YOUR MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS OF LOVE, JUDGEMENT, PEACE, FEAR, GRACE, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, FORGIVENESS, ATTACK, LAUGHTER, WORK, PLAY, JUDGMENT, KINDNESS, ISOLATION AND ONENESS ETC!
.
YOUR HEAD IS LIKE A TOOLBOX: Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than you thoughts.
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood.
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool and attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continue day and night and will do so for the rest of your life.
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality.
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in our toolboxes is very old and outdated.
Many of the modern problems that you face cannot be repaired using these tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tool and hope that it will also get the job done.
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following?
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner.
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack, think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over again and remember this time to make a backup your work.
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take her potential lover out, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life.
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind.
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. If you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task.
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake.
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind.
You are what you think. Your choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You are really what you think. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts that you allow to occupy your mind!
Here’s an excerpt from “101 Relationship Myths” about sexual attraction”. Enjoy!
“One of the relationship myths that has caused me the most pain during the course of my “relationship career” is the idea that strong sexual attraction and falling in love means you’re compatible and a good match. So a couple of years ago I decided to take a closer look at this idea and find out if it’s really true that when you’re on cloud nine and feel strong sexual attraction to someone, it means you’re going to be a good match as a couple.
It didn’t take me long to find the answer. When I looked back at some of my previous relationships, I could see that even though we were really attracted to each other, the reality was that we were not that good a match. Yes we might have felt blissful or even in love in the beginning, but when it came to relationships, lifestyle and interests, we often had very different views, preferences and values.
This realization was a revelation to me. Up until then, I’d been basing my choice of partner on whether or not there was a strong sexual attraction between us and not on whether or not we were a good match. And suddenly I could see the painful consequences of this misunderstanding – for me and my partners.
One of the consequences of believing that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match was that in the beginning of a new relationship, I often found myself exaggerating or only focusing on the woman’s “positive” sides (oh she’s so beautiful, so spiritual, and so forth) while downplaying or even ignoring her more “negative” sides. For example, I would overlook the sudden unkind remark that made me feel uncomfortable and instead sweep it under the carpet because I was so much in love. Or I’d accept an action or actions on her part that I’d never accept in anyone else. But in her case, because the attraction was so strong, I’d let it slide. And I have to admit that if I had been totally honest with myself, the truth was I already knew on the very first date, in the very first five minutes or so of our conversation, why the relationship would sooner or later become unworkable. Yes it’s true, I actually knew from the very beginning the reasons why we would not be a good match…
But because I was so infatuated and innocently believed that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match, I ignored reality. And the result was almost always the same. As soon as the intoxication of falling in love began to wear off and the reality began to set in, it would become more and more painful for me to stay in the relationship. And then, the long, difficult battle to extricate myself would begin.
Find your core values
So if strong sexual attraction and falling in love don’t necessarily mean you’re a good match – what does? What makes two people a good match?
One of the things that make two people a good match is that they have the same “core” values. By having the same core values, I don’t mean being the same personality type or having the same education or working in the same field. I mean you have the same basic attitudes when it comes to what’s important in life, not least what’s important when it comes to relationships.
One of the reasons why many relationships get into serious trouble is that the man and the woman don’t have the same core values. A “mismatch” like this usually spells trouble because most people live according to their core values – and usually unconsciously expect their partners to do so too. This can be problematic when these core values don’t match. Let’s take an example. Let’s say one of your core values is “freedom” while your partner’s core values are “security and feeling safe”. Obviously this can make your relationship problematic because you will both unconsciously be expecting the other to behave in a manner that is in conflict with his or her core value or values. So when you are faithful to your core value and give yourself and your partner lots of “freedom”, your partner may get upset and feel insecure because his/her core values of “security and feeling safe” are not being met or are threatened. The opposite is true too. When your partner tries to live in harmony with his/her core value and strives for “security” for example, by wanting clear agreements on how you do things, the “freedom-loving” partner feels stifled and inhibited. You feel your core value of “freedom” is being threatened. So this is why it is so important to be more aware of what you and your partner’s (or a potential partner’s) core values are.
My former girlfriend, sexologist and couples therapist Joan Ørting has developed a good exercise to help us become more aware of our core values when it comes to relationships. I suggest you give this exercise a try – it can be really interesting. Ask yourself the following questions and answer as honestly as you can.
Question: What is most important for you in a relationship?
Answer: That my partner accepts me and loves me unconditionally.
Question: How does it make you feel when your partner accepts you and loves you unconditionally?
Answer: It makes me feel SAFE.
Conclusion: So feeling SAFE is one of your core values.
Repeat the questions until you identify 3-5 of your main core values. Once you’ve done this, prioritize the values so that you end up with a list that looks like this:
My core values when it comes to relationships: 1) FEELING SAFE 2) BEING TOGETHER 3) JOY
Or perhaps you’ll come up with a list of core values that looks like this:
1) FREEDOM 2) ADVENTURE 3) BEING TOGETHER
Becoming aware of your core values can be a really big help when it comes to determining if you and a potential partner are a good match. And if you’re already in a relationship and are having problems, it may be because your core values do not match. So it can also be helpful to do this exercise with your partner and then talk about what your respective core values are. Understanding how your core values differ can make it easier to communicate with each other in the future.”
