Some of us woke up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and re-adjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turns into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
Have you ever tried to change someone’s behaviour? I’m quite certain you have!
When you tried to get someone to do something different, how did it go? What did you say? What did you do? How did the person react?
I’m guessing it didn’t go so well. Firstly, the person probably didn’t change. Secondly, things probably got worse as the person became angry, silent, or defensive towards you.
You not only tried to assert yourself and persuade the person to your way of thinking, but you probably pushed them further away from where you want them to be.
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? The most common communication barrier people use in this situation is giving advice.
They try to send a solution to help the person. They think they’re doing the person a favor by giving advice, but all they’re really doing is making the person feel frustrated for having received the solution.
We hate receiving solutions from people because of four reasons:
1) We lose control. The other person takes the reigns in our life as they control what we should be doing. No one likes being controlled because it impedes on their freedom. It is a fundamental human need to be in control of one’s life.
Some psychologists actually say the more a person is in control of his or her life, the more happy he or she is. Powerful people lead others without controlling so they have freedom to make their own choices.
Give people control. Lead. Stop pulling people behind you. Begin leading by doing. You’ll be surprised at who follows.
2) Creates inferiority. A side-effect of having control over someone is the feelings of inferiority in the advised person. When we lose control of ourselves, we feel like a lesser person. We seek to feel important, but solutions and advice prevent people from fulfilling this important need.
3) The problem is not that obvious. Humans are complex creatures. Even our simple processes are complex. Giving solutions to someone sub-communicates that your solution to their problem is so obvious that they are stupid, incompetent, and inferior.
Aeschylus, an ancient Greek playwright in 500 BC, said: “It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.”
When you are tempted to send a solution to someone, you must acknowledge to yourself that you don’t know the whole story. Even when you think you know the truth, you probably only know one side of the story. Why?
This leads us onto the fourth reason people hate receiving solutions from others.
4) People are oblivious to the truth. Human behaviour, and everything we experience, is like an iceberg.
An iceberg’s visible tip is 10% of the entire iceberg because the ice’s density is less than the sea water’s density. The remaining 90% of the iceberg is below the water’s surface, not visible to the common eye. How the 90% of the iceberg is shaped cannot be determined by looking at the iceberg’s tip.
We are icebergs. Everything we do is icebergs. This can be a double-edged sword.
On one side, most people never concern themselves with understanding the 90% of a person or story that remains hidden to nearly everyone. They prefer to focus on themselves, stick with what they know, and never seek to fully understand people.
On the other side is tremendous potential to connect with people in a way they’ve never connected with someone before.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbor and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitize this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
YOUR MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS OF LOVE, JUDGEMENT, PEACE, FEAR, GRACE, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, FORGIVENESS, ATTACK, LAUGHTER, WORK, PLAY, JUDGMENT, KINDNESS, ISOLATION AND ONENESS ETC!
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YOUR HEAD IS LIKE A TOOLBOX: Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than you thoughts.
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood.
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool and attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continue day and night and will do so for the rest of your life.
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality.
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in our toolboxes is very old and outdated.
Many of the modern problems that you face cannot be repaired using these tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tool and hope that it will also get the job done.
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following?
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner.
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack, think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over again and remember this time to make a backup your work.
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take her potential lover out, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life.
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind.
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. If you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task.
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake.
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind.
You are what you think. Your choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You are really what you think. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts that you allow to occupy your mind!
Explain to your children that it takes courage to admit faults, mistakes and poor choices. It is not a weakness to admit that you made a mistake or failed completing something successfully. Making mistakes is a part of our learning process. It is a false notion that admitting mistakes will lower the image that other hold of you. Understand that mistakes are part of life and not the false perception of perfection. The freedom brought about by the courage you display will remove the false perception that you need to live up to a specific universal standard. Mistakes are our teachers that teach us via our mistakes and poor judgement. Nobody that ever walked this earth never made mistakes or achieved perfect grades all the time.
If you attempt to hide your mistakes people will sooner or later stop believing in you. Mistakes almost always come out and tarnish the credibility of the mistake maker. Telling it like it is might initially be uncomfortable and painful, but your honesty will at the same time earn the respect and admiration of those you work and play with. Admitting mistakes set you free while hiding behind lies turn you into a person that will have to continue to tell lies in an attempt to protect what you hope people think of you
PARENTS
Make it easy for your children to tell the truth. It you blow a fuse or induce fear and guilt you will force your child to hide and camouflage his/her mistakes.
