I concluded after careful deliberation and contemplation that it is absolute nonsense to buy into the rubbish that we were fed since early childhood.

I have been studying religion, philosophy and spirituality for more than forty years now. I invested labouredly in time, money, energy and dug deep and intensely for the reason why man come to this plane. I even at the age of twelve found it impossible to grasp why a loving God will allow you and me to wake up in this slanted shit hole saddled with a mission to identify the right church, accept a specific savior and live an impeccable life, all in an unknown lifespan or face the possibility to be tormented and toasted forever. What confused me even more was that I might have been “posted” in a wonderful home with caring parents that guide and feed me while I receive a superior education while you in turn were “posted” with a single mother, never knew your father, get inadequate and substandard schooling while you wondered where you next meal will come from. Both of us will be judged, weighed and measured by God when we expire according to the dogma of many churches. There is a possibility that one of us might get a pass to heaven while the other will be shipped off to a place called hell where he/she will be tormented and toasted in the most gruesome manner for all eternity.

 

Everyone is thus on this plane to attempt to find the right religion, the correct holy book and appease the God perception in that holy book. It must be remembered that we are playing for the quality of our everlasting life during this single exposure to this dimension. Some of us might have a life time to achieve these objectives while others might be extracted after a few years of trials and tribulations. Our mission is not only to find the right God, church and live a quality of life that would allow us to qualify for heaven. We are exposed to a fight for survival financially and otherwise from a young age. We are apparently also exposed to an evil invisible entity that is using all the tricks in the book to corrupt, test our loyalty to God and confuse us. We are as you can see knee deep in the shit virtually from birth. Our chances of success minuscule according to the dogma of those that claim that they are the guides to everlasting bliss.

 

I concluded after careful deliberation and contemplation that it is absolute nonsense to buy into the rubbish that we were fed in this regard from early childhood. I decided at a young age that I have absolutely no desire to participate in any of these illogical and unrealistic movements that promote this kind of thinking. The more I studied the clearer it became to me that our enemy is fear. We fear pain and we desire pleasure. Crafty operators used this formula to mind fuck us into entities that can be led by our noses. We became like sheep and follow these “spiritual leaders” while they steal our time, money and resources. The God perceptions and dogma that they present to us is figments of the imagination of those that came before them that lay the foundation for their scams. I can tell you that there is not a single person that ever speculated about God, heaven and hell that can present you with a morsel of evidence that what they preach are valid. The first so-called enlightened, inspired ones and philosophers speculated about these matters and the current gurus are still doing the same. Some do it better than others, but it all still remain nothing more than speculations.

 

Set yourself free my dear friend. You do not need to live your life in fear to be a wonderful and caring individual. You can be compassionate and supportive to everyone that cross your path daily, not because you attempt to qualify for heaven or attempt to escape hell. You can do it because it’s the right thing to do. You can live a wonderful and successful life by living your life ONE MOMENT at a time. Do not fear the future or what might happen when you expire. Stop minimizing yourself because you feel you were born in sin according to the myth. Surviving daily in this dimension is difficult enough. Why load all the speculative garbage on your shoulders while you stagger around trying to appease the imaginary God that you have been sold on since early childhood? All you have is this moment my friend. Be the best you can be, not because you fear God, but because you understand that the quality of your choices and actions today will confront you tomorrow. It is not God that is punishing you. It is your own choices that you made yesterday that you are faced with today.

 

I believe there is an intelligent energy field that we are part of, that we live and die in. I have no reason to think that this is some kind of super human in the sky that meddle in our affairs. This energy field needs nothing from us. There is no need to endlessly convince this energy field of your loyalty and support. You can never be separated from this force. The quality of your life is decided by you and you alone. So go out from now on and live your dream, love your children, forgive those that cause you discomfort and be gentle with yourself.

 

Rene

 

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world.

The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.

Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.

Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.

Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.

Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.

 

Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.

Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.

Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.

Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.

Learn to say “no”.

Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.

Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.

Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.

Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.

Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.

Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.

Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.

Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.

The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.

 

 

Ismini Apostoli

 

Many relationships that flush down the toilet have uncontrollable anger in their foundations.

 

 

 

We tend to amplify small problems until they appear like massive disaster zones in our heads. The real damage is not caused by what happen to us, but by the way we react to whatever transpired. I met a sizable number of individuals during my journey through life that can explode with rage after the slightest provocation. A minor comment by anyone can change these individuals into an out of control lunatic. Doors are slammed and stuff is thrown around while they allow utter nonsense to flow from their lips. Nothing they say is weighed. The only way you can get a word in is when they slow down for a moment to breath. What they say is designed to inflict as much pain as possible. Many relationships that flush down the toilet have uncontrollable anger in their foundations. One or both partners in a relationship that suffer with anger management problems can suddenly sink the relationship boat that they travelled on. Irrational behaviour and a lack of composure dumb us down and remove our ability to think in a logical and realistic manner. It is impossible to reason with a person that is foaming at the mouth and banging his or her head on a wall. Reasoning really flies out of the window when the irrational partner starts banging your head against the wall as well. I consulted with many individuals with this kind of problem. I usually get the following answer when I ask them why they stay together if the hate each other enough to cause each other serious bodily harm. They usually then respond with, “I love him (her) that is why I stay with him (her). They usually then look me up and down as if I am some kind of idiot not being able to grasp this simple fact. I would like to suggest any person or couple that experience this problem to see a doctor as soon as possible. The cause of this uncontrollable rage is often some hormone, or brain chemical imbalance that is causing this massive reaction when triggered. There are obviously a wide range of other things that need to be looked at when you are faced with an out of control partner. My dear friend you need to get professional assistance or run for the hills. You cannot remedy an out of control partner by trying harder. Someone can get injured if this issue is not addressed. The biggest victims in these types of relationships are often the children. They usually have no alternatives and nowhere to go.

 

Rene