success.

.

glassespink

.

 

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.

Rene

 

parasitic

 

Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

 

SOURCE

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 26, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Things are never quite as bad as we think.

.

"Seek out those who are in the process of blossoming, people who've got something to teach you.

Let me explain, imagine that switch operates your levels of self confidence, which, in turn affects your self image… now somebody or something or maybe just a set of circumstances turns that switch down , bang… down you go , down goes your self confidence and with it goes your self esteem…

 Then on another occasion again something else occurs , and suddenly you are way up there in the clouds!… again you cannot quite grasp what is triggering these extremes of lows and highs – leaving you feeling helpless in the fight to control your mood swings…

Because you are experiencing feelings of helplessness due to not being in control (something has hold of your switch) this ends up in a spiral…. down into the depths of despair… trying to overcome negative thoughts and fighting to throw that switch the other way seems at the moment a bridge too far … makes sense ?

Things are never quite as bad as we think, there are now lots of solutions out there to help you overcome these problems, many new strategies which once followed will help you fight whatever problems are affecting your life… and put you right back in charge – just where you should be!

Finding ways to pinpoint whatever de-motivates you and affects your self confidence is the first step.

Taking this first step is like saying to yourself “I now recognize that whatever problems I have need sorting out – I have to get a handle on it .. I could do with a little help”

Don’t forget also that when we are fighting our inner demons on a daily basis we often completely forget that it affects not just ourselves, but everyone around us – loved ones included.

So, OK, our new road to self discovery is not going to be easy but rest assured, there is help out there, if you want it , but why wouldn’t you?

There are so many “people” out there. Experts (that’s what they call themselves) who are willing to assist. It can be downright confusing to say the least. It can leave you feeling pretty low just trying to decide what to do!

Let me tell you that now you’ve decided to take some action towards giving yourself what you really deserve your self esteem will rocket and so will your self confidence!

With the right help and guidance (don’t fall into the trap of feeling weak, because you are asking for a “leg up” because this is your first massive step. Don’t fight it, be proud!) You will take control… Get your own hand back on that dimmer switch – the right people will assist you and help you fight to overcome the ups and downs.

 

By: paul challener

 

Article Directoryhttp://www.articledashboard.com

 

 

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Leave a comment

Posted by on September 24, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Self Confidence And Dimmer Switches

.

 

.

 

Let me explain, imagine that switch operates your levels of self confidence, which, in turn affects your self image… now somebody or something or maybe just a set of circumstances turns that switch down , bang… down you go , down goes your self confidence and with it goes your self esteem…

 Then on another occasion again something else occurs , and suddenly you are way up there in the clouds!… again you cannot quite grasp what is triggering these extremes of lows and highs – leaving you feeling helpless in the fight to control your mood swings…

Because you are experiencing feelings of helplessness due to not being in control (something has hold of your switch) this ends up in a spiral…. down into the depths of despair… trying to overcome negative thoughts and fighting to throw that switch the other way seems at the moment a bridge too far … makes sense ?

Things are never quite as bad as we think, there are now lots of solutions out there to help you overcome these problems, many new strategies which once followed will help you fight whatever problems are affecting your life… and put you right back in charge – just where you should be!

Finding ways to pinpoint whatever de-motivates you and affects your self confidence is the first step.

Taking this first step is like saying to yourself “I now recognize that whatever problems I have need sorting out – I have to get a handle on it .. I could do with a little help”

Don’t forget also that when we are fighting our inner demons on a daily basis we often completely forget that it affects not just ourselves, but everyone around us – loved ones included.

So, OK, our new road to self discovery is not going to be easy but rest assured, there is help out there, if you want it , but why wouldn’t you?

There are so many “people” out there. Experts (that’s what they call themselves) who are willing to assist. It can be downright confusing to say the least. It can leave you feeling pretty low just trying to decide what to do!

Let me tell you that now you’ve decided to take some action towards giving yourself what you really deserve your self esteem will rocket and so will your self confidence!

With the right help and guidance (don’t fall into the trap of feeling weak, because you are asking for a “leg up” because this is your first massive step. Don’t fight it, be proud!) You will take control… Get your own hand back on that dimmer switch – the right people will assist you and help you fight to overcome the ups and downs.

 .

By: paul challener

 

Article Directory: http://www.articledashboard.com

.

 

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on September 21, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , ,

Self-esteem – 6 practical steps that will help you to feel well and happy.