Some of us one day wake up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and re-adjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turns into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
One of the most corrosive things many of us do is that we often rationalise perceived mistakes we made. I am often astounded with the justifications that some people come up when they fall short of their own or other’s expectations. They will find something or someone to blame. They often blame the weather, racism, historical disadvantages, God or Satan, the government, the recipe, fellow workers, the children, their partner etc.
What we fail to understand is that rationalisation fortifies our habit of living a life of RESISTANCE. Did it ever cross your mind that mistakes you make or events where you fail to conclude a project successfully is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow? The word “sin” originally simply meant that a person fell short of the expectation (goal) that he was expected to achieve. It is only when devious and clever operators noticed the wonderful opportunity to use failure as a mind control system that the concept of sin took on the horrific dimensions still used in many religions.
People were made to feel like shit when they once again fell short of the so-called requirements that God personally cast in stone. What amplified the fear of sinning and letting God down was the absolute nonsense preached that nobody can escape the all seeing eye of God. People became devious and began to hide, rationalise and justify their failures. Children that have strict and obsessive parents soon discover that telling the truth can turn into a fairly unpleasant experience. They soon develop a wide range of justifications and rationalisation that would make a judge scratch his head. Some children can think up excuses and reasons for poor performance or a lack of progress that would make most defence attorneys blush.
Something else that must be kept in mind is that all of us look at life through our own filter systems. We see our own perceptions as real and valid and often cannot see anything from other’s perspectives. We become mentally blind and cannot for a moment contemplate why someone is making such a fuss about a perceived mistake we made. Empathy (putting you in other’s shoes) fell apart over the years. Showing empathy means that you admit to your mistakes and as explained earlier could lead to pain and punishment. Every time we get away with the justifications we make up we entrench ourselves deeper in our castle of RESISTANCE.
The problem with “making up stories and justifications” is that we must suddenly remember what bullshit story we used to cover up our dispositions. The joke is that we begin to believe our own stories and will often be prepared to fight to the death to keep what really happened under wraps. Admitting mistakes we made provide wonderful learning opportunities and at the same time extract the toxic substance that accompanies whatever transpired. We came to this dimension to experience and to grow. The mistakes we make are wonderful opportunities to learn and to expand our self-image and self-esteem. You can save lots of time, tap dancing and frustration if you admit your mistake and offer to remedy whatever damage you caused.
There are parent that strongly insist that their children tell them the truth (and nothing but the truth). The child often views a hair raising performance from their parents when they tell the truth. Their mother begin to hyperventilate while she rips bundles of hair out of her sculpt while the father clutch his chest while he whisper and wheeze how he is going to beat the child up and force him to stay in his room for fifteen years. Let’s be honest. Very few children will continue to admit to mistakes after a few dramatic performances by his or her parents. Children later become adults and even later parents. They in turn duplicate the examples set by their parents and in the process produce a new generation of children that RESIST admitting mistakes that also find it impossible to show empathy to those that they harmed in with a mistake they made. The solution is to “tell it like it is” and let the chips fall where they may.
Spend today and see if you notice how you or others justify and rationalise when mistakes are made. See how service staff blame the computer when the messed up your account. See how incompetent mechanics flounder and lie when you question the quality of work they did on your vehicle. Try a few time do admit your mistakes without trying to justify your error. You might shock a few individuals that are not used to hearing the truth – but do it anyway. I will continue this series tomorrow.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbor and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitize this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
You are the creator of your life. You created what you deem your world, one “perception” and “belief system” at a time. It is the collective pool of your perceptions that later took on a life of its own.
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It took me the best part of my life to grasp that we all have the power to create happy and successful lives if we give up our tendency to play silly games with other people and ourselves. We tend to automatically go on the defensive when anyone dares to request us to stop playing games. Our often bloated egos react like a bull when a red rag is waved in front on him. You are the creator of your life. You created what you deem your world, one “perception” and “belief system” at a time. It is the collective pool of your perceptions that later took on a life of its own. You were convinced by your programmers that your “belief systems” (implanted dogma) reflects who you are. You have been led astray by these clever operators even more when they convinced you that you are your history. Your programmers, some with good intentions made you into the rat on a treadmill that you turned out to be. Guilt and fear became your prison guards. All your efforts to become a productive, loving and caring individual as prescribed failed. You failed because you can never work fast enough to clean up behind your ego. Your daily good intentions faded into nothingness as soon as you made your first mistake for the day. The only way to escape the treadmill of life is to accept that you are not your ego, mistakes or history. You can make a fresh start today and create a wonderful life for yourself. You need to take back the creation function from your ego. Your ego (defective program) is responsible for the mess your thought you made to date. The real you have been waiting patiently for you to wake up and discover this powerful, life changing truth that you are not the defective soft-ware that ran your show to date.
