YOUR MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS OF LOVE, JUDGEMENT, PEACE, FEAR, GRACE, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, FORGIVENESS, ATTACK, LAUGHTER, WORK, PLAY, JUDGMENT, KINDNESS, ISOLATION AND ONENESS ETC!
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YOUR HEAD IS LIKE A TOOLBOX: Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than you thoughts.
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood.
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool and attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continue day and night and will do so for the rest of your life.
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality.
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in our toolboxes is very old and outdated.
Many of the modern problems that you face cannot be repaired using these tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tool and hope that it will also get the job done.
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following?
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner.
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack, think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over again and remember this time to make a backup your work.
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take her potential lover out, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life.
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind.
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. If you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task.
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake.
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind.
You are what you think. Your choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You are really what you think. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts that you allow to occupy your mind!
Funk & Wagnalls Standard Desk Dictionary – definition of the word, trust as (trust) n. A confidence in the reliability of persons or things without careful investigation.
Trust is something that we strive for in our relationships with people and in certain things. Trust gives us a feeling of comfort and security when we express feelings and concerns about our situations. It starts out as a child; we know nothing other than to trust our parents or guardians to keep us happy, fed, cuddled and safe from the “BoogeyMan.”
While growing up, we never consider the thought of losing trust in our friends and family members as they are the ones’ who we have spent many hours of building fond memories; ones that will carry us into our adult years, giving us so much to share with our children.
Being trustworthy is a positive characteristic that should be worn as a badge of honor. It is good to know that you can be trusted. It is good to know that you can trust another.
We live our lives giving and accepting trustworthy advice from not only our friends and family but from other people such as our doctors, bankers, educators and even our repairmen hoping for the most honest opinion and correct information regarding our circumstances and well being.
It is also something that truly has to start from within; know that you can be a good friend or advice giver to someone who is in need. Give unconditionally, your time and effort without it being confused with naivety.
Speak less of what you may not know about. Be a good listener.
When you are involved in a situation that may be good, bad or indifferent, be aware of what you say and to whom you say it to. Your words can be misconstrued and turned into a realm of lies and deceit.
But when that level of trust is cut down by a person or state of affairs, we are then given a reason to lower our expectations, cause doubt, build walls and blur our vision of the things that really matter. It has been said that there is a reason for everything. And a few of the reasons that someone will do something to another is because of hidden resentment, false pride, fear, greed, selfishness and lack of confidence in that person, situation or themselves.
Give others the benefit of doubt.
Allow people to make mistakes and admit to them. It is the one who does not admit to their poor actions and who falsely accuse others of the things they know they have done, that need to be condemned. And for that they can not be trusted.
There is always more than one side to a story and out of the two there is definitely one that is the truth.
There are times that a person or situation may cause you to lose trust if so, before it destroys a good thing, hear what has to be said, listen with your heart and mind and if you are involved in any way, accept your position without conviction. Be accountable for your actions. Never deny your involvement. Say what you need to say. Getting things out in the open, will hopefully keep the right doors open for healthy relations with others. It is a matter of trust.
Have faith that all will be reconciled. Move on and if not, one thing is for sure, as we live our lives and deal with people and circumstances there are things that are going to happen that may cause us hardship and despair, work it out for the better or worse. It truly can or may not be as bad as it seems, if so try to accept that “Pobodys’ Nerfect” (Nobodys’ Perfect, even so) remember that as we continue to develop relationships with people, trust your personal thoughts, words and decisions. No one person has control over the responsibilities of another.
Trust, it is the one thing that develops over time but takes a minute to destroy.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
YOUR MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS OF LOVE, JUDGEMENT, PEACE, FEAR, GRACE, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, FORGIVENESS, ATTACK, LAUGHTER, WORK, PLAY, JUDGMENT, KINDNESS, ISOLATION AND ONENESS ETC!
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YOUR HEAD IS LIKE A TOOLBOX: Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than you thoughts.
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood.
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool and attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continue day and night and will do so for the rest of your life.
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality.
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in our toolboxes is very old and outdated.
Many of the modern problems that you face cannot be repaired using these tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tool and hope that it will also get the job done.
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following?
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner.
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack, think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over again and remember this time to make a backup your work.
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take her potential lover out, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life.
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind.
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. If you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task.
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake.
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind.
You are what you think. Your choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You are really what you think. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts that you allow to occupy your mind!
WHAT PAIN OR PLEASURE WE LINK TO SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DETERMINES HOW WE ACT AND REACT TO THEM. WE CANNOT ACT IN A MANNER THAT PROVOKES PAIN IN PEOPLE AND EXPECT RESPECT, LOVE AND COMPASSION FROM THEM!
