Forget the self-help books. No book or person can promise you happiness.
.
Christmas time is the most likely time of the year to experience depression. We share our love with friends and family, and get lots of gifts. So why aren’t we all joyous? What the hell is going on?
Did you ever wonder why people like Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson didn’t fare any better than you or I despite all their money, fame, and access to people of wisdom?
The answer lies in your own backyard. Look at the shrubs, tangled with vines, with here and there a sumac jutting out from the maze. Look at the pines pressed against the shingles for want of more sunlight, their roots reaching under the house to the length of 20 feet. In an effort to maintain themselves, I have known willows near the foundation to break into the cellar pipes for want of water.
What is a tree, after all, but a trunk with so many roots and leaves bringing food and water to the organism? After billions of years of evolution, it was inevitable that life would acquire the ability to locomote, to hunt and see, to protect itself from competitors. Observe the ants in the woodpile. They can engage in combat just as resolutely as any human. Our guns and ICBMs are merely the jaws of a more clever ant.
The goal of life is life. Every impulse and thought is a device developed towards that end. Consider our own species. We hunt and gather, do the dishes, and have sex. By day and night, we are serenaded by the notes of Beethoven modulating over the trump of the bullfrogs and the songs of the mating bird. Even poetry and art reflect our humanity and are impelled by instincts – by forms of fear and powerlessness, of pugnacity and mastery, of association and love.
To many creatures there are but a few necessities of life: food, water, shelter. To a bumblebee, these are a few flowers full of nectar. Even humankind is led by these primary drives, although we have invented not only the house and clothing but fire to cook our food. What pains we take during the holidays, with our mincemeat pies and rum cakes. The poor are wont to complain that they have no food for their families, and we devote a great deal of our economy to agriculture and housing.
Of course, the effort for self-preservation is vague and varied. There is, for instance, the need for understanding and knowledge to guide our emotions, to tame the beast in our animal nature. What shameless and chaotic lives many of us would live if we were not awakened by better desires from within.
Our behavior is motivated by needs and wants. Pleasure and pain consist in the extent to which these desires are satisfied or hindered. “Pleasure” according to Spinoza, one of the greatest philosophers of all time “is man’s transition from a lesser state of perfection to a greater. Pain is man’s transition from a greater state of perfection to a lesser.”
Here is a goal – completeness and power – that is wonderfully attractive to us at a time of recession, and when many lack the means to feed and clothe themselves. And when we have found all power, we may not be happier for it. When we have overcome our struggles and have no ambitions and no defeats, what do we do next? Build taller and more splendid houses, weave finer clothing? Where does the power to act come from when desire has been quieted?
Have you ever wondered why every TV show, movie, and book has villains? Every writer knows that the good guy has to be threatened somehow, perhaps chased by someone with a gun or an ax. Even Cinderella had an evil stepmother and had to sit in the cinders after she finished her work. Meeting the Prince just wouldn’t have been the same if she had been a spoiled little rich girl.
The keenest pleasures are for those who experience the keenest pain.
You can’t change the equation of life. And remember, while the world is celebrating the holiday season, if you’re depressed and have the blues it’s just money in the bank. And when your turn comes, spend it on something that you will be proud of.
Robert Lanza, MD worked with (and published a series of scientific papers with) the late Harvard psychologist B.F. Skinner, the father of modern behaviorism. His new book – Biocentrism – lays out his theory of everything.
The simple act of writing down small, medium, short and long term goals that include our personal, family and careers immediately make a huge difference in our life. Massive power rushes into your system the very moment that you write down a goal and start acting on it. The simple act of writing down your goals start a powerful engine in your energy field that will assist you to achieve virtually anything you have the guts to dream about. The goals that you penned and acted on cannot escape you. I dare you to be bold and to write down a single goal that you wish to achieve in the next seven days.
Write down something that you want to achieve, obtain, improve, repair or adjust within the next seven days. There is no need to write a business plan and work out every detail of the task you want to conclude. Decide for example that you want to get your roof repaired that has been leaking for a while. Take a clean sheet of paper and write at the top of the page, I am going to repair the leaking roof by next Friday. Most of us tend to “think”, “I must really find the time to repair that leaking roof”, but soon fall into a procrastination rut. We have good intentions, but allow a million and one things to side-track us. We find fancy justifications for our lack of action and can justify away our inability to get the job done in weird and wonderful ways. I can guarantee you that the moment you write down your objective and start taking action to make it a reality something awesome begin to happen in your interior. You will soon discover that ideas begin to flow into your life that will assist you to achieve your stated objectives.
Randomly write all ideas that come to mind underneath the goal that you wrote down earlier. Do not validate the ideas that come to mind. Write all of them down. Now select one of the ideas listed that might seem most feasible at the moment and take the necessary action to execute that specific idea. You will discover that the moment you have a goal and you begin to take action something amazing begins to happen. New ideas, new methods and individuals that might be able to assist you will suddenly appear in your life. Friends, family and even strangers will display a desire to assist you to achieve your desired objective that you wrote down earlier.
The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.
Rene
parasitic*
Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.
Think about your life for a moment. Are you exactly where you want to be? Are you doing work that you love? Are you free to travel when and where you wish? Are your relationships fulfilling? Are you financially free or are you tied to a job you hate?
Now answer this question for me: Do you want to know exactly why you are not living a life of ease, comfort, and happiness? Yes, of course you do. Pay close attention:
“The only reason you are not living the life of your dreams is because unconstructive beliefs were programmed into your mind as a child.”
Let me say it in a way that might be easier to understand: “The only reason you don’t have enough money is because you still believe the bullshit they taught you as a kid.”
That’s it… When you were young, you learned certain “facts” about life that became a part of your subconscious operating system. This system now automatically creates the life you are living. If you are not living exactly the life that you desire, then these beliefs need to be changed… it’s as simple as that.
Do you realize that you have been brainwashed?
Most people don’t want to hear this “inconvenient truth.” But most people are also living hopeless lives of quiet desperation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but I know that you are not like that. I doubt you would still be reading if you didn’t realize that you are capable of much, much more.
In fact, you HAVE been brainwashed. Of course, we are all brainwashed. Every single person on the planet is brainwashed with a certain set of beliefs which automatically operates his or her life.
Your parents, your teachers, your leaders, your culture, and your friends and family have all had a hand in creating exactly the set of beliefs you use to operate in your world.
Is this bad? Only if the beliefs you accepted as a child are not helping you now. Of course, if you are happy, healthy and successful then you have a subconscious operating system that works. Count your blessings and enjoy your life.