Rene
‘
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The only way to escape the treadmill of life is to accept that you are not your ego, mistakes or history. You can make a fresh start today and create a wonderful life for yourself.
Some of us one day wake up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and readjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turn into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
Have you ever tried to change someone’s behaviour? I’m quite certain you have!
When you tried to get someone to do something different, how did it go? What did you say? What did you do? How did the person react?
I’m guessing it didn’t go so well. Firstly, the person probably didn’t change. Secondly, things probably got worse as the person became angry, silent, or defensive towards you.
You not only tried to assert yourself and persuade the person to your way of thinking, but you probably pushed them further away from where you want them to be.
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? The most common communication barrier people use in this situation is giving advice.
They try to send a solution to help the person. They think they’re doing the person a favor by giving advice, but all they’re really doing is making the person feel frustrated for having received the solution.
We hate receiving solutions from people because of four reasons:
1) We lose control. The other person takes the reigns in our life as they control what we should be doing. No one likes being controlled because it impedes on their freedom. It is a fundamental human need to be in control of one’s life.
Some psychologists actually say the more a person is in control of his or her life, the more happy he or she is. Powerful people lead others without controlling so they have freedom to make their own choices.
Give people control. Lead. Stop pulling people behind you. Begin leading by doing. You’ll be surprised at who follows.
2) Creates inferiority. A side-effect of having control over someone is the feelings of inferiority in the advised person. When we lose control of ourselves, we feel like a lesser person. We seek to feel important, but solutions and advice prevent people from fulfilling this important need.
3) The problem is not that obvious. Humans are complex creatures. Even our simple processes are complex. Giving solutions to someone sub-communicates that your solution to their problem is so obvious that they are stupid, incompetent, and inferior.
Aeschylus, an ancient Greek playwright in 500 BC, said: “It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.”
When you are tempted to send a solution to someone, you must acknowledge to yourself that you don’t know the whole story. Even when you think you know the truth, you probably only know one side of the story. Why?
This leads us onto the fourth reason people hate receiving solutions from others.
4) People are oblivious to the truth. Human behaviour, and everything we experience, is like an iceberg.
An iceberg’s visible tip is 10% of the entire iceberg because the ice’s density is less than the sea water’s density. The remaining 90% of the iceberg is below the water’s surface, not visible to the common eye. How the 90% of the iceberg is shaped cannot be determined by looking at the iceberg’s tip.
We are icebergs. Everything we do is icebergs. This can be a double-edged sword.
On one side, most people never concern themselves with understanding the 90% of a person or story that remains hidden to nearly everyone. They prefer to focus on themselves, stick with what they know, and never seek to fully understand people.
On the other side is tremendous potential to connect with people in a way they’ve never connected with someone before.
Every single one of us has made mistakes with women. We’ve been conned, duped and dazed by physical attraction. We’ve made fools of ourselves by kissing the feet of females who treated us like dirt. We’ve wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to us and used us, and turned out to be rotten.
But do we learn from our experiences? No. Every time we think it’s going to be different. We think if we just try harder, or do one little thing differently, the result will change.
Well, it’s not going to change. If you keep pursuing the same kind of woman, you’ll just get your heart broken over and over again.
Keep a watchful eye out for the following list of women, and you’ll be one step closer to curing yourself of habitual bitch-dating:
1- Miss Feminist
This woman postulates that all the ills of society are orchestrated by men and the best thing a man can do to improve himself is cut off his testicles and grow a pair of ovaries. She believes that women are angelic creatures who would make the world a utopia if only the male “patriarchy” would allow them to. Any woman who promotes these absurdities lives in a fantasy world and will have no problem at all treating a man in a way that she would never herself abide by. You can easily identify her by her incessant mantra, “All men think with their penises.” Avoid her at all costs.
2- Miss Take
She’s out for your money — pure and simple. Miss Take is the ultimate in high maintenance. She expects a man to finance her entire life just because she is biologically female. To her, a man should pay for drinks, dinners, trips, flowers, and jewelry, while she feels absolutely no guilt or compulsion to reciprocate. She is nothing but a whitewashed prostitute. Miss Take thinks her vagina is plated with gold and is worth a million dollars. She is greed personified. Since she has no concept of someone else’s feelings, her only interest is in getting what she wants. And don’t be fooled — some apparently very “nice” girls are the greediest of them all.