People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.
It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.
Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.
Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.
Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.
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I WILL BECOME OUTCOME FOCUSED TODAY. I WILL DO THE THINGS I FEAR UNTIL IT LOSES ITS HOLD ON MY MIND!
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We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.
If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.
If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.
Being at peace is the wonderful state of mind and body where all is calm, where thoughts are quiet and serene, and where muscles are relaxed and comfortable. In this article, you’ll learn how to attain this inner peace in a matter of minutes.
Once you are adept at controlling your mind and body, you are always only one simple thought away from perfect peacefulness.
You can “will” perfect peacefulness at any time. You will be able to move out of stressful situations immediately. All you need to do is follow a few simple steps to train yourself. A little practice is all that is required. But, you must take the time to direct the mind and body in positive ways so that you can ensure the pleasures of inner peace.
You’re at the wheel. So let’s drive on!
Let peace happen.
Being at peace is a choice. When we stop struggling and fighting the world around us—and the world within us—peace can happen. Our individual fight is with our thoughts, emotions and physical bodies. The fighting can be directed toward ourselves or those we face each day. Here are several approaches to quickly give up the fight and win at the same time.
There are many ways your physical body can take on struggles you face each day. Maybe you clench your jaw when you get mad. Maybe you collect tension across the back of your neck and shoulders. Maybe butterflies trouble your stomach. The first step is being aware of what you are doing. The second step is to consciously make the choice to release the tension.
Your mind takes on struggles in the form of mental images. Do you tend to imagine the ideal end result or the worst possible situation? Troubling and negative mental images translate into unpleasant emotions and stressful physical reactions.
Choose carefully the thoughts you think because they absolutely affect how you feel. Realize that the only person who can change your thoughts is you. You can then take charge and change your thoughts for the better.
Emotions are natural physiological changes that occur when thoughts are held in your mind. You can easily direct your emotional states by changing your posture; for example, sit straight, tilt your head, use facial expressions, walk differently, etc. You can also direct your emotional states by holding brighter and more pleasing visual images in mind. You have the choice, but you must make the choice.
Creating Peace of Mind
To create peace within yourself, simply relax your body and breathing; then, direct the mind.
A still body is the reflection of a calm mind, but the mind cannot be still until the body is still.
Begin by making your body comfortable. Then release areas of tension. As example, gentle movements of the neck and shoulder muscles can help stretch and release tension in those areas.
Breathing in an even and steady way will quickly calm both the body and mind. Make the inhale and exhale of equal length without any pauses in between. Your breathing will become smooth and even.
The next step is to quiet the mind. Start by bringing your awareness into this present moment, here and now. By doing this you can effectively eliminate distracting or troubling thoughts. Any anxieties about the future or tensions from the past will leave your mind and body.
Another way to direct the mind is to direct your inner voice–especially if it is anxious or overbearing. Play with the idea of changing the volume of your inner voice. Have it be quieter.
Modify the tone of you inner voice until it is pleasant, warm and nurturing. You can have it say pleasant and comforting words to you—words of encouragement and self esteem. Some people even repeat soothing words or phrases in a rhythmic way.
The final step is to hold images that encourage a peaceful mind. For thousands of years, prayerful and meditative people have directed the mind by holding steady mental pictures. For example, the image of a candle flame can be used to concentrate one’s attention and steady the mind. You can use images of a peaceful scene from nature, a vacation setting, an imaginary room of comfort, a cathedral, rose bushes, or anything calming, wonderful, and peaceful.
What To Do Once You’ve Got There.
Getting to a relaxed state of mind and body by the above steps may take 20-30 minutes at first. With practice, however, you’ll be able to accomplish this within a few minutes.
When you try to extend this peaceful feeling for long periods of time, you may find that your mind will race to other thoughts. After all, your mind is trained to race, to go full throttle, all day long. If you suddenly stop for 20 minutes, will your mind to cooperate? No. It will do what you trained it to do for the 16 hours–race!
So, what’s the solution? How do you create a peace-filled life, and not peaceful three-minute spurts? Take it one moment and one thought at a time. Bring peaceful, serene, and positive images and feelings into the rest of your day. Learn to release tensions as they occur. Learn to direct your thoughts and emotions at the time they start getting out of hand. You’ll discover that not only can you create a peacefulness, but you are living a peace-filled life.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbor and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitize this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
Very few people grasp that they are a POWERFUL MAGNET that day and night ATTRACT events, people, pain, pleasure, love, problems or solution into their SPACE. How you FEEL at any given moment indicates and reveals the QUALITY of the stuff that you are currently ATTRACTING. Your FEELINGS are your barometer that displays the quality of your current THOUGHTS, ACTION and REACTIONS. Things, people and event do not simply APPEAR or DISAPPEAR in or out of your LIFE. The CHOICES you made YESTERDAY grew into what you are FACED with TODAY. The LAW or CAUSE AND EFFECT is a natural law that regulate the quality of your LIFE.