However, if there is some area of your life which you would like to change, then it is vital that you learn how to.
Let’s go back to the beginning. The REAL reason you don’t have enough money is because you believe something you learned as a child which is keeping you from having enough money. Perhaps your father told you that rich people are crooks. Well, of course you don’t want to be considered a crook in your father’s eyes, so you will never be rich. Your subconscious programming will make sure that you are never able to make money.
Or perhaps your parents always fought about money. What did your young mind learn? You learned that money causes trouble. You don’t want trouble, so you avoid money.
Or maybe you are spiritually inclined. But you were probably taught that “money is the root of all evil.” And you don’t want to be evil, do you? So what happens in your inner programming? It will automatically sabotage your attempts to get money, in order to “protect” you from being evil.
The concept of life positions is another basic idea from transactional analysis theory. Life positions works with the assumption that we choose very early on in our life, before age 2, a basic stance towards ourselves and other people. It represents the fundamental stance a person takes about the essential value he or she perceives in him or herself and other people. Once a child has taken up a favourite position, they’re likely to construct the rest of their world view to match that life position. One could therefore also see a life position as one of the first scrip decisions a person makes.
Another way of saying the same thing is that our life position is like a set of glasses through which we see the world. If we end up with gray tinted glasses the whole world will look gray to us. If they are clear, we can see ourselves and the world as things are, good and bad, but mostly all sorts of colors and shapes.
The following diagram is called “The OK Corral” by Franklin Ernst (with some of my own adaptations). It shows the four basic life positions we can assume:
1 “‘I am ok, you are ok,” which is short for “I am ok with myself and with you too.”
2 “I am ok, you are not ok,” short for “I am ok, but I can’t rely on or trust you. I feel there is something wrong with other people around me.”
3 “I am not ok, you are ok,” short for “There is something fundamentally wrong with me, but everybody else is ok.”
4 “I am not ok, you are not ok,” short for “There is something fundamentally wrong with me and other people are unreliable, untrustworthy, wrong in some way too.”
It’s easy to see that the best place to come from is “‘I am ok, you are ok!”
I am not ok, you are ok (Therefore the best I can do is to get away from others or hide myself)
DEPRESSIVE POSITION
I am ok, you are ok (Therefore you and me can get on with being open with each other)
GOOD LIFE POSITION
I am not ok, you are not ok (Therefore there is no hope. I can never be ok nor could you give me what I need)
FUTILE POSITION
I am ok, you are not ok (Therefore I best get rid of you to be ok)
PARANOID POSITION
Have a look at the diagram and think about your general stance in life. As adults, we don’t stay in one position all the time, but we shift between positions. Each of the childhood positions, which are a result of the quality of life and relationships we have experienced as a child, is reflected in grown-up life by a particular kind of social interaction, which acts under stress as a default pattern (e.g. the “getting on with” pattern of the “I am ok you are ok” position). Although we may have a default position due to childhood circumstances, we also have a choice of using our Adult ego state to stay in “I am ok, you are ok” as grown ups. By staying in “I am ok you are ok” we invite the best possible outcome, because we are expecting good things to happen and for other people to be reliable and trustworthy.
Your life position might be most apparent in your intimate relationship, because that’s where the stakes are highest. Additionally, we use the old attachment styles we learned as children to attach to our partners in the present. The “I am ok you are ok” position is the one which correlates with a secure attachment pattern, the others all expect abandonment, attack or rejection. If you do relate to your partner either generally or when things get tough, e.g. during arguments or absences, from a position that isn’t “I am ok, you are ok” you are expecting to get hurt due to an old pattern (also see script and transference). Unfortunately, our defensive styles often tend to invite what we most fear. If we keep putting ourselves down or not standing up for ourselves, because we relate to our partner from an “I am not ok, you are ok” position, the other person might finally get annoyed about our lack of self-confidence or indecisiveness.
It is important that you find a way to relate from an “I am ok you are ok” position as much as possible to your partner. And that he or she relates in the same way to you. Only then are you in a place where you can trust and respect yourself and the other person and you can be secure in knowing that you both are committed to working things out together when things get tough.
The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.
Rene
parasitic*
Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.
Forget the self-help books. No book or person can promise you happiness.
.
Christmas time is the most likely time of the year to experience depression. We share our love with friends and family, and get lots of gifts. So why aren’t we all joyous? What the hell is going on?
Did you ever wonder why people like Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson didn’t fare any better than you or I despite all their money, fame, and access to people of wisdom?
The answer lies in your own backyard. Look at the shrubs, tangled with vines, with here and there a sumac jutting out from the maze. Look at the pines pressed against the shingles for want of more sunlight, their roots reaching under the house to the length of 20 feet. In an effort to maintain themselves, I have known willows near the foundation to break into the cellar pipes for want of water.
What is a tree, after all, but a trunk with so many roots and leaves bringing food and water to the organism? After billions of years of evolution, it was inevitable that life would acquire the ability to locomote, to hunt and see, to protect itself from competitors. Observe the ants in the woodpile. They can engage in combat just as resolutely as any human. Our guns and ICBMs are merely the jaws of a more clever ant.
The goal of life is life. Every impulse and thought is a device developed towards that end. Consider our own species. We hunt and gather, do the dishes, and have sex. By day and night, we are serenaded by the notes of Beethoven modulating over the trump of the bullfrogs and the songs of the mating bird. Even poetry and art reflect our humanity and are impelled by instincts – by forms of fear and powerlessness, of pugnacity and mastery, of association and love.
To many creatures there are but a few necessities of life: food, water, shelter. To a bumblebee, these are a few flowers full of nectar. Even humankind is led by these primary drives, although we have invented not only the house and clothing but fire to cook our food. What pains we take during the holidays, with our mincemeat pies and rum cakes. The poor are wont to complain that they have no food for their families, and we devote a great deal of our economy to agriculture and housing.
Of course, the effort for self-preservation is vague and varied. There is, for instance, the need for understanding and knowledge to guide our emotions, to tame the beast in our animal nature. What shameless and chaotic lives many of us would live if we were not awakened by better desires from within.
Our behavior is motivated by needs and wants. Pleasure and pain consist in the extent to which these desires are satisfied or hindered. “Pleasure” according to Spinoza, one of the greatest philosophers of all time “is man’s transition from a lesser state of perfection to a greater. Pain is man’s transition from a greater state of perfection to a lesser.”