3- Miss Romance
This type of woman lives in a fantasy world of Lifetime Channel movies and romance novels. Every night she goes home alone to spend hours flipping through her bride magazines, imagining that, at any moment, Prince Charming will ride up on his white horse, sweep her off her feet, and offer her a problem-free existence for the rest of her life. The Miss Romances of the world have been coddled by parents and family, told they are “princesses,” and have absolutely no idea that real life consists of paying bills and cleaning toilets. Miss Romance will expect to be taken care of, will be a dud in bed, and will, almost overnight, turn into a shrieking nag. Run.
4- Miss Elusive
This woman is closely allied to Miss Romance, but with a dark side. She is usually one of the “walking wounded” — someone who has been hurt in past relationships and so subconsciously avoids or sabotages new relationships in the present. Your association with her will be one of utter frustration, as first she shows great interest in you, but very quickly runs away — then repeats this cycle over and over again. Miss Elusive is the queen of mixed messages. She will flirt with you and date you, but you’ll never get past “friend” status. What you will get is a million excuses for her unavailability, all calculated to deceive herself that she just doesn’t have time for a relationship. Save yourself some heartache — don’t get involved with her.
5- Miss Angry
Like Miss Feminists, Miss Angrys really don’t like men. They scorn the male gender and can rattle off all the wrongs and misdeeds of every man they’ve ever encountered. To Miss Angry, there’s no such thing as a nice guy — they’re all “jerks,” “creeps” and “pigs.” Many of them have lots of simmering anger at men, which can explode at any moment like an erupting volcano. Unless you’re into lots of drama and screaming, stay away.
6- Miss Insecure
This woman seems great at the start because she’s very nice, accommodating and treats men well. But her inner insecurities don’t take long to surface. Pretty soon she’s calling you 10 times a day, asking to see “where the relationship is going,” or because she “just wants to hear your voice.” She needs constant reassurance that she’s attractive, and worries incessantly about her makeup, hair and the alignment of her clothes. She’s clingy, needy and compulsively agonizes that you’re going to leave her at any moment for “someone better.” This kind of thing can get really creepy really fast.
7- Miss Bitch
Miss Bitches are the sulkers, pouters and ball-busters of the female world. They are very unpleasant people who treat their fellow humans poorly, care only about themselves, and aren’t concerned at all if they hurt you or anybody else. Most Miss Bitches qualify as Miss Takes, too. Miss Bitches are usually good-looking and well dressed, and you can easily identify them by the scowls on their faces as they imperiously strut through the world.
8- Miss Me
A close relative of Miss Bitch, Miss Me is entirely focused on herself. Miss Me needs to be the constant center of attention no matter what she does or where she goes. She is a selfish, self-indulgent, self-serving narcissist who was raised as “daddy’s little girl,” and expects the same from you. Unless you enjoy the company of spoiled brats, stay far, far away.
9- Miss Desperate
Whether it’s her baby clock ticking or she’s the last of her girlfriends to trap a man, Miss Desperate wants to get married — now. She doesn’t care who the guy is or what he does — as long as he’s got a penis she can drag him to the altar. Watch out for this one!
10- Miss Turncoat
She’s a conniving little piece of work who’s an expert at conning men. Miss Turncoat will tell you exactly what you want to hear until you’re hooked deep into the relationship (or married) and then the truth comes out. Overnight, your sweet little girl turns into a demanding, greedy, mercenary harpy who will browbeat you into submission if she doesn’t get her way.
11- Miss Tease
Usually, you can spot Miss Teases a mile away because she flirts with anything in pants and flaunt her sexuality at every opportunity. Sometimes she sponges off older men; sometimes she’s a ball-buster who enjoys getting men sexually excited and then walking away; and sometimes she just basks in her sexual power by attracting men like bees to honey. No matter how she operates, you can’t trust her because she craves male attention and if somebody better comes along, she’ll dump you in a heartbeat.
12- Miss Controlling
She is a subtly nasty one who will wind up directing every phase of your life. She will tell you what to wear, where to go, who to talk to, what friends you can have, what you can eat — everything. And if you try to stand up for yourself, she will cut off sex, cry, scream, pout, or use any other deceptive female tactic until you give in and succumb to her demands.
you’ve been warned!
These are some of the worst of them. Obviously, there are some good women out there who share only portions of these negative qualities. But it’s always best to be on the lookout for the Misses listed above.
And now that you know better, if you hook up with one of these women, you have only yourself to blame.
