Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
WHAT PAIN OR PLEASURE WE LINK TO SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DETERMINES HOW WE ACT AND REACT TO THEM. WE CANNOT ACT IN A MANNER THAT PROVOKES PAIN IN PEOPLE AND EXPECT RESPECT, LOVE AND COMPASSION FROM THEM!
People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.
It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.
Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.
Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.
Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.
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I WILL BECOME OUTCOME FOCUSED TODAY. I WILL DO THE THINGS I FEAR UNTIL IT LOSES ITS HOLD ON MY MIND!
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We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.
If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.
If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Rene
(from my book – PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS WISDOM GUIDE)
When someone is acting suspiciously at an airport, subway station or other public space, how can law enforcement officers determine whether he’s up to no good?
The ability to effectively detect deception is crucial to public safety, particularly in the wake of renewed threats against the U.S. following the killing of Osama bin Laden.
UCLA professor of psychology R. Edward Geiselman has been studying these questions for years and has taught investigative interviewing techniques to detectives and intelligence officers from the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security, the Marines, the Los Angeles police and sheriff’s departments, and numerous international agencies.
He and three former UCLA undergraduates – Sandra Elmgren, Chris Green and Ida Rystad – analyzed some 60 studies on detecting deception and have conducted original research on the subject. They present their findings and their guidance for how to conduct effective training programs for detecting deception in the current issue of the American Journal of Forensic Psychiatry, which is published this week.
Geiselman and his colleagues have identified several indicators that a person is being deceptive. The more reliable red flags that indicate deceit, Geiselman said, include:
When questioned, deceptive people generally want to say as little as possible. Geiselman initially thought they would tell an elaborate story, but the vast majority give only the bare-bones. Studies with college students, as well as prisoners, show this. Geiselman’s investigative interviewing techniques are designed to get people to talk.
• Although deceptive people do not say much, they tend to spontaneously give a justification for what little they are saying, without being prompted.
• They tend to repeat questions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct an answer.
• They often monitor the listener’s reaction to what they are saying. “They try to read you to see if you are buying their story,” Geiselman said.
• They often initially slow down their speech because they have to create their story and monitor your reaction, and when they have it straight “will spew it out faster,” Geiselman said. Truthful people are not bothered if they speak slowly, but deceptive people often think slowing their speech down may look suspicious. “Truthful people will not dramatically alter their speech rate within a single sentence,” he said.
• They tend to use sentence fragments more frequently than truthful people; often, they will start an answer, back up and not complete the sentence.
• They are more likely to press their lips when asked a sensitive question and are more likely to play with their hair or engage in other “grooming” behaviors. Gesturing toward one’s self with the hands tends to be a sign of deception; gesturing outwardly is not.
• Truthful people, if challenged about details, will often deny that they are lying and explain even more, while deceptive people generally will not provide more specifics.
• When asked a difficult question, truthful people will often look away because the question requires concentration, while dishonest people will look away only briefly, if at all, unless it is a question that should require intense concentration.
If dishonest people try to mask these normal reactions to lying, they would be even more obvious, Geiselman said. Among the techniques he teaches to enable detectives to tell the truth from lies are:
Have people tell their story backwards, starting at the end and systematically working their way back. Instruct them to be as complete and detailed as they can. This technique, part of a “cognitive interview” Geiselman co-developed with Ronald Fisher, a former UCLA psychologist now at Florida International University, “increases the cognitive load to push them over the edge.” A deceptive person, even a “professional liar,” is “under a heavy cognitive load” as he tries to stick to his story while monitoring your reaction.
• Ask open-ended questions to get them to provide as many details and as much complete information as possible (“Can you tell me more about…?” “Tell me exactly…”). First ask general questions, and only then get more specific.
• Don’t interrupt, let them talk and use silent pauses to encourage them to talk.
If someone in an airport or other public space is behaving suspiciously and when approached exhibits a majority of the more reliable red flags, Geiselman recommends pulling him or her aside for more questioning. If there are only one or two red flags, he would probably let them go.
Geiselman tested techniques for telling the truth from deception with hundreds of UCLA students, and the studies he and his co-authors analyzed involved thousands of people.
Detecting deception is difficult, Geiselman said, but training programs can be effective. Programs must be extensive, with an education phase followed by numerous video examples, and a phase in which those being trained judge video clips and simulate real-world interviewing. Training should be conducted on multiple days over a period of a week or two.
“People can learn to perform better at detecting deception,” Geiselman said. “However, police departments usually do not provide more than a day of training for their detectives, if that, and the available research shows that you can’t improve much in just a day.”
When Geiselman conducted training with Marine intelligence officers, he found that they were impressively accurate in detecting deception even before the training began. In contrast, the average college student is only 53 percent accurate without training, and with abbreviated training, “we often make them worse,” he said.
“Without training, many people think they can detect deception, but their perceptions are unrelated to their actual ability. Quick, inadequate training sessions lead people to over-analyze and to do worse than if they go with their gut reactions.”
Geiselman is currently developing a training program that he hopes will effectively compress the learning curve and thus will serve to replicate years of experience.
The cognitive interview that Geiselman and Fisher developed works well with both criminal suspects and eyewitnesses of crimes. Geiselman thinks these techniques are likely to work in non-crime settings as well, but said additional research should be done in this area.