Here is a goal – completeness and power – that is wonderfully attractive to us at a time of recession, and when many lack the means to feed and clothe themselves. And when we have found all power, we may not be happier for it. When we have overcome our struggles and have no ambitions and no defeats, what do we do next? Build taller and more splendid houses, weave finer clothing? Where does the power to act come from when desire has been quieted?
Have you ever wondered why every TV show, movie, and book has villains? Every writer knows that the good guy has to be threatened somehow, perhaps chased by someone with a gun or an ax. Even Cinderella had an evil stepmother and had to sit in the cinders after she finished her work. Meeting the Prince just wouldn’t have been the same if she had been a spoiled little rich girl.
The keenest pleasures are for those who experience the keenest pain.
You can’t change the equation of life. And remember, while the world is celebrating the holiday season, if you’re depressed and have the blues it’s just money in the bank. And when your turn comes, spend it on something that you will be proud of.
Robert Lanza, MD worked with (and published a series of scientific papers with) the late Harvard psychologist B.F. Skinner, the father of modern behaviorism. His new book – Biocentrism – lays out his theory of everything.
The simple act of writing down small, medium, short and long term goals that include our personal, family and careers immediately make a huge difference in our life. Massive power rushes into your system the very moment that you write down a goal and start acting on it. The simple act of writing down your goals start a powerful engine in your energy field that will assist you to achieve virtually anything you have the guts to dream about. The goals that you penned and acted on cannot escape you. I dare you to be bold and to write down a single goal that you wish to achieve in the next seven days.
Write down something that you want to achieve, obtain, improve, repair or adjust within the next seven days. There is no need to write a business plan and work out every detail of the task you want to conclude. Decide for example that you want to get your roof repaired that has been leaking for a while. Take a clean sheet of paper and write at the top of the page, I am going to repair the leaking roof by next Friday. Most of us tend to “think”, “I must really find the time to repair that leaking roof”, but soon fall into a procrastination rut. We have good intentions, but allow a million and one things to side-track us. We find fancy justifications for our lack of action and can justify away our inability to get the job done in weird and wonderful ways. I can guarantee you that the moment you write down your objective and start taking action to make it a reality something awesome begin to happen in your interior. You will soon discover that ideas begin to flow into your life that will assist you to achieve your stated objectives.
Randomly write all ideas that come to mind underneath the goal that you wrote down earlier. Do not validate the ideas that come to mind. Write all of them down. Now select one of the ideas listed that might seem most feasible at the moment and take the necessary action to execute that specific idea. You will discover that the moment you have a goal and you begin to take action something amazing begins to happen. New ideas, new methods and individuals that might be able to assist you will suddenly appear in your life. Friends, family and even strangers will display a desire to assist you to achieve your desired objective that you wrote down earlier.
The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.
Rene
parasitic*
Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.
Please pause for a moment when you notice the“PAUSE” request before you continue. Think how what you just read can assist you with a specific set of circumstances that you are faced with. Think what changes can come about if you applied what you learned here in your relationships, work or with your family and friends. You will be astounded how much value you get from the material when you PAUSE for a few moments, take a small break and apply what I requested above. Do you have a train or bus to catch or do you tend to rush through life with your eyes so fixed on the potential outcomes that you forget to enjoy the journey?
An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitise this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of others, but of yourself.
PAUSE
Anticipation is a powerful force. Never show all your cards while the game is still in progress. The game of life is like a chess game. You must mentally always be a few moves ahead of your opponents.
PAUSE
Anticipation is vital to your survival. If you fail to anticipate what the implications of a current action or decision could be, you are putting yourself at great risk. The wise man reads people and events and anticipates their next few moves. He is not paranoid, but vigilant and wise.
PAUSE
Anticipation is what fuels the champions of life. If you lose your ability to dream, you lose your zest for life. If all your anticipation is suddenly removed, you will go into shock. Most people do not only anticipate the future, but also make the mistake of mentally living there. Anticipate the future, but live in the now if you want to experience true happiness.
PAUSE
Appear uncertain if you need other’s support, compassion and understanding. Ask for assistance in a clear and precise manner. Tell it like it is. Why continue hiding behind masks and facades? Get your ego out of the way and reveal your needs in an open and sincere manner. What is the worst that can happen? You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
PAUSE
Appreciation is the key to understanding. Only when we learn to appreciate what we have will more value be added to our lives. Gratitude and appreciation are the two most neglected emotions in society today. You can never be happy or achieve piece of mind if you lack these vital components.
PAUSE
Are you a person that enjoys making an issue out of everything? When you oppose something, you stop the natural flow of things. When you continually question and dig for potential flaws it usually disturbs the natural rhythm and flow of events. You need to find a balance between being a pain in the backside and a people pleaser.
PAUSE
Ask for reconsideration when things fail to work out as anticipated. Any softening in judgement will be a bonus. Any drop in price will put money in your pocket. Only the less informed will walk away without giving it his best shot. Nothing in life is easy. If you really want something, then fight for it.
WE LIVE IN AN INSTANT “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING” SOCIETY TODAY. WHY PAY IF YOU CAN GET IT FOR FREE?
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When you look around you today after you read this thought you might see things in people that you never detected before. I am going to remove a misconception that has been blinding you for the best part of your life. If you want to remain in your previous hypnotic state I suggest that you stop reading right now.
Most people, yes even family are often takers and can be labelled as “something for nothing” players. The next time a person turn on the charm or laughs for an old stale joke told by you, you should ask yourself the following. “What benefit does this person want to extract from me?” Most people today are not really interested in you or your well being. They tolerate you, befriend you, visit you not to enjoy your company, but rather for what they can extract from you.
They often first try to get whatever you have on offer for free. If all the charm, sulking or even faked friendship fail to do the trick they often revert to subtle or not so subtle emotional blackmail. I have seen these rituals many times in my life.
Some people call it a “deal” I simply call it greed. Most people want instant success, wealth, growth and careers today. Very few people are prepared to pay the price in full for their hopes and dreams. They feel they achieved some kind of victory if they can get you to pay for their dreams and aspirations.
Their friendships are often an empty and worthless network of members that parasite on each other. Their fake smiles and role played compassion is just as devoid of true feelings than the hart of a prostitute. Look around you and see if you can detect the good weather friends that sip your whisky and frequent your parties. If you blindly take people at face value you are setting yourself up for failure. See people for what they are and stop hoping for true relationships that are built on trust and integrity.