Matthew Fitzgerald is the author of Sex-Ploytation. He has appeared on radio shows from coast-to-coast in the United States and in Canada, and has been featured on the Montel show and The Other Half.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
Some of us one day wake up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and re-adjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turns into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
One of the most corrosive things many of us do is that we often rationalise perceived mistakes we made. I am often astounded with the justifications that some people come up when they fall short of their own or other’s expectations. They will find something or someone to blame. They often blame the weather, racism, historical disadvantages, God or Satan, the government, the recipe, fellow workers, the children, their partner etc.
What we fail to understand is that rationalisation fortifies our habit of living a life of RESISTANCE. Did it ever cross your mind that mistakes you make or events where you fail to conclude a project successfully is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow? The word “sin” originally simply meant that a person fell short of the expectation (goal) that he was expected to achieve. It is only when devious and clever operators noticed the wonderful opportunity to use failure as a mind control system that the concept of sin took on the horrific dimensions still used in many religions.
People were made to feel like shit when they fell short of the so-called requirements that God personally cast in stone. What amplified the fear of sinning and letting God down was the absolute nonsense preached that nobody can escape the all seeing eye of God. People became devious and began to hide, rationalise and justify their failures. Children that have strict and obsessive parents soon discover that telling the truth can turn into a fairly unpleasant experience. They soon develop a wide range of justifications and rationalisation that would make a judge scratch his head. Some children can think up excuses and reasons for poor performance or a lack of progress that would make most defence attorneys blush.
Something else that must be kept in mind is that all of us look at life through our own filter systems. We see our own perceptions as real and valid and often cannot see anything from other’s perspectives. We become mentally blind and cannot for a moment contemplate why someone is making such a fuss about a perceived mistake we made. Empathy (putting you in other’s shoes) fell apart over the years. Showing empathy means that you admit to your mistakes and as explained earlier could lead to pain and punishment. Every time we get away with the justifications we make up we entrench ourselves deeper in our castle of RESISTANCE.
The problem with “making up stories and justifications” is that we must suddenly remember what bullshit story we used to cover up our dispositions. The joke is that we begin to believe our own stories and will often be prepared to fight to the death to keep what really happened under wraps. Admitting mistakes we made provide wonderful learning opportunities and at the same time extract the toxic substance that accompanies whatever transpired. We came to this dimension to experience and to grow. The mistakes we make are wonderful opportunities to learn and to expand our self-image and self-esteem. You can save lots of time, tap dancing and frustration if you admit your mistake and offer to remedy whatever damage you caused.
There are parent that strongly insist that their children tell them the truth (and nothing but the truth). The child often views a hair raising performance from their parents when they tell the truth. Their mother begin to hyperventilate while she rips bundles of hair out of her sculpt while the father clutch his chest while he whisper and wheeze how he is going to beat the child up and force him to stay in his room for fifteen years. Let’s be honest. Very few children will continue to admit to mistakes after a few dramatic performances by his or her parents. Children later become adults and even later parents. They in turn duplicate the examples set by their parents and in the process produce a new generation of children that RESIST admitting mistakes that also find it impossible to show empathy to those that they harmed in with a mistake they made. The solution is to “tell it like it is” and let the chips fall where they may.
Spend today and see if you notice how you or others justify and rationalise when mistakes are made. See how service staff blame the computer when the messed up your account. See how incompetent mechanics flounder and lie when you question the quality of work they did on your vehicle. Try a few time do admit your mistakes without trying to justify your error. You might shock a few individuals that are not used to hearing the truth – but do it anyway. I will continue this series tomorrow.
Some of us one day wake up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and readjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turn into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
Have you ever tried to change someone’s behaviour? I’m quite certain you have!
When you tried to get someone to do something different, how did it go? What did you say? What did you do? How did the person react?
I’m guessing it didn’t go so well. Firstly, the person probably didn’t change. Secondly, things probably got worse as the person became angry, silent, or defensive towards you.
You not only tried to assert yourself and persuade the person to your way of thinking, but you probably pushed them further away from where you want them to be.
It’s frustrating, isn’t it? The most common communication barrier people use in this situation is giving advice.
They try to send a solution to help the person. They think they’re doing the person a favor by giving advice, but all they’re really doing is making the person feel frustrated for having received the solution.
We hate receiving solutions from people because of four reasons:
1) We lose control. The other person takes the reigns in our life as they control what we should be doing. No one likes being controlled because it impedes on their freedom. It is a fundamental human need to be in control of one’s life.
Some psychologists actually say the more a person is in control of his or her life, the more happy he or she is. Powerful people lead others without controlling so they have freedom to make their own choices.
