Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
Being at peace is the wonderful state of mind and body where all is calm, where thoughts are quiet and serene, and where muscles are relaxed and comfortable. In this article, you’ll learn how to attain this inner peace in a matter of minutes.
Once you are adept at controlling your mind and body, you are always only one simple thought away from perfect peacefulness.
You can “will” perfect peacefulness at any time. You will be able to move out of stressful situations immediately. All you need to do is follow a few simple steps to train yourself. A little practice is all that is required. But, you must take the time to direct the mind and body in positive ways so that you can ensure the pleasures of inner peace.
You’re at the wheel. So let’s drive on!
Let peace happen.
Being at peace is a choice. When we stop struggling and fighting the world around us—and the world within us—peace can happen. Our individual fight is with our thoughts, emotions and physical bodies. The fighting can be directed toward ourselves or those we face each day. Here are several approaches to quickly give up the fight and win at the same time.
There are many ways your physical body can take on struggles you face each day. Maybe you clench your jaw when you get mad. Maybe you collect tension across the back of your neck and shoulders. Maybe butterflies trouble your stomach. The first step is being aware of what you are doing. The second step is to consciously make the choice to release the tension.
Your mind takes on struggles in the form of mental images. Do you tend to imagine the ideal end result or the worst possible situation? Troubling and negative mental images translate into unpleasant emotions and stressful physical reactions.
Choose carefully the thoughts you think because they absolutely affect how you feel. Realize that the only person who can change your thoughts is you. You can then take charge and change your thoughts for the better.
Emotions are natural physiological changes that occur when thoughts are held in your mind. You can easily direct your emotional states by changing your posture; for example, sit straight, tilt your head, use facial expressions, walk differently, etc. You can also direct your emotional states by holding brighter and more pleasing visual images in mind. You have the choice, but you must make the choice.
Creating Peace of Mind
To create peace within yourself, simply relax your body and breathing; then, direct the mind.
A still body is the reflection of a calm mind, but the mind cannot be still until the body is still.
Begin by making your body comfortable. Then release areas of tension. As example, gentle movements of the neck and shoulder muscles can help stretch and release tension in those areas.
Breathing in an even and steady way will quickly calm both the body and mind. Make the inhale and exhale of equal length without any pauses in between. Your breathing will become smooth and even.
The next step is to quiet the mind. Start by bringing your awareness into this present moment, here and now. By doing this you can effectively eliminate distracting or troubling thoughts. Any anxieties about the future or tensions from the past will leave your mind and body.
Another way to direct the mind is to direct your inner voice–especially if it is anxious or overbearing. Play with the idea of changing the volume of your inner voice. Have it be quieter.
Modify the tone of you inner voice until it is pleasant, warm and nurturing. You can have it say pleasant and comforting words to you—words of encouragement and self esteem. Some people even repeat soothing words or phrases in a rhythmic way.
The final step is to hold images that encourage a peaceful mind. For thousands of years, prayerful and meditative people have directed the mind by holding steady mental pictures. For example, the image of a candle flame can be used to concentrate one’s attention and steady the mind. You can use images of a peaceful scene from nature, a vacation setting, an imaginary room of comfort, a cathedral, rose bushes, or anything calming, wonderful, and peaceful.
What To Do Once You’ve Got There.
Getting to a relaxed state of mind and body by the above steps may take 20-30 minutes at first. With practice, however, you’ll be able to accomplish this within a few minutes.
When you try to extend this peaceful feeling for long periods of time, you may find that your mind will race to other thoughts. After all, your mind is trained to race, to go full throttle, all day long. If you suddenly stop for 20 minutes, will your mind to cooperate? No. It will do what you trained it to do for the 16 hours–race!
So, what’s the solution? How do you create a peace-filled life, and not peaceful three-minute spurts? Take it one moment and one thought at a time. Bring peaceful, serene, and positive images and feelings into the rest of your day. Learn to release tensions as they occur. Learn to direct your thoughts and emotions at the time they start getting out of hand. You’ll discover that not only can you create a peacefulness, but you are living a peace-filled life.