In the next year, Geiselman plans to teach police detectives techniques for investigative interviewing and spotting deception through the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s Rural Policing Institute for underserved police departments. He says this will be a perfect fit for him because he comes from Culver, Ind., a small town that has fewer residents than UCLA has psychology majors.
Later this month, Geiselman will travel to Hong Kong to provide training in investigative interviewing to the Independent Commission Against Corruption.
An instructional course Geiselman taught on investigative interviewing before the second Iraq war resulted in cognitive interviewing techniques that were used to interdict some insurgent activity in Iraq, perhaps saving many lives, he was later informed.
Geiselman also has worked with the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department on effective techniques for interviewing children who may have been molested and has interviewed crime victims for police departments around the country in murder cases gone cold. His research has been funded by the U.S. Department of Justice and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
Scientists in US have found a link between aggressive behaviour and sexual arousal.
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Violent behaviour in mice has been tracked to neurons within a part of the brain associated with sex.
Researchers discovered that sex and violence are intertwined in mice. A tiny patch of cells buried deep within a male”s brain determines whether it fights or mates, and there is good reason to believe humans possess a similar circuit.
The study shows that when these neurons are quieted, mice ignore intruding males they would otherwise attack.
Yet when the cells are activated, mice assault inanimate objects, and even females they ought to court.
“We really don”t know which part of the brain went wrong in those mice. Consequently it”s tough to make sense of that behaviour,” says Dayu Lin, a neuroscientist now at New York University and an author of the study, who began searching for the seat of aggression in mice while working with David Anderson at the California Institute of Technology inPasadena.
As part of the study, the researchers exposed male mice to consecutive encounters with other intruding male and female mice.
They then examined the brain areas activated by the encounters by labelling brain cells with a fluorescent tag that can distinguish recently active neurons. Surprisingly, neurons within a region called the ventromedial hypothalamus (VMH) snapped into action during fights – but also during sex.
Perplexed, the team implanted male mice withelectrodes capable of measuring single cells in this area of the brain and watched what happened when mice fought or mated. Most of the neurons fired specifically during sex or bouts of violence, but a handful fired during both of these seemingly opposing behaviours.
The researchers next infected neurons in this region with a virus that inserts a gene that renders them responsive to blue light – a technique called optogenetics. With an optic fibre implanted into the brains of these mice, Lin and Anderson could fire these neurons on command.
When they did so, male mice wasted little time attacking other intruding males. Activating neurons in the aggression centre also provoked assaults on castrated males, whom males would usually ignore, as well as anesthetized animals and even an inflated laboratory glove.
Switching on these neurons also drove males to attack females – but only up to a point. When males first encountered a female, activating the neurons sent them into attack mode. However, if sex had already ensued, the researchers could not elicit the mice to attack.
“It”s kind of in its own world. It doesn”t listen to anything else,” Lin says. However, activating the aggression circuit post-coitus provoked a swift attack on the female.
Quieting the aggression centre also stopped mice from acting on violent urges. Animals expressing a gene in these cells that silences them didn”t attack intruding males, at though their sexual appetites remained.
Lin and Anderson hypothesize that the entanglement of brain circuits involved in sex and violence could help mice to respond appropriately to intruders, whether male or female.
They suggest that the neurons activated by sex suppress the urge to lash out against an unknown female.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
There may be something Freudian about it, but according to Shukan Gendaiall men ever need to know about women they can judge by looking at where they’d always like to focus anyway — her breasts.
Despite the titters of those around him, Mitsugu Shiga, a medical doctor and author of the book “Marugoto Wakaru Onna no Ecchi,” (Everything You Wanted to Know About Women’s Sex), claims to be an augurer of the aureole.
And though he has his knockers, Shiga is confident his breast readings not only allow him to keep abreast of a woman’s character, but rarely see him make any boobies.
“Discerning a woman’s character through her looks is extremely difficult. But if there’s one part of a woman’s body that doesn’t lie, I’d have to say it was her breasts,” the doctor tells Shukan Gendai.
Shiga has been conducting clinical tests for close on 40 years, paying particular attention during that time to mammaries. What he has learned has allowed him to come up with a variety of theories about how breast shape determines character.
“Breasts come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Analyzing breasts by comparing the ratio between the radius of the base and the size allows breasts to be divided into three broad categories. They can easily be assessed,” Shiga says.
Shukan Gendai notes the three types of breast sizes are large, standard and flat, the latter accounting for about one quarter of all women who are unable to boast of breasts that stand out no more than a few centimeters from the chest and are considerably smaller than their radius.
“(Flat-chested women) are quick thinkers who usually focus on only one man. Usually, they could care less about sex,” Shiga tells Shukan Gendai, adding that men can persuade women to change. “Usually, these women are noble and sincere types, so once they find their man, they’ll normally do whatever he wants them to and that becomes their pleasure.
“One matter where these women tend to lack is their low self-esteem when it comes to breast size. They’re always worried their men are playing around on them. I recommend doggy style with these women so they can forget about their shortcomings and enjoy themselves.”
A standard-sized bust is regarded as one that protrudes about 5 to 6 centimeters from the chest and is roughly equal to its radius.
“This is the ideal shape for a breast. It’s not too large and not too small. It has a feminine bulge about it,” Shiga proclaims to Shukan Gendai. “When it comes to character, women with average-sized breasts also have a straight-forwardness pleasant to most men.”