 

 

If you are not feeling good and happy in this life, then it is impossible to feel good with yourself. You might feel a kind of anxiety or discomfort in each moment, each event and each situation.

Maybe you would like to have some courage in certain occasions. Maybe you do not dare to speak in public or ask a question because you are afraid from others judgments and misunderstandings. Anxiety and panic attacks will result from such a scheme of thoughts.

In order to overcome anxiety and feel the courage to achieve tasks, the primary thing to do is to be honest with yourself. Honesty is the synonym of courage and self confidence.

If you feel anxious when you have to face something or somebody, you undoubtedly do not believe sufficiently in you. However, more you doubt in yourself and the more you will put barriers in the way of your self improvement. You will have very big difficulties to take yourself in charge.

So you might be asking yourself on how to overcome anxiety and have some courage when you have to face some situations?

What can I do to keep a strong self confidence without being disturbed by events and situations ?

This method is your first step to overcome anxiety. It is composed from 6 practical steps that will help you to feel well and happy. Consider this method as a start for your self esteem and confidence recovery.

1. Learn to know yourself:

Take a sheet of paper and describe the way you see yourself. Without showing your sheet, ask 2 or 3 of your best friends to describe the way they see you. You will be able to note many differences between your own vision and theirs. You have to be sure that the others cannot know a lot about you. But each one of their remarks can constitute a very interesting starting point so you can begin to analyze yourself deeply and honestly.

2. Accept yourself as you are:

If the objective of this analyze will make you notice the good points in your personality, it will also indicates you the wrong ones. You have to be able to handle all the critics from your best friends because all the negative points should appear after this analyze. If you think that what was told to you by your close relations is justified, don not make a drama. No one is perfect. All the negative points can be fixed and substitute by good points that will help you to adapt in society.

3. Be honest towards yourself:

As we mentioned above, honesty is a sign of courage and a first step to overcome anxiety. While becoming honest with yourself, you will admit and agree to be somebody of distressed for example. You will realize that it is not awful. Starting from this recognition and this acceptance, you will be able to accept and love yourself as you are, and on the other hand you will begin to eradicate panic attacks.

4. Act, act and act:

Having recognized and agreed that you have a problem somewhere, being conscious of this problem and wanting to improve, you have to act in a positive way .Acting means that the problem will be solved. Not taking action will lead you to the real failure. Lastly, it is while testing and failing that you will succeed.

5. Shut down your interior criticism:

All of us and certainly you, who is suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, have little voices in your brain that judges you and criticize you. In order to improve yourself and overcome anxiety, you do not really need to hear these voices. Sometimes they might be telling you that you are a loser, you are in late, you have to work 20 hours a day in order to succeed, etc…..These little bottles of poison are not allowing you to be calm and Zen. The way to shut them down is to take several seconds in a day and ask yourself if you are anxious or not. If you are feeling sad and the answer is that you are anxious, then you have to repeat the opposite sentence of what you are hearing. Ex: I should not be late otherwise it will be catastrophic, so you should say, if i am five minutes before the meeting then i will be Zen. Eradicate everything negative.

6. Accept the idea of failure:

You have to know and to be convinced that failure is a very good thing in life. You should know that it is not because you failed to achieve a task or to do something that you are not worth anything. You have certainly in the mind a lot of the big names in history and in the world that knew failures. The failure is a must in order to succeed and achieve our objectives. The small difference between a loser and a winner is that a loser commits the mistakes twice and the winner once. The failure does not kill “What does not kill me makes me stronger” Frederic Nietzsche. When you are convinced of these ideas, all the pressure that you had in the past will go away. This calm will lead you to better results and efficiency.

 

By: Steve Buffett

 

Article Directoryhttp://www.articledashboard.com

 

 

 
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Posted by on July 9, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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ASSERTIVENESS: Aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights.

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The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

 

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

 

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

 

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

 

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

 

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

 

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.

Learn to say “no”.

 

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

 

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

 

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

 

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

 

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

 

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

 

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

 

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

 

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

 

 

Ismini Apostoli

ALSO READ

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2012/11/03/being-assertive-10-tips-for-personal-power/

 
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Posted by on March 19, 2014 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system.

glassespink

.

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.

Rene

parasitic

 

Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

 

SOURCE

 
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Posted by on March 17, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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Buddha said – “Learn to be your own Teacher!”

