Here’s an excerpt from “101 Relationship Myths” about sexual attraction”. Enjoy!
“One of the relationship myths that has caused me the most pain during the course of my “relationship career” is the idea that strong sexual attraction and falling in love means you’re compatible and a good match. So a couple of years ago I decided to take a closer look at this idea and find out if it’s really true that when you’re on cloud nine and feel strong sexual attraction to someone, it means you’re going to be a good match as a couple.
It didn’t take me long to find the answer. When I looked back at some of my previous relationships, I could see that even though we were really attracted to each other, the reality was that we were not that good a match. Yes we might have felt blissful or even in love in the beginning, but when it came to relationships, lifestyle and interests, we often had very different views, preferences and values.
This realization was a revelation to me. Up until then, I’d been basing my choice of partner on whether or not there was a strong sexual attraction between us and not on whether or not we were a good match. And suddenly I could see the painful consequences of this misunderstanding – for me and my partners.
One of the consequences of believing that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match was that in the beginning of a new relationship, I often found myself exaggerating or only focusing on the woman’s “positive” sides (oh she’s so beautiful, so spiritual, and so forth) while downplaying or even ignoring her more “negative” sides. For example, I would overlook the sudden unkind remark that made me feel uncomfortable and instead sweep it under the carpet because I was so much in love. Or I’d accept an action or actions on her part that I’d never accept in anyone else. But in her case, because the attraction was so strong, I’d let it slide. And I have to admit that if I had been totally honest with myself, the truth was I already knew on the very first date, in the very first five minutes or so of our conversation, why the relationship would sooner or later become unworkable. Yes it’s true, I actually knew from the very beginning the reasons why we would not be a good match…
But because I was so infatuated and innocently believed that strong sexual attraction means you’re a good match, I ignored reality. And the result was almost always the same. As soon as the intoxication of falling in love began to wear off and the reality began to set in, it would become more and more painful for me to stay in the relationship. And then, the long, difficult battle to extricate myself would begin.
Find your core values
So if strong sexual attraction and falling in love don’t necessarily mean you’re a good match – what does? What makes two people a good match?
One of the things that make two people a good match is that they have the same “core” values. By having the same core values, I don’t mean being the same personality type or having the same education or working in the same field. I mean you have the same basic attitudes when it comes to what’s important in life, not least what’s important when it comes to relationships.
One of the reasons why many relationships get into serious trouble is that the man and the woman don’t have the same core values. A “mismatch” like this usually spells trouble because most people live according to their core values – and usually unconsciously expect their partners to do so too. This can be problematic when these core values don’t match. Let’s take an example. Let’s say one of your core values is “freedom” while your partner’s core values are “security and feeling safe”. Obviously this can make your relationship problematic because you will both unconsciously be expecting the other to behave in a manner that is in conflict with his or her core value or values. So when you are faithful to your core value and give yourself and your partner lots of “freedom”, your partner may get upset and feel insecure because his/her core values of “security and feeling safe” are not being met or are threatened. The opposite is true too. When your partner tries to live in harmony with his/her core value and strives for “security” for example, by wanting clear agreements on how you do things, the “freedom-loving” partner feels stifled and inhibited. You feel your core value of “freedom” is being threatened. So this is why it is so important to be more aware of what you and your partner’s (or a potential partner’s) core values are.
My former girlfriend, sexologist and couples therapist Joan Ørting has developed a good exercise to help us become more aware of our core values when it comes to relationships. I suggest you give this exercise a try – it can be really interesting. Ask yourself the following questions and answer as honestly as you can.
Question: What is most important for you in a relationship?
Answer: That my partner accepts me and loves me unconditionally.
Question: How does it make you feel when your partner accepts you and loves you unconditionally?
Answer: It makes me feel SAFE.
Conclusion: So feeling SAFE is one of your core values.
Repeat the questions until you identify 3-5 of your main core values. Once you’ve done this, prioritize the values so that you end up with a list that looks like this:
My core values when it comes to relationships: 1) FEELING SAFE 2) BEING TOGETHER 3) JOY
Or perhaps you’ll come up with a list of core values that looks like this:
1) FREEDOM 2) ADVENTURE 3) BEING TOGETHER
Becoming aware of your core values can be a really big help when it comes to determining if you and a potential partner are a good match. And if you’re already in a relationship and are having problems, it may be because your core values do not match. So it can also be helpful to do this exercise with your partner and then talk about what your respective core values are. Understanding how your core values differ can make it easier to communicate with each other in the future.”
It is imperative to grasp as early as possible that you must believe in your own integrity, value and ability to make a difference. Most of us start life deluded and think that we are and will always be surrounded by individuals that will support us and that will be there for us when things fail to materialise as expected. Some of us discover early in life that real friends are rarer than virgins in a whore house. We discover that our so-called blood brothers and friends vanish like a fart in a thunder storm when things start going wrong for us. We should teach children that life is not fair and that they will more often than not work like a slave and get little or no rewards. Children must understand that life consist out of an endless range of challenges that will come at them like the waves of the ocean. We cannot give our children a bigger gift than the preparation needed to see things as they are (reality). True champions play to win, but also understand that it is silly to expect to win every time they go out to compete. The key to a long and successful career is fortitude. It is not how hard you get hit, but how many times you bounce back. We must train our children to see failure as stepping stones and not disasters. The biggest curse you can put on a child is to create the impression that everything will turn our ok if they try their best. You might be the best talented player that attempt to get into a team at school and still fail to find your name on the final team list. You may have failed to make the cut because a few other players have parents that make big donations to the school and play golf with the coach. The unprepared child is often destroyed long before he or she leave school. Unprepared children become disillusioned and some of them never recover. Look around you or do some research and you will discover that the real successful players in sport and the business world overcame serious adversity during their journey through life. There will be times in your life where you will face very testing times. You will yearn for support and understanding and discover that there is no one that is brave enough or loyal enough to come to your rescue. It is these critical moments, these dark nights of the soul that bring out the best in those with fortitude, courage and determination. Some of us understand that disaster can strike at any moment. We do not fear setbacks and disasters because we know that we can like so many times before overcome anything. Winners and true champions can get up and immediately start building on a new dream and a more exciting goal. The magic ingredient that so many lack in life is staying power and determination. This is the biggest blessing you can pass onto your children. The best way my friend to do this is to lead by example. Show your children that you are strong and courageous in the face of adversity.
IMAGINE WRITING AN UNPLEASANT LETTER TO YOURSELF, MAILING IT, RECEIVING IT, OPENING IT AND THEN BEING UPSET AS YOU READ IT. THAT IS WHAT WORRY IS LIKE!
MOVIES IN YOUR MIND: Every time you worry you make movies in your mind that are full of imagined horror, disaster scenes and unhappy endings. Fear used by your ego) is the director, producer and writer of these fictional horror movies that you often play on the screen of your mind. A frightening fiction takes the place of reality. Worry robs you of your wisdom, your power and your true creativity. It will attempt to steal your sanity, take away your piece of mind, destroy your relationships and make off with your sense of humour.