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I AM NOT A TAKER AND WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR MY HOPES AND DREAMS IN FULL! I AM A “WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET KIND OF PERSON”
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People that exert a positive influence are usually deeply interested in people. They always strive for a win-win deal with everybody they meet. They do not fake their way to success or manipulate people and set them up for a clever sting operation later. They love it when everybody gets a fair deal and share equally in what is on offer.
They speak their mind. If they feel upset by something you said or did, they tell you and not your neighbour. If they give you their hand in friendship, you can actually bargain on their loyalty. Many people do not like them because they feel threatened by them. They know they can see through their games and tricks. They do not like their direct approach and hate their honesty.
They may not sit in the front row in church on Sundays, but they often have more spirituality in their little finger than the “something for nothing” fakes in their whole body. Simplify your life and play the game of life straight down the line. You might not be selected as “Actor of the year”, but you will at least keep your dignity and self-esteem in tact. People with honest intentions and integrity are as rare as virgins in a brothel.
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE? MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS THEIR CAREER, MONEY, FAMILY, RELIGION, RELATIONSHIPS OR HEALTH. NO SUCCESS CAN BE ACHIEVED WITH ANY OF THE ABOVE IF YOUR VALUE SYSTEM IS DEFECTIVE!
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When you ask most people what they think is most important in their lives they usually give the following type of answers. “I feel that my children or family is most important to me.” I feel that financial independence is most important to me.” I feel that my faith and religion is most important to me.” Please notice that the word “feel” plays a powerful role in what you deem important in your life.
We need success in selected areas of our lives to feel good about ourselves and worthy as a human being. Most of us feel that we are less worthy if we failed to achieve specific goals or objectives. Your goals in life are closely linked to the values you have. You feel valuable and worthy when you achieve success in what you deem as important in your life.
What people fail to understand is that it is not the respect and compassion that their children show them that make them feel good, but the feelings that these acts generate in them. (“I was a good parent.”) It is also not the lack of compassion, respect or love from their children that make them feel like failures, but the feelings that it leaves them with. (“I was a bad parent.”) It is thus our interpretation of specific events or behaviour that makes us feel good and successful or bad and like failures.
Everything we do in life is in pursuit of specific feelings that we crave for. We think that money will bring us happiness, peace of mind, respect or security. We see the money as the vehicle that will generate these feelings that we crave for. We also hope that the money will take away our fears. We hope that it will take away feelings such as uncertainty, unpredictability, anxiety and potential starvation.
Can you see how we strive for objectives that we hope will either generate feelings that we yearn for or remove feelings that we find very uncomfortable? It should be obvious to you that we are “feeling” driven. Most things we do and most things we think of is to either experience certain feelings or remove certain feelings that are causing us pain. When you accept this fact you can actually do something about it.
Our subconscious computer thus search for pleasure generating activities all the time and attempt to steer us away from activities that might cause us pain.
I WILL ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT I WORK WITH VALID AND ACCURATE DATA!
It is vitally important that you always make sure that the data that you work with is valid and accurate. You cannot let the bad feelings rush in if your child developed an unfair and inaccurate mindset about you as parent.
The moment you judge yourself by using somebody else’s value system, you are setting yourself up for pain. It will be unfair to experience pain, rejection, and feelings of failure if you did the best job possible under circumstances.
Never allow any person to randomly play with how you feel about yourself. Become objective and rational in what and who you allow to activate feelings in your mind. You always have the final say in what you are going to feel.
This might be a good time to think of people and situations that you allow to upset you. You might be unfair in expecting someone to provide you with certain feelings that you yearn for. You also make yourself extremely vulnerable if you live your life in a way where certain people or goals must make you feel good. It is possibly time that you take back control and stop allowing external sources or internal thoughts to govern your worthiness.
The concept of life positions is another basic idea from transactional analysis theory. Life positions works with the assumption that we choose very early on in our life, before age 2, a basic stance towards ourselves and other people. It represents the fundamental stance a person takes about the essential value he or she perceives in him or herself and other people. Once a child has taken up a favourite position, they’re likely to construct the rest of their world view to match that life position. One could therefore also see a life position as one of the first scrip decisions a person makes.
Another way of saying the same thing is that our life position is like a set of glasses through which we see the world. If we end up with gray tinted glasses the whole world will look gray to us. If they are clear, we can see ourselves and the world as things are, good and bad, but mostly all sorts of colors and shapes.
The following diagram is called “The OK Corral” by Franklin Ernst (with some of my own adaptations). It shows the four basic life positions we can assume:
1 “‘I am ok, you are ok,” which is short for “I am ok with myself and with you too.”
2 “I am ok, you are not ok,” short for “I am ok, but I can’t rely on or trust you. I feel there is something wrong with other people around me.”
3 “I am not ok, you are ok,” short for “There is something fundamentally wrong with me, but everybody else is ok.”
4 “I am not ok, you are not ok,” short for “There is something fundamentally wrong with me and other people are unreliable, untrustworthy, wrong in some way too.”
It’s easy to see that the best place to come from is “‘I am ok, you are ok!”
I am not ok, you are ok (Therefore the best I can do is to get away from others or hide myself)
DEPRESSIVE POSITION
I am ok, you are ok (Therefore you and me can get on with being open with each other)
GOOD LIFE POSITION
I am not ok, you are not ok (Therefore there is no hope. I can never be ok nor could you give me what I need)
FUTILE POSITION
I am ok, you are not ok (Therefore I best get rid of you to be ok)
PARANOID POSITION
Have a look at the diagram and think about your general stance in life. As adults, we don’t stay in one position all the time, but we shift between positions. Each of the childhood positions, which are a result of the quality of life and relationships we have experienced as a child, is reflected in grown-up life by a particular kind of social interaction, which acts under stress as a default pattern (e.g. the “getting on with” pattern of the “I am ok you are ok” position). Although we may have a default position due to childhood circumstances, we also have a choice of using our Adult ego state to stay in “I am ok, you are ok” as grown ups. By staying in “I am ok you are ok” we invite the best possible outcome, because we are expecting good things to happen and for other people to be reliable and trustworthy.
Your life position might be most apparent in your intimate relationship, because that’s where the stakes are highest. Additionally, we use the old attachment styles we learned as children to attach to our partners in the present. The “I am ok you are ok” position is the one which correlates with a secure attachment pattern, the others all expect abandonment, attack or rejection. If you do relate to your partner either generally or when things get tough, e.g. during arguments or absences, from a position that isn’t “I am ok, you are ok” you are expecting to get hurt due to an old pattern (also see script and transference). Unfortunately, our defensive styles often tend to invite what we most fear. If we keep putting ourselves down or not standing up for ourselves, because we relate to our partner from an “I am not ok, you are ok” position, the other person might finally get annoyed about our lack of self-confidence or indecisiveness.