Sex is more than an act of pleasure; it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.
All aspects of sex can be very enjoyable. Kissing and foreplay have all kinds of wonderful sensations and pleasures. Orgasm is an intense sensation of pleasure, frequently coupled with involuntary actions, such as muscular spasms in numerous areas of the body; a general euphoric sensation and, usually, body movements and vocal sounds are uttered.
As good as all that sounds, the best part of what happens when we have sex is what happens in the brain. The brain is the largest & most important sex organ. The brain controls our sexual responses, releases sex hormones, and it is where all our sex fantasies, and sexual identities live.
Go ahead, enjoy having sex with your partner and celebrate the fact that the sex is so good! “Dare to gasp, sigh, wail, scream, whimper, giggle, or cry for joy the next time you tap your sensual nature! You’re super sexual – and that’s worth getting loud about!” ~Yvonne K. Fulbright, Ph.D., M.S.Ed.
The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender; because this kiss already has within it that surrender. ~Emil Ludwig
Health benefits
Sex is more than a hormonal release and brief pleasure. Modern science has now proven that sex is good for both your physical and mental health. Sex may help you live a longer, happier, and healthier life due to the health benefits.
Some of the health benefits include:
Relieves Stress
Improves Relaxation and Sleep
More Energy
Beauty Treatment – look more than 10 years younger
Burns Calories and overall fitness
Lower Cholesterol
Reduces Risk of Heart Disease
Lower risk of heart attack
Relieves menstrual cramps
Prevents endometriosis
Dental Health
Anti-Depressive
Safest Tranquilizer
Relieves Pain and Headache
Natural Antihistamine
Boosts Immune System
Improves Blood Flow Circulation
Improves Sense of Smell
Improves Bladder Control
Healthy Prostate and Genitals
Boosts Self-Esteem, Sense of Well Being, and Marital Bliss
YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELF QUESTIONS ALL DAY LONG. THE TYPE OF QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF WILL DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE, THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE AND THE SUCCESS YOU ACHIEVE IN YOUR CAREER!
The process of thinking is nothing more than an ongoing series of questions that you ask yourself. You question your own performance and the performances of others all the time. You ability to focus on the positive in life is determined by the type of questions that you ask yourself. If you constantly ask yourself, “Why am I such an idiot” you will continue to display “idiotic” behaviour. When you continually ask yourself, “Why is everybody picking on me all the time” you will continue to display the role of a victim. If you ask yourself, “Why am I continually missing out on career advances and promotions” you will make very little progress in whatever career you currently follow.
Superficially these questions might seem as if they come from the heart, but if you study them closer you will see that they cannot in any way enhance your performance in any area of your life. If you for example ask, “Why am I such an idiot” you will never really discover why you feel that you are giving the performance of an idiot all the time.
We also ask questions about the people around us all the time. We will for example ask, “Why is he always out to belittle me and make me look bad in situations.” This type of question can send you on a mental trip into a maze that will never provide you with a solution to the discomfort this person are causing you. We must stop asking ourselves questions that are designed to make our already negative and despondent feelings even more destructive.
The quality of your life depends on the type of questions you ask yourself about your own performance and the performances of others. If you are at the moment feeling let down by someone and you ask, “Why is everybody always letting me down” will not alleviate your pain, but rather deepen the feeling of disgust or despondency in you.
I think that this questioning habit comes from our childhood where our parents “questioned” us when we made mistakes or did something wrong. We seem to take this parent to child method of questioning into our adult life.
I WILL ALWAYS ASK MYSELF QUESTIONS THAT WILL LEAD ME TO SOLUTIONS. QUESTIONS THAT PUT ME IN AN ENDLESS LOOP WILL NOT IMPROVE MY LIFESTYLE OR SOLVE ANYTHING!
The way to question yourself should always bring your closer to a solution to your perceived problem. Rather ask, “What can I do to improve my performance in maths” and avoid the “Why am I such an idiot” style. When you ask “how can I improve” questions you, start thinking solutions while when ask “Why am I such an “idiot” questions you just deepen the negative perception you have about your performance in maths.
When you begin to pose solution-orientated questions, you are directing your attention towards things you can do to improve your status. If you ask destructive questions that only highlight your perceived inadequacies, you are setting yourself up for ongoing failure.
You can ask yourself questions on paper and begin to grow right now. If you list a number of “improvement questions” and begin to work on things you can do to improve on your current performance you are well on your way to success. If you are unhappy about something then ask, “What can I do right now to become more happy and fulfilled?” Make a list of positive question on the following subjects and then answer them in a constructive manner.
Make a list of questions on happy, success, passion, gratitude, money etc. Now answer your “what can I do to improve” questions. You will be amazed what progress you make in a relative short period. Remember questions are good as long as they are posed and answered in a constructive manner.
YOUR MIND IS FULL OF THOUGHTS OF LOVE, JUDGEMENT, PEACE, FEAR, GRACE, GUILT, JOY, ANGER, FORGIVENESS, ATTACK, LAUGHTER, WORK, PLAY, JUDGMENT, KINDNESS, ISOLATION AND ONENESS ETC!