Give people control. Lead. Stop pulling people behind you. Begin leading by doing. You’ll be surprised at who follows.
2) Creates inferiority. A side-effect of having control over someone is the feelings of inferiority in the advised person. When we lose control of ourselves, we feel like a lesser person. We seek to feel important, but solutions and advice prevent people from fulfilling this important need.
3) The problem is not that obvious. Humans are complex creatures. Even our simple processes are complex. Giving solutions to someone sub-communicates that your solution to their problem is so obvious that they are stupid, incompetent, and inferior.
Aeschylus, an ancient Greek playwright in 500 BC, said: “It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.”
When you are tempted to send a solution to someone, you must acknowledge to yourself that you don’t know the whole story. Even when you think you know the truth, you probably only know one side of the story. Why?
This leads us onto the fourth reason people hate receiving solutions from others.
4) People are oblivious to the truth. Human behaviour, and everything we experience, is like an iceberg.
An iceberg’s visible tip is 10% of the entire iceberg because the ice’s density is less than the sea water’s density. The remaining 90% of the iceberg is below the water’s surface, not visible to the common eye. How the 90% of the iceberg is shaped cannot be determined by looking at the iceberg’s tip.
We are icebergs. Everything we do is icebergs. This can be a double-edged sword.
On one side, most people never concern themselves with understanding the 90% of a person or story that remains hidden to nearly everyone. They prefer to focus on themselves, stick with what they know, and never seek to fully understand people.
On the other side is tremendous potential to connect with people in a way they’ve never connected with someone before.
One of the most corrosive things many of us do is that we often rationalise perceived mistakes we made. I am often astounded with the justifications that some people come up when they fall short of their own or other’s expectations. They will find something or someone to blame. They often blame the weather, racism, historical disadvantages, God or Satan, the government, the recipe, fellow workers, the children, their partner etc.
What we fail to understand is that rationalisation fortifies our habit of living a life of RESISTANCE. Did it ever cross your mind that mistakes you make or events where you fail to conclude a project successfully is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow? The word “sin” originally simply meant that a person fell short of the expectation (goal) that he was expected to achieve. It is only when devious and clever operators noticed the wonderful opportunity to use failure as a mind control system that the concept of sin took on the horrific dimensions still used in many religions.
People were made to feel like shit when they once again fell short of the so-called requirements that God personally cast in stone. What amplified the fear of sinning and letting God down was the absolute nonsense preached that nobody can escape the all seeing eye of God. People became devious and began to hide, rationalise and justify their failures. Children that have strict and obsessive parents soon discover that telling the truth can turn into a fairly unpleasant experience. They soon develop a wide range of justifications and rationalisation that would make a judge scratch his head. Some children can think up excuses and reasons for poor performance or a lack of progress that would make most defence attorneys blush.
Something else that must be kept in mind is that all of us look at life through our own filter systems. We see our own perceptions as real and valid and often cannot see anything from other’s perspectives. We become mentally blind and cannot for a moment contemplate why someone is making such a fuss about a perceived mistake we made. Empathy (putting you in other’s shoes) fell apart over the years. Showing empathy means that you admit to your mistakes and as explained earlier could lead to pain and punishment. Every time we get away with the justifications we make up we entrench ourselves deeper in our castle of RESISTANCE.
The problem with “making up stories and justifications” is that we must suddenly remember what bullshit story we used to cover up our dispositions. The joke is that we begin to believe our own stories and will often be prepared to fight to the death to keep what really happened under wraps. Admitting mistakes we made provide wonderful learning opportunities and at the same time extract the toxic substance that accompanies whatever transpired. We came to this dimension to experience and to grow. The mistakes we make are wonderful opportunities to learn and to expand our self-image and self-esteem. You can save lots of time, tap dancing and frustration if you admit your mistake and offer to remedy whatever damage you caused.
There are parent that strongly insist that their children tell them the truth (and nothing but the truth). The child often views a hair raising performance from their parents when they tell the truth. Their mother begin to hyperventilate while she rips bundles of hair out of her sculpt while the father clutch his chest while he whisper and wheeze how he is going to beat the child up and force him to stay in his room for fifteen years. Let’s be honest. Very few children will continue to admit to mistakes after a few dramatic performances by his or her parents. Children later become adults and even later parents. They in turn duplicate the examples set by their parents and in the process produce a new generation of children that RESIST admitting mistakes that also find it impossible to show empathy to those that they harmed in with a mistake they made. The solution is to “tell it like it is” and let the chips fall where they may.
