EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
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I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Rene
(from my book – PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS WISDOM GUIDE)
Want to make some positive gains in your life? A lot of folks would like to improve their lifestyle, but just cannot find the time to take action.
Still, the highest mountain is scaled only step at a time, and the biggest goal is only accomplished one step at a time. So why not just commit to take one small step right now?
I suggest an approach of just focusing on something you can accomplish in one minute — just 60 seconds.
You may surprise yourself. You can actually do quite a bit in only one minute. Here are some ways to use the power of a single minute:
Exercise for One Minute
No time to go to the gym? OK. Forget about the next 59 minutes, and just focus on the next one minute. Do a deep breathing exercise, or one minute of push-ups or sit-ups. After a while you may expand to two minutes — and wow, you have just made a 200 percent jump.
Relax for One Minute
Just relax into your chair and suck in a slow deep breath all the way down into your belly. Then open your mouth slightly, and release your breath as slowly as you can. Try this right now to refresh your mind with increased oxygen.
Calm Your Mind for One Minute
Your mind is a fabulous theater, and contains wonderful visions of your favorite places. Go visit one of those places for one minute. Just relax and clear your mind wherever you may be. You’ll come away feeling refreshed, and a lot calmer and clearer.
Change Your Outlook for One Minute
You can even experiment going outside your normal self for a minute. Try acting the exact opposite of how you usually act for one minute. If you tend to be introverted, think like an extrovert. If you are an engineer, think like an artist. If you are a man, think like a woman.
Re-Frame a Problem for One Minute
Choose a problem, then select a different frame of reference to consider it from. Try considering the problem through the eyes of someone you admire. Does the problem look different? Try looking at it with the mind Albert Einstein or Bill Gates or Martha Stewart. Now how does the problem look?
Be Happy for One Minute
Maybe you are currently overwhelmed with problems and challenges beyond your control. Try finding something to give thanks for, and focus on being grateful. Forget any current or past tragedies or disasters, and let yourself be happy for one minute.
You really can achieve wonders in just one minute. And these single minutes can add up to a greatly improve quality of life. Give it a try!
What I am going to reveal to you today will change your life if you grasp how the “system” turned you into a “slave”. I have been writing and lecturing on motivation, manifestation and goal setting etc. for many years. I wrote several books that address many of the aspects mentioned above. I spoke boldly to an endless number of audiences and became a “mind dynamics” instructor at a very young age. Something that bothered me was that I noticed that the audience’s “enthusiasm” bubble always gradually deflated soon after such lectures. Virtually none of the tools that I offered my inspired audience was used for any extensive period. I could motivate an audience to such an extent that I often found individuals left my lectures early to go and attend to something that he/she procrastinated on for years. I later soothed my conscience and viewed my “work” on the same level of an entertainer. I entertained my audience for a while and at the end of the evening left with a substantial cheque in my pocket. It slowly dawned on me that something was blocking the ability of my students to sustain the spark that I provided during my training and my lectures. It would appear as if I woke up a large percentage of my audience with my lectures. I penetrated some kind of veil that enveloped their ability to think outside the box. It would appear as if a barrier lifted for a while only to gradually sink back and shut off their good intentions.
Most people have a sheep “I am a victim” mentality
We have been programmed since early childhood to “follow”. Our parents began the process and “domesticated” us to do what they deemed is right and acceptable. Gradually more and more parental figures entered our lives and reinforced the “follower” mode of thinking. We were conditioned that “following” is respectable, rewarding, morally the right thing to do. Look around you today and you will be surprised how many “controllers” still play a massive role in your life. The work started by our parents was soon expanded on by teachers, ministers, the state, employers, lovers, partners, the media etc. All of them still influence every decision we make. We always first filter every situation, challenge, opportunity, problem or project through the “filter system” that they carefully installed into our brains. Spontaneous actions and reactions hardly ever form part of our life pattern. We might think that we have “free will” but we soon discover that the deduction we made is nothing more than an illusion.
Our subconscious mind
Our subconscious mind contains all the events that we have been exposed to since our arrival on this plane. The subconscious mind is a very fancy filing system that can recall all the feelings, emotions and images that formed part of our encounters in life. Any of these “data” packages can be recalled when “triggered” by our thoughts or any of our five senses. Most of us automatically and spontaneously react and respond with the same reaction patterns recorded historically. It must be kept in mind that the data (reaction patterns) have been “uploaded” by the parental figures as explained earlier. We thus endlessly repeat the same patterns when confronted with choices and decisions. Our subconscious minds do not validate or evaluate the historical perceptions or belief systems, but simply pass it on to our conscious minds as “truth”.
