Most abused sons and daughters swallow their bitterness and disgust and play-act the role of the caring son or daughter.

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I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE FORMULA FOR SUCCESS, BUT I CAN GIVE YOU THE FORMULA FOR FAILURE – TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY

Herbert Bayard Swope

There is an inherent thing in most of us that often leads to our downfall. Most of us have this strong desire to be loved, respected and supported by everybody. During our formative years we usually do our level best to “win” the approval of those that have dominance over us. We soon learn that the intelligent thing to do is to remain on the “good side” of individuals like our (father, mother or teachers). We soon learn how to navigate activities in such a way that our “controllers” would approve of us. Approval meant the good stuff and disapprovals usually lead to pain and isolation.

Look around you and identify some of the things you still do to avoid potential conflicts or win the approval of people that are in an authority position over you. You will never walk up to your boss and tell him or her that you think he or she is a spineless peace of garbage. Most people will tolerate their boss’s tantrums and childish behaviour because they know that he is the one that is signing their pay cheque at the end of each month.

You will not go up to your father and tell him that he will only get your respect if he earns it. Most abused sons and daughters swallow their bitterness and disgust and play-act the role of the caring son or daughter or stay out of his way as much as possible.

You do not tell a police officer that it is obvious to you that he is an idiot and would not be able to find a chicken in a chicken pen even if his life depended on it. Most people try their best to win the approval of the people that they associate with. Most of us understand this “pecking order” thing and attempt not to get the individuals higher up in the pecking order to get upset with us.

We often preach to our children that we want honesty from them, but fail to be a good example ourselves. The children hear how their parents often moan about how the boss is always taking advantage of them at work, but also see and hear how they grovel when he or she comes for a visit or when they speak to him on the phone.

 .

I ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN NEVER PLEASE ALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. I UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST.

 .

Life is not a popularity contest. You must retain your dignity and self-esteem at all times. You are not in the army and not a soldier that must obey all commands. There is no need to change into a rebel or a person that always swims upstream, but you can demand that others always treat you with respect.

Even when you made a mistake you still do not have to stand for the abuse of a person that is possibly taking advantage of your error. Even when you made a major mistake, it still does not give any person the right to shred your self-image and self-esteem. Remember people treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

If you mentally assume the “begging position” when you are faced with a person in a “power position” he or she will wipe the floors with you. Remember that you will never please all the people all the time. Some will love you and some will hate you even if you could walk on water.

It is a fallacy to think that you can win the approval of everybody that you meet. The most successful way to destroy your self-esteem is to attempt to win or retain the favour of everybody that you meet, work or live with.

Rene

 

You will find that it is virtually impossible for most individuals to remove their filter system for a few moments/look at stuff/objective manner.

I spoke to an endless number of very wise individuals over the years. I loved their amazing ability to identify potential solutions and patterns. What stunned me was that these individuals presented me with logical and brilliant solutions that never crossed my mind. It is imperative that you gather as much quality information on any subject matter at hand that needs clarification or explanation. I for example found that there is a large percentage of “students” of the Bible that will never dare to gather data from any source that might present them with information that contradict or fail to support their dogma. There are scientists and researchers that can do magic with graphs and charts. A slight change in focus or the ignoring of unacceptable data often provide the “proof” they are after. Global warming is a good example of how the various “schools of thought” produce graphs and charts that support their specific mindsets. My advice is that you look at any subject that you want to master or clarity from all the angles you can. Do not make up your mind until you studied all the data you gathered. Remain neutral and objective while you dissect the data gathered. The moment you look at any data through a specific filter you filter out stuff that could bring a very new and fresh perspective on the problem or task at hand. Researchers can often not dare to acknowledge or support alternative perspectives than those of the corporation that is funding their operation. The same goes for individuals that work for specific religious institutions. I have been in many debates in the sensitive field of religion. Respected individuals in society often turn into an out of control attack dog when you begin to point out stuff that is according to modern research based on myths, legends and sometimes deliberate misinformation. I avoid debates today. They serve no real purpose. You cannot force anyone to remove their filter system for a few moments and look at stuff in an objective manner. The person you debate is often in the service of a specific church and cannot admit or support anything that might jeopardise his ability to continue to put food on the table. The other element that prevents logical thinking is the FEAR FACTOR. Most individuals that you talk to regarding religious or spiritual matters are afraid that they might evoke some kind of punishment by God if they dare to look at anything outside the recommended dogma of their church. My friend it is imperative to become an impartial student with an open mind if you want to become wise. Gather data, as much as possible and then study this data in an objective manner. No progress is possible with the ongoing adjustment of your perspectives on anything or anyone.

 

Rene

…………………..

The Power of Introverts: A Manifesto for Quiet Brilliance: Scientific American

Do you enjoy having time to yourself, but always feel a little guilty about it? Then Susan Cain’s “Quiet : The Power of Introverts” is for you. It’s part book, part manifesto. We live in a nation that values its extroverts – the outgoing, the lovers of crowds – but not the quiet types who change the world. She recently answered questions from Mind Matters editor Gareth Cook.

 

Cook: This may be a stupid question, but how do you define an introvert? How can somebody tell whether they are truly introverted or extroverted?

 

Cain: Not a stupid question at all! Introverts prefer quiet, minimally stimulating environments, while extroverts need higher levels of stimulation to feel their best. Stimulation comes in all forms – social stimulation, but also lights, noise, and so on. Introverts even salivate more than extroverts do if you place a drop of lemon juice on their tongues! So an introvert is more likely to enjoy a quiet glass of wine with a close friend than a loud, raucous party full of strangers.