.
YOUR HEAD IS LIKE A TOOLBOX: Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than you thoughts.
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood.
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool and attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continue day and night and will do so for the rest of your life.
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality.
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in our toolboxes is very old and outdated.
Many of the modern problems that you face cannot be repaired using these tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tool and hope that it will also get the job done.
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following?
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner.
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack, think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over again and remember this time to make a backup your work.
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take her potential lover out, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life.
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind.
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. If you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task.
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake.
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind.
You are what you think. Your choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You are really what you think. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts that you allow to occupy your mind!
WHAT PAIN OR PLEASURE WE LINK TO SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DETERMINES HOW WE ACT AND REACT TO THEM. WE CANNOT ACT IN A MANNER THAT PROVOKES PAIN IN PEOPLE AND EXPECT RESPECT, LOVE AND COMPASSION FROM THEM!
People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.
It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.
Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.
Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.
Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.
.
I WILL BECOME OUTCOME FOCUSED TODAY. I WILL DO THE THINGS I FEAR UNTIL IT LOSES ITS HOLD ON MY MIND!
.
We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.
If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.
If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
.
I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
BE BOLD AND STRETCH YOUR COMFORT ZONE DAILY – NO GROWTH IS POSSIBLE WHILE YOU REPEAT THE SAME OLD STUFF ENDLESSLY- IT IS OK TO BE SCEPTICAL, BUT OPEN YOUR MIND AND BEGIN TO LOOK AT LIFE FROM MANY DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES. YOU WILL OFTEN BE CHALLENGED WHEN YOU VISIT THE READING ROOM. WE ONLY GROW AND EVOLVE WHEN WE DARE TO GO OUTSIDE WALLS OF OUR BELIEF SYSTEM. OUR OBJECTIVE IS TO BECOME LOVE. NOT ACT AS IF WE LOVE, BUT TO BECOME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. OUR INTENTION DIRECT ALL OUR ACTIONS. – VISIT THE READING ROOM DAILY AND DISCOVER HOW POWERFUL YOU ARE!
CHAMPIONS SEEM TO HAVE ACCESS TO SOME KIND OF POWER OR ABILITY THAT FAILURES NEVER SEEM TO FULLY MASTER. MATURE PEOPLE SHOW COMPOSURE AND WISDOM WHILE THE IMMATURE BLINDLY REPEAT THE SAME MISTAKES ON A CONTINUOUS BASIS!
.
Why do certain people turn out success after success while others display the uncanny ability to make things of beauty or great potential turn into shit almost all the time? Why do certain people remain calm, relaxed and composed under difficult conditions while others seem to change into bumbling anxious idiots when the first sign of potential pain or problems are detected?
I think that your frame of mind and “belief system” plays a very important role in everything you do. We all have a decoding system in our brains that either enhance our effectiveness or diminish our ability to think in a rational and objective manner.
Let me explain how I perceive how this process works. When we are faced with any decision, we “run” the information or data collected through our “pain” and “pleasure” processor in our brains. If we perceive that we might experience pain or loss, we usually take evasive action. We then mentally and physically move away as far as possible from the person, situation, or circumstances that might cause us the anticipated pain.
When we sense that we might find ourselves in somewhat risky waters our pain centre starts playing us videos of previous situations where we experienced pain under similar or almost the same type of circumstances. These video packages also generate the feelings that we experienced in our previous failures. We cannot think in a positive and constructive manner while we are mentally confused, in pain or physically go around projecting an image of a fully-fledged victim. The main reason why people lose their composure or respond in a negative and destructive manner is because they fear potential pain or a negative outcome.
Your belief system is made up out of these “feeling” packages that are stored in your computer. While you run your life and make decisions using your “auto-pilot” in your pain – pleasure processor you remain at the mercy of your history. If you are sensitised on pain avoidance you will continually and automatically allow anxiety or past pain to taint new experiences or decisions that you are faced with.
I am sure that you have met many “pain avoiders” in your life. They spend the best part of their lives running away physically or mentally from potential pain. Champions on the other hand do not allow historical pain videos to influence their current choices that they need to make. They know that victory will only come to the bold and the objective.
Champions also feel fear, but they then replace the fear feeling with objectiveness and courage. They take out the fear videos that are playing in their mind and replace them with success-projected outcomes. Champions finally learned that what you see mentally always become a reality in your life.
.
REMEMBER, YOU CANNOT PLAY PAIN FILLED VIDEOS ON THE SCREEN OF YOUR MIND AND EXPERIENCE POSITIVE AND CONSTRUCTIVE FEELINGS.
I WILL TODAY REPLACE AT LEAST ONE NEGATIVE AND DESTRUCTIVE PERCEPTION I HAVE WITH A CONSTRUCTIVE AND PLEASURE FILLED MOVIE IN THE THEATRE OF MY MIND!