My mood was cold, dark, and directionless. My tortured mind was filled with thoughts of missed opportunities and broken promises.
The cutting wind on my unshaven face made my eyes water and drove the dark clouds of depression into my shattered soul.
The years slipped by like fleeting dreams. Moments of joy and victory came and vanished like the waves of the ocean bashed on the black rocks of sadness.
I looked up and noticed the sheets of rain that endlessly poured its gift of life and growth in all directions.
A thought darted into my tired defeated mind. I suddenly noticed how nature shares her abundance with everyone and everything.
Mother Nature is not selective when she sends gifts of rain and sunshine to feed, nourish and rejuvenate everything with a smattering of life at their core.
These gifts of life are given to the seeds that are still sleeping in the soil. The dark scorched earth will soon put on a new coat of colour and in turn pass on these gifts of life to the bees, birds and everything else that waited patiently on Mother Nature to return as she has done since the beginning of time.
I suddenly understood that it is mankind’s inability to give unconditionally that is responsible for the inequality that drips off this planet like black wax from a candle.
Our homes are filled to the brim with stuff, but we want more, better, faster and the latest. Something inside us drives us like a hungry pack of wolves forward in our quest to feed our greedy ego.
There is no time for compassion in our busy lives. Poverty stares at us on every corner, but we are so obsessed with our own little world that we never notice that cold and hungry child on the corner of the street or a mother that worked her hands to the bone to serve us where we sit in our artificial castles sipping our wine of success.
The clouds of gloominess gradually lifted from my bowed shoulders. I knew what Mother Nature came to teach me in this dark night of my soul. She came to teach me about compassion and gratitude. She showed me that I must learn to give unconditionally and abundantly if I want to make a contribution to life on this planet.
I noticed that the sun began to break through the clouds announcing that the rain moved on to go and do some more teaching down the road. A rainbow suddenly appeared on the horizon. I slowly got up, wiped the water from my face, pushed back my shoulders with new hope in my heart against the backdrop of the singing of the birds that were thanking Mother Nature in advance for the new gifts that she will bring the next time she pays us a visit. She will like before pour her gifts on the rich and the poor, on those that have in abundance and those that have virtually nothing. She deposits her gifts on everyone regardless of their status, race or career and knows that a time will come when mankind has evolved enough to grasp that we are one and an extension of her.
THE SOFTWARE THAT CONTROLS EVERYTHING YOU DO AND THINK!
ACCORDING TO YOUR EGO, HAPPINESS MUST ALWAYS INVOLVE A PAY POLICY, A PLAN, SOME JUSTIFICATION, HARD WORK AND STRUGGLE. THE EGO IS ALL THAT STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND HAPPINESS, LOVE, PEACE OF MIND AND INSPIRATION!
THE SYSTEM THAT CONTROLS YOUR DESTINY: Your ego is the sum total of all your small ideas you hold about yourself. Your ego and the perceptions you have of yourself will regulate every thought or action in your life. The ego has never been photographed or x-rayed. No autopsy ever revealed this powerful control system called the ego. You can search the web right now and see if you can find a photo or illustration of the ego anywhere.
The ego is nothing more that a collection of ideas that you have of yourself. Your ego creates the impression that you separate from everything that you see around you. This mechanism is the software that you run your life on. All your actions and decisions that you make stem from this source. When you look at most modern appliances and motor vehicles you will discover that most of them have “computers” that that regulates and controls the overall performance of such appliances. Instructions are programmed into these “micro chips” that direct and control all the functions of these devices. These instructions are called the software.
Our egos are nothing more than our collective perceptions that we have of ourselves that are programmed into our subconscious minds. We act and react as if all these perceptions are true and allow our egos to run us in the same way that a cheap microchip controls your toaster in the kitchen. It is vitally important to understand that your ego and your real self are two separate systems.
You real self is perfect and connected to everything in the universe while you ego is the programmed perceptions that are predominantly false, outdated and warped. You ego software wants you to feel isolated and separated from everything else. We have in previous thoughts studied the motives and intensions of the programmers that played a vital role in the preparation of this software.