It is important that you find a way to relate from an “I am ok you are ok” position as much as possible to your partner. And that he or she relates in the same way to you. Only then are you in a place where you can trust and respect yourself and the other person and you can be secure in knowing that you both are committed to working things out together when things get tough.
PLEASE PASS MY LINK TO AS MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY ETC. IF YOU ENJOY THE WIDE RANGE OF SUBJECT MATTER THAT YOU ARE EXPOSED TO DAILY IN THE READING ROOM. PROVIDE YOUR FRIENDS ETC. THE OPPORTUNITY TO DIG DEEPER AND ASK MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WIDE RANGE OF CHALLENGES THAT WE ARE FACED WITH TODAY. I WANT TO THANK THE MANY READERS THAT ALREADY VISIT THE READING ROOM DAILY. YOU ARE SPECIAL MY FRIENDS! LOOK AROUND YOU AND YOU WILL NOTICE THAT VERY FEW PEOPLE ARE BOLD AND BRAVE ENOUGH TO SAY, “THERE MUST BE MORE TO LIFE!” “I AM GOING TO MAKE IT MY MISSION TO DAILY LEARN MORE AND DO MORE TO MASTER THIS THING CALLED LIFE.”
Most of us are aware that we have a “space” around us that we don’t like penetrated. Our subconscious perimeter warning and defence system guide our physical body away from anyone that don’t have a perimeter pass that attempt to bridge into our “comfort zone”. We only allow a relative few individuals to come within the inner sanctuary of our comfort zone. Our comfort zone perimeter extends about a meter away from our body. Every person developed a unique technique to block penetration of their comfort zone. This technique sometimes include strong verbal messages that warn the perpetrator to retreat. Some of us that experienced forced entry into our comfort zone (abuse etc.) may experience strong discomfort long before a person come in contact with the outer limits of our comfort perimeter. It is amazing how two individuals in love, especially during the initial stage of courtship gradually manage to turn their alarm systems off when they desire physical contact. It is a known fact that access, especially by the female often becomes a tool to regulate and control their partner. The male is then expected to toe the line and go through a specified range of courtship rituals before he is allowed to bridge his partner’s comfort zone. In short the original spontaneity early in the courtship is now replaced by a deal making and negotiation process. This strategy when overcooked can gradually lead to a range of problems in a relationship and also promote infidelity. The man is a hunter by nature and could sooner or later reach a point where he had enough of the howling alarms and often unrealistic demands of his partner before he is allowed access to his partner’s inner domain. Many infidelity cases that shattered relationships and ripped families apart came about because of the poor management of this access system. Use this powerful tool with great circumspection. There are an endless range of remedies that can be applied to repair relationship problems. Overzealous application of access requirements is not one of them.
Rene
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ALSO READ THE FOLLOWING
RELATIONSHIPS – Uncovering other people’s underlying beliefs.
Think about your life for a moment. Are you exactly where you want to be? Are you doing work that you love? Are you free to travel when and where you wish? Are your relationships fulfilling? Are you financially free or are you tied to a job you hate?
Now answer this question for me: Do you want to know exactly why you are not living a life of ease, comfort, and happiness? Yes, of course you do. Pay close attention:
“The only reason you are not living the life of your dreams is because unconstructive beliefs were programmed into your mind as a child.”
Let me say it in a way that might be easier to understand: “The only reason you don’t have enough money is because you still believe the bullshit they taught you as a kid.”
That’s it… When you were young, you learned certain “facts” about life that became a part of your subconscious operating system. This system now automatically creates the life you are living. If you are not living exactly the life that you desire, then these beliefs need to be changed… it’s as simple as that.
Do you realize that you have been brainwashed?
Most people don’t want to hear this “inconvenient truth.” But most people are also living hopeless lives of quiet desperation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but I know that you are not like that. I doubt you would still be reading if you didn’t realize that you are capable of much, much more.
In fact, you HAVE been brainwashed. Of course, we are all brainwashed. Every single person on the planet is brainwashed with a certain set of beliefs which automatically operates his or her life.
Your parents, your teachers, your leaders, your culture, and your friends and family have all had a hand in creating exactly the set of beliefs you use to operate in your world.
Is this bad? Only if the beliefs you accepted as a child are not helping you now. Of course, if you are happy, healthy and successful then you have a subconscious operating system that works. Count your blessings and enjoy your life.
However, if there is some area of your life which you would like to change, then it is vital that you learn how to.
Let’s go back to the beginning. The REAL reason you don’t have enough money is because you believe something you learned as a child which is keeping you from having enough money. Perhaps your father told you that rich people are crooks. Well, of course you don’t want to be considered a crook in your father’s eyes, so you will never be rich. Your subconscious programming will make sure that you are never able to make money.
Or perhaps your parents always fought about money. What did your young mind learn? You learned that money causes trouble. You don’t want trouble, so you avoid money.
Or maybe you are spiritually inclined. But you were probably taught that “money is the root of all evil.” And you don’t want to be evil, do you? So what happens in your inner programming? It will automatically sabotage your attempts to get money, in order to “protect” you from being evil.
WE LIVE IN AN INSTANT “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING” SOCIETY TODAY. WHY PAY IF YOU CAN GET IT FOR FREE?
When you look around you today after you read this thought you might see things in people that you never detected before. I am going to remove a misconception that has been blinding you for the best part of your life. If you want to remain in your previous hypnotic state I suggest that you stop reading right now.
Most people, yes even family are often takers and can be labelled as “something for nothing” players. The next time a person turn on the charm or laughs for an old stale joke told by you, you should ask yourself the following. “What benefit does this person want to extract from me?” Most people today are not really interested in you or your well being. They tolerate you, befriend you, visit you not to enjoy your company, but rather for what they can extract from you.
They often first try to get whatever you have on offer for free. If all the charm, sulking or even faked friendship fail to do the trick they often revert to subtle or not so subtle emotional blackmail. I have seen these rituals many times in my life.
Some people call it a “deal” I simply call it greed. Most people want instant success, wealth, growth and careers today. Very few people are prepared to pay the price in full for their hopes and dreams. They feel they achieved some kind of victory if they can get you to pay for their dreams and aspirations.