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
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I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
BE BOLD AND STRETCH YOUR COMFORT ZONE DAILY – NO GROWTH IS POSSIBLE WHILE YOU REPEAT THE SAME OLD STUFF ENDLESSLY- IT IS OK TO BE SCEPTICAL, BUT OPEN YOUR MIND AND BEGIN TO LOOK AT LIFE FROM MANY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES. YOU WILL OFTEN BE CHALLENGED WHEN YOU VISIT THE READING ROOM. WE ONLY GROW AND EVOLVE WHEN WE DARE TO GO OUTSIDE WALLS OF OUR BELIEF SYSTEM. OUR OBJECTIVE IS TO BECOME LOVE. NOT ACT AS IF WE LOVE, BUT TO BECOME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. OUR INTENTION DIRECT ALL OUR ACTIONS. – VISIT THE READING ROOM DAILY AND DISCOVER HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE!
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed the future slaves that will take over from them when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
My mood was cold, dark, and directionless. My tortured mind was filled with thoughts of missed opportunities and broken promises.
The cutting wind on my unshaven face made my eyes water and drove the dark clouds of depression into my shattered soul.
The years slipped by like fleeting dreams. Moments of joy and victory came and vanished like the waves of the ocean bashed on the black rocks of sadness.
I looked up and noticed the sheets of rain that endlessly poured its gift of life and growth in all directions.
A thought darted into my tired defeated mind. I suddenly noticed how nature shares her abundance with everyone and everything.
Mother Nature is not selective when she sends gifts of rain and sunshine to feed, nourish and rejuvenate everything with a smattering of life at their core.
These gifts of life are given to the seeds that are still sleeping in the soil. The dark scorched earth will soon put on a new coat of colour and in turn pass on these gifts of life to the bees, birds and everything else that waited patiently on Mother Nature to return as she has done since the beginning of time.
I suddenly understood that it is mankind’s inability to give unconditionally that is responsible for the inequality that drips off this planet like black wax from a candle.
Our homes are filled to the brim with stuff, but we want more, better, faster and the latest. Something inside us drives us like a hungry pack of wolves forward in our quest to feed our greedy ego.
There is no time for compassion in our busy lives. Poverty stares at us on every corner, but we are so obsessed with our own little world that we never notice that cold and hungry child on the corner of the street or a mother that worked her hands to the bone to serve us where we sit in our artificial castles sipping our wine of success.
The clouds of gloominess gradually lifted from my bowed shoulders. I knew what Mother Nature came to teach me in this dark night of my soul. She came to teach me about compassion and gratitude. She showed me that I must learn to give unconditionally and abundantly if I want to make a contribution to life on this planet.
I noticed that the sun began to break through the clouds announcing that the rain moved on to go and do some more teaching down the road. A rainbow suddenly appeared on the horizon. I slowly got up, wiped the water from my face, pushed back my shoulders with new hope in my heart against the backdrop of the singing of the birds that were thanking Mother Nature in advance for the new gifts that she will bring the next time she pays us a visit. She will like before pour her gifts on the rich and the poor, on those that have in abundance and those that have virtually nothing. She deposits her gifts on everyone regardless of their status, race or career and knows that a time will come when mankind has evolved enough to grasp that we are one and an extension of her.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Rene
(from my book – PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS WISDOM GUIDE)
This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.” He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offence or arousing resentment. For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers,” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks.
The first self-help book I ever read was “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. I just finished school and was looking for an inspirational book in a tiny, poorly stocked book store in Windhoek in Namibia. I came across Dale Carnegie’s book in the scant selection of books on a shelf right at the back of this dusty store. I unashamedly admit today that although this was the first “motivational” book that I ever owned when it still remains one of the top ten books I ever read when it came to practical advice regarding people skills. Many of you might have read the book or still have a copy on a shelf in your library. I would suggest that you read it again. It will refresh your memory on one of the most important principles when it comes to compassion. It will remind you that you can make more progress in all areas of your life if you develop a sincere interest in others. Dale indicates in this book that you can make more friends in two months by developing an awareness of the interests of others than you could achieve in two years using any other method.