Worry cannot give you anything of value and was always and will forever remain a taker. Your ego loves to see you cringe with fear and cry in agony because it gives him a feeling of control and power. While you are mentally kept busy fearing what might happen (ten seconds or ten years from now) you can give very little attention to what is actually happening in the now. Your mind is not in the now and predominantly occupied with the anticipated pending disasters, losses or pain that might come your way at some future time.
Because of your strong desire to survive, live, avoid pain and loss your mind goes into a panic mode, frantically looking for potential remedies for these disasters that might materialise at some future time. Once the ego successfully puts you on the run mentally it will put more wood on the fire by using fear to fuel the flames that are already busy burning your self-image and self-esteem to a crisp.
Once you are trapped in this horror movie that portrays painful disaster that could materialise at some future date the ego dances with joy. When this happened he successfully removed you from the NOW and forces you to work feverously on the FUTURE.
While you are locked into the future and busy wreaking your brain for answers to predominantly imaginary problems that might never effect you, you lose all your ability to remain successful and effective in the now. A friend once said, “You build imaginary castles and then even have the audacity to paint them”. Worry has never once in the whole history of the human race saved the day. At best worry is an alarm bell, but no alarm bell has ever put out a fire. The only way you can break this deadly habit of living in the future is to replace worry with something much more constructive and productive.
I WORRY ABOUT MY CHILDREN: Worry affirms fear, danger, weakness and mistrust. Worry will never make your child safe. Most parents know how painful it can be to wait for a child when he or she is out. You lie awake and create the most horrific pictures in your mind. You see your child in the mangled wreck of his or her car or how he or she lies in an ally bleeding with no one to help him or her.
When you think about your worries about your children carefully you finally come to the conclusion that you can worry yourself to a standstill or heart attack and can still not make the slightest change to their fate while they are away. You cannot protect him or her, ward off robbers or kill a potential rapist while you are lying in your bed perspiring with fear and anxiety.
All you are doing is causing yourself serious discomfort about something that you have very little control over. The only way to handle this type of worry is to teach your children wisdom, people skills and ethics and then to trust them when they leave the house for a party or evening out. Keep in mind that they are children and will make just as many mistakes as you made at that age. When they fail, let you down or make a mistake they need your support and not a lecture about what could have been if they listened to you. You must learn to let go for your own sake and for the sake of your children.
I WORRY ABOUT MY FRIENDS: Worry is not love it is fear in action. When you worry about someone you are sending them a stream of fear and doubt. You are filling your heart and mind with danger. Remember you can worry yourself to a standstill and it will still not change a thing about what may or may not befall your friend(s).
I know we are living in a period in our history that is inundated with danger. There is virtually no family or friendship circle that has not been touched by a tragedy cause by the crime wave that is virtually out of control in our country. It forces us to live in the future and to feed our egos that are having a field day feeding on our fear.
We must just remember that all our worry will not diminish the danger or prevent injury or death to come to our friends. We can remind them to be careful and wish them well. Once they leave we need to let go of them. If we mentally remain attached to them until we see them the next time we are taking on a heavy, but useless responsibility.
You can worry yourself into a stupor and still discover that “what will be will be”. The only victim here is you. Let us be perfectly honest and agree that percentage wise the odds are with us that we will see our friends safe and sound when they return. If you are over-sensitised about crime then stop reading newspapers and switch off the news for a while. All you are doing is feeding your ego with the affirmations that scream at you from most newspaper front pages. Let go and accept that all your worrying will not ensure the safe return of your friends.
I WORRY ABOUT ROMANCE: The more you worry about finding or keeping a partner, the needier, controlling, manipulative and demanding you become. Worry about the love in your life can be devastating. You are killing your romance when you allow fear of loss and failure to take over your thinking.
There is nothing that you can do to “police” your wife, husband or lover. When you allow “fear of loss” or “suspicion” to take over your thinking you are setting your relationship up for failure. Worry will not cause your partner to remain faithful to you. You are just poisoning your mind and your relationship when you sit at home worrying yourself to a standstill about the fidelity of your partner. It will not prevent your partner from straying; all it will do is make your life and the life of your partner a living hell.
I WORRY ABOUT MY HEALTH: Worry will not make you healthier or fitter. On the contrary, enough worry will give you headaches, migraines, stress, ulcers, hypertension and ill health.
Go to any doctor’s consulting room and you will find that 75% of the patients in the waiting room suffer with some form of stress related illness. Worry does not contribute in any way to good health or longevity. If you feel worried about anything when it comes to health matters then go and see a good doctor.
Avoid self-diagnoses at all cost and listen to his or her advice. You can put yourself and everybody that have something to do with you through hell if you become over sensitised on your body. I am not even going to attempt to give you health tips in this document, but want you to accept that the habit or worry will not contribute in any shape or form to your overall health status.
I can continue using examples like this forever. I know people that worry because they do not have something to worry about. The habit of worry always takes you into the future and is driven by fear of the unknown. Worry is a sure sign that indicates to you that you are no longer living your life in the moment. You allowed your ego to hijack your ability to think and act in the now. It forces you to live in the future.
I am sure that you have experienced many nightmares during your lifetime. Can you still remember how you were tormented in these dreams? How you tried to run and hide without much success. When you allow worry to cast your mind into the future you are also unable to do anything about the horror scripts that you wrote and play in these mentally projected dramas.
Only when you wake up and return to the now and your heart stops pounding with fear can you take control of your worry. You become totally inefficient when you leave the “now” level and attempt to operate in the past or future. When you discover the power of the now your life takes on a powerful new dimension. Fear flees in front of a person that is well grounded in the moment.
When you become a person that can tune out the future and the past and remain focused in the moment you become powerful and worry-proof. When you understand that worry and guilt are the two most useless emotions ever invented you raise your game of life to levels that you never thought possible. Once you understand the utter futility of future living you can live, love and perform powerful deeds in the now. Most of us have no clue what is going to happen even thirty seconds from now. All we have to work with is our own warped forecasts.
Live today as if it is your last day on the planet and you will come alive and wake up from your nightmare lifestyle. The day that you loose your fear of dying you wake up to life. The day that you stop worrying what other people think of you, you come alive and experience purity. The day that you unconditionally accepts what that day may present you with you cross the bridge of courage and endurance. You can remove all the horror images that your ego has created when you decide to LIVE IN THE NOW. You are the creator of your world and can decide who and what may live or die in your creation.
There is one element that decides how long you will live, how you dress, what you drive, where you stay, what you eat, who you marry and where your children go to school. This element is money. Look at the layers in society. You have the affluent at the top of the pyramid and the struggling bottom feeders right at the bottom of the pyramid found in all societies. Many of us were born into a certain layer in society. Try as we may we fail to break out of the law of gravity that keeps us locked into our social layer. It is easy to say that everybody have an equal chance of reaching the top of this pyramid. That is a bullshit story. It is almost as ridicules as the myth told by many churches that God provides each person with the same opportunity to go the heaven. Look around you and you will see that there is no equality in society. The churches say that God works on a “one strike and you are out” principle. You have one life time that can end at any time and need to find Jesus in that time allocation or your will be toasted.