Our conscious mind
Our conscious mind should preferably compare the current set of circumstances that we are faced with, with the reality of the current moment before any action is taken. We unfortunately have been browbeaten into robot like creatures that simply react or act according to the historical thoughts and feelings that we experienced when faced historically with a similar set of circumstances. We are so afraid of potential pain or loss that very few of us dare to question our historical perceptions. This is the reason why I noted earlier that most of us do not really apply free will when faced with choices. It is sad to think that we became slaves to our perceptions and belief systems. Very few of us apply “will power” in all our day-to-day activities. A good question at this stage might be, “Why on earth do we neglect this powerful system?” The reason might surprise you.
We try to avoid pain, loss, rejection and abandonment.
We are so afraid to act outside the framework that we have been indoctrinated with that we rather do our “repeat performances” while at work or play. We mentally run away from any decision that might bring on feelings of fear, pain, unpredictability, loss and anxiety. We will rather remain the puppet of our subconscious mind and serve the agendas of those that initially uploaded our original “software” than go outside the box. My friend this is how we travel from the cradle to the grave in a hypnotic daze. The time has come for us to take our willpower back and experience real growth. This is easier set than done while we go around with our “victim” mentality. Many of us go around crying over spilled milk. We allow the daily events that we are confronted with to decide our fate and future. We enter a new growth phase when we begin to apply our God given willpower in our lives. This leap of faith is only possible when we start accepting responsibility for all our actions and choices.
Accepting responsibility
Many of us immediately look for something or someone to blame when things go wrong in our lives. We blame God, the weather, history, the current financial depression or recession for things that failed to work out as expected. Nothing is going to change until you accept that you were and still are responsible for everything in your life. You possibly made poor choices and now sit with certain uncomfortable outcomes. You will feel a rush of fresh energy in your system when you take responsibility for whatever transpired. You will feel invigorated when you admit your mistakes and take sustained action to rectify what transpired. Let the fear, doubt or anxiety wash over you. Become like a rock that withstands the onslaughts of the endless waves of the ocean. Stop thinking and acting like a victim. Stop blaming the world for your poor choices or for that matter anything that failed to turn out as you expected. Learn that life is not fair and that things often fail to work out the way you anticipated. This mode of thinking drains your energy and suck out your desire to win and overcome. When you begin to flex your willpower muscles, you become strong and fearless. You do not wait for things to happen. You make them happen. You begin to replace the old and often defective software that historically enslaved you. Nobody will be able to intimidate or dominate you. Try as they may they will no longer trigger old and outdated fear reactions in your heart and mind.
The key to a powerful willpower
The key is so simple that many of you might not even try my recommendations. The key is to PAUSE before you take action or react on anything. By pausing, you prevent the old and outdated habitual reaction patterns to run their course. Do not do the first thing that comes to mind. You might ask, “How will I know that I am on the verge of slipping back into the victim mode again?” A quick scan of the emotions that you experience will confirm that you are on the verge of victimhood again. You are back in victim mode when you experience doubt, fear, worry and anxiety. Your guide is always the feelings that you experience. You are in control when you experience good, pleasant, inspirational feelings. Your subconscious “automatic” reaction patterns are in control when you experience fear, anxiety, doubt, anger or any other negative and destructive feeling. The key is to PAUSE the moment you experience any negative feelings.
Ask the following questions. (Write down your answers)
Who is currently in control, my sub-conscious mind (historical reaction patterns) or my conscious mind (willpower)?
Am I at this moment in time mentally past (sub-conscious mind) focused or am I evaluating the current moment on its own merit (conscious mind, will power) focused in the now?
Who am I blaming for my current misfortune? (Someone or something else)
Am I busy flooding my mind with negative and destructive (sub-conscious mind) fears based on my historical perceptions or belief system?
What will happen if I decide to PAUSE for a moment and take no action?
What will happen if I do the first thing that comes to mind?
What is the quality of the conversations that I have with myself at this moment? (Negative – sub-conscious mind based or positive – reality based)
What will happen if I accept responsibility and start working on ways to remedy, repair, adjust or overcome the current problem?
What will happen if I stop listening to people that go around like prophets of doom? (Friends, family, media, TV,)
What is the worst that can happen if I apply willpower and move forward in a bold and constructive manner?