We live in small boxes today surrounded by massive walls to keep intruders out that might dare to enter our comfort zones. We shout at each other over these walls and only on very rare occasions lower our draw bridge and venture out or invite anyone into our domain. Most of us go around with our defence shield up and remain on guard twenty four hours a day. The political climate that we live and work in might also have something to do with this unhealthy behaviour. We need to open up and become more vulnerable if we want to escape the deadly ruts that many of us fell in over the years. Some of us feel lonely and need friends, companionship and fun, but we often forgo on these desires because of our fears and warped self-interest. Everything revolves around us and our own dreams, desires and choices. We look at life, people and places through a self-interest one way mirrors. Our interests always come first and the interests of others never really feature at all. We have this “What is in it for me” attitudes that fail to address the needs of anyone else.
When last did you manage to get yourself out of the way long enough to listen and experience any human being, family member or friend with an open mind? Many of us developed a sick habit of judging everyone. We endlessly scan people for flaws or potential threats. We fail to listen to them when they talk. We listen to the first few words of their sentences and then jump to conclusions. We look at people through eyes that fail to see the pain or desperation in them. We listen to what people say and fail to read the subliminal call for help that they are possibly to proud or ashamed to express. Do we care enough to really hear what our partner or children are telling us? Are we alert enough to feel the emotions of the person that we are communicating with? I think we all of us might have some work to do when it comes to mastering the art of putting the interest of others first.
When last did you compliment anyone on anything? We as parents tend to only give attention to our children when they are sick or when they did something wrong. We as partners only become interested enough when our relationships begin to fall apart. We fail to notice the cracks and peeling paint in our relationships. We are so busy with our own agendas, self-interests and objectives that the pain and frustration experienced by our partner bounces off our egotistical shield. Can you see what major difference a shift in attention can make in your life? Can you accept that life is not only about you and your plans and goals? Can you understand that the formula for success is that your success if virtually guaranteed if you help enough other people to achieve their own goals and dreams?
So I suggest that you shut up the next time anyone talk to you and listen carefully what is said and what is not expressed verbally. God supplied you with two ears and one mouth. You must listen more and talk less. Put yourself in others’ shoes and ask yourself if you really know the story of the person that you are talking to. Stop jumping to conclusions and stop judging people on hearsay and second hand data. Stop forcing people to communicate to you through their history. Start each day with a new clean slate. We have so many prejudices and perceptions about everything that is cast in stone that it became impossible to see thing as they are in the moment. Set yourself free by putting the interest of others first for a while.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either cry if you need to it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
The fool is under the impression that he can change people. People often change for a relative short period not because they see the error of their ways, but because it seems like a good strategic move to make to achieve a desire objective. The chances of a rotten person making a permanent change are less than a million to one. Accept a person without his history or take note of his history and run for the hills. Getting married will not make him stop drinking, flirting, fighting and will also not make him more caring or responsible. Having a baby will not make him more responsible and caring. Constantly giving someone money will not make him more productive. Punishing him for years will not prevent him from doing it again. Sulking for a day, week or month will not change his mind and heart. We live in a something for nothing world today. Doing as little as you can get away with seems to be a top priority. Using guilt or fear will not change anyone that lacks compassion and empathy. See things as they are my friend.
The rain of forgiveness wash away the hurt and pain of yesteryear. No healing can take place while you cling to your historical letdowns and painful experiences of the past. Great purity of thinking and the miraculous healing of wounds usually take place after unconditional forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you approve what was done to you. The act of forgiveness release the person that “sinned” against you from your mind. The lack of the ability to forgive and detach prevent you from moving on. You get stuck in what could or should have been. Wonderful opportunities will pass you by if you live in the past. The train of life is constantly moving forward. You are either on the train (in the now) or stuck on a station hoping that things can return to what could or should have been. The ability to let go of toxic thoughts, events, failures or broken promises with set your mind free. All you have is this very moment. What could or should have been is nothing more than “files” that you recall from your sub-conscious mind. You are the one that supply the past with the power to contaminate your current moment. Yesterdays failures will remain powerless files in your mind if you stop recharging its batteries with your thoughts and regrets.
Seeking the approval of others is definitely the royal road to unhappiness.