SOURCE

 

You were created to be completely loved and completely lovable for your whole life.

From The Path to love

 By Deepak Chopra

 All of us need to believe that we are loved and lovable. We began life with confidence on both points, bathed in a mother’s love and swaddled in our own innocence. Love was never in question, but over time our certainty clouded. When you look at yourself today, can you still make the two statements every infant could if it had the words?

I am completely loved.
I am completely lovable.

Few people can, for looking at yourself honestly you see flaws that make you less than completely lovable and less than perfectly loved. In many ways this seems right to you, for perfect love is supposedly not of this world. Yet in a deeper sense, what you call flaws are really just the scars of hurts and wounds accumulated over a lifetime. When you look in the mirror, you think you are looking at yourself realistically, but your mirror doesn’t reveal the truth that endures despite the hurt:

You were created to be completely loved and completely lovable for your whole life.

In a way it is amazing that you do not realize this, because underneath everything you think and feel, innocence is still intact. Time cannot blemish your essence, your portion of spirit. But if you lose sight of this essence, you will mistake yourself for your experiences, and there is no doubt that experience can do much to obliterate love. In an hostile and brutal world, maintaining innocence seems impossible.Therefore, you find yourself experiencing only so much love and only so much love-ability.

This can change.

Although you perceive yourself in limited terms, as a mind and a body confined in time and space, there is a wealth of spiritual teaching that says otherwise. In spirit you are unbounded by time and space, untouched by experience. In spirit you are pure love.

The reason you do not feel completely loved and completely lovable is that you do not identify with your spiritual nature. Your sense of love has lost one thing it cannot afford to do without: its higher dimension. What would it be like to restore this lost part of yourself?

Mind, body and spirit would unite – this union creates the love that you have to give. You and your beloved would unite – this creates the love that you share.

In our deepest nature each person is meant to be the hero or the heroine of an eternal love story. The story begins in innocence, with a baby’s birth into a mother’s loving arms. It proceeds through stages of growth, as the young child steps out into the world. With more and more experience the circle of love widens, including first family and friends, then intimate partners, but also taking in love of abstract things, like learning and truth. The ripening journey brings us to love of giving, and the blossoming of higher values, such as compassion, forgiveness and altruism. Finally there is the direct experience of spirit itself, which is pure love. The journey climaxes in the same knowledge that a baby began with, although it couldn’t voice that knowledge: I am love.

You know that you have fully experienced love when you turn into love  –  that is the spiritual goal of life.

 

Life is not a popularity contest. You must retain your dignity and self-esteem at all times. You are not in the army and not a soldier that must obey all commands.

I CANNOT GIVE YOU THE FORMULA FOR SUCCESS, BUT I CAN GIVE YOU THE FORMULA FOR FAILURE – TRY TO PLEASE EVERYBODY

Herbert Bayard Swope

 

There is an inherent thing in most of us that often leads to our downfall. Most of us have this strong desire to be loved, respected and supported by everybody. During our formative years we usually do our level best to “win” the approval of those that have dominance over us. We soon learn that the intelligent thing to do is to remain on the “good side” of individuals like our (father, mother or teachers). We soon learn how to navigate activities in such a way that our “controllers” would approve of us. Approval meant the good stuff and disapprovals usually lead to pain and isolation.

Look around you and identify some of the things you still do to avoid potential conflicts or win the approval of people that are in an authority position over you. You will never walk up to your boss and tell him or her that you think he or she is a spineless peace of garbage. Most people will tolerate their boss’s tantrums and childish behaviour because they know that he is the one that is signing their pay cheque at the end of each month.

You will not go up to your father and tell him that he will only get your respect if he earns it. Most abused sons and daughters swallow their bitterness and disgust and play-act the role of the caring son or daughter or stay out of his way as much as possible.

You do not tell a police officer that it is obvious to you that he is an idiot and would not be able to find a chicken in a chicken pen even if his life depended on it. Most people try their best to win the approval of the people that they associate with. Most of us understand this “pecking order” thing and attempt not to get the individuals higher up in the pecking order to get upset with us.

We often preach to our children that we want honesty from them, but fail to be a good example ourselves. The children hear how their parents often moan about how the boss is always taking advantage of them at work, but also see and hear how they grovel when he or she comes for a visit or when they speak to him on the phone.

 

I ACCEPT AND UNDERSTAND THAT I CAN NEVER PLEASE ALL THE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. I UNDERSTAND THAT LIFE IS NOT A POPULARITY CONTEST.

 

Life is not a popularity contest. You must retain your dignity and self-esteem at all times. You are not in the army and not a soldier that must obey all commands. There is no need to change into a rebel or a person that always swims upstream, but you can demand that others always treat you with respect.

Even when you made a mistake you still do not have to stand for the abuse of a person that is possibly taking advantage of your error. Even when you made a major mistake, it still does not give any person the right to shred your self-image and self-esteem. Remember people treat you the way you allow them to treat you.

If you mentally assume the “begging position” when you are faced with a person in a “power position” he or she will wipe the floors with you. Remember that you will never please all the people all the time. Some will love you and some will hate you even if you could walk on water.

It is a fallacy to think that you can win the approval of everybody that you meet. The most successful way to destroy your self-esteem is to attempt to win or retain the favour of everybody that you meet, work or live with.

Rene