Their friendships are often an empty and worthless network of members that parasite on each other. Their fake smiles and role played compassion is just as devoid of true feelings than the hart of a prostitute. Look around you and see if you can detect the good weather friends that sip your whisky and frequent your parties. If you blindly take people at face value you are setting yourself up for failure. See people for what they are and stop hoping for true relationships that are built on trust and integrity.
I AM NOT A TAKER AND WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR MY HOPES AND DREAMS IN FULL! I AM A “WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET KIND OF PERSON”
.
People that exert a positive influence are usually deeply interested in people. They always strive for a win-win deal with everybody they meet. They do not fake their way to success or manipulate people and set them up for a clever sting operation later. They love it when everybody gets a fair deal and share equally in what is on offer.
They speak their mind. If they feel upset by something you said or did, they tell you and not your neighbour. If they give you their hand in friendship, you can actually bargain on their loyalty. Many people do not like them because they feel threatened by them. They know they can see through their games and tricks. They do not like their direct approach and hate their honesty.
They may not sit in the front row in church on Sundays, but they often have more spirituality in their little finger than the “something for nothing” fakes in their whole body. Simplify your life and play the game of life straight down the line. You might not be selected as “Actor of the year”, but you will at least keep your dignity and self-esteem in tact. People with honest intentions and integrity are as rare as virgins in a brothel.
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE? MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS THEIR CAREER, MONEY, FAMILY, RELIGION, RELATIONSHIPS OR HEALTH. NO SUCCESS CAN BE ACHIEVED WITH ANY OF THE ABOVE IF YOUR VALUE SYSTEM IS DEFECTIVE!
.
When you ask most people what they think is most important in their lives they usually give the following type of answers. “I feel that my children or family is most important to me.” I feel that financial independence is most important to me.” I feel that my faith and religion is most important to me.” Please notice that the word “feel” plays a powerful role in what you deem important in your life.
We need success in selected areas of our lives to feel good about ourselves and worthy as a human being. Most of us feel that we are less worthy if we failed to achieve specific goals or objectives. Your goals in life are closely linked to the values you have. You feel valuable and worthy when you achieve success in what you deem as important in your life.
What people fail to understand is that it is not the respect and compassion that their children show them that make them feel good, but the feelings that these acts generate in them. (“I was a good parent.”) It is also not the lack of compassion, respect or love from their children that make them feel like failures, but the feelings that it leaves them with. (“I was a bad parent.”) It is thus our interpretation of specific events or behaviour that makes us feel good and successful or bad and like failures.
Everything we do in life is in pursuit of specific feelings that we crave for. We think that money will bring us happiness, peace of mind, respect or security. We see the money as the vehicle that will generate these feelings that we crave for. We also hope that the money will take away our fears. We hope that it will take away feelings such as uncertainty, unpredictability, anxiety and potential starvation.
Can you see how we strive for objectives that we hope will either generate feelings that we yearn for or remove feelings that we find very uncomfortable? It should be obvious to you that we are “feeling” driven. Most things we do and most things we think of is to either experience certain feelings or remove certain feelings that are causing us pain. When you accept this fact you can actually do something about it.
Our subconscious computer thus search for pleasure generating activities all the time and attempt to steer us away from activities that might cause us pain.
I WILL ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT I WORK WITH VALID AND ACCURATE DATA!
It is vitally important that you always make sure that the data that you work with is valid and accurate. You cannot let the bad feelings rush in if your child developed an unfair and inaccurate mindset about you as parent.
The moment you judge yourself by using somebody else’s value system, you are setting yourself up for pain. It will be unfair to experience pain, rejection, and feelings of failure if you did the best job possible under circumstances.
Never allow any person to randomly play with how you feel about yourself. Become objective and rational in what and who you allow to activate feelings in your mind. You always have the final say in what you are going to feel.
This might be a good time to think of people and situations that you allow to upset you. You might be unfair in expecting someone to provide you with certain feelings that you yearn for. You also make yourself extremely vulnerable if you live your life in a way where certain people or goals must make you feel good. It is possibly time that you take back control and stop allowing external sources or internal thoughts to govern your worthiness.
Please pause for a moment when you notice the“PAUSE” request before you continue. Think how what you just read can assist you with a specific set of circumstances that you are faced with. Think what changes can come about if you applied what you learned here in your relationships, work or with your family and friends. You will be astounded how much value you get from the material when you PAUSE for a few moments, take a small break and apply what I requested above. Do you have a train or bus to catch or do you tend to rush through life with your eyes so fixed on the potential outcomes that you forget to enjoy the journey?
An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitise this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of others, but of yourself.
PAUSE
Anticipation is a powerful force. Never show all your cards while the game is still in progress. The game of life is like a chess game. You must mentally always be a few moves ahead of your opponents.
PAUSE
Anticipation is vital to your survival. If you fail to anticipate what the implications of a current action or decision could be, you are putting yourself at great risk. The wise man reads people and events and anticipates their next few moves. He is not paranoid, but vigilant and wise.
PAUSE
Anticipation is what fuels the champions of life. If you lose your ability to dream, you lose your zest for life. If all your anticipation is suddenly removed, you will go into shock. Most people do not only anticipate the future, but also make the mistake of mentally living there. Anticipate the future, but live in the now if you want to experience true happiness.
PAUSE
Appear uncertain if you need other’s support, compassion and understanding. Ask for assistance in a clear and precise manner. Tell it like it is. Why continue hiding behind masks and facades? Get your ego out of the way and reveal your needs in an open and sincere manner. What is the worst that can happen? You have nothing to lose, but everything to gain.
PAUSE
Appreciation is the key to understanding. Only when we learn to appreciate what we have will more value be added to our lives. Gratitude and appreciation are the two most neglected emotions in society today. You can never be happy or achieve piece of mind if you lack these vital components.
PAUSE
Are you a person that enjoys making an issue out of everything? When you oppose something, you stop the natural flow of things. When you continually question and dig for potential flaws it usually disturbs the natural rhythm and flow of events. You need to find a balance between being a pain in the backside and a people pleaser.
PAUSE
Ask for reconsideration when things fail to work out as anticipated. Any softening in judgement will be a bonus. Any drop in price will put money in your pocket. Only the less informed will walk away without giving it his best shot. Nothing in life is easy. If you really want something, then fight for it.
Think about your life for a moment. Are you exactly where you want to be? Are you doing work that you love? Are you free to travel when and where you wish? Are your relationships fulfilling? Are you financially free or are you tied to a job you hate?