It is in the sack, according to Shiga, where that straightforwardness comes to the fore.
“They’re easygoing and enjoy sex for what it is. They’re the types who really go off once they’ve been fired up,” the doctor says. “It’s typical for them to forget their partner and go off into their own little world, which can be both a blessing and a bane. It might be a good idea to give them a go on top every now and again.”
Mammoth mammaries are a good sign, the physician claims.
“They have the sturdiness of an ox and usually indicate a woman with a positive attitude toward sex and life in general. They’ll come up with positions by themselves. It’s not easy for guys to play around on these types. Once you marry a woman like this, you’d better be sure you’re committed to only her.”
Considering breasts are the source by which most of us survive the early stages of our lives, it shouldn’t really come as a surprise that Shiga claims they offer a hint to determining the type of person they belong to.
“Breasts are basically lumps of fat. What makes them bigger is large doses of the female hormone estrogen. Breasts are, therefore, a symbol of a woman’s femininity,” he tells Shukan Gendai. “That’s why looking at a woman’s breasts can help in predicting what sort of character she has and the type of sex she enjoys.”
When someone is acting suspiciously at an airport, subway station or other public space, how can law enforcement officers determine whether he’s up to no good?
The ability to effectively detect deception is crucial to public safety, particularly in the wake of renewed threats against the U.S. following the killing of Osama bin Laden.
UCLA professor of psychology R. Edward Geiselman has been studying these questions for years and has taught investigative interviewing techniques to detectives and intelligence officers from the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security, the Marines, the Los Angeles police and sheriff’s departments, and numerous international agencies.
He and three former UCLA undergraduates – Sandra Elmgren, Chris Green and Ida Rystad – analyzed some 60 studies on detecting deception and have conducted original research on the subject. They present their findings and their guidance for how to conduct effective training programs for detecting deception in the current issue of the American Journal of Forensic Psychiatry, which is published this week.
Geiselman and his colleagues have identified several indicators that a person is being deceptive. The more reliable red flags that indicate deceit, Geiselman said, include:
When questioned, deceptive people generally want to say as little as possible. Geiselman initially thought they would tell an elaborate story, but the vast majority give only the bare-bones. Studies with college students, as well as prisoners, show this. Geiselman’s investigative interviewing techniques are designed to get people to talk.• Although deceptive people do not say much, they tend to spontaneously give a justification for what little they are saying, without being prompted.• They tend to repeat questions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct an answer.• They often monitor the listener’s reaction to what they are saying. “They try to read you to see if you are buying their story,” Geiselman said.• They often initially slow down their speech because they have to create their story and monitor your reaction, and when they have it straight “will spew it out faster,” Geiselman said. Truthful people are not bothered if they speak slowly, but deceptive people often think slowing their speech down may look suspicious. “Truthful people will not dramatically alter their speech rate within a single sentence,” he said.
• They tend to use sentence fragments more frequently than truthful people; often, they will start an answer, back up and not complete the sentence.
• They are more likely to press their lips when asked a sensitive question and are more likely to play with their hair or engage in other “grooming” behaviors. Gesturing toward one’s self with the hands tends to be a sign of deception; gesturing outwardly is not.
• Truthful people, if challenged about details, will often deny that they are lying and explain even more, while deceptive people generally will not provide more specifics.
• When asked a difficult question, truthful people will often look away because the question requires concentration, while dishonest people will look away only briefly, if at all, unless it is a question that should require intense concentration.
If dishonest people try to mask these normal reactions to lying, they would be even more obvious, Geiselman said. Among the techniques he teaches to enable detectives to tell the truth from lies are:
Have people tell their story backwards, starting at the end and systematically working their way back. Instruct them to be as complete and detailed as they can. This technique, part of a “cognitive interview” Geiselman co-developed with Ronald Fisher, a former UCLA psychologist now at Florida International University, “increases the cognitive load to push them over the edge.” A deceptive person, even a “professional liar,” is “under a heavy cognitive load” as he tries to stick to his story while monitoring your reaction.• Ask open-ended questions to get them to provide as many details and as much complete information as possible (“Can you tell me more about…?” “Tell me exactly…”). First ask general questions, and only then get more specific.• Don’t interrupt, let them talk and use silent pauses to encourage them to talk.
If someone in an airport or other public space is behaving suspiciously and when approached exhibits a majority of the more reliable red flags, Geiselman recommends pulling him or her aside for more questioning. If there are only one or two red flags, he would probably let them go.
Geiselman tested techniques for telling the truth from deception with hundreds of UCLA students, and the studies he and his co-authors analyzed involved thousands of people.
Detecting deception is difficult, Geiselman said, but training programs can be effective. Programs must be extensive, with an education phase followed by numerous video examples, and a phase in which those being trained judge video clips and simulate real-world interviewing. Training should be conducted on multiple days over a period of a week or two.
“People can learn to perform better at detecting deception,” Geiselman said. “However, police departments usually do not provide more than a day of training for their detectives, if that, and the available research shows that you can’t improve much in just a day.”
When Geiselman conducted training with Marine intelligence officers, he found that they were impressively accurate in detecting deception even before the training began. In contrast, the average college student is only 53 percent accurate without training, and with abbreviated training, “we often make them worse,” he said.