The element that decides your fate and future my friend is money. Most of the money in all societies is in the hands of those that reside close to the top of the pyramid of life. Those lower down in the middle class and the bottom feeders at the base of the pyramid is expected to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. The lower you enter the game of life on this pyramid the less you earn and the scarcer the opportunities that come your way. It is these layers in society that is at the root of most of our problems when it comes to crime. Most of those that have nothing, little education have a slim chance of success. They then select crime as their career. They discover that they can lay their hands on the “magic element money” with little effort by following a career as a criminal. They can “work” for twenty minutes and earn more than most of the slaves that man the middle class of society can earn in a month. They know that they are in a risky profession, but think that there are many other professions that also carry serious risks.
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The miner, policeman, fire fighter or farmer is exposed to potential adversity every day. The miner, policeman and fire fighter is confronted by occupational risks while the farmer in turn is often faced by those at the bottom of the pyramid. Crime statistics will not come down soon. Our hard working police cannot win this battle trying to get the criminals off the streets. There are millions that are ready to step into the shoes that got caught in the legal trap. Job creation and service delivery can force our crime rates down overnight.
Just look around you today and notice that there are meters running all the time that will stop the moment you fail to feed them with money. There are no lights, water, transport, fuel, food and shelter for those that lack the element of money. It is easy for those that fail to grasp the problem of access to money to judge and condemn those that live under a bridge or hide in a shack when the rain and rivers threaten their survival. It is easy to look down on those that beg for money on the streets when you have enough funds in your account to survive one more month. I want to tell you that most of us are less than three months away from jointing those that I described above if for any unforeseen reason we lose our job or health and cannot continue working.
Following 70 years of intensive excavations in the Land of Israel, archaeologists have found out: The patriarchs’ acts are legendary, the Israelites did not sojourn in Egypt or make an exodus, they did not conquer the land. Neither is there any mention of the empire of David and Solomon, nor of the source of belief in the God of Israel. These facts have been known for years, but Israel is a stubborn people and nobody wants to hear about it.
This is what archaeologists have learned from their excavations in the Land of Israel: the Israelites were never in Egypt, did not wander in the desert, did not conquer the land in a military campaign and did not pass it on to the 12 tribes of Israel. Perhaps even harder to swallow is the fact that the united monarchy of David and Solomon, which is described by the Bible as a regional power, was at most a small tribal kingdom. And it will come as an unpleasant shock to many that the God of Israel, Jehovah, had a female consort and that the early Israelite religion adopted monotheism only in the waning period of the monarchy and not at Mount Sinai. Most of those who are engaged in scientific work in the interlocking spheres of the Bible, archaeology and the history of the Jewish people – and who once went into the field looking for proof to corroborate the Bible story – now agree that the historic events relating to the stages of the Jewish people’s emergence are radically different from what that story tells.
What follows is a short account of the brief history of archaeology, with the emphasis on the crises and the big bang, so to speak, of the past decade. The critical question of this archaeological revolution has not yet trickled down into public consciousness, but it cannot be ignored.
You have free will and make an endless number of choices daily. You can choose to accept “what is” and manage “what is” to the best of our ability or you can choose to ignore “what is” and base your actions and reactions on illusions, nonsense and outdated perceptions. Illusions and false perceptions can make our days depressing and unproductive. We suffer and experience pain and rejection because we base most of our actions and reactions on data that is not valid or accurate. We became trapped in deadly repetitive daily cycles. Very few of us take the time to stop for a moment and ask ourselves why we are persisting with our self-sabotaging behaviour. We forget that we are acting on our stage of life to learn and experience. We are not the actor. We are and will remain a spiritual being even while we are “in character” on our stage. One of the biggest travesties done to us during our childhood was when they convince us that we are the actor on our stage. We are as I indicated earlier just a student at Earth School. Actors remove their make-up and go home when the show is over. Why have we been domesticated like a pet into believing that we are our history? This social control system warped our perception about our self-worth and stopped many of us to “move on” after we learned our lessons and experienced what we desired.
Rene
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Actors remove their make-up and go home when the show is over. Why have we been domesticated like a pet to believe that we are our history?
Funk & Wagnalls Standard Desk Dictionary – definition of the word, trust as (trust) n. A confidence in the reliability of persons or things without careful investigation.
Trust is something that we strive for in our relationships with people and in certain things. Trust gives us a feeling of comfort and security when we express feelings and concerns about our situations. It starts out as a child; we know nothing other than to trust our parents or guardians to keep us happy, fed, cuddled and safe from the “BoogeyMan.”
While growing up, we never consider the thought of losing trust in our friends and family members as they are the ones’ who we have spent many hours of building fond memories; ones that will carry us into our adult years, giving us so much to share with our children.
Being trustworthy is a positive characteristic that should be worn as a badge of honor. It is good to know that you can be trusted. It is good to know that you can trust another.
We live our lives giving and accepting trustworthy advice from not only our friends and family but from other people such as our doctors, bankers, educators and even our repairmen hoping for the most honest opinion and correct information regarding our circumstances and well being.
It is also something that truly has to start from within; know that you can be a good friend or advice giver to someone who is in need. Give unconditionally, your time and effort without it being confused with naivety.
Speak less of what you may not know about. Be a good listener.
When you are involved in a situation that may be good, bad or indifferent, be aware of what you say and to whom you say it to. Your words can be misconstrued and turned into a realm of lies and deceit.
But when that level of trust is cut down by a person or state of affairs, we are then given a reason to lower our expectations, cause doubt, build walls and blur our vision of the things that really matter. It has been said that there is a reason for everything. And a few of the reasons that someone will do something to another is because of hidden resentment, false pride, fear, greed, selfishness and lack of confidence in that person, situation or themselves.
Give others the benefit of doubt.
Allow people to make mistakes and admit to them. It is the one who does not admit to their poor actions and who falsely accuse others of the things they know they have done, that need to be condemned. And for that they can not be trusted.
There is always more than one side to a story and out of the two there is definitely one that is the truth.
There are times that a person or situation may cause you to lose trust if so, before it destroys a good thing, hear what has to be said, listen with your heart and mind and if you are involved in any way, accept your position without conviction. Be accountable for your actions. Never deny your involvement. Say what you need to say. Getting things out in the open, will hopefully keep the right doors open for healthy relations with others. It is a matter of trust.
Have faith that all will be reconciled. Move on and if not, one thing is for sure, as we live our lives and deal with people and circumstances there are things that are going to happen that may cause us hardship and despair, work it out for the better or worse. It truly can or may not be as bad as it seems, if so try to accept that “Pobodys’ Nerfect” (Nobodys’ Perfect, even so) remember that as we continue to develop relationships with people, trust your personal thoughts, words and decisions. No one person has control over the responsibilities of another.
Trust, it is the one thing that develops over time but takes a minute to destroy.