What is the worst thing that can happen if I make a fresh start right now and put whatever happened behind me? (Live in the past with a victim mentality – sub-conscious mind running the show)
Replacing old and outdated reaction patterns
The easy and most effective way to replace old and outdated reaction patterns is to sit back, close your eyes for a moment and relax.
See in your mind’s eye how your current victim mentality is stripping you of your dignity and creativity. Feel the negative and destructive feelings that are currently causing you discomfort.
Ask yourself – how is your current defeatist mentality making things better or solving your current problem?
Focus on these feelings and negative emotions for a few minutes and then mentally or verbally (if possible) firmly say, “PAUSE”. Do this with a commanding voice. Repeat this PAUSE instruction a few times if necessary.
Take a few deep breaths and then do the following.
Begin to visualise how you start acting in a decisive and goal directed manner. Feel how strong and in control you feel while your problems and obstacles dissolve like melting butter. Experience how your willpower kicks in and how it blows away all your feelings of fear and doubt. See how you take sustained action until the problem is solved or the project is completed.
You will be astounded how this short and dynamic exercise will produce outcomes that exceed all your expectations. Your new and decisive way of thinking and acting will sweep away barriers and hand you control of situations where you would have failed historically.
I am wishing you well and know that the above new way of thinking will make a massive difference in all areas of your life.
Decide once and for all that your mood, your sense of balance and well-being are your responsibility.
Decide that you are precious to yourself and that you are in charge of treating yourself well. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
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Decide that every day your first and foremost concern is to help yourself feel a little better, no matter how you have woken up that morning or how you may feel at certain moments during the day.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of the things that please you and make you feel good; refer to your list when you feel down and do one or more of those things.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of people, activities, places, images, experiences, memories that ordinarily make you feel good, refer to your list when you feel down and focus for a few minutes on those uplifting thoughts.
Even if you are at home alone, treat yourself with respect. Do not lounge around in your pajamas, unkempt, unshaven, etc. Act as if you are expecting someone and be presentable. It will help greatly when you happen to look at yourself in the mirror.
Take care of your environment. Make it as tidy and comfortable as you can. Throw away old newspapers, magazines, junk mail, put your clothes away in your closet, make your bed, make your home an inviting place for you.
If you live alone, having something alive like a plant or a pet really does help you feel that you have some company, and something to go home to. Buy some plants and decorate your home, and consider getting a pet. Even a goldfish is good enough.
Call a friend, or write to a friend. Invite a friend to your home, or to do something together. Have something specific in mind, like going to a movie, or out to dinner, or for drinks. REACH OUT.
If no friend is available and you are feeling bored and frustrated, take yourself out to a movie, or to dinner, or for a drink. A lot of people feel self-conscious about going out alone. Remember that you are in charge of your feelings and feel proud instead that you are doing something good for yourself. DARE!
Go out for a walk, or a drive. Go on, don’t be lazy, don’t put it off, get out of the house and you will certainly be rewarded by the improvement in your mood.
GET IN TOUCH WITH NATURE. As often as you can, visit parks, places with greenery, take short holidays or daytrips and get in touch with nature. Enjoy the sounds, the smells, the sights, awaken your senses.
Attend a lecture.
Go to an art gallery.
Go to the theater and watch a great performance.
Play your favorite music, and make sure it’s your favorite uplifting music.
Take a long, luxurious bubble-bath.
Buy yourself a present, yes, go on, splurge, buy something you have been wanting for a long time.
Read an inspiring book, read some poetry, or go out and buy some new books.
Cook a gourmet dinner for yourself. Invite someone to share it.
Exercise. Doing even some simple exercises at home, by focusing on and energizing your body, you will immediately feel the improvement in your mood.Use your body, awaken your body, enliven your body and your mood will lift. Do some gardening, or some serious housecleaning!
Meditate. You don’t have to use any complicated procedures. Just decide to take a break from the negative self-talk going on in your mind. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, tell yourself to relax, and when you do feel completely relaxed lose yourself in a beautiful, relaxing scene like a serene pool, a lush forest, a beautiful beach and stay there as long as you like.
Distract yourself from the condition, topic, person, situation, event that has brought you down. Your first priority is always your balance, your peace of mind.
Avoid dwelling on past hurts and grievances, avoid painting a grim and gloomy picture of the totality of your life. Focus on the present, focus on yourself now, focus only on improving your mood now.