“Without training, many people think they can detect deception, but their perceptions are unrelated to their actual ability. Quick, inadequate training sessions lead people to over-analyze and to do worse than if they go with their gut reactions.”
Geiselman is currently developing a training program that he hopes will effectively compress the learning curve and thus will serve to replicate years of experience.
The cognitive interview that Geiselman and Fisher developed works well with both criminal suspects and eyewitnesses of crimes. Geiselman thinks these techniques are likely to work in non-crime settings as well, but said additional research should be done in this area.
In the next year, Geiselman plans to teach police detectives techniques for investigative interviewing and spotting deception through the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s Rural Policing Institute for underserved police departments. He says this will be a perfect fit for him because he comes from Culver, Ind., a small town that has fewer residents than UCLA has psychology majors.
Later this month, Geiselman will travel to Hong Kong to provide training in investigative interviewing to the Independent Commission Against Corruption.
An instructional course Geiselman taught on investigative interviewing before the second Iraq war resulted in cognitive interviewing techniques that were used to interdict some insurgent activity in Iraq, perhaps saving many lives, he was later informed.
Geiselman also has worked with the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department on effective techniques for interviewing children who may have been molested and has interviewed crime victims for police departments around the country in murder cases gone cold. His research has been funded by the U.S. Department of Justice and the U.S. Department of Homeland Security.
It’s a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it’s scoring your ideal job, writing a screenplay, or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it to everyone you know. After all, the more people you tell, the more likely you’ll do it because you don’t want to be thought of as a failure, right?
Wrong. New research shows the opposite is true. A study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment, making you less likely to actually go after it.
Here’s an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. Your bud has a “Oh, wow, that’s great!” reaction, and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. You feel so satisfied, in fact, that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. Why should you, when you’re already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner?
The smarter strategy: Don’t tell a soul. Of course, that’s easier said than done. Keep reading for more reasons to stay mum, plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low.
Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin’ Powerful
Okay, so you can at least tell your BFF, right? Nope. “By not telling anyone, you’re making sure your goal is something you’re really doing for yourself,” says K.C. McCulloch, PhD, an assistant professor at Idaho State University who worked on the study. That’s opposed to, say, just wanting to have something impressive to talk about at parties.
Plus, you won’t run the risk of letting anyone else’s opinions get in your way. “What stops a lot of people from doing the things they dream of is other people,” says Susan B. Wilson, a life coach in Michigan and founder of Get Over It, Move On! “If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate program, they may go on about how terrible the campus is… and you may start to believe them when you really should be trusting your own gut.”
Beyond that, loved ones may have ulterior motives for being naysayers. If you announce that you’re going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal, a good friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously distract you from the finish line.
Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You’ll be so antsy finally to be able to share it with everyone that you’ll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast as possible. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. “Women tend to overextend themselves for loved ones,” says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, author of Find Your Focus Zone. “So if they can have something that is solely theirs, it can feel really special.”
How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows
Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible, but there are some easy, tried-and-true ways to do it.
“There’s something called the fantasy realization theory that has proven to help people attain whatever they want,” says McCulloch. The gist is that you must fantasize about your goal on a regular basis – think about all the awesome consequences of achieving it. Then think about all the negative things you’ll have to deal with along the way: sacrificing time with friends, paying for expensive classes, etc.
“Often, people think about only either the really good stuff or the terrible stuff,” says McCulloch. “But by considering both, you make the fantasy more realistic, and it will seem more attainable.” Not only that, but it also helps you plan exactly which steps you need to take to get there.
“Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you forward,” says McCulloch. If you want to get into the fashion industry, for example, schedule lots of time with fashion-forward pals. They may not know what you’re trying to do, but being around them will keep your eyes on the prize.
If You Have to Blab to Someone…
…Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with. “Choose someone you trust completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own goals,” says Palladino. Can’t think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips, and try writing an anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option). That way, you can tell the whole world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret.
What I am going to reveal to you today will change your life if you grasp how the “system” turned you into a “slave”. I have been writing and lecturing on motivation, manifestation and goal setting etc. for many years. I wrote several books that address many of the aspects mentioned above. I spoke boldly to an endless number of audiences and became a “mind dynamics” instructor at a very young age. Something that bothered me was that I noticed that the audience’s “enthusiasm” bubble always gradually deflated soon after such lectures. Virtually none of the tools that I offered my inspired audience was used for any extensive period. I could motivate an audience to such an extent that I often found individuals left my lectures early to go and attend to something that he/she procrastinated on for years. I later soothed my conscience and viewed my “work” on the same level of an entertainer. I entertained my audience for a while and at the end of the evening left with a substantial cheque in my pocket. It slowly dawned on me that something was blocking the ability of my students to sustain the spark that I provided during my training and my lectures. It would appear as if I woke up a large percentage of my audience with my lectures. I penetrated some kind of veil that enveloped their ability to think outside the box. It would appear as if a barrier lifted for a while only to gradually sink back and shut off their good intentions.