What would the implications be if we discovered that God want or need nothing from nobody? I know some of the readers may experience feelings of anxiety, fear, anger or even panic when they attempt to contemplate what might look like a preposterous statement far removed from the historical “God perceptions” that we grew up with. What would have happened to mankind if they discovered a long time ago that God actually never needed or expected anything from anyone?
Would there have been any meaningful theology?
Would there have been any churches?
Would there have been the endless number of religions and spiritual movements with all their individual dogmas?
Would there have been the ongoing love – fear relationships that many still experience today when they think of the God concept promoted by their church?
Would there have been fear of death, hell and Satan?
Would there have been fear of old age?
Would there have been the religious wars where many millions were killed in the name of various Gods?
Would there have been a Roman Catholic, Christian and a Muslim Movements that boast with billions of followers?
The reason why many of us still insist that God have always had strict requirements is because in some peculiar way it provides us with a sense of worthiness. Some might even reason that they will have to become atheists if they bought into the idea that God needs nothing from nobody. The idea never cross their mind that most of the God perceptions that they cling to were planted in their heads when still very young.
Churches, clergy, priests, emperors, kings etc. worked themselves into a very powerful and influential position by claiming that they are the earthly representatives of some or other God. They revealed hundreds of laws, rules, regulations and expectations that the God according to their perception of Him insist that must be enforced to make Him happy and assist Him to remain composed and not lose His cool. The prescriptions were always linked to dire warnings that, if ignored or not address to the letter would result in serious punishment in the near future or in some kind of afterlife. These warning included predictions of death, destruction, famine, droughts and hardship. These predictions were initially enough to control their followers and keep them subservient. It later became necessary to turn up the heat regarding God’s expectations and needs. This is where those that thought that they might get away with disobedience to God’s commands (like totally wiping out a so-called pagan nation) discovered that God also have a record keeping system and a court of law in heaven that is waiting for those that failed to fulfil the stipulated requirements when they die . The concept of Hell and everlasting damnation after death tightened the screws of control to a level where most in a sheep like manner remain loyal to the church.
The endless laws, rules and regulations continued to flow from God through so-called inspired individuals until Constantine decided to collate a book (The Bible). All the mystical inspired chats between God and the authors suddenly dried up. Not a single person according to this philosophy have been inspire after this event. God vanished from the stage of life and apparently retreated into his heavenly abode. The clergy however kept churning out endless often self-serving commands by interpreting the historical laws and commandments and in this manner kept the upper hand, power and money flowing.
Stop for a moment and think about the statements that I made above. Let us play for a moment with the idea that God never demanded anything from anyone. What would the implications be if man made Gods for themselves in their own image? What would the implications be if the depictions of the Gods were wrong and that God never insisted on the endless range of requirements now cast in stone in their Holy Books? What if the real God (life force) never meddled with man and allowed each individual to work out his own fate and future on a moment to moment basis with the choices he or she make? What if God gave man free will to make any choice and never metered out any punishment, but like a good parent allows His now physically mature children to learn via their own mistakes? Do not reject this option. Think about it for a moment and you will discover that a million and one things that might have bothered you about your current God concept now suddenly fall into place.
YOU ARE ASKING YOURSELF QUESTIONS ALL DAY LONG. THE TYPE OF QUESTIONS YOU ASK YOURSELF WILL DETERMINE THE QUALITY OF YOUR LIFE, THE TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS YOU HAVE AND THE SUCCESS YOU ACHIEVE IN YOUR CAREER!
The process of thinking is nothing more than an ongoing series of questions that you ask yourself. You question your own performance and the performances of others all the time. You ability to focus on the positive in life is determined by the type of questions that you ask yourself. If you constantly ask yourself, “Why am I such an idiot” you will continue to display “idiotic” behaviour. When you continually ask yourself, “Why is everybody picking on me all the time” you will continue to display the role of a victim. If you ask yourself, “Why am I continually missing out on career advances and promotions” you will make very little progress in whatever career you currently follow.
Superficially these questions might seem as if they come from the heart, but if you study them closer you will see that they cannot in any way enhance your performance in any area of your life. If you for example ask, “Why am I such an idiot” you will never really discover why you feel that you are giving the performance of an idiot all the time.
We also ask questions about the people around us all the time. We will for example ask, “Why is he always out to belittle me and make me look bad in situations.” This type of question can send you on a mental trip into a maze that will never provide you with a solution to the discomfort this person are causing you. We must stop asking ourselves questions that are designed to make our already negative and despondent feelings even more destructive.
The quality of your life depends on the type of questions you ask yourself about your own performance and the performances of others. If you are at the moment feeling let down by someone and you ask, “Why is everybody always letting me down” will not alleviate your pain, but rather deepen the feeling of disgust or despondency in you.
I think that this questioning habit comes from our childhood where our parents “questioned” us when we made mistakes or did something wrong. We seem to take this parent to child method of questioning into our adult life.
I WILL ALWAYS ASK MYSELF QUESTIONS THAT WILL LEAD ME TO SOLUTIONS. QUESTIONS THAT PUT ME IN AN ENDLESS LOOP WILL NOT IMPROVE MY LIFESTYLE OR SOLVE ANYTHING!
The way to question yourself should always bring your closer to a solution to your perceived problem. Rather ask, “What can I do to improve my performance in maths” and avoid the “Why am I such an idiot” style. When you ask “how can I improve” questions you, start thinking solutions while when ask “Why am I such an “idiot” questions you just deepen the negative perception you have about your performance in maths.
When you begin to pose solution-orientated questions, you are directing your attention towards things you can do to improve your status. If you ask destructive questions that only highlight your perceived inadequacies, you are setting yourself up for ongoing failure.
You can ask yourself questions on paper and begin to grow right now. If you list a number of “improvement questions” and begin to work on things you can do to improve on your current performance you are well on your way to success. If you are unhappy about something then ask, “What can I do right now to become more happy and fulfilled?” Make a list of positive question on the following subjects and then answer them in a constructive manner.
Make a list of questions on happy, success, passion, gratitude, money etc. Now answer your “what can I do to improve” questions. You will be amazed what progress you make in a relative short period. Remember questions are good as long as they are posed and answered in a constructive manner.
WHAT PAIN OR PLEASURE WE LINK TO SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE DETERMINES HOW WE ACT AND REACT TO THEM. WE CANNOT ACT IN A MANNER THAT PROVOKES PAIN IN PEOPLE AND EXPECT RESPECT, LOVE AND COMPASSION FROM THEM!
People move towards pleasure provoking experiences and away from pain provoking experiences. They move towards people that make them feel good and away from people that make them feel worthless and defective. This law must always be kept in mind if you want to influence people in a positive manner.
It will be idiotic to constantly say and do things that cause somebody pain and expect loyalty and dedication from such person. How can you kick a person in the teeth and expect him or her to love and respect you. We might not always physically kick people, but some of the things we do, fail to do or say often cause more pain than a kick in the teeth.