The impression was created that everything that could possibly be fun, productive or happiness generating is outside your reach. Most people search for happiness and contentment for the best part of their lives. These people are too afraid to challenge the programmers and must thus labour under this misconception for the rest of their lives.
If you were programmed to feel unworthy, unlovable and not good enough you will continue to strive and search for acceptance that might never come. This clever move to remove happiness from you and convince you that you must constantly qualify for happiness has been at the bottom of most of your pain and fear.
The illusion that you are a separate entity and that you must go from where you “are” to where you “want to be” have caused indescribable pain and suffering for many people. They searched and strived their hearts out and still found that happiness remained just out of their reach. They bought the bullshit of separation and continue to run like hell like a rat on a treadmill in an attempt to catch happiness, success and peace of mind.
They prayed and hope that someone or something will one day hand them what they are yearning for. Everything that we do is focused on generating feelings of happiness. We hope that money, friendships or status will bring us this feeling of happiness. We all achieve moments of happiness, but soon discover that it is temporary and that it slips away from us like a peace of wet soap on a tile floor.
The illusion that we must qualify and strive puts us under constant pressure all the time. We believe the software that states that we are removed from happiness and as such never feel that we are worthy to just be happy without paying some kind of price.
Your ego programmed with your perceptions of yourself puts you through hell on earth. You are always on the back foot and feel that success; love and happiness might be hiding around the next corner or in another city or relationship. You might find this difficult to accept, but you are already “there” and may enjoy the “now” without buying a ticket or paying any price. You can only appreciate this permission if you understand that the “now” in its imperfect state is better than the illusion of potential happiness that you hope you will feel when you arrive at your selected destination.
The expectation of potential happiness that you will enjoy when you arrive at your destination will never really materialise. You will continue to run on the treadmill of life after these illusive dreams until the day you die. The fleeting moments of happiness when you achieve small objectives cannot be compared to the ongoing happiness that you can experience when you appreciate what you already have. If you do not own a three-story house with a wonderful view right now you can still fully enjoy where you live right now until you one day achieve this objective.
There is no need to postpone your happiness.
This happiness shift requires of you to sterilise your ego. To get rid of the perception that you are unworthy and that you must first qualify or achieve something before you can be happy.
You are already perfect and will remain perfect notwithstanding the defective software of your ego. You have the right to enjoy life one moment at a time notwithstanding your current station in life. You will achieve all your gaols and objectives if you become patient and allow time to pass. You are not the new vehicle, your job title, your sins and the house that you live in.
You are not the warped perceptions that you have been conditioned to believe since the day of your birth. These perceptions want you to fight, strive, grovel and suffer in your endless pursuit of something that you already have and own.
Will you add something, take something away, build something or break something down today? Our days, weeks, months and years casually slip by while the sands of time silently make their way to bottom of the hourglass of life. What happened to your dreams, aspirations and unbridled enthusiasm my friend? Will today be a deadly repeat of too many yesterdays? You can add love, compassion or a friendly smile to the versatile brew of life today. You can hold someone, set someone free with your forgiveness today. You can listen with an open mind to the stories that everyone secretly wrote in his or her book of life to date. Put away your filters, judgements and perceptions today. Notice the reality reflected in the eyes of those that will enter your space today. You can make a difference and repair, promote or fulfil someone’s dream today. You can open a door, fix a roof, provide a meal or solve a problem for someone today. Get yourself out of the way my dear friend and you will see the world and your fellow travellers on spaceship earth with new vision.
DO YOU HAVE A “WAIT” PROBLEM? – A WAIT PROBLEM IS REALLY A DISCONNECT BETWEEN WHAT IS TRULY POSSIBLE AND WHAT YOU WILL LET YOURSELF RECEIVE!
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WHEN WILL YOU MOVE FORWARD? Do you feel that you are sitting in the “waiting room” of life, waiting for happiness, love, the green light, better times or a bridge to appear? Can it be that you are waiting for courage, permission, your turn, zero risk, the right moment or a sign or guarantee?
Sometimes waiting is a cover for fear, self-doubt, unworthiness and not taking responsibility. This habit of waiting is a common block to happiness, love and success. There is no rational reason to wait, happiness, success and love is waiting for you. They await your choice, your acceptance and a sign from you. For as long as you wait, you cannot see what is already possible if you get up and pursue you selected objectives.
When you wait for things to happen you are giving up all control. You hope and dream things will by accident fall into you lap or come your way. When you wait you disconnect between what is truly possible and what you will let yourself receive. When you wait you are like a person that put his or her life on hold. The world is waiting for you muster up enough courage to become active and do something about your objective, goals and dreams. Most of us are impatient and hates to wait for in queues or waiting rooms. Why are we then so inclined to put our lives on hold when it comes to the most important things in our lives?
RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships suffer because people wait for things to improve and get almost perfect before they make a commitment. What people fail to understand is that relationships are always under construction. There is always work in progress.
If you are going to wait until your “relationship” is perfect and pristine you will wait forever. Have you ever thought how your indecisiveness is possibly the major reason why you are not really making progress? You must actually get into the water before you will get wet. You can stare at the water all day long, but only when you jump in will you be able to really find out what it is really like.
While you are sitting on the fence no progress will be made either. How can you ever enjoy your relationship if you continue to sit in your protective little castle, waiting for your potential lover to break down your heavily reinforced walls? When you do this you are not really in the game; you are not a member of the club. All you are is a critical spectator. You need to dive in and get wet or accept the crumbs that life throw at you from time to time.
LONELY? People are lonely because they wait for love instead of being loving. They wait for friendship instead of being a friend. If you are not happy with your social life then you will have to look how “available” you are to individuals that might be interested to enjoy your company? If you are hiding in your flat or home with the curtains drawn you will continue to be lonely for the rest of your life. If you have built invisible walls around yourself you should not be too surprised when people pass you by.
If you have a nasty personality that repels people you will remain isolated and lonely. When you make it difficult for people to be with you, you will gather cobwebs in your self-imposed exile. You are a walking and talking advertisement who you are and what you stand for. You can instantly repel potential interest without even saying a word with a bad attitude or if you go around with a chip on your shoulder.
WORK? You have a lack of team spirit because everybody is waiting for the team spirit to get better. Nothing will change until the team member stop waiting for the team spirit to get better and do something about it. Nothing will get better or improve while the various staff member sit in their boxes and wait for others to make the first move.
PREMATURE AGEING? People age prematurely because they postpone their happiness. They promise that they will have fun after work, after chores, after the bills are paid, after retirement and after the grandkids are settled. Life passes you by when you are constantly in a standby or waiting mode. If you think that you will one day begin to live and enjoy life when everything is perfect or taken care of you are in for a nasty surprise.
They might one day write on your tombstone “Here lays the word’s biggest spectator, born 1952 – died 1990 and buried in 2018
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SILLY CONFLICTS? Silly conflicts last forever because both parties wait to get what they will not give. Each party waits for the other to make the first move. Many relationships flushed down the toilet because one or both parties waited that the other would admit his or her mistake, faults, shortcomings and endless love. Waiting in relationships cause serious confusion and results in bitter conflicts. As indicated above you either dive in and get wet or quit. You cannot wait and hope that your partner will entertain and love you if you are nothing more than a spectator.
Willingness inspires readiness. With readiness all things are possible. Be ready and allow yourself to receive. Be ready and let yourself be guided, be helped, be inspired and be loved. You must become willing to get involved in the game of life or it will pass you by like a thief in the night. You need to get involved and become a player and not a spectator.
People are not out there to entertain you. They will not break down the door of your castle and beg you to come out and play. You might feel safe behind your walls and enjoy the infrequent attempts to lure you out of your hiding place, but will discover that the interested parties usually loose interest and go to the unguarded house.
You can sit in the waiting room of life forever or you can become an active player. Look around you and notice the other people in this waiting room. Their hair is grey and their skins look like a deflated rugby ball. Some of them have been waiting for more than eighty years for love, respect, friendship and fun to come their way. What they failed to realise all these years is that life is not a waiting game, but a game where you need to play your heart out if you want to taste the good things in life.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Rene
(from my book – PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS WISDOM GUIDE)
This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.” He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offence or arousing resentment. For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers,” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks.
The first self-help book I ever read was “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. I just finished school and was looking for an inspirational book in a tiny, poorly stocked book store in Windhoek in Namibia. I came across Dale Carnegie’s book in the scant selection of books on a shelf right at the back of this dusty store. I unashamedly admit today that although this was the first “motivational” book that I ever owned when it still remains one of the top ten books I ever read when it came to practical advice regarding people skills. Many of you might have read the book or still have a copy on a shelf in your library. I would suggest that you read it again. It will refresh your memory on one of the most important principles when it comes to compassion. It will remind you that you can make more progress in all areas of your life if you develop a sincere interest in others. Dale indicates in this book that you can make more friends in two months by developing an awareness of the interests of others than you could achieve in two years using any other method.