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Being loving and kind
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Oh but you say, you want to be loving and kind. Well what does that mean? Does being loving and kind mean being a doormat? Does being loving and kind mean choosing to please others instead of doing what you think is right and taking care of yourself? Does being loving and kind mean sacrificing your own integrity and agreeing with things or people when you know it’s wrong or when it doesn’t feel right to you? Does it mean being afraid to ask for the time to consider things when you’re not sure of what you feel? Does it mean you can’t follow your own intuition just because someone else says something different?
Being loving and kind is one of those wonderful stories we tell ourselves to confuse ourselves and to block honest communications with ourselves and with others. And who’s to say if being clear and honest and communicating openly is not the most loving and kind thing we can possibly do in every situation!
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Being afraid of disagreement
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Another great barrier to clear and honest communication is the belief that people ‘should’ agree with each other. The thought that people ‘should’ agree with each other might be a nice idea, but in the real world, people just don’t agree with each other. And they never have. Once again, we’re not talking about right or wrong, we’re just talking about the way things are. We’re talking about reality. And as we know, when we argue with reality, we end up making ourselves miserable. So when it comes to disagreeing, the reality is that people do disagree with each other. People have different ideas and opinions about almost everything. People have different preferences about how to do things. And they have different goals, dreams, hopes, wishes, likes and dislikes. That’s just the way it is. Different things interest different people. Some people love snowstorms while others love the heat. Some people think the ultimate joy is traveling to a crowded city for a busy weekend of shopping and dining out while others think the ultimate joy is retreating to a quiet spot in nature or going to a meditation center. That’s just the way of it. Wanting people to agree is setting yourself up for heartache and failure because it’s never going to happen.
So why are we so afraid of disagreement? Why do we want the impossible? Usually it’s because we want people to like, love and approve of us. I think part of the fear of disagreement can be found in the fact that we link agreement and approval with people liking or loving us. We think that if we love someone we ‘should’ agree with him or her. And we think that if he/she really loves us, they ‘should’ agree with us. But is that true? Think of all the people you really do love. How many of them do you agree with and how many of them agree with you? Of course if your definition of love is “you agree with me and I agree with you” well then you’re really in for trouble!
Barbara Berger
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From her new book Are you happy now?
Read more about this amazing book at the link below!
We sometimes feel like a swimmer in trouble a long way
from the safety of the beach. We have no idea where the
currents are taking us. We feel dwarfed by the immense ocean
that seems to go on forever. We see water wherever we look.
We feel the powerful churn of the awesome power under us.
We panic and try to make our way back to the beach, but soon
realise that we are not really making any progress. We start
panicking and try even harder, but to no avail. It suddenly
dawns on us that we will surly die if we continue to fight the
ocean.
The ocean will allow us to disperse all our energy. It will then
swallow us and later spit us out on some lonely beach a long
way down the coast. The only way we can buy time when in a
situation like this is to relax and to go with the flow. There is
absolutely no benefit in fighting a problem that is currently
out of control or too daunting to handle. There is a time to
fight and a time to just bide your time. It will make sense if
you swim to the best of your ability to reach the beach if you
are strong or fit enough, but it will be foolish to try and fight
the waves if you have absolutely no chance of winning.
Most of our problems, yes even the ones that seem extremely
daunting have a way of working itself out in the end. Most of
us have been faced with a wide range of problems, some of
them quite serious that today are nothing more than faded
memories. The biggest mistake we make when faced with a
problem is to immediately jump in and try to make it go away.
We say or do the first thing that comes to mind. We must not
fight problems. The best way to cope with problems is to
gather as much information as we can before we take action.
We are only escalating a problem to crisis proportions when
we panic and attempt to fight our way out of a trouble zone.
Relax, gather information and then do what you can, one
moment at a time. It is sometimes better to do nothing until
you have the strength, resources or finances to cope with
what you are faced with. Panic feed a problem while relaxed
action in turn become like the steering mechanism of a boat.
You can steer your way out of virtually any trouble during the
stormy period on the sea of life if you remain composed and
continue to think things through before you take action.