Everything you do or refrain from doing is governed by your perception you have of such event. If you for example find it difficult to motivate yourself to do something that you know need to be done you will find “potential pain avoidance” at the root of you resistance. We usually select the potential pleasure route in all our actions and decisions. If we have any idea that we might be exposed to potentially pain we try our level best avoid such contacts.
Just think for a moment about this principle. When you see or think of certain people what reaction do they evoke in you? If a person activates any level of discomfort in you, you will always react and respond accordingly. An opinion is formed quickly and usually takes years to modify. Most people lives their live according to this law or principal. Once they formed a perception about something or someone it takes a massive jolt to dislodge perceptions. Because we are pleasure seeking entities we tend to run on tracks for the best part of our lives. We thus get stuck in a pattern and will continue to follow this path until the day we expire.
Leaders and champions are bold enough to break these patterns and confront their fears. They know that mediocre and substandard performances are caused by the avoidance of potential pain. You can never grow, learn and win while you remain in your comfort zone. It is only when you go beyond your comfort threshold that progress can be made.
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I WILL BECOME OUTCOME FOCUSED TODAY. I WILL DO THE THINGS I FEAR UNTIL IT LOSES ITS HOLD ON MY MIND!
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We often know what we need or want in life, but we hardly ever do something about it. The main reason for this is because we amplify the potential pain so much that it outweighs the potential pleasure that reaching our goal would provide us.
If you want to stop smoking or lose weight you have to make your perceived “outcome” so exciting and pleasure provoking that it will make the effort that will be needed to work through the potential pain part less dominant. You will never reach your desired objective while the fear of the pain outweighs the potential pleasure of the outcome. It is thus imperative that you desire your outcome more than the obstacle that you may encounter along the way. Only when you become excited and motivated about your outcome will you have enough staying power to hang in until the objective (pleasure) is achieved.
If you want to become influential, you will have to learn to use this law to your advantage. You will make it easy for people to be with you and do business with you. You will say and do things that will activate expectations of potential pleasure not pain. All your actions and reactions must show people that you respect their point of view and that you are there to help them to achieve their own objectives. Always remember that most people you deal with are running on preconceived tracks or perceptions.
Being at peace is the wonderful state of mind and body where all is calm, where thoughts are quiet and serene, and where muscles are relaxed and comfortable. In this article, you’ll learn how to attain this inner peace in a matter of minutes.
Once you are adept at controlling your mind and body, you are always only one simple thought away from perfect peacefulness.
You can “will” perfect peacefulness at any time. You will be able to move out of stressful situations immediately. All you need to do is follow a few simple steps to train yourself. A little practice is all that is required. But, you must take the time to direct the mind and body in positive ways so that you can ensure the pleasures of inner peace.
You’re at the wheel. So let’s drive on!
Let peace happen.
Being at peace is a choice. When we stop struggling and fighting the world around us—and the world within us—peace can happen. Our individual fight is with our thoughts, emotions and physical bodies. The fighting can be directed toward ourselves or those we face each day. Here are several approaches to quickly give up the fight and win at the same time.
There are many ways your physical body can take on struggles you face each day. Maybe you clench your jaw when you get mad. Maybe you collect tension across the back of your neck and shoulders. Maybe butterflies trouble your stomach. The first step is being aware of what you are doing. The second step is to consciously make the choice to release the tension.
Your mind takes on struggles in the form of mental images. Do you tend to imagine the ideal end result or the worst possible situation? Troubling and negative mental images translate into unpleasant emotions and stressful physical reactions.
Choose carefully the thoughts you think because they absolutely affect how you feel. Realize that the only person who can change your thoughts is you. You can then take charge and change your thoughts for the better.
Emotions are natural physiological changes that occur when thoughts are held in your mind. You can easily direct your emotional states by changing your posture; for example, sit straight, tilt your head, use facial expressions, walk differently, etc. You can also direct your emotional states by holding brighter and more pleasing visual images in mind. You have the choice, but you must make the choice.
Creating Peace of Mind
To create peace within yourself, simply relax your body and breathing; then, direct the mind.
A still body is the reflection of a calm mind, but the mind cannot be still until the body is still.
Begin by making your body comfortable. Then release areas of tension. As example, gentle movements of the neck and shoulder muscles can help stretch and release tension in those areas.
Breathing in an even and steady way will quickly calm both the body and mind. Make the inhale and exhale of equal length without any pauses in between. Your breathing will become smooth and even.
The next step is to quiet the mind. Start by bringing your awareness into this present moment, here and now. By doing this you can effectively eliminate distracting or troubling thoughts. Any anxieties about the future or tensions from the past will leave your mind and body.
Another way to direct the mind is to direct your inner voice–especially if it is anxious or overbearing. Play with the idea of changing the volume of your inner voice. Have it be quieter.
Modify the tone of you inner voice until it is pleasant, warm and nurturing. You can have it say pleasant and comforting words to you—words of encouragement and self esteem. Some people even repeat soothing words or phrases in a rhythmic way.
The final step is to hold images that encourage a peaceful mind. For thousands of years, prayerful and meditative people have directed the mind by holding steady mental pictures. For example, the image of a candle flame can be used to concentrate one’s attention and steady the mind. You can use images of a peaceful scene from nature, a vacation setting, an imaginary room of comfort, a cathedral, rose bushes, or anything calming, wonderful, and peaceful.
What To Do Once You’ve Got There.
Getting to a relaxed state of mind and body by the above steps may take 20-30 minutes at first. With practice, however, you’ll be able to accomplish this within a few minutes.
When you try to extend this peaceful feeling for long periods of time, you may find that your mind will race to other thoughts. After all, your mind is trained to race, to go full throttle, all day long. If you suddenly stop for 20 minutes, will your mind to cooperate? No. It will do what you trained it to do for the 16 hours–race!
So, what’s the solution? How do you create a peace-filled life, and not peaceful three-minute spurts? Take it one moment and one thought at a time. Bring peaceful, serene, and positive images and feelings into the rest of your day. Learn to release tensions as they occur. Learn to direct your thoughts and emotions at the time they start getting out of hand. You’ll discover that not only can you create a peacefulness, but you are living a peace-filled life.
EVEN A LITTLE BIT OF RECOGNITION CAN GO AN INCREDIBLY LONG WAY IN A PERSON’S LIFE
JOHN MAXWELL
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I am often astounded when I see how unappreciative people have become. I am not talking about buying someone a vehicle or sending him or her on a boat trip around the world in appreciation here. I am talking about something much more simple. What I have in mind is the simple and low energy activity of moving your lips and forming the words, “Thank you.” Society has become sour, critical and self-centred and takes far too much for granted. I will start with children. Children today begin at a very young age to become takers and usually sustain this parasite behaviour habit into adulthood. I have seen many parents go without to ensure a good education for their children. I have seen how parents worked two jobs and forfeit their health and best years of their life to ensure that their ungrateful offspring can go around with “designer or brand name” clothing. I can feel the veins in my neck popping when I see how ill mannered children treat their parents as if they are brain dead morons. Appreciation usually only enters the picture when the spoiled child needs to lay his hands of the wallet of their “well worn” parents.