We live in small boxes today surrounded by massive walls to keep intruders out that might dare to enter our comfort zones. We shout at each other over these walls and only on very rare occasions lower our draw bridge and venture out or invite anyone into our domain. Most of us go around with our defence shield up and remain on guard twenty four hours a day. The political climate that we live and work in might also have something to do with this unhealthy behaviour. We need to open up and become more vulnerable if we want to escape the deadly ruts that many of us fell in over the years. Some of us feel lonely and need friends, companionship and fun, but we often forgo on these desires because of our fears and warped self-interest. Everything revolves around us and our own dreams, desires and choices. We look at life, people and places through a self-interest one way mirrors. Our interests always come first and the interests of others never really feature at all. We have this “What is in it for me” attitudes that fail to address the needs of anyone else.
When last did you manage to get yourself out of the way long enough to listen and experience any human being, family member or friend with an open mind? Many of us developed a sick habit of judging everyone. We endlessly scan people for flaws or potential threats. We fail to listen to them when they talk. We listen to the first few words of their sentences and then jump to conclusions. We look at people through eyes that fail to see the pain or desperation in them. We listen to what people say and fail to read the subliminal call for help that they are possibly to proud or ashamed to express. Do we care enough to really hear what our partner or children are telling us? Are we alert enough to feel the emotions of the person that we are communicating with? I think we all of us might have some work to do when it comes to mastering the art of putting the interest of others first.
When last did you compliment anyone on anything? We as parents tend to only give attention to our children when they are sick or when they did something wrong. We as partners only become interested enough when our relationships begin to fall apart. We fail to notice the cracks and peeling paint in our relationships. We are so busy with our own agendas, self-interests and objectives that the pain and frustration experienced by our partner bounces off our egotistical shield. Can you see what major difference a shift in attention can make in your life? Can you accept that life is not only about you and your plans and goals? Can you understand that the formula for success is that your success if virtually guaranteed if you help enough other people to achieve their own goals and dreams?
So I suggest that you shut up the next time anyone talk to you and listen carefully what is said and what is not expressed verbally. God supplied you with two ears and one mouth. You must listen more and talk less. Put yourself in others’ shoes and ask yourself if you really know the story of the person that you are talking to. Stop jumping to conclusions and stop judging people on hearsay and second hand data. Stop forcing people to communicate to you through their history. Start each day with a new clean slate. We have so many prejudices and perceptions about everything that is cast in stone that it became impossible to see thing as they are in the moment. Set yourself free by putting the interest of others first for a while.
ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE CONTROL AND SILLY GAMES WILL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT!
The mechanical matrix of post modern consumer society, built by ordinary men and women, is a reality that is indeed a snare, serving only to isolate its inhabitants from a truer, wider, and richer interpretation in which all things are interwoven and cooperative. The matrix we live in, and which we uphold with each and every one of our thoughts (though as we shall see, these thoughts are not our own), is a world built blindly, through fear and rationality, a prison pervaded by misery, hostility, confusion, resentment, and despair. It ain’t no playground. And if it’s a game, then it’s one which few of us ever get to enjoy playing, perhaps because no one ever told us the rules.
Will you add something, take something away, build something or break something down today? Our days, weeks, months and years casually slip by while the sands of time silently make their way to bottom of the hourglass of life. What happened to your dreams, aspirations and unbridled enthusiasm my friend? Will today be a deadly repeat of too many yesterdays? You can add love, compassion or a friendly smile to the versatile brew of life today. You can hold someone, set someone free with your forgiveness today. You can listen with an open mind to the stories that everyone secretly wrote in his or her book of life to date. Put away your filters, judgements and perceptions today. Notice the reality reflected in the eyes of those that will enter your space today. You can make a difference and repair, promote or fulfil someone’s dream today. You can open a door, fix a roof, provide a meal or solve a problem for someone today. Get yourself out of the way my dear friend and you will see the world and your fellow travellers on spaceship earth with new vision.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
Nothing could be closer to the truth. But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back.
Here are some ideas to get you started:
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. Face them head on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves. Read The Road Less Traveled.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner.The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others; but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness. Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free love, laughter and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness.If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. Read Stumbling on Happiness.
11. Stop being idle. Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress involves risk. Period! You can’t make it to second base with your foot on first.
12. Stop thinking you’re not ready. Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.
13. Stop getting involved in relationships for the wrong reasons. Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
14. Stop rejecting new relationships just because old ones didn’t work. In life you’ll realize that there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you and some will teach you. But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
15. Stop trying to compete against everyone else.Don’t worry about what others doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success is a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.
16. Stop being jealous of others. Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own. Ask yourself this: “What’s something I have that everyone wants?”