Find things to be thankful for, things to appreciate in yourself, your environment, your job, your friends, your family, your neighborhood, your city.
End each day by remembering to think good, loving thoughts for yourself. Make sure you fall asleep in a sweet mood. This will ensure that you will have pleasant dreams and wake up next morning in a much better mood.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Things in life can’t be always purple, maybe that is the whole point of being alive – things change. Sometimes you feel like you rule the world, like everything is going so smooth and there is some secret power that helps you to achieve everything, to be at the right place at the right time, to say the right words, to get the right things, but some times occur things that stagger your world and you feel like you are incapable to do anything. That could be a divorce, lost of a family member, sacking from work, or some personal distraction that influence on your everyday life. In these moments the key thing is the motivation. It is the first step that could move you one step forward and we are not talking about hoping that something will happen but about making things happen. The point is to rediscover your motivation and the fundamental makeover games will start.
First you should do is to make a recapitulation of your vision. Point is to figure out where you want to be and what is it that you want in your life. Try to visualize your dream life, envisioning details as many as possible. That way you will get a feel for what you truly desire.
– After this, try to write down your visions so you’ll make them stronger. While doing that focus on things that you really like, not on the things that you don’t like. Select a chart that works for you – map or a brainstorm cloud, to be able to process this information after writing it down.
– Make a review of you current goals; are they in a relation to your dream life? If they are not, revise them, develop them in the loving way and remember that they are effective only if they drive you toward the future you desire.
– Leaving reminders, posters or note cards around you, with you goals written down, is addition to the idea of visualization of your dreams and is essential to developing the motivation to see them through to realization.
– If people around you are making you to fell depressed, to feel incapable for doing big things or depreciate you, put aside of your life. Surround your self with positive people that care about you, motivate you, cheer you on and support you and your goals.
– Constantly remind yourself why do you want these specific goals? Visualize your dream again and again, with all the tiny details. On every ‘why’ you’ll get more ‘how’ and the things will find their way to realisation. That way you will make detailed action plan of achievable steps, and every next step will fill you up with more energy to move on!
– Mental diet is much worth than any other diet that you take in your life. Get rid of thoughts and messages that keep you down, change them with positive. Constantly “feed” yourself with thoughts that rejuvenate your spirit. Also avoid letting obstacles from your past prevent you from pursuing your new passion and purpose.
The individual with a STUDENT mindset do not jump to conclusions and do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. The STUDENT is fully aware that he or she has the option to travel down the well worn path of the JUDGE or detach from this mindset and remain open, relax and alert to opportunities. The STUDENT is eager to learn and to hear what other people have to say. The STUDENT never jumps to conclusions and ask questions like, “What do I really want?”, “What is the facts and what can I learn from this experience?”, “What is my choices and what will allow for a win – win conclusion?” The student experience feelings of hope, optimism, collaboration, flexibility and fun while the JUDGE in turn remains focused on the opposite side of the scale. Read the notes below on the JUDGE and you will notice the complete different approach between the two options that we have when faced with challenges. The STUDENT open an endless number of directions that he or she can move while the JUDGE in turn remains so rigid that he or she soon runs out of options. Print a map for your office and home. This is a powerful tool that will assist you daily.
Decide once and for all that your mood, your sense of balance and well-being are your responsibility.
Decide that you are precious to yourself and that you are in charge of treating yourself well. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
.
Decide that every day your first and foremost concern is to help yourself feel a little better, no matter how you have woken up that morning or how you may feel at certain moments during the day.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of the things that please you and make you feel good; refer to your list when you feel down and do one or more of those things.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of people, activities, places, images, experiences, memories that ordinarily make you feel good, refer to your list when you feel down and focus for a few minutes on those uplifting thoughts.
Even if you are at home alone, treat yourself with respect. Do not lounge around in your pajamas, unkempt, unshaven, etc. Act as if you are expecting someone and be presentable. It will help greatly when you happen to look at yourself in the mirror.
Take care of your environment. Make it as tidy and comfortable as you can. Throw away old newspapers, magazines, junk mail, put your clothes away in your closet, make your bed, make your home an inviting place for you.
If you live alone, having something alive like a plant or a pet really does help you feel that you have some company, and something to go home to. Buy some plants and decorate your home, and consider getting a pet. Even a goldfish is good enough.
Call a friend, or write to a friend. Invite a friend to your home, or to do something together. Have something specific in mind, like going to a movie, or out to dinner, or for drinks. REACH OUT.