The inability to express appreciation is rife in society today. Not only children go around taking things for granted. When last did you catch someone expressing honest out of the heart unsolicited appreciation? People are starved of this vital ingredient in all levels of society today. People blush and become embarrassed when you thank them or express your honest appreciation. You can detect that they are out of practice receiving appreciation. The sudden rush of “good chemicals” from their brains that are released when you feel appreciated makes them dizzy and tend to stun them.
I WILL TODAY EXPRESS MY APPRECIATION AS IF I HAVE AN ENDLESS STOCK OF IT IN THE STOREHOUSE OF MY MIND
If you want to exert serious influence on people, learn about the power of honest appreciation. Express and show your appreciation more often and see what enormous difference it can make in the lives of people. The rumour that has been around that appreciation cannot be experienced when you become older or when your hair turns grey is just an urban legend. You never grow too old, rich, or fat to enjoy appreciation. It is something that you obtain free of charge and that will not bankrupt you if you hand it out in generous proportions. You can freely use this powerful tool on parents, gardeners, strangers, and even intimate friends.
Invite people to tell you more about themselves, their hopes, their fears, and dreams. Show real interest in what they have to say. Learn to take the focus off your own needs, fears, and ego driven aspirations for a while. Most people are so ego driven that they find it very difficult to listen. Do not try and top every story they tell with one of your own that makes their achievement bleak in comparison. Send people “thank you “ notes. I have seen mothers treasure a thank you note for decades that a son or daughter wrote them in a moment of weakness. You also do not need to wait for special occasions to show your appreciation. A single flower or a one-minute phone call can often do more for a worn out mother or father than the medication he or she takes for his or her depression or insomnia. Become a strong source of influence today by giving your appreciation freely to everybody you meet. The amazing thing about giving appreciation and recognition is that it also makes you feel good and worthy.
Assist people to achieve what they really desire if you want to make friends for life, become awfully rich or become very popular. Our expectation and hope drives us forward and helps us to overcome serious setbacks.
Attempt to make the right and best choice on a moment-to-moment basis. If you are going to wait for the perfect moment or until you have all the data, you might never make up your mind. Remember that your in-basket will still be full even on the day you die.
Attitude plays a vital role in everything you do. A poor attitude can never produce good results. A poor attitude is at the root of most failures. A poor attitude caused more marriages to fail and relationships to break down than all the other reasons put together.
Avoid head on confrontations or disputes if you can. There are usually no winners in such ego driven fights. The urge to win is sometimes so strong that it clouds our mind and judgment. An obsession by both parties to win usually lead to a major loss for at least one of the parties.
Avoid people that have the tendency to make their problem yours. By appearing helpless or lost, they con you into taking ownership of their problems. You are not a garbage truck that are contracted to remove everybody’s garbage (problems).
Avoid people that promise you the world, but do little. When you rely on an “empty promise” person, he will cause you endless problems. Good advice is to do things yourself if you want to make sure that they are taken care of.
Avoid saying things that could make people feel idiotic or inferior. It might give you a short-term ego boost, but in the long run, you will create an army of enemies that would love to even the score.
Avoid the misconception that people want to hear what is right and just. They want to be fed what they feel suits their current purpose. Give people what they want and you will be richly rewarded. When you help people to achieve their own objectives, they are usually more susceptible to yours.
Balance and decency is in during periods of success. When instant gratification becomes our main objective, we rapidly slide into the abyss of failure and discomfort. The wise man mastered the art of projecting himself into others’ shoes. When you act in a fair and responsible manner you enhance your chances of success many fold.
Be careful and remain grounded when you are faced with obsessive driven individuals. These individuals tend to exaggerate and amplify things in an attempt to buy your support. Certain politicians, clergy and conmen are experts at the art of mass hypnosis. When you are in the presence of passion driven individuals you need to question, probe and take nothing for granted. If you do you will do it at your peril.
When you look deeply into the nature of this thing called life and begin to understand what life is and the way the mind works, you will come to realize that in fact your happiness does not depend on any outside circumstances, events or people. This is the core realization. This is the heart of this understanding. When things begin to fall apart and then you begin to see what’s really going on, you will discover that the happiness you seek is an internal event, an internal experience. And that this internal experience has nothing to do with all the things you were programmed to believe your happiness depended on! And this is why I say this is the good news… because it means you’re free! You are free! Your happiness doesn’t depend on anyone or anything… It’s up to you. And there is something you can do about it!
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed the future slaves that will take over from them when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
Happy people have an advantage over unhappy ones — they may be healthier and may live longer.
An extensive review of literature using seven types of evidence indicates that high subjective well-being (SWB), such as life satisfaction, optimism, and positive emotions, causes better health and longevity. The review, published in Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being (2011), examined 160 studies which showed compelling evidence that positive feelings predict health and longevity.
The findings of the review, based from seven types of evidence, are summarized below:
Longitudinal studies. These studies, which have large sample sizes and have followed participants for a decade or more, revealed that SWB was related to lower mortality rate in both healthy and diseased populations. Positive moods such as joy and happiness, life satisfaction, hopefulness, optimism, and a sense of humor were associated with reduced risk of mortality and predicted longevity.
Physiology and health. Moods and emotions are associated with biological markers such as blood pressure, cortisol, and inflammation. Studies found that pessimists have higher blood pressure levels. Anger and hostility were related not only to the development of cardiovascular disease, but also to disease progression and inflammation. Stress predicted lower levels of immune response; whereas, positive affect strengthened immunity. Positive affect was associated with greater social connectedness, perceived social support, and greater probability of performing healthy behaviors.
Experimental manipulations of emotions. In experimental studies, positive and negative moods are induced which are then measured. Research showed that participants exposed to positive mood induction had quicker cardiovascular recovery after a stressful task than subjects who were exposed to neutral and negative mood inductions. Studies also revealed that couples who were generally higher in hostility had slower wound healing than low hostile couples, as well as more tumor necrosis and a poorer immune response.
Animal studies. Animals are used in experimental research to obtain information about how certain positive and negative situations affect their health and longevity. Studies revealed that socially-stressed monkeys developed more extensive atherosclerosis than unstressed ones. Stress, threatening human behavior, and isolation suppressed the immune system of monkeys, chickens, and pigs. Pigs that learned a mastery task to obtain rewards, giving them some control over their environment, later showed quicker wound healing and carcass quality.
Quasi-experimental studies in natural settings. Studies in quasi-experimental studies suggest that events and disasters are associated with cardiovascular and immune changes. Disasters, bereavement, and observing exciting sports events can trigger cardiac deaths in vulnerable individuals. Further, people with work overload and worry showed higher cortisol response at awakening and on weekdays but not on weekends.
Interventions that influence SWB. Researchers found that transcendental meditation and progressive relaxation reduced blood pressure over a 3-month follow-up period, compared to a control group. People who wrote about intensely positive experiences had fewer health center visits for illness during the following 3 months, compared to people who wrote about a control topic. Patients who suffered from myocardial infarction, who received Type-A counseling (for Type A behavior) in addition to traditional cardiac counseling, were less likely to die within 5 years.