Most people have a sheep “I am a victim” mentality
We have been programmed since early childhood to “follow”. Our parents began the process and “domesticated” us to do what they deemed is right and acceptable. Gradually more and more parental figures entered our lives and reinforced the “follower” mode of thinking. We were conditioned that “following” is respectable, rewarding, morally the right thing to do. Look around you today and you will be surprised how many “controllers” still play a massive role in your life. The work started by our parents was soon expanded on by teachers, ministers, the state, employers, lovers, partners, the media etc. All of them still influence every decision we make. We always first filter every situation, challenge, opportunity, problem or project through the “filter system” that they carefully installed into our brains. Spontaneous actions and reactions hardly ever form part of our life pattern. We might think that we have “free will” but we soon discover that the deduction we made is nothing more than an illusion.
Our subconscious mind
Our subconscious mind contains all the events that we have been exposed to since our arrival on this plane. The subconscious mind is a very fancy filing system that can recall all the feelings, emotions and images that formed part of our encounters in life. Any of these “data” packages can be recalled when “triggered” by our thoughts or any of our five senses. Most of us automatically and spontaneously react and respond with the same reaction patterns recorded historically. It must be kept in mind that the data (reaction patterns) have been “uploaded” by the parental figures as explained earlier. We thus endlessly repeat the same patterns when confronted with choices and decisions. Our subconscious minds do not validate or evaluate the historical perceptions or belief systems, but simply pass it on to our conscious minds as “truth”.
Our conscious mind
Our conscious mind should preferably compare the current set of circumstances that we are faced with, with the reality of the current moment before any action is taken. We unfortunately have been browbeaten into robot like creatures that simply react or act according to the historical thoughts and feelings that we experienced when faced historically with a similar set of circumstances. We are so afraid of potential pain or loss that very few of us dare to question our historical perceptions. This is the reason why I noted earlier that most of us do not really apply free will when faced with choices. It is sad to think that we became slaves to our perceptions and belief systems. Very few of us apply “will power” in all our day-to-day activities. A good question at this stage might be, “Why on earth do we neglect this powerful system?” The reason might surprise you.
We try to avoid pain, loss, rejection and abandonment.
We are so afraid to act outside the framework that we have been indoctrinated with that we rather do our “repeat performances” while at work or play. We mentally run away from any decision that might bring on feelings of fear, pain, unpredictability, loss and anxiety. We will rather remain the puppet of our subconscious mind and serve the agendas of those that initially uploaded our original “software” than go outside the box. My friend this is how we travel from the cradle to the grave in a hypnotic daze. The time has come for us to take our willpower back and experience real growth. This is easier set than done while we go around with our “victim” mentality. Many of us go around crying over spilled milk. We allow the daily events that we are confronted with to decide our fate and future. We enter a new growth phase when we begin to apply our God given willpower in our lives. This leap of faith is only possible when we start accepting responsibility for all our actions and choices.
Accepting responsibility
Many of us immediately look for something or someone to blame when things go wrong in our lives. We blame God, the weather, history, the current financial depression or recession for things that failed to work out as expected. Nothing is going to change until you accept that you were and still are responsible for everything in your life. You possibly made poor choices and now sit with certain uncomfortable outcomes. You will feel a rush of fresh energy in your system when you take responsibility for whatever transpired. You will feel invigorated when you admit your mistakes and take sustained action to rectify what transpired. Let the fear, doubt or anxiety wash over you. Become like a rock that withstands the onslaughts of the endless waves of the ocean. Stop thinking and acting like a victim. Stop blaming the world for your poor choices or for that matter anything that failed to turn out as you expected. Learn that life is not fair and that things often fail to work out the way you anticipated. This mode of thinking drains your energy and suck out your desire to win and overcome. When you begin to flex your willpower muscles, you become strong and fearless. You do not wait for things to happen. You make them happen. You begin to replace the old and often defective software that historically enslaved you. Nobody will be able to intimidate or dominate you. Try as they may they will no longer trigger old and outdated fear reactions in your heart and mind.
The key to a powerful willpower
The key is so simple that many of you might not even try my recommendations. The key is to PAUSE before you take action or react on anything. By pausing, you prevent the old and outdated habitual reaction patterns to run their course. Do not do the first thing that comes to mind. You might ask, “How will I know that I am on the verge of slipping back into the victim mode again?” A quick scan of the emotions that you experience will confirm that you are on the verge of victimhood again. You are back in victim mode when you experience doubt, fear, worry and anxiety. Your guide is always the feelings that you experience. You are in control when you experience good, pleasant, inspirational feelings. Your subconscious “automatic” reaction patterns are in control when you experience fear, anxiety, doubt, anger or any other negative and destructive feeling. The key is to PAUSE the moment you experience any negative feelings.
Ask the following questions. (Write down your answers)
Who is currently in control, my sub-conscious mind (historical reaction patterns) or my conscious mind (willpower)?
Am I at this moment in time mentally past (sub-conscious mind) focused or am I evaluating the current moment on its own merit (conscious mind, will power) focused in the now?
Who am I blaming for my current misfortune? (Someone or something else)
Am I busy flooding my mind with negative and destructive (sub-conscious mind) fears based on my historical perceptions or belief system?
What will happen if I decide to PAUSE for a moment and take no action?
What will happen if I do the first thing that comes to mind?
What is the quality of the conversations that I have with myself at this moment? (Negative – sub-conscious mind based or positive – reality based)
What will happen if I accept responsibility and start working on ways to remedy, repair, adjust or overcome the current problem?