Take thirty minutes and first play one of your horror movies and see if you can make the outcome as bad as possible. Feel the pain, anxiety, doubt, and fear. Do not spare your feelings. Go for it in a big way. Before you play a positive outcome movie first ask yourself, “Is this what I want?” If you are not happy with what you see in your mind’s eye or feel mentally then slip a positive movie into your mental projector. Project yourself into a successful outcome. See and feel success and victory. Feel good feelings pumping through your body and mind. Remember what you see is what you get. The final choice is now in your hands my friend. Continue to play horror movies founded on historical BS or create a brand new successful future for yourself!
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed the future slaves that will take over from them when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
It is NATURAL to experience UPS AND DOWNS in life. There has never been anyone ever in the history of man that only experienced UP (high) periods in his or her life. Look around you and you will notice that everything presents unique CYCLES. Everyone goes through GROWTH and REDUCTION cycles. It will be crazy to feel like a victim when you experience a DOWN period in any area of your life. You are not in a DOWN period because some kind of punishment is metered out to you. You are not in a DOWNWARD phase because you are a SINNER or because you are INFERIOR in any way. Repeat as often as you can today. It is NATURAL to experience LOW periods in any area of my life. It is NATURAL to experience a general DOWN period as well. See the following image in your head while you repeat these words of wisdom.
YOUR ABILITY TO COMPOSE YOURSELF CAN MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU. THE WAY YOU WALK AND TALK AND PRESENT YOURSELF WILL DECIDE THE LEVEL ON INFLUENCE YOU EXERT!
Very few people understand the powerful role their composure plays in everything they do and how they feel. You can never act in a positive manner if you go around with a troubled look on your face, slumped shoulders and whine in your voice. How can you think and act in a positive manner if your whole demeanour is that of a loser or fader? What you think is displayed in the image you project to the people around you. I have never seen a person with a negative attitude and poor self-image go up to any rostrum to receive first prize. I have never seen any person with the image of a bird with a broken wing sell like a champion. I have never seen a parent with the image of a bull terrier win the love and respect of his own children. What you project activates chemicals in your brain that will either fuel your passion or dowse the fire in your heart.
How can you expect to feel, act and be positive if you project an image of a dog that got one too many hiding? The point I am making here is that you have the power within you to turn you negative feelings around by simply adjusting your composure. When you feel down and defeated, pull back your shoulders, lift your head and take a few deep breaths. Look life and people straight in the eye. This will immediately trigger positive chemicals in your brain. The dark clouds will lift from your brain and stop smothering your creativity and passion.
This might sound too simple to be worth much, but just try it the next time you feel down and defeated. You will be amazed what power is locked up in your brain that will be unleashed when you use this method. You will discover that the sun will push away the dark clouds of despair and the feelings of gloom that kept you imprisoned in a mental torture chamber will dissipate. You will begin to act in a manner conducive to winning again. Please remember that you cannot think or act in a positive manner with an image that reminds you of a helpless child.
I NOW HAVE A TRIGGER MECHANISM THAT I CAN USE IN MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL DEFEATED, OUTCLASSED OR DOWN.
If you want to exert influence, you will have to look at the image that you project while at work and play. People treat you the way you project yourself. People, will use and abuse you if you go around with the image of a defeated man. You will feel exactly what you project. People do not follow losers and cry babies. They latch onto winners and people that make them feel safe and protected.
Will you put your life in the hands of a doctor that project an image of insecurity and hesitation? Will you invest money with a person that presents you with an image of an illiterate person? You must never forget that life is a jungle out there. If you show any sign of weakness or vulnerability, the vultures, and scavengers of life will appear like magic.
In nature the weak always becomes the victim of the strong. When a kudu feels ill or appear injured, the scavengers will target and devour him. In life, it is the same. When your head and shoulder go down you lose your zest for life. Your tone of voice drops to a whisper or whine and your feel drained and tired. Remember the trigger to get you out of this frame of mind is to reverse the process.
Lift your head and shoulders. Take a few deep breaths and walk like a man with a mission. You will be pleasantly surprised how quickly you feel in control again and how much fresh new energy will begin to pump through your body and mind.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. Tell people how you feel about them, whether you love them, disagree with them or want to help them.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Some people have naturally high levels of confidence but everybody can learn to be more confident!
Firstly, it’s important to get a clear idea of what self confidence really means, otherwise you won’t know when you’ve got it! So, self confidence means:
1) Being calm. For every situation in life you need to run on the appropriate level of emotion. Too much emotional ‘leakage’ into a experience can spoil the experience. You make great strides towards confidence when you begin to relax in a greater range of situations.
2) Being cool. The second part of self confidence is about being able to relax with uncertainty. To be ‘cool’ in a situation really means relaxing with not knowing how things will pan out. If you truly tolerate uncertainty, you can do pretty much anything.
3) Not being too concerned with what others think of you. You know when you imagine what some place is going to be like before you go there but when you get there it is totally different to your imagination? That’s how reliable your imagination is! Stop trusting your imagination so much. I’ve long since stopped bothering to imagine what others think of me because so often I’ve turned out to be wrong.
4) Being specific – where do you want confidence?‘Confidence’ is meaningless until you tie it to something specific. You are already confident that you can read these words or can switch a light on and off. So you don’t need more confidence everywhere. To get what you want in life you have to establish exactly what you do want. Where do you want confidence in your life? Think about the specific situations now and write them down. You beginning to steer your brain towards confidence.
