Tag Archives: relationship

The next time you fly off the handle remember. Only fools start acting out the first routine that comes to mind



Give yourself time to scan all incoming data. You can cause yourself and partner serious discomfort if you for example have a hair-trigger on jealousy. You can destroy a wonderful relationship if you have a hair-trigger on your impatience. You can flush your career down the toilet if you have a hair-trigger on your anger or jump to conclusions. Stop automatic reactions when triggered if you want to change your life. Learn to buy time and to delay your decisions until you have gathered enough data to make an informed decision. The next time you fly off the handle remember that only fools start acting out the first routine that comes to mind





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Posted by on March 13, 2015 in WISDOM


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People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.

It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.


Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.

Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.


Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.




We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.

If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.


If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.




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Posted by on February 24, 2015 in WISDOM


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Do you tend to imagine the ideal end result or the worst possible situation?




Being at peace is the wonderful state of mind and body where all is calm, where thoughts are quiet and serene, and where muscles are relaxed and comfortable. In this article, you’ll learn how to attain this inner peace in a matter of minutes.


Once you are adept at controlling your mind and body, you are always only one simple thought away from perfect peacefulness.


You can “will” perfect peacefulness at any time. You will be able to move out of stressful situations immediately. All you need to do is follow a few simple steps to train yourself. A little practice is all that is required. But, you must take the time to direct the mind and body in positive ways so that you can ensure the pleasures of inner peace.


You’re at the wheel. So let’s drive on!


Let peace happen.


Being at peace is a choice. When we stop struggling and fighting the world around us—and the world within us—peace can happen. Our individual fight is with our thoughts, emotions and physical bodies. The fighting can be directed toward ourselves or those we face each day. Here are several approaches to quickly give up the fight and win at the same time.


There are many ways your physical body can take on struggles you face each day. Maybe you clench your jaw when you get mad. Maybe you collect tension across the back of your neck and shoulders. Maybe butterflies trouble your stomach. The first step is being aware of what you are doing. The second step is to consciously make the choice to release the tension.


Your mind takes on struggles in the form of mental images. Do you tend to imagine the ideal end result or the worst possible situation? Troubling and negative mental images translate into unpleasant emotions and stressful physical reactions.


Choose carefully the thoughts you think because they absolutely affect how you feel. Realize that the only person who can change your thoughts is you. You can then take charge and change your thoughts for the better.


Emotions are natural physiological changes that occur when thoughts are held in your mind. You can easily direct your emotional states by changing your posture; for example, sit straight, tilt your head, use facial expressions, walk differently, etc. You can also direct your emotional states by holding brighter and more pleasing visual images in mind. You have the choice, but you must make the choice.


Creating Peace of Mind


To create peace within yourself, simply relax your body and breathing; then, direct the mind.


A still body is the reflection of a calm mind, but the mind cannot be still until the body is still.


Begin by making your body comfortable. Then release areas of tension. As example, gentle movements of the neck and shoulder muscles can help stretch and release tension in those areas.


Breathing in an even and steady way will quickly calm both the body and mind. Make the inhale and exhale of equal length without any pauses in between. Your breathing will become smooth and even.


The next step is to quiet the mind. Start by bringing your awareness into this present moment, here and now. By doing this you can effectively eliminate distracting or troubling thoughts. Any anxieties about the future or tensions from the past will leave your mind and body.


Another way to direct the mind is to direct your inner voice–especially if it is anxious or overbearing. Play with the idea of changing the volume of your inner voice. Have it be quieter.


Modify the tone of you inner voice until it is pleasant, warm and nurturing. You can have it say pleasant and comforting words to you—words of encouragement and self esteem. Some people even repeat soothing words or phrases in a rhythmic way.


The final step is to hold images that encourage a peaceful mind. For thousands of years, prayerful and meditative people have directed the mind by holding steady mental pictures. For example, the image of a candle flame can be used to concentrate one’s attention and steady the mind. You can use images of a peaceful scene from nature, a vacation setting, an imaginary room of comfort, a cathedral, rose bushes, or anything calming, wonderful, and peaceful.


What To Do Once You’ve Got There.


Getting to a relaxed state of mind and body by the above steps may take 20-30 minutes at first. With practice, however, you’ll be able to accomplish this within a few minutes.


When you try to extend this peaceful feeling for long periods of time, you may find that your mind will race to other thoughts. After all, your mind is trained to race, to go full throttle, all day long. If you suddenly stop for 20 minutes, will your mind to cooperate? No. It will do what you trained it to do for the 16 hours–race!


So, what’s the solution? How do you create a peace-filled life, and not peaceful three-minute spurts? Take it one moment and one thought at a time. Bring peaceful, serene, and positive images and feelings into the rest of your day. Learn to release tensions as they occur. Learn to direct your thoughts and emotions at the time they start getting out of hand. You’ll discover that not only can you create a peacefulness, but you are living a peace-filled life.

