Transforming Childhood Trauma Into Enlightenment.

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Writing about childhood adversity, often a depressing topic, appeals to me because I know recovery is possible. What’s more, I believe those of us from traumatic backgrounds are well positioned to approach what spiritual disciplines call enlightenment (or realization, awakening, etc). This may sound surprising, but I’ve seen evidence for it in myself and others.

My younger years felt poisoned with dissatisfaction, rage, and confusion. Looking back, it’s clear I struggled with many of the difficulties known to stem from adverse home life. Here is my breakdown of the common problems, derived from multiple sources and framed by personal experience: poor self-concept, emotional reactivity, social unease, feelings of emptiness, problems with focus, and stress-induced bodily symptoms.

During the years of my recovery, each of these qualities changed from feeling wholly negative to seeming at least partially positive. Taken together, in their new form they help me appreciate life’s majesty even in the face of pain, loss, and illness. To feel privileged to be alive regardless of circumstance is, I suspect, near to realization. There is room for much greater maturity, but most of the time I feel contented and unafraid. What more does a person require?

Here’s how each affliction can be retooled to favour spiritual growth:

Poor self-concept can transform into secure humility. Whereas the well-adjusted person feels solidly established as a personality, we who were mistreated when young grew up feeling fragmented and hollow. Thus, even after we gain confidence, we remember our vulnerability. All wisdom traditions place a premium on humility, and the wounded enjoy a head start.

Emotional reactivity, properly harnessed, fosters attunement to others. What I once saw as excessive sensitivity I now recognize as the foundation of empathy.

Social unease comes from fear of embarrassment and betrayal. Scratch its surface and you’ll find a demand for acceptance and trustworthiness. Interpersonal anxiety can be reconfigured into a barometer for authenticity.

Feelings of emptiness sound bad, but consider that “emptiness” is also a catchword in Eastern meditative traditions. The connotations are different, but related. The emptiness we feel when discouraged is tainted by meaninglessness. Life appears beset by hazard and doomed to death. But if we discover beauty in life’s uncertainty and transience, then that same emptiness feels, paradoxically, full. This deep concept, best approached through meditation, tells us emptiness is the flipside of plenitude. Post-traumatic despair might be closer to post-recovery bliss than we normally think.

Problems with focus are problems of dissociation. While suffering abuse as a child, I would escape to an alternate mental world that felt distant and safe. Detaching when stressed has caused problems in adulthood, but the ability to alter consciousness offers a surprising benefit: it facilitates entry into the heightened states valued by spiritual seekers. In the extreme, shifts of consciousness can impair reality testing, so they shouldn’t be pursued without responsible preparation and guidance. But while remaining mindful and grounded, I’ve been blessed to experience transcendent awareness with greater than average ease.

Finally, the somatic symptoms that follow stress and trauma can serve as guides to bodily state. Attending to them has helped me better inhabit my body. Embodiment, in turn, promotes mindfulness and relaxation.

Humility, empathy, authenticity, plenitude, transcendence, and embodiment: not a bad starting point for enlightened growth. Every limiting quality can thus be reshaped into something advantageous. In future posts I plan to describe some strategies that enable these transformations.

The road to wellness presents challenges; in particular, emotions may feel overwhelming at the outset. I hope knowing trauma’s legacy can be reborn as spiritual maturity will embolden those just starting out.

By Will Meecham, MD, MA / Source: PsychCentral

 

Many relationships that flush down the toilet have uncontrollable anger in their foundations.

 

 

 

We tend to amplify small problems until they appear like massive disaster zones in our heads. The real damage is not caused by what happen to us, but by the way we react to whatever transpired. I met a sizable number of individuals during my journey through life that can explode with rage after the slightest provocation. A minor comment by anyone can change these individuals into an out of control lunatic. Doors are slammed and stuff is thrown around while they allow utter nonsense to flow from their lips. Nothing they say is weighed. The only way you can get a word in is when they slow down for a moment to breath. What they say is designed to inflict as much pain as possible. Many relationships that flush down the toilet have uncontrollable anger in their foundations. One or both partners in a relationship that suffer with anger management problems can suddenly sink the relationship boat that they travelled on. Irrational behaviour and a lack of composure dumb us down and remove our ability to think in a logical and realistic manner. It is impossible to reason with a person that is foaming at the mouth and banging his or her head on a wall. Reasoning really flies out of the window when the irrational partner starts banging your head against the wall as well. I consulted with many individuals with this kind of problem. I usually get the following answer when I ask them why they stay together if the hate each other enough to cause each other serious bodily harm. They usually then respond with, “I love him (her) that is why I stay with him (her). They usually then look me up and down as if I am some kind of idiot not being able to grasp this simple fact. I would like to suggest any person or couple that experience this problem to see a doctor as soon as possible. The cause of this uncontrollable rage is often some hormone, or brain chemical imbalance that is causing this massive reaction when triggered. There are obviously a wide range of other things that need to be looked at when you are faced with an out of control partner. My dear friend you need to get professional assistance or run for the hills. You cannot remedy an out of control partner by trying harder. Someone can get injured if this issue is not addressed. The biggest victims in these types of relationships are often the children. They usually have no alternatives and nowhere to go.

 

Rene