5) Understanding that what you expect is what you get. Your brain is an organ that needs clear goals to work towards. When a task has been set in your brain it will do everything it can do to bring about the completion of that task. If you’ve tried to recall someone’s name but can’t, hours later you’ll often find their name pops into your head.
The ‘trying to recall’ experience set the task or blueprint for your brain’s future subconscious behaviour which eventually produced the name for you – when you weren’t thinking about it consciously. You can use this natural mechanism to start feeling more confident. But, to ensure you set the right task for your subconscious mind, the next point is vital.
6) Don’t task your mind with negatives. Instead of: ‘I don’t want to screw up’ (which sets the task of ‘screwing up’ for your brain), set the blueprint for what you do want! Your brain doesn’t work towards what to do by being told what not to do. And nature has given you a wonderful natural tool to set the right task blueprints with.
7) Use nature’s goal-setter: Now you understand how vital it is to set the right task for your brain, you need to know how to do this reliably. Good hypnosis will strongly ‘program’ the right blueprint in your mind through the use of your imagination. If you powerfully imagine feeling confident and relaxed while in a relaxed state it will be hard for your unconscious mind to do anything else. The blueprint for relaxation has been set firmly into your subconscious mind.
3 simple strategies to get you feeling confident quickly:
1) Think specifically of the time/place/situation you want to feel confident in. Remember ‘confidence’ doesn’t mean anything until you attach it to something specific.
2) Focus on words in your mind right now that describe how you do want to be in that time and place. Maybe words such as ‘calm’, ‘relaxed’ or ‘focused’. Remember your brain works on clear positive instructions.
3) Close your eyes for as long as you like and think about how those words feel. Then, imagine the situation itself and rehearse it in your mind feeling confident and relaxed. This way you set the right blueprint or ‘task’ for your unconscious mind.
.
Author Unknown
You can repeat the above often to make it more effective and use it with as many areas of your life as you need to. So if you feel like you’d be blessed with less confidence than some other people you can start redressing the balance by using your mind in the right way right now.
The ROOT CAUSE of most of our PROBLEMS and FRUSTRATIONS can be traced to an INADEQUATE SELF-IMAGE and SELF-ESTEEM. Our feelings of inadequacy stem from FEELINGS and IMAGES that we stored in our heads when we were five, six or seven years old. We formed perceptions about ourselves at this young age. These feelings and images have been around since then. These FEELINGS, EMOTIONS and IMAGES still govern everything you do, say or the way you interpret what other say or do. They say that the average person use less than 5% of his/her potential. It stands to reason that it is very difficult to confront PROBLEMS or PERFORM above average when your using the SELF-IMAGE and SELF-ESTEEM of a child of six to drive your GOALS and DREAMS or attempt to SOLVE PROBLEMS. Can you think what disorder you would create if you assigned fairly mundane project to a six year old? We learned and gain in experience and cope to some extent with our day-today activities, but run into problems when these day-to-day activities trigger our feelings and emotions. Most of us AUTOMATICALLY slip into our reaction patterns and our SELF-ESTEEMS start dominating all our actions and reaction. We react with ANGER, EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS. We apportion BLAME, become JEALOUS or SULK when things don’t go our way. You may feel that it is impossible, but ponder what I shared above and you will soon agree that many of the INADEQUACIES programmed into our heads are still ACTIVE and CONTROL many of our thoughts, feelings, decisions and responses.
My mood was cold, dark, and directionless. My tortured mind was filled with thoughts of missed opportunities and broken promises.
The cutting wind on my unshaven face made my eyes water and drove the dark clouds of depression into my shattered soul.
The years slipped by like fleeting dreams. Moments of joy and victory came and vanished like the waves of the ocean bashed on the black rocks of sadness.
I looked up and noticed the sheets of rain that endlessly poured its gift of life and growth in all directions.
A thought darted into my tired defeated mind. I suddenly noticed how nature shares her abundance with everyone and everything.
Mother Nature is not selective when she sends gifts of rain and sunshine to feed, nourish and rejuvenate everything with a smattering of life at their core.
These gifts of life are given to the seeds that are still sleeping in the soil. The dark scorched earth will soon put on a new coat of colour and in turn pass on these gifts of life to the bees, birds and everything else that waited patiently on Mother Nature to return as she has done since the beginning of time.
I suddenly understood that it is mankind’s inability to give unconditionally that is responsible for the inequality that drips off this planet like black wax from a candle.
Our homes are filled to the brim with stuff, but we want more, better, faster and the latest. Something inside us drives us like a hungry pack of wolves forward in our quest to feed our greedy ego.
There is no time for compassion in our busy lives. Poverty stares at us on every corner, but we are so obsessed with our own little world that we never notice that cold and hungry child on the corner of the street or a mother that worked her hands to the bone to serve us where we sit in our artificial castles sipping our wine of success.
The clouds of gloominess gradually lifted from my bowed shoulders. I knew what Mother Nature came to teach me in this dark night of my soul. She came to teach me about compassion and gratitude. She showed me that I must learn to give unconditionally and abundantly if I want to make a contribution to life on this planet.