By Paul R. Scheele, Creator of the Ultimate You Mindfest


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Posted by on February 23, 2015 in WISDOM


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This is the main reason why relationships often end up in separations/divorce



Many of us frequently go through RELATIONSHIP problems or we would love to FIND a more satisfying relationship than our current existing relationship. We often enrol in relationship building programs, read books about relationship building, cry on family members shoulders, meditate under waterfalls and learn why the author claim that woman are from VENUS and men from MARS. All these efforts are usually to no avail. The reason why strategies and methods fail to produce sustained SUCCESSFUL outcomes is because we remain focused on the outcomes we desire and forget that the CORE CAUSES need to be addressed. This is the main reason why relationship repairs after ugly disputes that sometimes ended up in separations or divorce often soon return. All the good intentions in the world cannot be sustained until the CORE CAUSES are address and removed. LOVE alone cannot overcome inherent defective and contaminated CORE CAUSES. Relationships can only be repaired and sustained if both parties address and rectify the fundamental CORE CONTAMINATION that they imported into their RELATIONSHIP.


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Posted by on February 13, 2015 in WISDOM


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What Falling In Love Does to Your Brain.




Getting struck by Cupid’s arrow may very well take your breath away and make your heart go pitter-patter this Valentine’s Day, reports sexual wellness specialists at Loyola University Health System.

“Falling in love causes our body to release a flood of feel-good chemicals that trigger specific physical reactions,” said Pat Mumby, PhD, co-director of the Loyola Sexual Wellness Clinic and professor, Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Neurosciences, Loyola University Chicago Stritch School of Medicine (SSOM). “This internal elixir of love is responsible for making our cheeks flush, our palms sweat and our hearts race.”

Levels of these substances, which include dopamine, adrenaline and norepinephrine, increase when two people fall in love. Dopamine creates feelings of euphoria while adrenaline and norepinephrine are responsible for the pitter-patter of the heart, restlessness and overall preoccupation that go along with experiencing love.

MRI scans indicate that love lights up the pleasure center of the brain. When we fall in love, blood flow increases in this area, which is the same part of the brain implicated in obsessive-compulsive behaviors.

“Love lowers serotonin levels, which is common in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders,” said Mary Lynn, DO, co-director of the Loyola Sexual Wellness Clinic and assistant professor, Department of Obstetrics & Gynecology, SSOM. “This may explain why we concentrate on little other than our partner during the early stages of a relationship.”

Doctors caution that these physical responses to love may work to our disadvantage.

“The phrase ‘love is blind’ is a valid notion because we tend to idealize our partner and see only things that we want to see in the early stages of the relationship,” Dr. Mumby said. “Outsiders may have a much more objective and rational perspective on the partnership than the two people involved do.”

There are three phases of love, which include lust, attraction and attachment.

Lust is a hormone-driven phase where we experience desire. Blood flow to the pleasure center of the brain happens during the attraction phase, when we feel an overwhelming fixation with our partner. This behavior fades during the attachment phase, when the body develops a tolerance to the pleasure stimulants. Endorphins and hormones vasopressin and oxytocin also flood the body at this point creating an overall sense of well-being and security that is conducive to a lasting relationship.

Source: Science Daily


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Posted by on February 13, 2015 in WISDOM


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Apply the “time out” rule if you want to master the art of dispute management.




Mutual respect developed in relationships ensures sustainability and good quality choices. The key is to create a platform where parties can talk openly, without fear about observations, experiences and feelings. I sometimes find it almost humorous to hear from friends how their partner went crazy, hyperventilated and pulled out clumps of hair from his or her scalp after they share some bad news with him or her. A few dramatic performances by your partner after you share less acceptable news with him or her usually convince you that this open and honest thing should be avoided at all cost. That is one of the main reasons why partners begin to hide stuff from each other. It might be a good idea to set down a few ground rules about this open and honest mode of operation before you agree to take it on board. You must build in an escape clause if your partner begins to show symptoms of a heart attack or start looking for a sharp knife in the kitchen. I am exaggerating, but hope that you will accept that some ground rules must be put in place if one or both of the partners feel that honesty is the best policy. The best rule is to agree that you will bring in a “time out” period when any of the partners move away from a rational and objective communication style. You may find that one partner insist while he or she is foaming at the mouth that you conclude whatever you are busy talking about. My friend, take time out, even if you must dodge a few “flying saucers” on your way to your workshop. No problem, relationship or dispute has ever been solved amicably while one or both of the parties work in “crazy” mode. Showing respect and compassion is impossible while you jump up and down like a clown or make noises like a wounded buffalo. I thus suggest that you set some “playing” rules in this regard and avoid any engagement while upset or angry. Apply the “time out” rule if you want to master the art of dispute management.




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Posted by on January 14, 2015 in WISDOM


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Over time, women are often not getting sexually turned-on by their partners.