Now answer this question for me: Do you want to know exactly why you are not living a life of ease, comfort, and happiness? Yes, of course you do. Pay close attention:
“The only reason you are not living the life of your dreams is because unconstructive beliefs were programmed into your mind as a child.”
Let me say it in a way that might be easier to understand: “The only reason you don’t have enough money is because you still believe the bullshit they taught you as a kid.”
That’s it… When you were young, you learned certain “facts” about life that became a part of your subconscious operating system. This system now automatically creates the life you are living. If you are not living exactly the life that you desire, then these beliefs need to be changed… it’s as simple as that.
Do you realize that you have been brainwashed?
Most people don’t want to hear this “inconvenient truth.” But most people are also living hopeless lives of quiet desperation. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but I know that you are not like that. I doubt you would still be reading if you didn’t realize that you are capable of much, much more.
In fact, you HAVE been brainwashed. Of course, we are all brainwashed. Every single person on the planet is brainwashed with a certain set of beliefs which automatically operates his or her life.
Your parents, your teachers, your leaders, your culture, and your friends and family have all had a hand in creating exactly the set of beliefs you use to operate in your world.
Is this bad? Only if the beliefs you accepted as a child are not helping you now. Of course, if you are happy, healthy and successful then you have a subconscious operating system that works. Count your blessings and enjoy your life.
However, if there is some area of your life which you would like to change, then it is vital that you learn how to.
Let’s go back to the beginning. The REAL reason you don’t have enough money is because you believe something you learned as a child which is keeping you from having enough money. Perhaps your father told you that rich people are crooks. Well, of course you don’t want to be considered a crook in your father’s eyes, so you will never be rich. Your subconscious programming will make sure that you are never able to make money.
Or perhaps your parents always fought about money. What did your young mind learn? You learned that money causes trouble. You don’t want trouble, so you avoid money.
Or maybe you are spiritually inclined. But you were probably taught that “money is the root of all evil.” And you don’t want to be evil, do you? So what happens in your inner programming? It will automatically sabotage your attempts to get money, in order to “protect” you from being evil.
I don’t know if you like me sometimes suffer with temporary blindness. When I look back I often fail to understand how I could have ignored the glaring signals that should have warned me that I am about to make a poor choice.
The key to success in any area of your life is locked up in the ability to “read” subliminal messages or signals during work or play. We often are so focused on what a person is saying that we fail to see the pain or loneliness in his or her eyes.
Have we become so self-centred that we find it impossible to detect the silent calls for help from friends, family and even strangers? When you learn to not only hear, but also “feel” what others are saying or hiding from you, you have mastered the art of communication. Many couples claim that they can “feel” when there is something wrong in their relationship even if there are no visible signs of a threat. It is not what their partners say or fail to express that warns them of potential problems, but a subjective feeling that warns them that something is unbecoming.
I have met a large number of people that lived the best part of their lives in a total fog. The fog never lifts from their ability to detect needs of anyone, but their own. If you want to really live and experience life to the full you must develop your ability to feel the pulse of things around you. When you master the art of really listening you are half way there.
Most people love to hear the sound of their own voices. Become really focused, listen with compassion and discover the subliminal signals that that your emotional radios are unable to pick up at this stage. When you “tune in” to others you get to know the real person behind the mask. You discover the person without his facades and games.
YOUR INVISIBLE BOUNDARIES
When you study a map of the world, you soon become very aware of the boundaries that demarcate the various countries. These boundaries have caused some of the bloodiest wars in the short history of man on this planet. You usually need some kind of passport or document to move from one territory to the next. If you do not have the right documents, you can land yourself in serious trouble.
What I often find astounding is that most people do not define their boundaries clearly enough. They expect people to guess their way to success. There are certain people that allow friends and strangers to cross their emotional boundaries without too much problems or discomfort. You usually know how they think and feel about things. You can set up relaxed relationships with such people and hardly ever experience any discomfort while you inhabit their territory. They are pleasant and easy to be with. You can develop warm friendships with this type of individual. Their emotional boundaries are usually not posted a million miles from their hearts and minds in an attempt keep potential pain away.
On the other hand, you get individuals that post their boundaries a million miles from their hearts and minds. They usually make it as difficult as possible for people to cross over into their emotional territory. If you do not have the right “passport”, you are stopped at their border posts and sent away with empty hands. They guard their territory with suspicion and doubt. They want a clear well defined reason for your visit and will not hesitate to deport you from their emotional territory when they experience the slightest discomfort. They are not easy to be with. They are difficult to communicate with and need constant justification for everything you say and do. They tend to jump to conclusions and make your stay in their territory a taxing experience.
Emotional maturity and confidence allows you to throw open your territory to everybody. People will love to visit you in your territory and will in turn invite you to share their territory as well. The key is to become emotionally secure and to make it as easy as possible for people to be with you.
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN YOUR LIFE? MOST PEOPLE THINK THAT IT IS THEIR CAREER, MONEY, FAMILY, RELIGION, RELATIONSHIPS OR HEALTH. NO SUCCESS CAN BE ACHIEVED WITH ANY OF THE ABOVE IF YOUR VALUE SYSTEM IS DEFECTIVE!
.
When you ask most people what they think is most important in their lives they usually give the following type of answers. “I feel that my children or family is most important to me.” I feel that financial independence is most important to me.” I feel that my faith and religion is most important to me.” Please notice that the word “feel” plays a powerful role in what you deem important in your life.
We need success in selected areas of our lives to feel good about ourselves and worthy as a human being. Most of us feel that we are less worthy if we failed to achieve specific goals or objectives. Your goals in life are closely linked to the values you have. You feel valuable and worthy when you achieve success in what you deem as important in your life.
What people fail to understand is that it is not the respect and compassion that their children show them that make them feel good, but the feelings that these acts generate in them. (“I was a good parent.”) It is also not the lack of compassion, respect or love from their children that make them feel like failures, but the feelings that it leaves them with. (“I was a bad parent.”) It is thus our interpretation of specific events or behaviour that makes us feel good and successful or bad and like failures.
Everything we do in life is in pursuit of specific feelings that we crave for. We think that money will bring us happiness, peace of mind, respect or security. We see the money as the vehicle that will generate these feelings that we crave for. We also hope that the money will take away our fears. We hope that it will take away feelings such as uncertainty, unpredictability, anxiety and potential starvation.
Can you see how we strive for objectives that we hope will either generate feelings that we yearn for or remove feelings that we find very uncomfortable? It should be obvious to you that we are “feeling” driven. Most things we do and most things we think of is to either experience certain feelings or remove certain feelings that are causing us pain. When you accept this fact you can actually do something about it.