What will happen if I stop listening to people that go around like prophets of doom? (Friends, family, media, TV,)
What is the worst that can happen if I apply willpower and move forward in a bold and constructive manner?
What is the worst thing that can happen if I make a fresh start right now and put whatever happened behind me? (Live in the past with a victim mentality – sub-conscious mind running the show)
Replacing old and outdated reaction patterns
The easy and most effective way to replace old and outdated reaction patterns is to sit back, close your eyes for a moment and relax.
See in your mind’s eye how your current victim mentality is stripping you of your dignity and creativity. Feel the negative and destructive feelings that are currently causing you discomfort.
Ask yourself – how is your current defeatist mentality making things better or solving your current problem?
Focus on these feelings and negative emotions for a few minutes and then mentally or verbally (if possible) firmly say, “PAUSE”. Do this with a commanding voice. Repeat this PAUSE instruction a few times if necessary.
Take a few deep breaths and then do the following.
Begin to visualise how you start acting in a decisive and goal directed manner. Feel how strong and in control you feel while your problems and obstacles dissolve like melting butter. Experience how your willpower kicks in and how it blows away all your feelings of fear and doubt. See how you take sustained action until the problem is solved or the project is completed.
You will be astounded how this short and dynamic exercise will produce outcomes that exceed all your expectations. Your new and decisive way of thinking and acting will sweep away barriers and hand you control of situations where you would have failed historically.
I am wishing you well and know that the above new way of thinking will make a massive difference in all areas of your life.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
WHAT PAIN OR PLEASURE WE LINK TO SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DETERMINES HOW WE ACT AND REACT TO THEM. WE CANNOT ACT IN A MANNER THAT PROVOKES PAIN IN PEOPLE AND EXPECT RESPECT, LOVE AND COMPASSION FROM THEM!
People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.
It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.
Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.
Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.
Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.
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I WILL BECOME OUTCOME FOCUSED TODAY. I WILL DO THE THINGS I FEAR UNTIL IT LOSES ITS HOLD ON MY MIND!
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We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.
If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.
If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.
The individual with a STUDENT mindset do not jump to conclusions and do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. The STUDENT is fully aware that he or she has the option to travel down the well worn path of the JUDGE or detach from this mindset and remain open, relax and alert to opportunities. The STUDENT is eager to learn and to hear what other people have to say. The STUDENT never jumps to conclusions and ask questions like, “What do I really want?”, “What is the facts and what can I learn from this experience?”, “What is my choices and what will allow for a win – win conclusion?” The student experience feelings of hope, optimism, collaboration, flexibility and fun while the JUDGE in turn remains focused on the opposite side of the scale. Read the notes below on the JUDGE and you will notice the complete different approach between the two options that we have when faced with challenges. The STUDENT open an endless number of directions that he or she can move while the JUDGE in turn remains so rigid that he or she soon runs out of options. Print a map for your office and home. This is a powerful tool that will assist you daily.
Many of us frequently go through RELATIONSHIP problems or we would love to FIND a more satisfying relationship than our current existing relationship. We often enrol in relationship building programs, read books about relationship building, cry on family members shoulders, meditate under waterfalls and learn why the author claim that woman are from VENUS and men from MARS. All these efforts are usually to no avail. The reason why strategies and methods fail to produce sustained SUCCESSFUL outcomes is because we remain focused on the outcomes we desire and forget that the CORE CAUSES need to be addressed. This is the main reason why relationship repairs after ugly disputes that sometimes ended up in separations or divorce often soon return. All the good intentions in the world cannot be sustained until the CORE CAUSES are address and removed. LOVE alone cannot overcome inherent defective and contaminated CORE CAUSES. Relationships can only be repaired and sustained if both parties address and rectify the fundamental CORE CONTAMINATION that they import into their RELATIONSHIP.
DO NOT READ THIS POST OR LOOK AT THE CLIPS IF YOU ARE NOT 21 OR OLDER OR HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SUBJECT MATTER!
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Is orgasm through mental imagery alone possible? Research into the science of the orgasm has uncovered that it is possible to have orgasms without physical touch. Indeed, they have even found that it is possible to orgasm through non erogenous parts of the body, including the knee and nose!
It is a common experience to have orgasms through dreams, hinting at the possibility that our mind may be the vehicle for orgasms, not the body.
Furthermore, researchers have discovered that it is possible for paralysed people to have orgasms. But how? Are orgasms all in the mind?
This formerly taboo subject in science was explored by Rutgers University when Rutgers University’s Komisaruk and retired Rutgers professor Beverly Whipple decided to test out this theory.
Carrying out studies of spinal-cord-injured women, they’ve found evidence of what they believe to be a new orgasmic pathway, one that bypasses the spine completely.
They found that the same brain areas were activated during orgasms experienced by imagery alone- there was no difference between those and actual genital orgasms.
Known commonly as the ‘extragenital’ orgasm, their studies found that pleasure can be obtained through any part of the body or from no physical contact at all.
Komisaruk states “Although it sounds strange, the reports are believable. Now, people can show our book to someone who doubts it (The Science of Orgasm), and it can serve as a validation. Time will tell how prevalent non-genital orgasms are.”