Spend today and see if you notice how you or others justify and rationalise when mistakes are made. See how service staff blame the computer when the messed up your account. See how incompetent mechanics flounder and lie when you question the quality of work they did on your vehicle. Try a few time do admit your mistakes without trying to justify your error. You might shock a few individuals that are not used to hearing the truth – but do it anyway. I will continue this series tomorrow.
You are the creator of your life. You created what you deem your world, one “perception” and “belief system” at a time. It is the collective pool of your perceptions that later took on a life of its own.
It took me the best part of my life to grasp that we all have the power to create happy and successful lives if we give up our tendency to play silly games with other people and ourselves. We tend to automatically go on the defensive when anyone dares to request us to stop playing games. Our often bloated egos react like a bull when a red rag is waved in front on him. You are the creator of your life. You created what you deem your world, one “perception” and “belief system” at a time. It is the collective pool of your perceptions that later took on a life of its own. You were convinced by your programmers that your “belief systems” (implanted dogma) reflects who you are. You have been led astray by these clever operators even more when they convinced you that you are your history. Your programmers, some with good intentions made you into the rat on a treadmill that you turned out to be. Guilt and fear became your prison guards. All your efforts to become a productive, loving and caring individual as prescribed failed. You failed because you can never work fast enough to clean up behind your ego. Your daily good intentions faded into nothingness as soon as you made your first mistake for the day. The only way to escape the treadmill of life is to accept that you are not your ego, mistakes or history. You can make a fresh start today and create a wonderful life for yourself. You need to take back the creation function from your ego. Your ego (defective program) is responsible for the mess your thought you made to date. The real you have been waiting patiently for you to wake up and discover this powerful, life changing truth that you are not the defective soft-ware that ran your show to date.
Rene
‘
The only way to escape the treadmill of life is to accept that you are not your ego, mistakes or history. You can make a fresh start today and create a wonderful life for yourself.
Some of us one day wake up to the fact that we might have been travelling in the wrong direction away from our desired destiny. The solution would be to turn your vehicle of life around and re-adjust your course, but that is often easier set than done. They have a saying in sport when a player loose form or fail to play at his/her full potential. The trainer often tells the player to return to basics for a while. We are sometimes so busy making a living, fighting the good fight to be a good provider or mother that we go on auto pilot and speed along on the highway of life without noticing that we are travelling in the wrong direction. We sometimes only wake up to mistakes when we are many miles away from our desired course.
The biggest mistake we can make when we discover that we are speeding along in the wrong direction is to implode or start telling ourselves that we are some kind of idiot. There is nothing wrong with you now and there was never anything wrong with you in the past. We all make countless mistakes while we play the game of life. There is nothing wrong with mistakes. We learn and gain experience when we make mistakes. This is how knowledge turns into wisdom. The bigger the mistake the higher its educational value. You could slow down, park your vehicle of life and cry over the time, money and opportunities you have lost while you travelled in the wrong direction or you can learn from your mistake, point your vehicle of life’s nose in the right direction and push hard on the petrol pedal of your vehicle. You will soon feel the wind in your hair while you gather speed toward your destiny.
We need to see mistakes that we make as stepping stones. We must see them as valuable tools that teach us wonderful lessons. We usually recover faster when we learn from our mistakes and get back in the game of life quickly. We should not see our detours as disasters where we lost valuable time. We should see these detours as opportunities to uncover the stuff that is not working to our advantage. We might feel depleted and defeated after one of our setbacks or mistakes, but also soon discover that new fresh energy and enthusiasm soon fill the void left by our negative and destructive thought patterns.
The universe did not send you to earth dimension to fail. It sent you on your current mission to learn and to grow. The universe (God) is always watching your progress and rejoice when you learn from a mistake and start moving towards your destiny again. The universe do not always intervene when you make mistakes because you have free will and came to learn and to grow. The universe will never allow you to face obstacles that you are not equipped to overcome.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitise this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
If you do not like anything you have the right to recreate or modify your creation until you are satisfied with the desired outcome. You are not a victim that needs to pay for the rest of your life for mistakes you made historically. Many of us just accept our lot in life and suffer in silence, often until the day we expire. Look around you and make a list of the things you would like to recreate ……. starting today!
.
.
What you do to other you actually do to yourself. It is amazing when you finally grasp that we are all ONE and part whole. What you fail to do for another you deprive yourself of as well. It is silly to expect love, care, support and understanding if you are ego driven and always “ME” focused. Your world is a mirror image of the mindset that you use while at work or play. It is only brave individuals that are prepared to open themselves in this manner.