If no friend is available and you are feeling bored and frustrated, take yourself out to a movie, or to dinner, or for a drink. A lot of people feel self-conscious about going out alone. Remember that you are in charge of your feelings and feel proud instead that you are doing something good for yourself. DARE!
Go out for a walk, or a drive. Go on, don’t be lazy, don’t put it off, get out of the house and you will certainly be rewarded by the improvement in your mood.
GET IN TOUCH WITH NATURE. As often as you can, visit parks, places with greenery, take short holidays or daytrips and get in touch with nature. Enjoy the sounds, the smells, the sights, awaken your senses.
Attend a lecture.
Go to an art gallery.
Go to the theater and watch a great performance.
Play your favorite music, and make sure it’s your favorite uplifting music.
Take a long, luxurious bubble-bath.
Buy yourself a present, yes, go on, splurge, buy something you have been wanting for a long time.
Read an inspiring book, read some poetry, or go out and buy some new books.
Cook a gourmet dinner for yourself. Invite someone to share it.
Exercise. Doing even some simple exercises at home, by focusing on and energizing your body, you will immediately feel the improvement in your mood.Use your body, awaken your body, enliven your body and your mood will lift. Do some gardening, or some serious housecleaning!
Meditate. You don’t have to use any complicated procedures. Just decide to take a break from the negative self-talk going on in your mind. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, tell yourself to relax, and when you do feel completely relaxed lose yourself in a beautiful, relaxing scene like a serene pool, a lush forest, a beautiful beach and stay there as long as you like.
Distract yourself from the condition, topic, person, situation, event that has brought you down. Your first priority is always your balance, your peace of mind.
Avoid dwelling on past hurts and grievances, avoid painting a grim and gloomy picture of the totality of your life. Focus on the present, focus on yourself now, focus only on improving your mood now.
Find things to be thankful for, things to appreciate in yourself, your environment, your job, your friends, your family, your neighborhood, your city.
End each day by remembering to think good, loving thoughts for yourself. Make sure you fall asleep in a sweet mood. This will ensure that you will have pleasant dreams and wake up next morning in a much better mood.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Decide once and for all that your mood, your sense of balance and well-being are your responsibility.
Decide that you are precious to yourself and that you are in charge of treating yourself well.
BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
Decide that you love and honor yourself and repeat this as often as you need during the day.
Decide that every day your first and foremost concern is to help yourself feel a little better, no matter how you have woken up that morning or how you may feel at certain moments during the day.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of the things that please you and make you feel good; refer to your list when you feel down and do one or more of those things.
When you are in a good mood, make a list of people, activities, places, images, experiences, memories that ordinarily make you feel good, refer to your list when you feel down and focus for a few minutes on those uplifting thoughts.
Even if you are at home alone, treat yourself with respect. Do not lounge around in your pajamas, unkempt, unshaven, etc. Act as if you are expecting someone and be presentable. It will help greatly when you happen to look at yourself in the mirror.
Take care of your environment. Make it as tidy and comfortable as you can. Throw away old newspapers, magazines, junk mail, put your clothes away in your closet, make your bed, make your home an inviting place for you.
If you live alone, having something alive like a plant or a pet really does help you feel that you have some company, and something to go home to. Buy some plants and decorate your home, and consider getting a pet. Even a goldfish is good enough.
Call a friend, or write to a friend. Invite a friend to your home, or to do something together. Have something specific in mind, like going to a movie, or out to dinner, or for drinks. REACH OUT.
If no friend is available and you are feeling bored and frustrated, take yourself out to a movie, or to dinner, or for a drink. A lot of people feel self-conscious about going out alone. Remember that you are in charge of your feelings and feel proud instead that you are doing something good for yourself. DARE!
Go out for a walk, or a drive. Go on, don’t be lazy, don’t put it off, get out of the house and you will certainly be rewarded by the improvement in your mood.
GET IN TOUCH WITH NATURE. As often as you can, visit parks, places with greenery, take short holidays or daytrips and get in touch with nature. Enjoy the sounds, the smells, the sights, awaken your senses.
Attend a lecture.
Go to an art gallery.
Go to the theater and watch a great performance.
Play your favorite music, and make sure it’s your favorite uplifting music.
Take a long, luxurious bubble-bath.
Buy yourself a present, yes, go on, splurge, buy something you have been wanting for a long time.
Read an inspiring book, read some poetry, or go out and buy some new books.