All to often I talk with women who just “aren’t feelin’ it” anymore (or maybe they never have) in the bedroom. Over time, women who are not getting sexually turned-on with their partners will find themselves in one of these three camps:

1. You’ve stopped making love with your partner. Sex rarely occurs, and if it does it’s only because your partner initiates. However, your partner rarely initiates anymore because he’s experienced a history of painful rejection (note: her lack of enthusiasm for sex is interpreted as rejection). Couples may continue to co-exist as roommates, but the vital sexual connection between them is lost.

2. You are willing to go through the motions of having sex, but you’re not really enjoying making love. You feel more like a shell during intercourse, not really experiencing pleasurable sensations, and waiting for him to finish… hoping it will be soon. You are willing to have sex because you understand it’s important to your partner and you want to meet your partner’s sexual needs, however you’re not really enjoying it. The reason you’re not enjoying sex is because sex has become another task on your to-do list, it feels like an obligation to take care of someone else’s needs. While this low quality sex is helpful, it is far from optimal, and can undermine your relationship overtime as resentment builds when your needs remain unmet.

3. You “fake it”. You pretend like you’re having the time of your life, giving him what you think he wants… moaning, shouting, grinding and even flipping your hair around if you’re really good. Then you’ll give him a clear signal that you have reached an orgasm (when inside yourself, you know you haven’t) to finish things up, but it’s all an act. You’re mimicking what you’ve have seen in porn movies, or trying to be what you think your partner wants you to be for him. Again trying to please your partner with no connection to your authentic sensual self. Like in case #2, you care about pleasing your partner, but inside you’re not really feelin’ it.

All three of the above approaches are responses to the same problem: low sexual fulfillment. Low sexual fulfillment means that sex isn’t very enjoyable for you. You don’t see what all the fuss is about. You could take it or leave it, but preferably leave it because you might as well be reading a good book, folding laundry or catching some extra ZZZ’s.

The REAL problem is NOT that you don’t enjoy sex; it is that you have not learned HOW to relax and receive pleasure (with no strings attached).


Give yourself permission to slow down and relax, even if it means the kitchen floor remains un-swept. Relaxation begins with valuing yourself enough to allow yourself to be as you are. Once you’ve given yourself permission, recognize that relaxing is a skill that is LEARNED by practicing. With our multitasking tendencies, relaxing is a conscious choice. Make the choice to practice daily. And those of you proclaiming, “I don’t have time to relax”, need it the most.

Relaxing just takes a moment, because it’s simply a way of being present in your body. Focusing on your breathing releases tension and lowers your heart rate. Play is another great way to relax, find things to laugh about daily. For a more formal practice, take a yoga class that offers meditation. And if all else fails, there’s always merlot!



Most of us are taught to associate receiving pleasure with shame or guilt. We think that pleasure must be earned, bought or acquired as a reward for our tireless efforts. Without realizing it most of us learn to associate female sexual pleasure (women enjoying sex) with being “slutty” or immoral. After all, how many of us have ever witnessed women enjoying sex who wasn’t a porn star? Hmmm.

So let’s rethink sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is a gift that is freely given to humankind to enrich our lives. Pleasure does not have to be earned or given by someone else. Pleasure is free. Pleasure is simply enjoying ALL of the wonderful sensations that can be experienced through the body and spirit. The ability to feel, taste, smell, touch, and hear are all avenues for pleasure.



Your relationship changes the instant you change. So, the next time you decide to become sexually intimate, take a moment to clear your mind with some deep, slow breaths. Become completely present in your body, release any stress, and allow yourself to completely forget about your daily “to-do” list. Now, give yourself permission to receive pleasure. Tell your partner what feels good with sounds, words and smiles. Or better yet, show your partner how you like to be touched. Guide his hand where you want it. If you’re not certain where and how you like to experience sexual pleasure, start by exploring your own body alone. Read Goddess my Guide article “How to use a vibrator.”

There is nothing to feel shameful or guilty about. Only good things come to the women and couples who use sensual aids. In fact, women who use vibrators experience many benefits that non-users do not, including greater sexual health, more fulfilling sexual relationships, less anxiety, increased sexual self-confidence and higher libido. Vibrators can be easily incorporated into lovemaking with your partner; in the same way you might use lingerie or music to enhance the experience. For help with introducing a sex toy into your relationship read my Goddess Guide article “How to introduce a vibrator into my relationship.”

It’s never too late! Simply give yourself permission to enjoy receiving pleasurable sensations during sex in much the same way as you might enjoy a rich, smooth, chilled piece of cheesecake or hearing your 4-year-old laugh uncontrollably at an episode of Sponge Bob. Life is rich with pleasure, add more sexual pleasure to your life and watch yourself and your relationship blossom!


By Isa Jones of

What Women See vs. What Men See

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Posted by on December 12, 2014 in 21 AND OLDER, WISDOM


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