Our subconscious computer thus search for pleasure generating activities all the time and attempt to steer us away from activities that might cause us pain.
.
I WILL ALWAYS MAKE SURE THAT I WORK WITH VALID AND ACCURATE DATA!
.
It is vitally important that you always make sure that the data that you work with is valid and accurate. You cannot let the bad feelings rush in if your child developed an unfair and inaccurate mindset about you as parent.
The moment you judge yourself by using somebody else’s value system, you are setting yourself up for pain. It will be unfair to experience pain, rejection, and feelings of failure if you did the best job possible under circumstances.
Never allow any person to randomly play with how you feel about yourself. Become objective and rational in what and who you allow to activate feelings in your mind. You always have the final say in what you are going to feel.
This might be a good time to think of people and situations that you allow to upset you. You might be unfair in expecting someone to provide you with certain feelings that you yearn for. You also make yourself extremely vulnerable if you live your life in a way where certain people or goals must make you feel good. It is possibly time that you take back control and stop allowing external sources or internal thoughts to govern your worthiness.
WE LIVE IN AN INSTANT “SOMETHING FOR NOTHING” SOCIETY TODAY. WHY PAY IF YOU CAN GET IT FOR FREE?
When you look around you today after you read this thought you might see things in people that you never detected before. I am going to remove a misconception that has been blinding you for the best part of your life. If you want to remain in your previous hypnotic state I suggest that you stop reading right now.
Most people, yes even family are often takers and can be labelled as “something for nothing” players. The next time a person turn on the charm or laughs for an old stale joke told by you, you should ask yourself the following. “What benefit does this person want to extract from me?” Most people today are not really interested in you or your well being. They tolerate you, befriend you, visit you not to enjoy your company, but rather for what they can extract from you.
They often first try to get whatever you have on offer for free. If all the charm, sulking or even faked friendship fail to do the trick they often revert to subtle or not so subtle emotional blackmail. I have seen these rituals many times in my life.
Some people call it a “deal” I simply call it greed. Most people want instant success, wealth, growth and careers today. Very few people are prepared to pay the price in full for their hopes and dreams. They feel they achieved some kind of victory if they can get you to pay for their dreams and aspirations.
Their friendships are often an empty and worthless network of members that parasite on each other. Their fake smiles and role played compassion is just as devoid of true feelings than the hart of a prostitute. Look around you and see if you can detect the good weather friends that sip your whisky and frequent your parties. If you blindly take people at face value you are setting yourself up for failure. See people for what they are and stop hoping for true relationships that are built on trust and integrity.
I AM NOT A TAKER AND WILL PAY THE PRICE FOR MY HOPES AND DREAMS IN FULL! I AM A “WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET KIND OF PERSON”
.
People that exert a positive influence are usually deeply interested in people. They always strive for a win-win deal with everybody they meet. They do not fake their way to success or manipulate people and set them up for a clever sting operation later. They love it when everybody gets a fair deal and share equally in what is on offer.
They speak their mind. If they feel upset by something you said or did, they tell you and not your neighbour. If they give you their hand in friendship, you can actually bargain on their loyalty. Many people do not like them because they feel threatened by them. They know they can see through their games and tricks. They do not like their direct approach and hate their honesty.
They may not sit in the front row in church on Sundays, but they often have more spirituality in their little finger than the “something for nothing” fakes in their whole body. Simplify your life and play the game of life straight down the line. You might not be selected as “Actor of the year”, but you will at least keep your dignity and self-esteem in tact. People with honest intentions and integrity are as rare as virgins in a brothel.
The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait. They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow. All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with. We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation. People feed from each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.
Rene
parasitic*
Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.
I looked at two toddlers playing in a sand-pit. I could not help smiling when I noticed how the one boy with carrot red hair and freckle face was doing his level best to gather all the plastic toys around him. A little guy with the white hair was not happy with this turn of events. He got hold of a fairly bulky toy truck and in a thin high pitched voice cried, “Mine”. I notice the frustration on the red haired little guy’s face. He puffed up his cheeks and attempted to wrestle the truck away from what he now perceived his enemy. Then things started happening rapidly. Before anyone could intervene the white haired little guy swung the truck like a golf pro and hit the red haired boy on the side of the head. The red haired little guy immediately dropped to his knees and started hollering for help and his mother. Both “fighters” mothers arrive on the scene with blistering speed. You could see that the red haired little guy’s mother was seriously pissed off. I think you get the picture. The wonderful play experience turned into a total disaster.
Have you noticed how most of us start accumulating things from a very young age. We have been conditioned with a perception of “mine” and “yours” from soon after our birth. This perception of separation is taken to extreme levels by us. You will when you become aware of this separation syndrome notice this everywhere. We were domesticated to stay in our box and look after the stuff that we accumulated. Others also subscribe to this recipe.
This trend of separation continue in marriages as well. You have “His” and “Hers” everything from towels to bank accounts. We have my car and your car, my house, my dog and my everything else. How many times don’t we talk about my doctor, my plumber, my bank, my gynaecologist etc.
Look in the community where you live and you will suddenly notice all the compartments that we carefully constructed to bolster the separation mentality. This is one of the reasons why a man and a women can live in the same home for decades and still know virtually nothing about each other. We now and then venture outside our little box to come and play with our partner or some friends, but rush back to our box and its safety the moment we notice any potential adversity on the horizon.
I noticed that things are very different in Eastern societies. You get a feeling that it is much easier to share in these communities. There is a much more intimate feeling of oneness here. It is much easier to share shelter, food, protection in these societies. You for example will find that a whole family will work together in the family business for the collective good of everyone.
We in the west find it virtually impossible to keep our families together. Children leave the nest and might periodically call or drop in for short visits, but do their own thing regardless of the collective status of such family. Please do not get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with flying solo or with building a future away from home. The point that I am making is that there is no need to disconnect mentally and emotionally when you have your own little box with its tiny garden and white picket fence.
How can we show real compassion when we live in a fog of entitlement? How can we become one family, community or one nation while everyone is adamant protecting and promoting his/her own importance? We will never work for the collective good of society while we rather beautify our own little box, lawn or garden while the community live in sub-standard conditions. Can you see how the divide and rule mentality that we hammer into our children from an early age weaken the structure that we try and survive in? How can we feel the plight of others while our own family, for example an aging mother or father live and die in his/her little retirement box. They only see their family on old faded photos of a time now just a faded memory?
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 