TEACH YOUR CHILDREN – LIFE SKILLS AND SPIRITUAL TOOL – NO. 8

Explain to your children that they must avoid looking for happiness from outside sources. The biggest mistake that your child can make is to expect that people or things will produce sustained happiness for them. Happiness is something that needs to come from within. Waiting, wishing and hoping that someone or something will bring out a feeling of happiness in him/her will set him/her up for failure and many disappointments. We are like actors on the stage of life. We write scripts for everyone that plays a role in our lives. We are usually happy when friends, family and even strangers act out the scripts (expectations) we wrote for them. The problem we are faced with is that many of our fellow actors tend to follow their own scripts and often fail to make our expectations or desires a priority. Tell your child that it is risky to rely on others for your happiness and moments of pleasure. It will be silly to sulk or feel depressed or rejected when someone let you down. Your friends or a member of the family might have a valid reason why he/she could not meet your expectation. It is not the failure or the perceived broken promise that cause you pain or discomfort, but the story that you write in your head when you speculate why something failed to manifest as expected.                                  

Teach your children that they can find happiness in many different ways if they stop looking for happiness produced by some outside source. Explain that they will enjoy more happiness and success if they deal with each event on its own merit. Jumping to conclusions is a sure way of inviting trouble, pain, rejection and tears into your life. Tell your child not to immediately assume anything when someone failed to keep a promise. First ask the person that you think let you down a few questions before you react in a manner that you might later regret. Misunderstandings are often at the root of disputes. Explain to your child that it is not the perceived broken promises that cause the anxiety and pain, but the conclusions he/she make without any valid data to support his/her point of view. Better quality friendships come about when your friends know that it is easy to be with you. Set your friends free and enjoy spontaneous interaction. Take obligations and non-verbal agreements out of your relationships. Do not attempt to control your friends by loading them with all kinds of obligations, expectations, rules and regulations. Be happy when you see them and remain happy and ok with yourself even if they select to give other friends more attention. Friends will bounce away from you when you display selfish behaviour and go around with a list of demands and expectations.                                    

PARENTS

 Parents teach your children how to be happy and satisfied with their own company. Children tend to give their power away in an attempt to join or remain in a group. I can assure you that they will have better quality relationships if they follow the guidelines mentioned above. Us as adults also often allow our expectations to inflict pain and discomfort. We expect and even demand that our children respect us and make us happy. Many children only get feedback and attention from their parents when they made a mistake or failed at something. Nobody ever explained to us that we cannot control our fellow actors on the stage of life. People do what people do. What they do or fail to do have nothing to do with your acceptability or value as a person or parent. Remember nothing happened until we react on what transpired.                     

Rene