One of the most corrosive things many of us do is that we often rationalise perceived mistakes we made. I am often astounded with the justifications that some people come up when they fall short of their own or other’s expectations. They will find something or someone to blame. They often blame the weather, racism, historical disadvantages, God or Satan, the government, the recipe, fellow workers, the children, their partner etc.
What we fail to understand is that rationalisation fortifies our habit of living a life of RESISTANCE. Did it ever cross your mind that mistakes you make or events where you fail to conclude a project successfully is a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow? The word “sin” originally simply meant that a person fell short of the expectation (goal) that he was expected to achieve. It is only when devious and clever operators noticed the wonderful opportunity to use failure as a mind control system that the concept of sin took on the horrific dimensions still used in many religions.
People were made to feel like shit when they once again fell short of the so-called requirements that God personally cast in stone. What amplified the fear of sinning and letting God down was the absolute nonsense preached that nobody can escape the all seeing eye of God. People became devious and began to hide, rationalise and justify their failures. Children that have strict and obsessive parents soon discover that telling the truth can turn into a fairly unpleasant experience. They soon develop a wide range of justifications and rationalisation that would make a judge scratch his head. Some children can think up excuses and reasons for poor performance or a lack of progress that would make most defence attorneys blush.
Something else that must be kept in mind is that all of us look at life through our own filter systems. We see our own perceptions as real and valid and often cannot see anything from other’s perspectives. We become mentally blind and cannot for a moment contemplate why someone is making such a fuss about a perceived mistake we made. Empathy (putting you in other’s shoes) fell apart over the years. Showing empathy means that you admit to your mistakes and as explained earlier could lead to pain and punishment. Every time we get away with the justifications we make up we entrench ourselves deeper in our castle of RESISTANCE.
The problem with “making up stories and justifications” is that we must suddenly remember what bullshit story we used to cover up our dispositions. The joke is that we begin to believe our own stories and will often be prepared to fight to the death to keep what really happened under wraps. Admitting mistakes we made provide wonderful learning opportunities and at the same time extract the toxic substance that accompanies whatever transpired. We came to this dimension to experience and to grow. The mistakes we make are wonderful opportunities to learn and to expand our self-image and self-esteem. You can save lots of time, tap dancing and frustration if you admit your mistake and offer to remedy whatever damage you caused.
There are parent that strongly insist that their children tell them the truth (and nothing but the truth). The child often views a hair raising performance from their parents when they tell the truth. Their mother begin to hyperventilate while she rips bundles of hair out of her sculpt while the father clutch his chest while he whisper and wheeze how he is going to beat the child up and force him to stay in his room for fifteen years. Let’s be honest. Very few children will continue to admit to mistakes after a few dramatic performances by his or her parents. Children later become adults and even later parents. They in turn duplicate the examples set by their parents and in the process produce a new generation of children that RESIST admitting mistakes that also find it impossible to show empathy to those that they harmed in with a mistake they made. The solution is to “tell it like it is” and let the chips fall where they may.
Spend today and see if you notice how you or others justify and rationalise when mistakes are made. See how service staff blame the computer when the messed up your account. See how incompetent mechanics flounder and lie when you question the quality of work they did on your vehicle. Try a few time do admit your mistakes without trying to justify your error. You might shock a few individuals that are not used to hearing the truth – but do it anyway. I will continue this series tomorrow.
Explain to your children that it takes courage to admit faults, mistakes and poor choices. It is not a weakness to admit that you made a mistake or failed completing something successfully. Making mistakes is a part of our learning process. It is a false notion that admitting mistakes will lower the image that other hold of you. Understand that mistakes are part of life and not the false perception of perfection. The freedom brought about by the courage you display will remove the false perception that you need to live up to a specific universal standard. Mistakes are our teachers that teach us via our mistakes and poor judgement. Nobody that ever walked this earth never made mistakes or achieved perfect grades all the time.
If you attempt to hide your mistakes people will sooner or later stop believing in you. Mistakes almost always come out and tarnish the credibility of the mistake maker. Telling it like it is might initially be uncomfortable and painful, but your honesty will at the same time earn the respect and admiration of those you work and play with. Admitting mistakes set you free while hiding behind lies turn you into a person that will have to continue to tell lies in an attempt to protect what you hope people think of you
PARENTS
Make it easy for your children to tell the truth. It you blow a fuse or induce fear and guilt you will force your child to hide and camouflage his/her mistakes.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbor and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitize this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 