SW’s impact on quality of life and pain. Studies showed that positive emotions were related to lower pain and greater tolerance for pain. Patients suffering from fibromyalgia and rheumatoid arthritis reported less pain with positive mood induction while women reported less pain to heat stimuli when looking at photos of their partner.
In sum, these converging studies form a compelling proof that SWB, such as happiness, causally influences health and longevity.
It is NATURAL to experience UPS AND DOWNS in life. There has never been anyone ever in the history of man that only experienced UP (high) periods in his or her life. Look around you and you will notice that everything presents unique CYCLES. Everyone goes through GROWTH and REDUCTION cycles. It will be crazy to feel like a victim when you experience a DOWN period in any area of your life. You are not in a DOWN period because some kind of punishment is metered out to you. You are not in a DOWNWARD phase because you are a SINNER or because you are INFERIOR in any way. Repeat as often as you can today. It is NATURAL to experience LOW periods in any area of my life. It is NATURAL to experience a general DOWN period as well. See the following image in your head while you repeat these words of wisdom.
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. Tell people how you feel about them, whether you love them, disagree with them or want to help them.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Man fear failure, pain, loss, embarrassment, rejection, and a wide range of other stuff. Why do we allow the element of fear to play such a devastating role in our lives? The main reason seems to be that we don’t want to endure pain, discomfort and anxiety because we don’t enjoy the feelings that flood our body and mind. Have the thought ever cross your mind that we don’t fear the same stuff universally? Some of us will allow a spider to sit in our hand without showing any anxiety or fear. Some of us will give a speech in front of a massive audience and enjoy it. There are those that seem to be immune to verbal abuse and rejection. A thick skin repels verbal abuse like a rug treated with a soil repellent. The reason why we have different fear patterns is because those that conditioned us during childhood had different things that they feared during your formative years. There are certain fears that are more universal. Religion and politics in the area where you grew up is usually responsible for specific fears. Fear became a universal control system that is used openly, but more often than not subliminally by governments, religion, banks etc. to put you in an almost endless state of fear. Look around you and you will discover that the whole system was designed to control the masses. The more we fear the thicker the walls become around us that keep us a prisoner. We fear rejection and take endless abuse by our partner. We fear financial pressure and eat the abuse of a slave driving boss daily. We fear crime and build prisons with high walls with barb wire that we live in. We are also controlled by our fear of other races, religions, political groups and the potential of disasters like earth warming or the second coming of Christ. We often fear Muslims and Muslims hate (form of fear) Christian. Can you see the endless invisible chains that keep us locked in a state of mental paralysis? The only way that you can escape the fear trap is to see things as they are and not the way that your controllers want you to view them. Take anything you fear and start researching it. Make it your business to fully understand the dynamics of the subject of your research. Dig deep and ask questions. Knowledge will set you free. Knowledge shines a light in the dark dungeons where fear hides in your mind. Most of the stuff you fear is nothing more than toothless paper tigers that make a lot of noise. Be bold and select one subject today that you would like to expose to the light. I guarantee you that there is virtually nothing that can threaten you once you start applying this principle. Remember someone is benefiting from your fear. Ask yourself who is benefiting from your state of fear and you will identify your fear source and at the same time grasp his/her or their motivation.
The “knowledge” (data) programmed in your head become your launching platform and evaluation system that you use in all areas of your life. The truth that is stored in your soul has been suppressed by the many layers of “knowledge” that you so liberally uploaded via the “programmers” (parents, teachers, priests, etc.) that played a role in your life since your arrival on this plane. Discomfort is caused by the conflicting data stored in your soul and the lies and speculations of those that lay the foundation that you “think” with. Your soul is still connected to your perfect self and the wisdom of the God force.
It becomes more and more isolated with the layers of predominant lies and defective laws that continue flooding your mental storing devise. You could clearly hear and feel the energy and love transmitted to you via your soul early after your arrival on this plane, but the transmissions became fainter and fainter as time slipped by. Soon all you were aware of was this booming voice in your head that command and direct everything you do or say. The voice in your head totally drowned out the truth and feelings of joy and union that you experienced earlier. You became like a machine and took on a personality that allowed you to merge with society. There is no need to defend the truth stored in your soul. You are however forced to continually defend the lies and warped perceptions that your programmers downloaded in your head.
The reason for this is that each soul is exposed to his/her own set of programmers soon after arrival. They have different perceptions and agendas on many aspects of life. They may for example believe in a different God or a different political party. Their “truths” on everything, including their God perception is downloaded into the sub-conscious computer of the newly arrived soul and will in turn become the voice that they hear in their heads. This is where conflict and misunderstandings come from. Individuals believe that the voice in their heads will never lie to them, but forget that the voice in their heads can only repeat the garbage and lies that is stored in its archives. Each person thus moves around with his own unique perceptions, ideas and philosophies. This is the main reason why we have so much conflict in this dimension. Individuals attempt to force their own take of things onto their partners, friends or anyone that they come in contact with.
The same happen to groups (churches and political parties) as well as nations. This is how wars are started and also the main reason why many millions died in the religious and political wars fought historically and currently. Individuals and groups feel so convinced about their version of the “truth” that they are prepared to kill and maim in their perception’s name. What we fail to grasp is that we actually have two software programmes that declare war on each other. We have groups that support a specific version of “truth” that will stop at nothing to enforce their ideologies on others. The collective downloaded ideologies and perceptions polarize individuals, groups and nations. I cringe when I think of the huge volumes of blood spilled and the pain inflicted on many millions over the years because of the inability of mankind to grasp that they are from the same source and one with the Creator of this universe. The separation that splintered mankind like a broken mirror is the defective, deceitful lie drenched programmes downloaded into the heads of those that will later become cannon fodder for the political and religious aspirations of those in power
You are given the gifts of Gods. You create your reality. Yours is the creative energy that makes your world. There are no limitations to the self except those you believe in.
Think you are well and that all is well with you and nature will read your thoughts and make them true.
Your thoughts are the tools with which you carve your life story on the substance of the universe. When you choose your thoughts, you choose results.
Life allows you to think as you please, but it always produces for you what you think.
There is a misconception that courageous people fight lions or crocodiles with their bare hands, jump out of aeroplanes or over cliffs or play with snakes that could kill them in seconds. It often takes more courage to say something that need to be said than any of the above. A person that lacks courage feel that he/she is up against a solid brick wall when important things need to be expressed that could impact on their relationship.
What such individuals fail to understand is that their lack of courage is creating a void between them and their man/woman. The lack of courage create separation that could in time topple their relationship. The frustration and anger often experienced in relationships can be traced back to a lack of courage. Things become extremely complicated when one of the partners suffer with a lack of courage, but things get worse when both parties lack courage expect their partner to do mind reading.
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Direct and fearless communication bring people together and remove the stuff that partners often just speculate about. It is healthy to express negative and positive emotions. There is nothing wrong when you express your anger or frustration as long as it is done in a mature manner. Your partner then get the opportunity to see what is really bothering you and can attempt to rectify possible misunderstandings.