We are under the impression that specific things or people
can and should contribute to our needs and preferences. We
become depressed and unhappy if any of the things or people
that we deem attached to us let us down or fail to meet our
expectations. We only discover the intricate and inclusive
web we weaved since early childhood when we notice how
invisible and subliminal cables bind us to thousands of
objects and preferences. We in a way think we own these
objects and suffer separation anxiety when even a single item
is disconnected from us. Most of us suffer with fear of loss
and rejection. We absorb serious abused from those that we
think we are attached to. We tolerate the pain they inflict
because we are afraid that they might let go of us if we show
our disdain with their actions. A partner, child or lover can
cause us unwanted discomfort if they threaten to let go of us
or indicate that they want to be released from our comfort
zone. It is our attachment that makes us extremely vulnerable.
We do not only develop this invisible bond with people. We
allow furniture, books, a house or even an old coat to own us.
Attachment seems to indicate ownership to most of us. We
thus allow a wide range of people and things to own us and to
decide our moods and perceived security. Buddha taught his
students the powerful law of detachment. He indicated that we
can never achieve spiritual freedom while we allow anything
or anyone to own us. His advice is to let go of the false notion
that our lives will grind to a halt if we let go of the false
perception that it is what we own that sustain who we are. We
are not what we own, the car we drive or the house we live in.
We are not our money or titles. All these labels sustain our
egos and have nothing to do with the perfect self at our core.
God needs nothing from nobody. The same holds true with
our perfect selves. We are an extension of God and not our
physical bodies and the things that we accumulate around us
during visits to this dimension. Learn to detach and you will
change your life overnight. Let go of your anger, fear of loss
or desire to be respected and loved. These desires are snacks
for your ego and have absolutely nothing to do with the
reason for your current or future visits to this plane. Become
still and mentally see how you cut the endless number of
cords that currently bind you to things and people in the
matrix. You will discover real freedom when you are no longer
influenced and manipulated by the false perception of
ownership. It is our clinging to people and stuff that give them
power over us. Detach from what people say or do, detach
from the negative messages in the newspapers and media.
You can never fly with the eagles while you strut around like a
chicken in a pen with your head in the sand.
We spend years trying to work out the mysteries of life. We
want to know who we are, where we come from and what we
are doing in this dimension. We want to know why people do
certain things or why they failed to do as we expect they
would. We want to know what tomorrow, next week or next
year will confront us with. We want to know all there is to
know about God, his plans for us or what will happen to us
when we die. We want to understand why we get tired or feel
ill. Most of us have been asking “why” questions from early
childhood. We read thousands of books in an attempt to
understand what life is all about. The more we read the deeper
we need to delve into the subject matter. There is no book
that can provide all the answers. The problem with books or
lectures is that they leave us with more questions than
answers.
We begin to feel like a person that is trying to dig a hole in the
sand. Every bucket of sand that he takes out results in two
buckets that slide back into the hole. Those that developed
the historical God concepts pulled a serious stunt on us. They
created so many laws, rules, expectations and regulations
that they claim God expect of us that they left us in a no win
situation. Nobody could since the first man appeared on this
plane sustain God’s requirements that he apparently
personally dictated to the early so-called inspired authors. It
was our inability to meet the expectations of these man made
Gods that forced mankind to cling to religion and those that
claimed that they have direct access to God. We became
these mediators’ slaves and financiers. We ate out of their
hands and jump to their commands. It is impossible to get
closure on our endless range of “why” questions.
Each question answered will just dig up new ones that need
to be answered. It becomes a vicious never ending cycle. We
spend the best part of our life in a state of ignorance. We will
never know why people that we love and trust let us down or
stick a knife in our backs. We will never know why individuals
act and react the way they do. We will live longer and become
much happier if we stop trying to dig up answers to the many
mysteries of life and why people say or do certain things.
This is why I recommend that you live your life one moment at
a time and give each moment your best shot. Live as if there
is no tomorrow, as if this will be your last day. Be bold and
know that you can cope with anything that life can throw at
you tomorrow, next week and five years from now. Stop
asking “why” questions. Learn to mentally dump your “why”
question in a mental bin if you do not have a satisfactory
answer in sixty seconds. We are like a dog that tries to catch
a bus with “why” painted in big bold letters on its side. Our
problem is that even if we are fortunate enough to catch this
bus now and then we have no idea what to do with it once we
caught it. Your perfect self know all the answers. It is your
ego or false self that becomes frantic and petrified about the
unknown.