Cook a gourmet dinner for yourself. Invite someone to share it.
Exercise. Doing even some simple exercises at home, by focusing on and energizing your body, you will immediately feel the improvement in your mood.Use your body, awaken your body, enliven your body and your mood will lift. Do some gardening, or some serious housecleaning!
Meditate. You don’t have to use any complicated procedures. Just decide to take a break from the negative self-talk going on in your mind. Sit quietly, focus on your breath, tell yourself to relax, and when you do feel completely relaxed lose yourself in a beautiful, relaxing scene like a serene pool, a lush forest, a beautiful beach and stay there as long as you like.
Distract yourself from the condition, topic, person, situation, event that has brought you down. Your first priority is always your balance, your peace of mind.
Avoid dwelling on past hurts and grievances, avoid painting a grim and gloomy picture of the totality of your life. Focus on the present, focus on yourself now, focus only on improving your mood now.
Find things to be thankful for, things to appreciate in yourself, your environment, your job, your friends, your family, your neighborhood, your city.
End each day by remembering to think good, loving thoughts for yourself. Make sure you fall asleep in a sweet mood. This will ensure that you will have pleasant dreams and wake up next morning in a much better mood.
.
by Ismini Apostoli
Beat the blues! You can do it! And remember: BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND.
The individual with a STUDENT mindset do not jump to conclusions and do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. The STUDENT is fully aware that he or she has the option to travel down the well worn path of the JUDGE or detach from this mindset and remain open, relax and alert to opportunities. The STUDENT is eager to learn and to hear what other people have to say. The STUDENT never jumps to conclusions and ask questions like, “What do I really want?”, “What is the facts and what can I learn from this experience?”, “What is my choices and what will allow for a win – win conclusion?” The student experience feelings of hope, optimism, collaboration, flexibility and fun while the JUDGE in turn remains focused on the opposite side of the scale. Read the notes below on the JUDGE and you will notice the complete different approach between the two options that we have when faced with challenges. The STUDENT open an endless number of directions that he or she can move while the JUDGE in turn remains so rigid that he or she soon runs out of options. Print a map for your office and home. This is a powerful tool that will assist you daily.
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
.
I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
What I am going to reveal to you today will change your life if you grasp how the “system” turned you into a “slave”. I have been writing and lecturing on motivation, manifestation and goal setting etc. for many years. I wrote several books that address many of the aspects mentioned above. I spoke boldly to an endless number of audiences and became a “mind dynamics” instructor at a very young age. Something that bothered me was that I noticed that the audience’s “enthusiasm” bubble always gradually deflated soon after such lectures. Virtually none of the tools that I offered my inspired audience was used for any extensive period. I could motivate an audience to such an extent that I often found individuals left my lectures early to go and attend to something that he/she procrastinated on for years. I later soothed my conscience and viewed my “work” on the same level of an entertainer. I entertained my audience for a while and at the end of the evening left with a substantial cheque in my pocket. It slowly dawned on me that something was blocking the ability of my students to sustain the spark that I provided during my training and my lectures. It would appear as if I woke up a large percentage of my audience with my lectures. I penetrated some kind of veil that enveloped their ability to think outside the box. It would appear as if a barrier lifted for a while only to gradually sink back and shut off their good intentions.
Most people have a sheep “I am a victim” mentality
We have been programmed since early childhood to “follow”. Our parents began the process and “domesticated” us to do what they deemed is right and acceptable. Gradually more and more parental figures entered our lives and reinforced the “follower” mode of thinking. We were conditioned that “following” is respectable, rewarding, morally the right thing to do. Look around you today and you will be surprised how many “controllers” still play a massive role in your life. The work started by our parents was soon expanded on by teachers, ministers, the state, employers, lovers, partners, the media etc. All of them still influence every decision we make. We always first filter every situation, challenge, opportunity, problem or project through the “filter system” that they carefully installed into our brains. Spontaneous actions and reactions hardly ever form part of our life pattern. We might think that we have “free will” but we soon discover that the deduction we made is nothing more than an illusion.
Our subconscious mind
Our subconscious mind contains all the events that we have been exposed to since our arrival on this plane. The subconscious mind is a very fancy filing system that can recall all the feelings, emotions and images that formed part of our encounters in life. Any of these “data” packages can be recalled when “triggered” by our thoughts or any of our five senses. Most of us automatically and spontaneously react and respond with the same reaction patterns recorded historically. It must be kept in mind that the data (reaction patterns) have been “uploaded” by the parental figures as explained earlier. We thus endlessly repeat the same patterns when confronted with choices and decisions. Our subconscious minds do not validate or evaluate the historical perceptions or belief systems, but simply pass it on to our conscious minds as “truth”.