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The courage to say how you feel about your partner when it comes to love is vital. It is silly to expect your partner to guess or decode that you love him/her if they carefully study your actions. Be brave and tell it like it is. When you love stop hinting and stop leaving it to your partner to solve the puzzle. You might think that you are mystical when you do this, but I can tell you that it is a dangerous game that you are playing. Your man/woman might run into someone that don’t lack courage that can express him/herself in a clear and precise manner when it comes to love. To summarize we need to remember that communication reduce distance while the lack of courage in turn create massive voids. Why spend so many hours bridge building when you can bridge the gap in moments when you tell it like it is?
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed their future slaves when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
Men have always been expected to be strong and staid. Men were expected to be reserved and contemplative when calm, yet strong and capable when pushed too far. Then came the late ’60s and second-wave feminism. With women gaining equality in the workplace, the bedroom and society in general, gender borders began to erode at an alarming rate. Men were now expected to wear their emotions on their sleeves — or so was the stated opinion of women.
While women may say they want raw emotion, the truth, as is the case in so many circumstances, is that they don’t really know what they want. Believe us, no woman really wants to see you cry. Today, navigating which emotions men are supposed to express when can be rather confusing. The Emo-meter rating, measured on a scale of 0 (for never) to 5 (for frequent), lets men know when, if ever, they should really emote around women. Learn to control your emotions with the dating tips below.
Fear
While there is nothing to fear but fear itself, showing any amount of fear around women will prove disastrous unless you can really control your emotions. For all their claims about sensitive men, women still want to feel protected. Women still want you to kill those spiders and protect them on darkened streets, and your girlfriend doesn’t want you to cower behind her while she squishes the evil bug. Showing fear in a girly, unnecessary way is unacceptable, while referencing a personal fear that you’ve managed to overcome shows robust courage and self-control.
Emo-meter rating: 1
Jealousy
Women will state over and over again that they hate it when their men are jealous. While this is her official line, try letting her go out with her male friends without so much as an ounce of jealousy. When she gets back from this platonic meeting, you’ll be getting the cold shoulder. Even if you’re confident in yourself and know that this other guy isn’t a threat, she expects you to exert at least a little consternation over this type of meeting. So, while you need to control your emotions, she also wants to know you still cherish her and can control your jealousy. There’s no quicker way to do that than to show a little concern that you may in fact lose her.
Emo-meter rating: 2
Anger
There are few emotions more tied up with passion than anger. As such, women will want you, from time to time, to get angry. Lack of anger and lack of passion tell women that you are apathetic about certain aspects of your life. No matter what those aspects are, she’ll make the leap that you are apathetic toward your relationship, which is not the kind of control you want to have over your emotions. Of course, the anger expressed, even though it is vital to the health of the relationship, will need to be directed outward and never at her. Make sure that the target actually deserves the wrath, as unleashing anger on a cashier who shortchanged you comes off as petty and just isn’t the right way to control your emotions.
Affection
Affection is a context-specific tightrope men must walk. Using affection, an almost universally positive emotion, equally in all circumstances will net any man an irritated woman. Women want you to be affectionate, but as much as they love affection, they tend to prefer you play down the public displays of affection (PDAs). PDAs have a tendency to undermine a woman’s feeling of independence, so try not to step on her toes and control your emotions. Holding hands in public, a light kiss or walking arm in arm are all perfect public expressions of affection. Save the true affection for when you’re behind a veil of privacy.
Emo-meter rating: 2 in public, 4 in private.
Sadness
Feeling sad is a very vulnerable emotional state to be in, for anyone. Traditionally, men haven’t really expressed sadness outside the context of moderate to heavy drinking. Tears weren’t allowed to come out, but liquor went in — and it was never done in front of a woman. That was the understanding a man had with this most troubling emotion. Today, women want to know that a man feels sad on occasion. If he doesn’t, women may begin to question his connection with reality, which can be quite depressing. Modern men need to learn to control their emotions and show that they are sad every once in a while, and do so in the company of women. Choose the time and place wisely as the expression of sadness should only be shown under the gravest of circumstances. The death of a loved one, for example, would be appropriate — the love scene in Titanic would not.
Emo-meter rating: 1
EMOTIONAL GUIDANCE
Contrary to popular belief, men have always had emotions, and these emotions have always been expressed. The company and context of such expression has changed, as in the past this largely took place behind closed doors and was, by and large, a solitary experience. Today, the expression has changed to accommodate what women think they want when it comes to the way men feel. This by no means gives us license to go overboard in expressing our emotions, however; as men, we must remember to exercise control in emotional circumstances in order to save ourselves from being labelled weak or unmanly.
My mood was cold, dark, and directionless. My tortured mind was filled with thoughts of missed opportunities and broken promises.
The cutting wind on my unshaven face made my eyes water and drove the dark clouds of depression into my shattered soul.
The years slipped by like fleeting dreams. Moments of joy and victory came and vanished like the waves of the ocean bashed on the black rocks of sadness.
I looked up and noticed the sheets of rain that endlessly poured its gift of life and growth in all directions.
A thought darted into my tired defeated mind. I suddenly noticed how nature shares her abundance with everyone and everything.
Mother Nature is not selective when she sends gifts of rain and sunshine to feed, nourish and rejuvenate everything with a smattering of life at their core.
These gifts of life are given to the seeds that are still sleeping in the soil. The dark scorched earth will soon put on a new coat of colour and in turn pass on these gifts of life to the bees, birds and everything else that waited patiently on Mother Nature to return as she has done since the beginning of time.
I suddenly understood that it is mankind’s inability to give unconditionally that is responsible for the inequality that drips off this planet like black wax from a candle.
Our homes are filled to the brim with stuff, but we want more, better, faster and the latest. Something inside us drives us like a hungry pack of wolves forward in our quest to feed our greedy ego.
There is no time for compassion in our busy lives. Poverty stares at us on every corner, but we are so obsessed with our own little world that we never notice that cold and hungry child on the corner of the street or a mother that worked her hands to the bone to serve us where we sit in our artificial castles sipping our wine of success.
The clouds of gloominess gradually lifted from my bowed shoulders. I knew what Mother Nature came to teach me in this dark night of my soul. She came to teach me about compassion and gratitude. She showed me that I must learn to give unconditionally and abundantly if I want to make a contribution to life on this planet.
I noticed that the sun began to break through the clouds announcing that the rain moved on to go and do some more teaching down the road. A rainbow suddenly appeared on the horizon. I slowly got up, wiped the water from my face, pushed back my shoulders with new hope in my heart against the backdrop of the singing of the birds that were thanking Mother Nature in advance for the new gifts that she will bring the next time she pays us a visit. She will like before pour her gifts on the rich and the poor, on those that have in abundance and those that have virtually nothing. She deposits her gifts on everyone regardless of their status, race or career and knows that a time will come when mankind has evolved enough to grasp that we are one and an extension of her.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
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PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 