I noticed that the sun began to break through the clouds announcing that the rain moved on to go and do some more teaching down the road. A rainbow suddenly appeared on the horizon. I slowly got up, wiped the water from my face, pushed back my shoulders with new hope in my heart against the backdrop of the singing of the birds that were thanking Mother Nature in advance for the new gifts that she will bring the next time she pays us a visit. She will like before pour her gifts on the rich and the poor, on those that have in abundance and those that have virtually nothing. She deposits her gifts on everyone regardless of their status, race or career and knows that a time will come when mankind has evolved enough to grasp that we are one and an extension of her.
1. A child reared without clear boundaries has little chance of success. Limits are necessary to give purpose, direction and structure to life. The fool swims in a boundless sea of opportunity and finally drowns because of his failure to latch onto a specific purpose. He tries to own the sea while the wise man selects a single purpose (opportunity/goal) and then pursue it with all his heart. The wise man understands the power of commitment and focused thought and is well rewarded.
2. A defeated person becomes indifferent about his fate. He finally stops feeling ashamed or sorry. He stops resisting and fighting to reclaim his dignity. The wise is very aware that passive behaviour could make him act like a dog with a broken spirit. Our parks are filled with defeated individuals that tragically accepted their fate in life.
3. A desperate or worried person displays the tendency to cling to anything or anyone that displays even slight compassion. A true warrior understands that this behaviour will eventually exhaust the person that he clings to. A champion never makes panic decisions or choices. He lives in the moment and knows that his winter season will pass like so many times before and make way for a brand new summer.
4. A few moments of indiscretion could become a burden that you might haunt you for the rest of your life. The need for instant gratification is usually at the root of most of our less spectacular choices. Any choice that we make can be compared to the pull of a trigger on a gun. Once the bullet leaves the barrel it cannot be recalled.
5. A good friend is like a good investment. To make good longterm friends be a friend. Friends become a shield in troubled times. Friendship is not a one-sided deal. There are people that claim that they are your friends, but they are often just stranger exploiting you. Several of the friends you make during your lifetime will stick a knife in your back the first time your friendship is really tested.
6. A grievance poisons your mind and chains you to the past. It leaves you bitter and twisted. Everyday of your life you chose between grievances and freedom. You must make up your mind if you want “pain” or “joy” or the “old” or the “new”. When you choose to go for freedom then learning the art of letting go becomes a top priority. When you have mastered the art of letting go of your history you begin to predominantly live in the now.
7. A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind.
8. A man that is mature, fair and respectable is worth more than precious jewellery. Everybody respects maturity and predictability. Wisdom only comes to those that are slow to anger and careful in their judgement.
9. A man that lacks self-esteem needs titles and certificates to justify his position in life. A man at peace with who he is does not need the constant blessing or praise of others. Never allow a person’s title or position to intimidate or dominate you. See yourself on equal footing with others. Do not allow a person to intimidate you with his pedigree or current superior vantage point.
10. A man with willpower always has the best chance of coming out on top. The main reason why people fail is not because they do not have the skills and know-how, but because they lack the willpower. A person without willpower and determination always ends up the slave of those that do.
Rene
(from my book – PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS WISDOM GUIDE)
This grandfather of all people-skills books was first published in 1937. It was an overnight hit, eventually selling 15 million copies. How to Win Friends and Influence People is just as useful today as it was when it was first published, because Dale Carnegie had an understanding of human nature that will never be outdated. Financial success, Carnegie believed, is due 15 percent to professional knowledge and 85 percent to “the ability to express ideas, to assume leadership, and to arouse enthusiasm among people.” He teaches these skills through underlying principles of dealing with people so that they feel important and appreciated. He also emphasizes fundamental techniques for handling people without making them feel manipulated. Carnegie says you can make someone want to do what you want them to by seeing the situation from the other person’s point of view and “arousing in the other person an eager want.” You learn how to make people like you, win people over to your way of thinking, and change people without causing offence or arousing resentment. For instance, “let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers,” and “talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.” Carnegie illustrates his points with anecdotes of historical figures, leaders of the business world, and everyday folks.
The first self-help book I ever read was “How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie. I just finished school and was looking for an inspirational book in a tiny, poorly stocked book store in Windhoek in Namibia. I came across Dale Carnegie’s book in the scant selection of books on a shelf right at the back of this dusty store. I unashamedly admit today that although this was the first “motivational” book that I ever owned when it still remains one of the top ten books I ever read when it came to practical advice regarding people skills. Many of you might have read the book or still have a copy on a shelf in your library. I would suggest that you read it again. It will refresh your memory on one of the most important principles when it comes to compassion. It will remind you that you can make more progress in all areas of your life if you develop a sincere interest in others. Dale indicates in this book that you can make more friends in two months by developing an awareness of the interests of others than you could achieve in two years using any other method.
We live in small boxes today surrounded by massive walls to keep intruders out that might dare to enter our comfort zones. We shout at each other over these walls and only on very rare occasions lower our draw bridge and venture out or invite anyone into our domain. Most of us go around with our defence shield up and remain on guard twenty four hours a day. The political climate that we live and work in might also have something to do with this unhealthy behaviour. We need to open up and become more vulnerable if we want to escape the deadly ruts that many of us fell in over the years. Some of us feel lonely and need friends, companionship and fun, but we often forgo on these desires because of our fears and warped self-interest. Everything revolves around us and our own dreams, desires and choices. We look at life, people and places through a self-interest one way mirrors. Our interests always come first and the interests of others never really feature at all. We have this “What is in it for me” attitudes that fail to address the needs of anyone else.