We have ongoing input from our five senses. We are exposed
to millions of stimuli every hour. We have a reticular
activation system in our brains that are programmed to
immediately bring any input to our attention if it might pose a
threat to us at any time. Anything that we see, hear, taste, or
smell that might have caused us discomfort, loss or pain in
the past or that could cause us loss, pain or discomfort in the
future is immediately brought to our attention. This is a good
system because it warns us of pending danger.
Our problem is that something went wrong with our system
that validates incoming data. The holes in the filter became so
clogged up that it hardly let anything through. Many of us can
see danger or possible disaster in virtually anything.
Thoughts that pose no problem simply flow through our filter
system and have little or no impact on us. It is the thoughts
that are captured in our potential threat filter system that we
feel compelled to deal with. The mistake that we then make is
that we begin to construct mental movies about the perceived
threat in our heads. We mentally see, feel, smell, hear and
taste the negative outcomes that we write into these scripts.
We are not satisfied with one show in the theatre of our
minds. We replay these movies many times and experience
the possible painful negative outcomes a million times. We
wear ourselves out while we work through these illusions in
our heads. We find it difficult to sleep, eat or do our work
because of these horror movies. We end up with health
problems and in the process destroy our relationships as
well. We take the residue that got trapped in our mental filter
system and make it into a monster that haunts us day and
night. We will be safer and saner if we remove the filters in
our heads. The original purpose of these filters was to protect
us against physical threats. We knew that if our filter detected
a hungry dinosaur that it will be a smart idea to put as much
distance as possible between him and us in the shortest
period of time.
We must however now begin to understand that we live in a
different time under different circumstances. I promise you
that you can allow most of the stuff that are today trapped in
your filter system through. It will not harm you and become a
faded memory in an hour or two. We must allow the endless
stream of thoughts to simply flow through our reticular
activation system. Do not block them. Let them slide through
and join the billions that came before them on the garbage
heap in your past. Keep this in mind the next time you feel
sad, overloaded, trapped, anxious, worried, let down, defeated
or angry. Let these thoughts slide by. Do not energise them.
They have no power until you plug in the power with your
thinking. Your perfect self can and will assist you when you
are faced with a real threat. Do not allow your ego to take up
so much of your time. Your ego needs answers and
protection because it is a coward. Your ego want answers to
his “why” questions. Your perfect self is positive and know
that it can handle anything that anybody or life can throw at
you.
BE BOLD AND STRETCH YOUR COMFORT ZONE DAILY – NO GROWTH IS POSSIBLE WHILE YOU REPEAT THE SAME OLD STUFF ENDLESSLY- IT IS OK TO BE SCEPTICAL, BUT OPEN YOUR MIND AND BEGIN TO LOOK AT LIFE FROM MANY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES. YOU WILL OFTEN BE CHALLENGED WHEN YOU VISIT THE READING ROOM. WE ONLY GROW AND EVOLVE WHEN WE DARE TO GO OUTSIDE WALLS OF OUR BELIEF SYSTEM. OUR OBJECTIVE IS TO BECOME LOVE. NOT ACT AS IF WE LOVE, BUT TO BECOME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. OUR INTENTION DIRECT ALL OUR ACTIONS. – VISIT THE READING ROOM DAILY AND DISCOVER HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE!
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed their future slaves when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
The rain of forgiveness wash away the hurt and pain of yesteryear. No healing can take place while you cling to your historical letdowns and painful experiences of the past. Great purity of thinking and the miraculous healing of wounds usually take place after unconditional forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you approve what was done to you. The act of forgiveness release the person that “sinned” against you from your mind. The lack of the ability to forgive and detach prevent you from moving on. You get stuck in what could or should have been. Wonderful opportunities will pass you by if you live in the past. The train of life is constantly moving forward. You are either on the train (in the now) or stuck on a station hoping that things can return to what could or should have been. The ability to let go of toxic thoughts, events, failures or broken promises with set your mind free. All you have is this very moment. What could or should have been is nothing more than “files” that you recall from your sub-conscious mind. You are the one that supply the past with the power to contaminate your current moment. Yesterdays failures will remain powerless files in your mind if you stop recharging its batteries with your thoughts and regrets.