17. Stop complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. Life’s curveballs are thrown for a reason to shift your path in a direction that is meant for you. You may not see or understand everything the moment it happens, and it may be tough. But reflect back on those negative curveballs thrown at you in the past. You’ll often see that eventually they led you to a better place, person, state of mind, or situation. So smile! Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
18. Stop holding grudges. Don’t live your life with hate in your heart. You will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. Forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It is saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the answer… let go, find peace, liberate yourself! And remember, forgiveness is not just for other people, it’s for you too. If you must, forgive yourself, move on and try to do better next time.
19. Stop letting others bring you down to their level.Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.
20. Stop wasting time explaining yourself to others.Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it anyway. Just do what you know in your heart is right.
21. Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments.Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things. The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.
23. Stop trying to make things perfect. The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Read Getting Things Done.
24. Stop following the path of least resistance. Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t take the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.
25. Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well. You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either cry if you need to it’s healthy to shed your tears. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.
26. Stop blaming others for your troubles. The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility you give others power over that part of your life.
27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out. But making one person smile CAN change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. So narrow your focus.
28. Stop worrying so much. Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy. One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years?” If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.
29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.
30. Stop being ungrateful. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life. Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs. Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing.
Polyamory (from Greekπολ? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latinamor [love]) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.
Polyamory, often abbreviated to poly, is sometimes described as consensual,ethical,or responsible non-monogamy. The word is occasionally used more broadly to refer to any sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.
“Polyamorous” can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to aphilosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved.
Polyamory may differ from polygamy, which means to have multiple spouses. Traditional polygamy is usually polygynous and involves one man taking on multiple female partners (though there are also traditional polyandrous societies in which one woman takes on multiple male partners). By contrast, polyamory does not limit any partner from taking on additional partners.
Polyamory is grounded in concepts such as gender equality, self-determination, free choice for all involved, mutual trust, equal respect among all partners, the intrinsic value of love, and the ideal of compersion. As of July 2009, there were estimated to be more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships in the United States.[1][2]
The defining characteristic of polyamory is belief in the possibility of, and value of, multiple romantic loving relationships carried out “with the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned.”[3] What distinguishes polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (i.e. “cheating“) is an ideology that openness, goodwill, intense communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved. Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. Some consider polyamory to be, at its root, the generalization of romantic couple-love beyond two people into something larger and more fundamental.[4][5]
People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamorous relationships may be single or in monogamous relationships, but are often in multiple long term relationships involving at least three people.
In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized. Ideally they are built upon values of trust, loyalty, negotiation, and compersion, as well as rejection of jealousy, possessiveness, and restrictive cultural standards.[6] Such relationships are often more fluid than the traditional “dating-and-marriage” model of long-term relationships, and the participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have preconceptions as to its duration.[citation needed] However, there are polyamorous relationships that last many years and some decades.
Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships. Polyamorous relationships commonly consist of people seeking to build long term relationships with more than one other person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationship.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
The fool is under the impression that he can change people. People often change for a relative short period not because they see the error of their ways, but because it seems like a good strategic move to make to achieve a desire objective. The chances of a rotten person making a permanent change are less than a million to one. Accept a person without his history or take note of his history and run for the hills. Getting married will not make him stop drinking, flirting, fighting and will also not make him more caring or responsible. Having a baby will not make him more responsible and caring. Constantly giving someone money will not make him more productive. Punishing him for years will not prevent him from doing it again. Sulking for a day, week or month will not change his mind and heart. We live in a something for nothing world today. Doing as little as you can get away with seems to be a top priority. Using guilt or fear will not change anyone that lacks compassion and empathy. See things as they are my friend.
The rain of forgiveness wash away the hurt and pain of yesteryear. No healing can take place while you cling to your historical letdowns and painful experiences of the past. Great purity of thinking and the miraculous healing of wounds usually take place after unconditional forgiveness. Remember that forgiveness does not mean that you approve what was done to you. The act of forgiveness release the person that “sinned” against you from your mind. The lack of the ability to forgive and detach prevent you from moving on. You get stuck in what could or should have been. Wonderful opportunities will pass you by if you live in the past. The train of life is constantly moving forward. You are either on the train (in the now) or stuck on a station hoping that things can return to what could or should have been. The ability to let go of toxic thoughts, events, failures or broken promises with set your mind free. All you have is this very moment. What could or should have been is nothing more than “files” that you recall from your sub-conscious mind. You are the one that supply the past with the power to contaminate your current moment. Yesterdays failures will remain powerless files in your mind if you stop recharging its batteries with your thoughts and regrets.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbor and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitize this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
DO YOU HAVE A “WAIT” PROBLEM? – A WAIT PROBLEM IS REALLY A DISCONNECT BETWEEN WHAT IS TRULY POSSIBLE AND WHAT YOU WILL LET YOURSELF RECEIVE!