When last did you manage to get yourself out of the way long enough to listen and experience any human being, family member or friend with an open mind? Many of us developed a sick habit of judging everyone. We endlessly scan people for flaws or potential threats. We fail to listen to them when they talk. We listen to the first few words of their sentences and then jump to conclusions. We look at people through eyes that fail to see the pain or desperation in them. We listen to what people say and fail to read the subliminal call for help that they are possibly to proud or ashamed to express. Do we care enough to really hear what our partner or children are telling us? Are we alert enough to feel the emotions of the person that we are communicating with? I think we all of us might have some work to do when it comes to mastering the art of putting the interest of others first.
When last did you compliment anyone on anything? We as parents tend to only give attention to our children when they are sick or when they did something wrong. We as partners only become interested enough when our relationships begin to fall apart. We fail to notice the cracks and peeling paint in our relationships. We are so busy with our own agendas, self-interests and objectives that the pain and frustration experienced by our partner bounces off our egotistical shield. Can you see what major difference a shift in attention can make in your life? Can you accept that life is not only about you and your plans and goals? Can you understand that the formula for success is that your success if virtually guaranteed if you help enough other people to achieve their own goals and dreams?
So I suggest that you shut up the next time anyone talk to you and listen carefully what is said and what is not expressed verbally. God supplied you with two ears and one mouth. You must listen more and talk less. Put yourself in others’ shoes and ask yourself if you really know the story of the person that you are talking to. Stop jumping to conclusions and stop judging people on hearsay and second hand data. Stop forcing people to communicate to you through their history. Start each day with a new clean slate. We have so many prejudices and perceptions about everything that is cast in stone that it became impossible to see thing as they are in the moment. Set yourself free by putting the interest of others first for a while.
Fall down seven times. Stand up eight. (Japanese proverb.)
Resilience is one of the greatest survival skills. It helps you both psychologically and physically in the long-run. While it can’t make your problems go away, it can help you endure any sort of hardship – like traumatic events, loss, illness, disaster, the death of a loved one, or any other setback or challenge.
Resilience is about enlisting your inner strengths, and harnessing your healthy coping mechanisms, so that you keep functioning without getting over-anxious, depressed, overwhelmed or apathetic.
Here are 8 tips to help you learn how to bounce back when some misfortune strikes, or when you are faced with a challenge:
Maintain your hopefulness. Even though the picture may look grim for now, think back to all the challenges that you have encountered and overcome in your life so far, to gain hope and optimism that a solution will be found and remember that any wound, no matter how big it seems right now, will heal in time.
Learn to be more stoical about life. Accept that unwanted events, sudden changes in circumstances are a part of life, and instead of clinging to your belief of how things “ought to be” learn to adapt, tolerate and even welcome your problems. Sometimes, problems are teachers and help us grow and become hardier and wiser.
Take some distance from the event, misfortune or challenge and try to view it as happening to someone else. How would you help that person cope? What would you advise him/her to do? Follow your own advice. There are many angles from which you can view a situation. Taking some distance, becoming an observer rather than a participant may give you the strength but also the problem-solving resources to overcome your challenge. Resilience requires flexibility, not holding onto rigidly to only one point of view.
Reach out to your friends or other support groups. You don’t have to go it alone. A friend’s advice, help or even willing ear or shoulder to cry on may help you re-organize better your inner resources. Feeling connected helps empower people in times of hardship. Offering help to others does the same. Help others in need, you will get empowered as much as they!
Take appropriate action.You don’t have to know the whole solution, you don’t have to examine all the parameters before you take some action in a positive direction. Small steps can help you greatly to feel that you are gaining control of the situation. Play it by ear for a while, test what works and what doesn’t.
Remember to laugh. Every challenge, every misfortune has its comical side. Use humor to lighten up. Think of how comedians can describe a tragic situation in ways that make you laugh. It’s a great coping mechanism, a relaxing break from serious thinking, worrying or grieving.
Don’t neglect yourself. Take good care of your nutrition, sleep, and home environment. Create relaxation time, see friends, do things that please you, like relaxing hobbies, or going to the gym.
Maintain your vision and sense of purpose. Setbacks create havoc, sometimes, emotional upheaval and tend to require all of our attention. We tend to obsess about our problem, as if it’s the only thing going on in our lives. It’s good to continue to keep in mind your long-term personal goals, visions, the things that make your life meaningful and focus back on all these areas that provided joy, hope and a sense of accomplishment before the upsetting event. It will help create a sense of balance in your life.
Finally, remember that “this too shall pass”. Repeating this often to yourself will have a soothing and healing effect and boost your resilience.
We only attempt change when we become painfully aware that certain of our actions and reactions are just not working for us.