Here are a few tips about discussing sexuality with your kids, and a few things you should know:
When is the right time to discuss sex with your kids? Truth is, it’s never too soon. Body parts and all. If a child learns to be ashamed of their body, this can lead to body image issues later in life. Or even shame around sexuality.
Be positive about all bodily functions. Meaning, when you’re changing a diaper, don’t say “OMG, that stinks!” There’s nothing to be ashamed of about something that’s just a part of every day life. It sends a bad signal
If you catch your kid in what a professional would call, “self-stimulation,” DO NOT push their hand away or punish them for their exploration. I actually caught my boy exploring once, and my comment to him was, “That’s normal behavior, but it’s private behavior, so if you want to continue, you’ll have to go into your room for that, buddy.” You know what he did? He got up, walked out, went into his room, and slammed the door! Not a word of a lie! That’s my boy! He was 3. But seriously, don’t make your child feel this is shameful behavior.
How does a baby get in your tummy? A good answer would be to explain that when a man and woman love each other, and get married (yes you may say that or not), the man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina, and his sperm fertilizes her egg, and a baby then grows. WWWWWHHHOOOOOO!!! Screeching breaks!!! But really, you could absolutely say this. However, a suggested age is not before grade 2-4. So, I say, use your judgement and go accordingly. That may be over-share for some. But if they ask you to confirm it as truth, then you have the right to confirm that.
And finally, be open and available. Let them know that whatever questions they have, no matter how private, or how silly it may seem, you are ALWAYS there to listen. Remember, you don’t want your kids learning about sex from someone else. Let it come from you. Shake off the worries, and get talking. And please, MONITOR THEIR WEB SURFING BEHAVIOR. This is a biggie.
Fall down seven times. Stand up eight. (Japanese proverb.)
Resilience is one of the greatest survival skills. It helps you both psychologically and physically in the long-run. While it can’t make your problems go away, it can help you endure any sort of hardship – like traumatic events, loss, illness, disaster, the death of a loved one, or any other setback or challenge.
Resilience is about enlisting your inner strengths, and harnessing your healthy coping mechanisms, so that you keep functioning without getting over-anxious, depressed, overwhelmed or apathetic.
Here are 8 tips to help you learn how to bounce back when some misfortune strikes, or when you are faced with a challenge:
Maintain your hopefulness. Even though the picture may look grim for now, think back to all the challenges that you have encountered and overcome in your life so far, to gain hope and optimism that a solution will be found and remember that any wound, no matter how big it seems right now, will heal in time.
Learn to be more stoical about life. Accept that unwanted events, sudden changes in circumstances are a part of life, and instead of clinging to your belief of how things “ought to be” learn to adapt, tolerate and even welcome your problems. Sometimes, problems are teachers and help us grow and become hardier and wiser.
Take some distance from the event, misfortune or challenge and try to view it as happening to someone else. How would you help that person cope? What would you advise him/her to do? Follow your own advice. There are many angles from which you can view a situation. Taking some distance, becoming an observer rather than a participant may give you the strength but also the problem-solving resources to overcome your challenge. Resilience requires flexibility, not holding onto rigidly to only one point of view.
Reach out to your friends or other support groups. You don’t have to go it alone. A friend’s advice, help or even willing ear or shoulder to cry on may help you re-organize better your inner resources. Feeling connected helps empower people in times of hardship. Offering help to others does the same. Help others in need, you will get empowered as much as they!
Take appropriate action.You don’t have to know the whole solution, you don’t have to examine all the parameters before you take some action in a positive direction. Small steps can help you greatly to feel that you are gaining control of the situation. Play it by ear for a while, test what works and what doesn’t.
Remember to laugh. Every challenge, every misfortune has its comical side. Use humor to lighten up. Think of how comedians can describe a tragic situation in ways that make you laugh. It’s a great coping mechanism, a relaxing break from serious thinking, worrying or grieving.