 .

I know in this culture that people are afraid to make mistakes because of the emphasis on wanting to be perfect. With this model of perfection, what happens is that when we make a mistake we beat ourselves, we hate ourselves, we lose our self-confidence, and we see ourselves as worthless. In my language, you see only minuses in yourself; and when you see minuses in yourself, you see minuses in others too, so that you can create a hell with only minuses. So the importance of the Dhamma is that it enables us not to create suffering in this way because of our mistakes, but instead we learn to ask the question: what can I learn from my mistake? What does it indicate about myself? This kind of inquiry has to be done in a very friendly, gentle, understanding way, without giving any minuses. Then our mistakes themselves help us to grow in the spiritual path. Isn’t that a beautiful way of living? Learning from your mistakes; and then when you see mistakes in others you also learn to relate to the mistakes of others in an entirely different way. So we learn to appreciate our humanness, not the idea of perfection. Then we learn to appreciate the humanness of others.

.

So the importance of the teaching is that we see clearly how we create our own suffering, and through that realisation it becomes clear that only we can free ourselves of the suffering we create ourselves. Then we become self-reliant. Then we learn to have self-confidence that whatever arises: I know how to handle it with the help of the Dhamma. Then you learn to be your own teacher. And as the Buddha said, you learn to be a light unto yourself.

 

Godwin Samararatne

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2014 in WISDOM

 

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Self confidence in 15 minutes

Stop lying to yourself. You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can't lie to yourself.

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence? ‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 28, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Self confidence in 15 minutes

.

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 
1 Comment

Posted by on December 8, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system.

glassespink

.

The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.

Rene

parasitic

 

Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

 

SOURCE

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 8, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways.

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

 

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

 

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

 

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

 

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

 

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

 

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.

Learn to say “no”.

 

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

 

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

 

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

 

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

 

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

 

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

 

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

 

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

 

The important thing is that you keep practising and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

 

 

Ismini Apostoli

ALSO READ

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2013/11/14/assertiveness-learning-to-communicate-honestly-with-others/

 
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Posted by on December 2, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means!

Computer keyboard with two gesturing hands

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

 

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

 

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

 

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

 

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

 

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

 

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

 

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

 

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

 

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on October 20, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways.

ATT2314701

Being Assertive

 Personal Power

  

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

 

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

 

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

 

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

 

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

 

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

 

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

 

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

 

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”. Learn to say “no”.

 

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

 

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

 

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

 

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

 

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

 

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

 

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

 

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

 

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

  

Ismini Apostoli

 
1 Comment

Posted by on August 17, 2013 in WISDOM

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes other people’s opinions don’t matter because they are often based on jealousy/envy etc. How do you fell the difference

selfpity

Sometimes other people will give you an opinion about you that can help you become a better person. This is when they see something in you and then they tell you something that you don’t see in yourself like negativity, hatred, potential, or low self-esteem. But sometimes other people’s opinions don’t matter because they are based on something completely different like jealousy, envy, or a narrow view of who you are. But how do you tell the difference?

When someone gives you constructive criticism about you they give it from a place of wanting you to do better for yourself. Either you have made them feel bad about themselves with your negative traits or you have exhibited a hefty amount of unwanted and unproductive behaviour.

These people will normally give you their opinions about yourself after you have made them, or someone else (including yourself), feel bad. They will not just come out of the blue and try to make you feel bad about yourself until you give them a reason to finally tell you what they think.

You will recognize this as an opinion that you can take to heart when you realize that it resonates as the truth in your very core. Meaning if they tell you that you are always making them feel bad, and you realize this to be true, then you know that this is an opinion you should value, and this is also an opinion that can benefit you.

An opinion that shouldn’t matter to you, and shouldn’t affect you, is one that stems from a more negative place and has no tone of wanting you to become better. This is when they are trying to make you feel bad, upset, or worthless for their own gain. Or when they are just spouting off negative comments from their own opinions. Their opinions may come from fear, jealousy, anger, or low-self confidence in themselves.

These opinions do not come out as constructive criticism but more as insults that make you feel bad. They can also come from people who take a very small part of you that they see and form an opinion of you based on that view. But really you are much more than what they see!

A co-worker can be a good example of this. They may offer you their opinion about how you do not live up to the job title that you are in. They may try to make you feel that you are incompetent by telling you that you are always doing this wrong or that wrong even though you know you are putting everything into the job and doing good things in it.