It is imperative to wake up and face it that most of us are as blind as a bat when it comes to noticing our own flaws and mistakes. We thus only attempt change when we become painfully aware that certain of our actions and reactions are just not working for us. We usually remain in a trance like state until something, usually something accompanied by pain cross our path. A negative and passive mindset slows your vibration down. You manifest people and events that match your vibration. It is thus silly to expect happiness and success when you go around with a grumpy, faulty finding attitude. Some of us hibernate and do nothing, but expect wonderful people to break down our door to offer us wonderful opportunities or to shower us with their support. Our lives work on a simple, but effective CAUSE and EFFECT system. What we think, do or fail to do materialize and set up camp in our world. It will be silly to constantly cause pain, discomfort and confusion in your interaction with others and still expect brilliant, warm, kind and compassionate outcomes.
Rene
Our lives work on a simple, but effective CAUSE and EFFECT system.
ONLY WHEN YOU HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THE CONTROL AND SILLY GAMES WILL YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS BOOK IS ALL ABOUT!
The mechanical matrix of post modern consumer society, built by ordinary men and women, is a reality that is indeed a snare, serving only to isolate its inhabitants from a truer, wider, and richer interpretation in which all things are interwoven and cooperative. The matrix we live in, and which we uphold with each and every one of our thoughts (though as we shall see, these thoughts are not our own), is a world built blindly, through fear and rationality, a prison pervaded by misery, hostility, confusion, resentment, and despair. It ain’t no playground. And if it’s a game, then it’s one which few of us ever get to enjoy playing, perhaps because no one ever told us the rules.
The most powerful tool you own is your ability to measure if your current ACTION will take you TOWARDS your GOAL or AWAY from what you DESIRE. You measure your progress and the quality of your CHOICES by the FEELINGS that you experience. People, events, blogs, movies, newspaper articles and people in general will either make you FEEL empowered or dis-empowered, strong or weak, inspired or deflated during or after you engaged them. Your FEELINGS guide you faithfully during all your endeavours. FEELINGS of ANGER, FEAR, ANXIETY and DEPRESSION shout out to you that you need to move away from a POTENTIAL TROUBLE SOURCE. When you read a book, blog or magazine you become UPLIFTED and MOTIVATED or you become aware that the material is sucking some of your valuable energy out of your body and soul. My friend many of the things we do and the interactions we have either HEAL us or make us SICK. We are either swimming UPSTREAM or DOWNSTREAM while we participate in this game of life. We must take time to STOP periodically so we can evaluate the STATUS of our current activity. Our best friend can be our worst enemy if such friend often feed us with toxic interactions that make us WEAK and WORRIED. The most dangerous people, situations and perceived opportunities are often “packaged” in fancy false disguise. Groups are often toxic. They might have a facades of saintliness and salvation that hide their hidden agendas and concealed motives. Repeat the following as often as you can today. I will today allow my FEELINGS and INTUITION to guide me while at work or play. I will not accommodate people, things and events that make me feel deflated, depressed or weak. My FEELINGS guide me today toward SUCCESS and away from potential FAILURE and LOSS. Look around you today and become aware how many things and people attempt to suck the LIFE ENERGY from you! Become aware how society is set up to US and ABUSE you. perceptions (beliefs) might need updating.
Want to make some positive gains in your life? A lot of folks would like to improve their lifestyle, but just cannot find the time to take action.
Still, the highest mountain is scaled only step at a time, and the biggest goal is only accomplished one step at a time. So why not just commit to take one small step right now?
I suggest an approach of just focusing on something you can accomplish in one minute — just 60 seconds.
You may surprise yourself. You can actually do quite a bit in only one minute. Here are some ways to use the power of a single minute:
Exercise for One Minute
No time to go to the gym? OK. Forget about the next 59 minutes, and just focus on the next one minute. Do a deep breathing exercise, or one minute of push-ups or sit-ups. After a while you may expand to two minutes — and wow, you have just made a 200 percent jump.
Relax for One Minute
Just relax into your chair and suck in a slow deep breath all the way down into your belly. Then open your mouth slightly, and release your breath as slowly as you can. Try this right now to refresh your mind with increased oxygen.
Calm Your Mind for One Minute
Your mind is a fabulous theater, and contains wonderful visions of your favorite places. Go visit one of those places for one minute. Just relax and clear your mind wherever you may be. You’ll come away feeling refreshed, and a lot calmer and clearer.
Change Your Outlook for One Minute
You can even experiment going outside your normal self for a minute. Try acting the exact opposite of how you usually act for one minute. If you tend to be introverted, think like an extrovert. If you are an engineer, think like an artist. If you are a man, think like a woman.
Re-Frame a Problem for One Minute
Choose a problem, then select a different frame of reference to consider it from. Try considering the problem through the eyes of someone you admire. Does the problem look different? Try looking at it with the mind Albert Einstein or Bill Gates or Martha Stewart. Now how does the problem look?
Be Happy for One Minute
Maybe you are currently overwhelmed with problems and challenges beyond your control. Try finding something to give thanks for, and focus on being grateful. Forget any current or past tragedies or disasters, and let yourself be happy for one minute.
You really can achieve wonders in just one minute. And these single minutes can add up to a greatly improve quality of life. Give it a try!
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
.
EN 
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 