Our conscious mind
Our conscious mind should preferably compare the current set of circumstances that we are faced with, with the reality of the current moment before any action is taken. We unfortunately have been browbeaten into robot like creatures that simply react or act according to the historical thoughts and feelings that we experienced when faced historically with a similar set of circumstances. We are so afraid of potential pain or loss that very few of us dare to question our historical perceptions. This is the reason why I noted earlier that most of us do not really apply free will when faced with choices. It is sad to think that we became slaves to our perceptions and belief systems. Very few of us apply “will power” in all our day-to-day activities. A good question at this stage might be, “Why on earth do we neglect this powerful system?” The reason might surprise you.
We try to avoid pain, loss, rejection and abandonment.
We are so afraid to act outside the framework that we have been indoctrinated with that we rather do our “repeat performances” while at work or play. We mentally run away from any decision that might bring on feelings of fear, pain, unpredictability, loss and anxiety. We will rather remain the puppet of our subconscious mind and serve the agendas of those that initially uploaded our original “software” than go outside the box. My friend this is how we travel from the cradle to the grave in a hypnotic daze. The time has come for us to take our willpower back and experience real growth. This is easier set than done while we go around with our “victim” mentality. Many of us go around crying over spilled milk. We allow the daily events that we are confronted with to decide our fate and future. We enter a new growth phase when we begin to apply our God given willpower in our lives. This leap of faith is only possible when we start accepting responsibility for all our actions and choices.
Accepting responsibility
Many of us immediately look for something or someone to blame when things go wrong in our lives. We blame God, the weather, history, the current financial depression or recession for things that failed to work out as expected. Nothing is going to change until you accept that you were and still are responsible for everything in your life. You possibly made poor choices and now sit with certain uncomfortable outcomes. You will feel a rush of fresh energy in your system when you take responsibility for whatever transpired. You will feel invigorated when you admit your mistakes and take sustained action to rectify what transpired. Let the fear, doubt or anxiety wash over you. Become like a rock that withstands the onslaughts of the endless waves of the ocean. Stop thinking and acting like a victim. Stop blaming the world for your poor choices or for that matter anything that failed to turn out as you expected. Learn that life is not fair and that things often fail to work out the way you anticipated. This mode of thinking drains your energy and suck out your desire to win and overcome. When you begin to flex your willpower muscles, you become strong and fearless. You do not wait for things to happen. You make them happen. You begin to replace the old and often defective software that historically enslaved you. Nobody will be able to intimidate or dominate you. Try as they may they will no longer trigger old and outdated fear reactions in your heart and mind.
The key to a powerful willpower
The key is so simple that many of you might not even try my recommendations. The key is to PAUSE before you take action or react on anything. By pausing, you prevent the old and outdated habitual reaction patterns to run their course. Do not do the first thing that comes to mind. You might ask, “How will I know that I am on the verge of slipping back into the victim mode again?” A quick scan of the emotions that you experience will confirm that you are on the verge of victimhood again. You are back in victim mode when you experience doubt, fear, worry and anxiety. Your guide is always the feelings that you experience. You are in control when you experience good, pleasant, inspirational feelings. Your subconscious “automatic” reaction patterns are in control when you experience fear, anxiety, doubt, anger or any other negative and destructive feeling. The key is to PAUSE the moment you experience any negative feelings.
Ask the following questions. (Write down your answers)
Who is currently in control, my sub-conscious mind (historical reaction patterns) or my conscious mind (willpower)?
Am I at this moment in time mentally past (sub-conscious mind) focused or am I evaluating the current moment on its own merit (conscious mind, will power) focused in the now?
Who am I blaming for my current misfortune? (Someone or something else)
Am I busy flooding my mind with negative and destructive (sub-conscious mind) fears based on my historical perceptions or belief system?
What will happen if I decide to PAUSE for a moment and take no action?
What will happen if I do the first thing that comes to mind?
What is the quality of the conversations that I have with myself at this moment? (Negative – sub-conscious mind based or positive – reality based)
What will happen if I accept responsibility and start working on ways to remedy, repair, adjust or overcome the current problem?