This is when you have to ask yourself if their opinion is true or coming from place of negativity on their part. You will find that the truth will resonate inside of you and as soon as you realize that their opinion is useless to you let it go. Do not harp on ‘what if I really do suck at this job?’ because you bring yourself down – which was what they wanted from you. Just keep doing what you are doing and recognize the truth within yourself, and listen to your own opinions of yourself.

By: Kari Farmer

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Posted by on July 23, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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Self confidence in 15 minutes

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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Not taking action will lead you to failure. It is while testing/failing that you will overcome/succeed.

If you are not feeling good and happy in this life, then it is impossible to feel good with yourself. You might feel a kind of anxiety or discomfort in each moment, each event and each situation.

Maybe you would like to have some courage in certain occasions. Maybe you do not dare to speak in public or ask a question because you are afraid from others judgements and misunderstandings. Anxiety and panic attacks will result from such a scheme of thoughts.

In order to overcome anxiety and feel the courage to achieve tasks, the primary thing to do is to be honest with yourself. Honesty is the synonym of courage and self confidence.

If you feel anxious when you have to face something or somebody, you undoubtedly do not believe sufficiently in you. However, more you doubt in yourself and the more you will put barriers in the way of your self improvement. You will have very big difficulties to take yourself in charge.

So you might be asking yourself on how to overcome anxiety and have some courage when you have to face some situations?

What can I do to keep a strong self confidence without being disturbed by events and situations?

This method is your first step to overcome anxiety. It is composed from 6 practical steps that will help you to feel well and happy. Consider this method as a start for your self esteem and confidence recovery.

1. Learn to know yourself:

Take a sheet of paper and describe the way you see yourself. Without showing your sheet, ask 2 or 3 of your best friends to describe the way they see you. You will be able to note many differences between your own vision and theirs. You have to be sure that the others cannot know a lot about you. But each one of their remarks can constitute a very interesting starting point so you can begin to analyse yourself deeply and honestly.

2. Accept yourself as you are:

If the objective of this analyse will make you notice the good points in your personality, it will also indicates you the wrong ones. You have to be able to handle all the critics from your best friends because all the negative points should appear after this analyse. If you think that what was told to you by your close relations is justified, don not make a drama. No one is perfect. All the negative points can be fixed and substitute by good points that will help you to adapt in society.

3. Be honest towards yourself:

As we mentioned above, honesty is a sign of courage and a first step to overcome anxiety. While becoming honest with yourself, you will admit and agree to be somebody of distressed for example. You will realize that it is not awful. Starting from this recognition and this acceptance, you will be able to accept and love yourself as you are, and on the other hand you will begin to eradicate panic attacks.

4. Act, act and act:

Having recognized and agreed that you have a problem somewhere, being conscious of this problem and wanting to improve, you have to act in a positive way .Acting means that the problem will be solved. Not taking action will lead you to the real failure. Lastly, it is while testing and failing that you will succeed.

5. Shut down your interior criticism:

All of us and certainly you, who is suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, have little voices in your brain that judges you and criticize you. In order to improve yourself and overcome anxiety, you do not really need to hear these voices. Sometimes they might be telling you that you are a loser, you are in late, you have to work 20 hours a day in order to succeed, etc…..These little bottles of poison are not allowing you to be calm and Zen. The way to shut them down is to take several seconds in a day and ask yourself if you are anxious or not. If you are feeling sad and the answer is that you are anxious, then you have to repeat the opposite sentence of what you are hearing. Ex: I should not be late otherwise it will be catastrophic, so you should say, if I am five minutes before the meeting then i will be Zen. Eradicate everything negative.

6. Accept the idea of failure:

You have to know and to be convinced that failure is a very good thing in life. You should know that it is not because you failed to achieve a task or to do something that you are not worth anything. You have certainly in the mind a lot of the big names in history and in the world that knew failures. The failure is a must in order to succeed and achieve our objectives. The small difference between a loser and a winner is that a loser commits the mistakes twice and the winner once. The failure does not kill “What does not kill me makes me stronger” Frederic Nietzsche. When you are convinced of these ideas, all the pressure that you had in the past will go away. This calm will lead you to better results and efficiency.

By: Steve Buffett

Article Directoryhttp://www.articledashboard.com

 

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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The key to success is to first, determine what exactly it is that you desire. No “Think it and Ink it” no success!