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WHEN WILL YOU MOVE FORWARD? Do you feel that you are sitting in the “waiting room” of life, waiting for happiness, love, the green light, better times or a bridge to appear? Can it be that you are waiting for courage, permission, your turn, zero risk, the right moment or a sign or guarantee?
Sometimes waiting is a cover for fear, self-doubt, unworthiness and not taking responsibility. This habit of waiting is a common block to happiness, love and success. There is no rational reason to wait, happiness, success and love is waiting for you. They await your choice, your acceptance and a sign from you. For as long as you wait, you cannot see what is already possible if you get up and pursue you selected objectives.
When you wait for things to happen you are giving up all control. You hope and dream things will by accident fall into you lap or come your way. When you wait you disconnect between what is truly possible and what you will let yourself receive. When you wait you are like a person that put his or her life on hold. The world is waiting for you muster up enough courage to become active and do something about your objective, goals and dreams. Most of us are impatient and hates to wait for in queues or waiting rooms. Why are we then so inclined to put our lives on hold when it comes to the most important things in our lives?
RELATIONSHIPS: Relationships suffer because people wait for things to improve and get almost perfect before they make a commitment. What people fail to understand is that relationships are always under construction. There is always work in progress.
If you are going to wait until your “relationship” is perfect and pristine you will wait forever. Have you ever thought how your indecisiveness is possibly the major reason why you are not really making progress? You must actually get into the water before you will get wet. You can stare at the water all day long, but only when you jump in will you be able to really find out what it is really like.
While you are sitting on the fence no progress will be made either. How can you ever enjoy your relationship if you continue to sit in your protective little castle, waiting for your potential lover to break down your heavily reinforced walls? When you do this you are not really in the game; you are not a member of the club. All you are is a critical spectator. You need to dive in and get wet or accept the crumbs that life throw at you from time to time.
LONELY? People are lonely because they wait for love instead of being loving. They wait for friendship instead of being a friend. If you are not happy with your social life then you will have to look how “available” you are to individuals that might be interested to enjoy your company? If you are hiding in your flat or home with the curtains drawn you will continue to be lonely for the rest of your life. If you have built invisible walls around yourself you should not be too surprised when people pass you by.
If you have a nasty personality that repels people you will remain isolated and lonely. When you make it difficult for people to be with you, you will gather cobwebs in your self-imposed exile. You are a walking and talking advertisement who you are and what you stand for. You can instantly repel potential interest without even saying a word with a bad attitude or if you go around with a chip on your shoulder.
WORK? You have a lack of team spirit because everybody is waiting for the team spirit to get better. Nothing will change until the team member stop waiting for the team spirit to get better and do something about it. Nothing will get better or improve while the various staff member sit in their boxes and wait for others to make the first move.
PREMATURE AGEING? People age prematurely because they postpone their happiness. They promise that they will have fun after work, after chores, after the bills are paid, after retirement and after the grandkids are settled. Life passes you by when you are constantly in a standby or waiting mode. If you think that you will one day begin to live and enjoy life when everything is perfect or taken care of you are in for a nasty surprise.
They might one day write on your tombstone “Here lays the word’s biggest spectator, born 1952 – died 1990 and buried in 2018
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SILLY CONFLICTS? Silly conflicts last forever because both parties wait to get what they will not give. Each party waits for the other to make the first move. Many relationships flushed down the toilet because one or both parties waited that the other would admit his or her mistake, faults, shortcomings and endless love. Waiting in relationships cause serious confusion and results in bitter conflicts. As indicated above you either dive in and get wet or quit. You cannot wait and hope that your partner will entertain and love you if you are nothing more than a spectator.
Willingness inspires readiness. With readiness all things are possible. Be ready and allow yourself to receive. Be ready and let yourself be guided, be helped, be inspired and be loved. You must become willing to get involved in the game of life or it will pass you by like a thief in the night. You need to get involved and become a player and not a spectator.
People are not out there to entertain you. They will not break down the door of your castle and beg you to come out and play. You might feel safe behind your walls and enjoy the infrequent attempts to lure you out of your hiding place, but will discover that the interested parties usually loose interest and go to the unguarded house.
You can sit in the waiting room of life forever or you can become an active player. Look around you and notice the other people in this waiting room. Their hair is grey and their skins look like a deflated rugby ball. Some of them have been waiting for more than eighty years for love, respect, friendship and fun to come their way. What they failed to realise all these years is that life is not a waiting game, but a game where you need to play your heart out if you want to taste the good things in life.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
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PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 