From their investigation into paralysed woman’s orgasms, it is showing that perhaps what we thought was the cause of orgasms (physical stimulation), may not be the cause at all. Indeed, it could be that harnessing the power of our minds through mental imagery alone may be enough to produce full physical orgasms in both men and women.
They conclude: “The increases in the self-induced imagery orgasm condition were comparable in magnitude to those in the genital self-stimulation-produced orgasm condition. On this basis we state that physical genital stimulation is evidently not necessary to produce a state that is reported to be an orgasm and that a reassessment of the nature of orgasm is warranted.”
Scientists have used brain scan images to create the world’s first movie of the female brain as it approaches, experiences and recovers from an orgasm. The animation reveals the steady buildup of activity in the brain as disparate regions flicker into life and then come together in a crescendo of activity before gently settling back down again.
To make the animation, researchers monitored a woman’s brain as she lay in a functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) scanner and stimulated herself. The research will help scientists to understand how the brain conducts the symphony of activity that leads to sexual climax in a woman.
By studying people who have orgasms, Professor Barry Komisaruk, a psychologist at Rutgers University in New Jersey and his team hope to uncover what goes wrong in both men and women who cannot reach sexual climax.
The animation was compiled from sequential brain scans of Nan Wise, a 54-year-old PhD student and sex therapist in Komisaruk’s lab. “It’s my dissertation,” Wise told the Guardian. “I’m committed to it.”
The animation may help researchers pinpoint which parts of the brain are responsible in women unable to experience orgasm. Video: TheVisualMD.com
The five-minute movie shows how activity changes across 80 separate regions of the brain in snapshots taken every two seconds. The animation uses a “hot metal” colour scale that begins at dark red and progresses through orange and yellow to white at the highest levels of activity.
“The general aim of this research is to understand how the orgasm builds up from genital stimulation and what parts of the brain become recruited and finally build up into an orgasm,” said Prof Komisaruk, who presented the work at the Society for Neuroscience annual meeting in Washington DC on Monday. The work has yet to be published in a peer-reviewed journal.
As the animation plays, activity first builds up in the genital area of the sensory cortex, a response to being touched in that region. Activity then spreads to the limbic system, a collection of brain structures involved in emotions and long-term memory.
As the orgasm arrives, activity shoots up in two parts of the brain called the cerebellum and the frontal cortex, perhaps because of greater muscle tension. During orgasm, activity reaches a peak in the hypothalamus, which releases a chemical called oxytocin that causes pleasurable sensations and stimulates the uterus to contract. Activity also peaks in the nucleus accumbens, an area linked to reward and pleasure.
After orgasm, the activity in all these regions gradually calms down.
“It’s a beautiful system in which to study the brain’s connectivity,” Komisaruk said. “We expect that this movie, a dynamic representation of the gradual buildup of brain activity to a climax, followed by resolution, will facilitate our understanding of pathological conditions such as anorgasmia by emphasising where in the brain the sequential process breaks down.”
In a new technique being developed by Komisaruk, people inside the scanner can see their own brain activity on a screen almost instantaneously. Through this “neurobiofeedback”, Komisaruk speculates that people might be able to learn how to change their brain activity, a feat that could perhaps help treat a broad range of conditions, such as anxiety, depression and pain.
“We’re using orgasm as a way of producing pleasure. If we can learn how to activate the pleasure regions of the brain then that could have wider applications,” he said.
It’s a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it’s scoring your ideal job, writing a screenplay, or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it to everyone you know. After all, the more people you tell, the more likely you’ll do it because you don’t want to be thought of as a failure, right?
Wrong. New research shows the opposite is true. A study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment, making you less likely to actually go after it.
Here’s an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. Your bud has a “Oh, wow, that’s great!” reaction, and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. You feel so satisfied, in fact, that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. Why should you, when you’re already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner?
The smarter strategy: Don’t tell a soul. Of course, that’s easier said than done. Keep reading for more reasons to stay mum, plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low.
Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin’ Powerful
Okay, so you can at least tell your BFF, right? Nope. “By not telling anyone, you’re making sure your goal is something you’re really doing for yourself,” says K.C. McCulloch, PhD, an assistant professor at Idaho State University who worked on the study. That’s opposed to, say, just wanting to have something impressive to talk about at parties.
Plus, you won’t run the risk of letting anyone else’s opinions get in your way. “What stops a lot of people from doing the things they dream of is other people,” says Susan B. Wilson, a life coach in Michigan and founder of Get Over It, Move On! “If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate program, they may go on about how terrible the campus is… and you may start to believe them when you really should be trusting your own gut.”
Beyond that, loved ones may have ulterior motives for being naysayers. If you announce that you’re going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal, a good friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously distract you from the finish line.
Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You’ll be so antsy finally to be able to share it with everyone that you’ll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast as possible. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. “Women tend to overextend themselves for loved ones,” says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, author of Find Your Focus Zone. “So if they can have something that is solely theirs, it can feel really special.”
How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows
Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible, but there are some easy, tried-and-true ways to do it.
“There’s something called the fantasy realization theory that has proven to help people attain whatever they want,” says McCulloch. The gist is that you must fantasize about your goal on a regular basis – think about all the awesome consequences of achieving it. Then think about all the negative things you’ll have to deal with along the way: sacrificing time with friends, paying for expensive classes, etc.