There is a growing concern among many younger people today that they do not have the skills to approach life and be successful. These young adults seem to suffer collectively from a lack of self-esteem. We have to ask why a whole generation seems to be afraid of their own future. We need to understand that a lack of self-esteem is easily corrected by those who desire to; there is a simple and effective cure for low self-esteem.

the book Think and Grow Rich there is a simple and effective method of achieving your desires, and the author Napoleon Hill named it “auto-suggestion” since until that time it had not been named. Today some of us will recognize the technique as something different but the principle remains the same and it works. Using auto-suggestion will indeed cause you to find self-esteem and self-confidence, and once you master this technique there is no limit to what you can be or do.

Briefly, there are three parts to your mind, the conscious which uses the senses to interpret information, to control the satisfaction of basic needs, and to think. Then there is the unconscious mind that controls the automatic functions such as blood flow and breathing. Lastly, there is the subconscious mind that is the controller of habits, beliefs, and behavior as well as the connection to the universal mind. The universal mind, also known as the higher power, is the provider of all things, it will give you everything you ask for, and the subconscious mind is what does the asking. It is the subconscious mind that can and does control your destiny, and it is the job of the conscious mind to direct the subconscious, yet here is where most of us fail.

However, we can teach our subconscious to behave differently through the process called autosuggestion. With simple actions taken by our conscious mind, we can program our subconscious to believe anything. Realize that it is what the subconscious believes that brings into our lives those physical things that correspond with those beliefs. Through years of programming we have been taught, and have directed our subconscious to believe that we are limited. Some of us were taught that life is hard and you don’t always get what you want, others were taught that you are disadvantaged for some reason and so would never achieve greatness or success. These beliefs were accepted by the subconscious and so it communicates with the universal and it provides what you believe and so you remain in poverty, working to just barely get by, as you “know” life is hard.

Here is where you have to change what your subconscious believes. You have to correct your way of thinking, and it is remarkably easy with auto-suggestion. In the book Think and Grow Rich there is a simple and effective method listed, and for brevity sake, it will be paraphrased here. First, determine what exactly it is that you desire, you must be specific and detailed. The book Think and Grow Rich gives you many reasons why, but we are being brief for this article. Secondly, you must write it down on paper, do not skimp on details and do not be afraid of expending ink. Third, promise yourself that you will read it out-loud every day, and then do so. Fourth, think about what you have written, at first do so with every meal, then as it will become a habit and you may think about your paper and its content even more frequently. Fifth, act upon what you have written, any action will do as long as it is relevant to your desire.

You will see results after only a week, you will feel the effects after only two days, this will work amazingly quickly for your benefit, and it is so easy you will wonder why you haven’t been doing this your whole life. Do not get angry for not having been shown this technique before, just understand that the universal provides to you what you desire only when you are ready to receive it, and until now, you were simply not ready. Now you are, you have found this information and it is time to use it.

Be Blessed

By: Ralston Heath

 
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Posted by on June 27, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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ASSERTIVENESS: Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others.

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.

Learn to say “no”.

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

 

 

Ismini Apostoli

 

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Posted by on May 17, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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Assertiveness – Do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are important to you.

 

 

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioural baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.

Learn to say “no”.

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behaviour rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behaviour  don’t forget to request the more appropriate behaviour that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

Learn to reward people for positive behaviour and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

The important thing is that you keep practising and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

.

 

 Ismini Apostoli

 
3 Comments

Posted by on March 12, 2013 in WISDOM

 

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Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

 

Being Assertive

 

 

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.


Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:


Maintain eye contact
 when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.


Be specific
 and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”. Learn to say “no”.


Use your body language
 to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.


Don’t get personal
 or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person.

Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.


Choose the right time
 and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.


Express your opinions honestly
 and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.


Practice leadership skills
 like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.


Ask for feedback
. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.


Reward yourself
 every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

 


Ismini Apostoli

 
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Posted by on December 5, 2012 in WISDOM

 

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Self confidence in 15 minutes – it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means.

 

 

 

Self confidence in 15 minutes

  

Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!

Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:

1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.

2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.

3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.

4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.

5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.

The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.

6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.

7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.

 

3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:

 

1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.

 

2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.

 

3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.

 

You can repeat this often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.

Rene

 
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Posted by on October 14, 2012 in WISDOM

 

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