Don’t neglect yourself. Take good care of your nutrition, sleep, and home environment. Create relaxation time, see friends, do things that please you, like relaxing hobbies, or going to the gym.
Maintain your vision and sense of purpose. Setbacks create havoc, sometimes, emotional upheaval and tend to require all of our attention. We tend to obsess about our problem, as if it’s the only thing going on in our lives. It’s good to continue to keep in mind your long-term personal goals, visions, the things that make your life meaningful and focus back on all these areas that provided joy, hope and a sense of accomplishment before the upsetting event. It will help create a sense of balance in your life.
Finally, remember that “this too shall pass”. Repeating this often to yourself will have a soothing and healing effect and boost your resilience.
YOUR COMPOSURE CAN MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU. THE WAY YOU WALK AND TALK AND PRESENT YOURSELF WILL DECIDE THE LEVEL ON INFLUENCE YOU EXERT!
Very few people understand the powerful role their composure plays in everything they do and how they feel. You can never act in a positive manner if you go around with a troubled look on your face, slumped shoulders and whine in your voice. How can you think and act in a positive manner if your whole demeanour is that of a loser or fader? What you think is displayed in the image you project to the people around you. I have never seen a person with a negative attitude and poor self-image go up to any rostrum to receive first prize. I have never seen any person with the image of a bird with a broken wing sell like a champion. I have never seen a parent with the image of a bull terrier win the love and respect of his own children. What you project activates chemicals in your brain that will either fuel your passion or dowse the fire in your heart.
How can you expect to feel, act and be positive if you project an image of a dog that got one too many hiding? The point I am making here is that you have the power within you to turn you negative feelings around by simply adjusting your composure. When you feel down and defeated, pull back your shoulders, lift your head and take a few deep breaths. Look life and people straight in the eye. This will immediately trigger positive chemicals in your brain. The dark clouds will lift from your brain and stop smothering your creativity and passion.
This might sound too simple to be worth much, but just try it the next time you feel down and defeated. You will be amazed what power is locked up in your brain that will be unleashed when you use this method. You will discover that the sun will push away the dark clouds of despair and the feelings of gloom that kept you imprisoned in a mental torture chamber will dissipate. You will begin to act in a manner conducive to winning again. Please remember that you cannot think or act in a positive manner with an image that reminds you of a helpless child.
I NOW HAVE A TRIGGER MECHANISM THAT I CAN USE IN MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL DEFEATED, OUTCLASSED OR DOWN.
If you want to exert influence, you will have to look at the image that you project while at work and play. People treat you the way you project yourself. People, will use and abuse you if you go around with the image of a defeated man. You will feel exactly what you project. People do not follow losers and cry babies. They latch onto winners and people that make them feel safe and protected.
Will you put your life in the hands of a doctor that project an image of insecurity and hesitation? Will you invest money with a person that presents you with an image of an illiterate person? You must never forget that life is a jungle out there. If you show any sign of weakness or vulnerability, the vultures, and scavengers of life will appear like magic.
In nature the weak always becomes the victim of the strong. When a kudu feels ill or appear injured, the scavengers will target and devour him. In life, it is the same. When your head and shoulder go down you lose your zest for life. Your tone of voice drops to a whisper or whine and your feel drained and tired. Remember the trigger to get you out of this frame of mind is to reverse the process.
Lift your head and shoulders. Take a few deep breaths and walk like a man with a mission. You will be pleasantly surprised how quickly you feel in control again and how much fresh new energy will begin to pump through your body and mind.
The fool is under the impression that he can change people. People often change for a relative short period not because they see the error of their ways, but because it seems like a good strategic move to make to achieve a desire objective. The chances of a rotten person making a permanent change are less than a million to one. Accept a person without his history or take note of his history and run for the hills. Getting married will not make him stop drinking, flirting, fighting and will also not make him more caring or responsible. Having a baby will not make him more responsible and caring. Constantly giving someone money will not make him more productive. Punishing him for years will not prevent him from doing it again. Sulking for a day, week or month will not change his mind and heart. We live in a something for nothing world today. Doing as little as you can get away with seems to be a top priority. Using guilt or fear will not change anyone that lacks compassion and empathy. See things as they are my friend.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
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PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 