“Often, people think about only either the really good stuff or the terrible stuff,” says McCulloch. “But by considering both, you make the fantasy more realistic, and it will seem more attainable.” Not only that, but it also helps you plan exactly which steps you need to take to get there.
“Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you forward,” says McCulloch. If you want to get into the fashion industry, for example, schedule lots of time with fashion-forward pals. They may not know what you’re trying to do, but being around them will keep your eyes on the prize.
If You Have to Blab to Someone…
…Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with. “Choose someone you trust completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own goals,” says Palladino. Can’t think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips, and try writing an anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option). That way, you can tell the whole world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
The individual with a STUDENT mindset do not jump to conclusions and do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. The STUDENT is fully aware that he or she has the option to travel down the well worn path of the JUDGE or detach from this mindset and remain open, relax and alert to opportunities. The STUDENT is eager to learn and to hear what other people have to say. The STUDENT never jumps to conclusions and ask questions like, “What do I really want?”, “What is the facts and what can I learn from this experience?”, “What is my choices and what will allow for a win – win conclusion?” The student experience feelings of hope, optimism, collaboration, flexibility and fun while the JUDGE in turn remains focused on the opposite side of the scale. Read the notes below on the JUDGE and you will notice the complete different approach between the two options that we have when faced with challenges. The STUDENT open an endless number of directions that he or she can move while the JUDGE in turn remains so rigid that he or she soon runs out of options. Print a map for your office and home. This is a powerful tool that will assist you daily.
Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.
Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.
“There is evidence that if we can train people to be more psychologically resilient — that is, less catastrophic in their thinking and more optimistic and more hopeful — then they function better when they encounter traumatic situations,” says John Schaubroeck, lead researcher and a psychology professor at Michigan State University.
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1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
It’s a commonly held belief that whenever you set a new goal for yourself — whether it’s scoring your ideal job, writing a screenplay, or yogacizing your bod down a size or two — you should broadcast it to everyone you know. After all, the more people you tell, the more likely you’ll do it because you don’t want to be thought of as a failure, right?
Wrong. New research shows the opposite is true. A study conducted at New York University found that blabbing about your goal can give you a false sense of accomplishment, making you less likely to actually go after it.
Here’s an example: Imagine you tell a friend that you want to train to be a long-distance runner. Your bud has a “Oh, wow, that’s great!” reaction, and you get a jolt of satisfaction and pride. You feel so satisfied, in fact, that you lose motivation to get up early and jog. Why should you, when you’re already reaping the benefits of being known as a runner?
The smarter strategy: Don’t tell a soul. Of course, that’s easier said than done. Keep reading for more reasons to stay mum, plus tips for achieving your dream on the down-low.
Why Secret Dreams Are So Freakin’ Powerful
Okay, so you can at least tell your BFF, right? Nope. “By not telling anyone, you’re making sure your goal is something you’re really doing for yourself,” says K.C. McCulloch, PhD, an assistant professor at Idaho State University who worked on the study. That’s opposed to, say, just wanting to have something impressive to talk about at parties.
Plus, you won’t run the risk of letting anyone else’s opinions get in your way. “What stops a lot of people from doing the things they dream of is other people,” says Susan B. Wilson, a life coach in Michigan and founder of Get Over It, Move On! “If you tell someone you want to apply to a graduate program, they may go on about how terrible the campus is… and you may start to believe them when you really should be trusting your own gut.”
Beyond that, loved ones may have ulterior motives for being naysayers. If you announce that you’re going to be devoting tons of time to a big goal, a good friend or your significant other may worry that he or she will see less of you and subconsciously distract you from the finish line.
Two more reasons why keeping your dream a secret will help your cause: You’ll be so antsy finally to be able to share it with everyone that you’ll put your nose to the grindstone and get it done as fast as possible. And doing something just for you feels selfish in a really good way. “Women tend to overextend themselves for loved ones,” says psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, PhD, author of Find Your Focus Zone. “So if they can have something that is solely theirs, it can feel really special.”
How to Self-Motivate When No One Knows
Staying on task without support from your friends and family might sound impossible, but there are some easy, tried-and-true ways to do it.
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“There’s something called the fantasy realization theory that has proven to help people attain whatever they want,” says McCulloch. The gist is that you must fantasize about your goal on a regular basis – think about all the awesome consequences of achieving it. Then think about all the negative things you’ll have to deal with along the way: sacrificing time with friends, paying for expensive classes, etc.
“Often, people think about only either the really good stuff or the terrible stuff,” says McCulloch. “But by considering both, you make the fantasy more realistic, and it will seem more attainable.” Not only that, but it also helps you plan exactly which steps you need to take to get there.
“Surrounding yourself with people who have some connection to your dream is also sure to push you forward,” says McCulloch. If you want to get into the fashion industry, for example, schedule lots of time with fashion-forward pals. They may not know what you’re trying to do, but being around them will keep your eyes on the prize.
If You Have to Blab to Someone…
…Make sure you pick the right person to share your dream with. “Choose someone you trust completely who has never been competitive with you and has been successful at achieving her own goals,” says Palladino. Can’t think of anyone who fits the bill? Zip your damn lips, and try writing an anonymous blog (just be sure to turn off the comments option). That way, you can tell the whole world without suffering any of the negative effects of outing your secret.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 