What will happen if I stop listening to people that go around like prophets of doom? (Friends, family, media, TV,)
What is the worst that can happen if I apply willpower and move forward in a bold and constructive manner?
What is the worst thing that can happen if I make a fresh start right now and put whatever happened behind me? (Live in the past with a victim mentality – sub-conscious mind running the show)
Replacing old and outdated reaction patterns
The easy and most effective way to replace old and outdated reaction patterns is to sit back, close your eyes for a moment and relax.
See in your mind’s eye how your current victim mentality is stripping you of your dignity and creativity. Feel the negative and destructive feelings that are currently causing you discomfort.
Ask yourself – how is your current defeatist mentality making things better or solving your current problem?
Focus on these feelings and negative emotions for a few minutes and then mentally or verbally (if possible) firmly say, “PAUSE”. Do this with a commanding voice. Repeat this PAUSE instruction a few times if necessary.
Take a few deep breaths and then do the following.
Begin to visualise how you start acting in a decisive and goal directed manner. Feel how strong and in control you feel while your problems and obstacles dissolve like melting butter. Experience how your willpower kicks in and how it blows away all your feelings of fear and doubt. See how you take sustained action until the problem is solved or the project is completed.
You will be astounded how this short and dynamic exercise will produce outcomes that exceed all your expectations. Your new and decisive way of thinking and acting will sweep away barriers and hand you control in situations where you would have failed historically.
I am wishing you well and know that the above new way of thinking will make a massive difference in all areas of your life.
The individual with a STUDENT mindset do not jump to conclusions and do not blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. The STUDENT is fully aware that he or she has the option to travel down the well worn path of the JUDGE or detach from this mindset and remain open, relax and alert to opportunities. The STUDENT is eager to learn and to hear what other people have to say. The STUDENT never jumps to conclusions and ask questions like, “What do I really want?”, “What is the facts and what can I learn from this experience?”, “What is my choices and what will allow for a win – win conclusion?” The student experience feelings of hope, optimism, collaboration, flexibility and fun while the JUDGE in turn remains focused on the opposite side of the scale. Read the notes below on the JUDGE and you will notice the complete different approach between the two options that we have when faced with challenges. The STUDENT open an endless number of directions that he or she can move while the JUDGE in turn remains so rigid that he or she soon runs out of options. Print a map for your office and home. This is a powerful tool that will assist you daily.
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
.
I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
You can remove anything from your playing field of life in the blink of an eye. You can remove a toxic person instantaneously if you are brave enough to make such a choice. The reason why people find it so difficult to remove or cut things from their world is because they try and understand the world of the toxic person. You will never fully understand the world of the toxic person. The less informed think that he can make a difference in the world of a toxic person. Any change that you make in the world of the toxic person will soon again be overgrown by the weeds of his own egotistical superciliousness
Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals, but not others? If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion.
It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail.
The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on achievement suggests that successful people reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.
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9 Steps to Achieving Your Goals
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1. Get specific. When you set yourself a goal, try to be as specific as possible. “Lose 5 pounds” is a better goal than “lose some weight,” because it gives you a clear idea of what success looks like. Knowing exactly what you want to achieve keeps you motivated until you get there.
Also, think about the specific actions that need to be taken to reach your goal. Just promising you’ll “eat less” or “sleep more” is too vague — be clear and precise. “I’ll be in bed by 10pm on weeknights” leaves no room for doubt about what you need to do, and whether or not you’ve actually done it.
2. Seize the moment to act on your goals. Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Did you really have no time to work out today? No chance at any point to return that phone call? Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers.
To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll work out for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.
3. Know exactly how far you have left to go.Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal.
4. Be a realistic optimist. When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation.
But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.
5. Focus on getting better, rather than being good.Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.
Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.
6. Have grit. Grit is a willingness to commit to long-term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher college GPAs. Grit predicts which cadets will stick out their first grueling year at West Point. In fact, grit even predicts which round contestants will make it to at the Scripps National Spelling Bee.
The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack grit more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking… well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good strategies are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.
7. Build your willpower muscle. Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals.
To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t.
Start with just one activity, and make a plan for how you will deal with troubles when they occur (“If I have a craving for a snack, I will eat one piece of fresh or three pieces of dried fruit.”) It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.
8. Don’t tempt fate. No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.
9. Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.
If you want change your ways, ask yourself, What will I do instead? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely.
It is my hope that, after reading about the nine things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on.
Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.
Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D. is the author of the new book Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
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PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 