Having a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing sounds easy until you think about how much conditioning has taken place in your life, and how many of your current thoughts were influenced by geography, the religious beliefs of your ancestors, the color of your skin, the shape of your eyes, the political orientation of your parents, your size, your gender, the schools that were selected for you, and the vocation of your great-grandparents, to list only some possibilities.
You showed up here as a tiny infant capable of an infinite number of potentialities. Many of your choices remain unexplored because of a hopefully well-intentioned conditioning program designed to make you fit the culture of your caretakers. You probably had next to no opportunity to disagree with the cultural and societal arrangements made for your life.
There may have been some adults who encouraged you to have an open mind, but if you’re honest with yourself, you know that your philosophy of life, your religious beliefs, your manner of dress, and your language are a function of what your tribe (and its heritage) determined was right for you. If you made any fuss about going against this preordained conditioning, you probably heard even stronger voices insisting that you get back in line and do things the way they have “always been done.” Fitting in superseded having a mind that was open to new ideas.
If your parents were Jewish, it’s unlikely that you were raised to honor and respect the Muslim religion, and vice versa. If both your parents were Republicans, it’s improbable that you heard the virtues of the Democratic Party extolled. Whatever the reasons our ancestors may have had for not having open minds, it’s true that they inhabited a much less populated world than we do. In today’s overpopulated world, we simply cannot continue to live with those old styles of closed mindedness. I urge you to open your mind to all possibilities, to resist any efforts to be pigeonholed, and to refuse to allow pessimism into your consciousness. Having a mind that is open to everything and attached to nothing seems to me to be one of the most basic principles that you can adopt to contribute to individual and world peace.
“It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.”
Being naked, without clothes, bare-butt nude; what does that mean to you?
Okay, more specifically, what does you being naked mean to you? Whoops; let’s consider context. I’m guessing that the thought of you being naked alone in the bathtub has a different feel than the thought of you walking down a busy, crowded street totally bare…frankly, I’m hoping.
I’m not suggesting (as some people have) that all nudity in all contexts is ‘healthy’. As with many over-applied ideas, it doesn’t always stand up to scrutiny (so to speak…ahem).
But our bodies are, needless to say, an important part of who we are. It’s not that we have to shove nudity in people’s faces (unless we’re lap dancers) to show how wonderfully un-uptight we are. However, life becomes a little easier and more enjoyable when we can relax about nakedness when it does happen.
For some people, though, appearing naked at any time feels like a problem.
People can become chronically embarrassed and shy about being seen naked, even by their lovers or spouses. I say ‘become’ because, of course, once upon a time you were completely unaware of even the idea of nudity. No newly born babes are shy when naked.
So what makes some people relaxed with their bodies whilst others run blushing to the nearest light switch?
Where does body shyness come from?
Okay, other than Biblical references to Adam and Eve’s sudden self-consciousness at their nudity (and subsequent fall from grace), why might you have become shy about nudity? As I said, you weren’t born that way. You must have learned to be shy without clothes.
Well, firstly, some awareness around our own nudity is a good thing. We of course need to be aware that nudity isn’t always called for.
Causes for shyness around nakedness include:
Exclusively viewing nudity in the context of sex and being embarrassed about that.
Having grown up in a household or culture in which nudity was shameful and discouraged.
Having lack of confidence in the appearance of your own body.
Having had your body ridiculed or having been ridiculed for being naked in the past.
Feeling that your body falls pitifully short of air-brushed media bodies and therefore should never be displayed.
If you want to become more comfortable with being unclothed, follow these tips:
Tip 1: Vividly recall not being shy when naked
I have a clear recollection of stripping off and running naked in the park on a hot summer’s day (and no, that wasn’t last summer!). I must have been two or three years old, but I can still recall the sheer freedom of the experience. I didn’t think in terms of ‘nakedness’ or even about how I might appear.
I’m not suggesting that’s a totally good thing in an adult (if we want to avoid arrest), but sometimes it helps us to think about times of wonderful spontaneity to feel a little more relaxed now. If you can remember a time in which you were naked and felt fine about that, then close your eyes and take five minutes to vividly recall those feelings of freedom.
Tip 2: Remember what’s genuinely sexy
Remember that confidence is sexier than anything. I know I said that nakedness isn’t always about sex – and it shouldn’t be; nor should it be about being too self-conscious.
But it is just worth bearing in mind that being relaxed with who you are can be more of a turn-on than any amount of symmetrically firm ‘perfection’.
Tip 3: A little at a time gets you there
One woman who had never appeared naked in front of her husband wanted to be able to relax more in her own skin. I suggested she appear naked for a second (whilst she walked to switch off the light), then two seconds the next week. After a few weeks, she could walk around for minutes at a time and sometimes even forgot entirely that she was naked. A big jump can feel daunting, but many little hops can get you there.
Tip 4: Spend more time naked
This sounds obvious, but the more time you spend naked, the more natural it starts to feel. When you’re on your own (and the temperature is well above freezing), do stuff in the nude. Taking an hour to do the housework naked means that you become accustomed to being as nature intended and of course it starts to feel natural very quickly. If you can feel relaxed and natural on your own, it’s going to feel easier to be naked in front of another person.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days you’re the piegon; some days you’re the statue.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
It is not God or Satan that produce the negative and destructive outcomes in your life. You act or fail to act and in this manner set in motion a sequence of outcomes or events. It is silly to praise God when you WIN or BLAME Satan when you FAIL. It is even crazier to think that God is punishing you for your shortcomings or sins. This mode of thinking place you in a no win mental jail. We simply live in a world of cause and effect. Less acceptable choices lead to uncomfortable outcomes. We are at earth school and learn lessons from our failures and poor choices. Our comfort and discomfort is a wonderful guide that show us the way to a more happy and successful life. God also do not involve himself in sport. It is mind blowing that players and teams think that God is on their side and will assist them to grind their opponents into the dust or give them victory as a bonus for good behaviour. This is nothing more than superstitions that developed a long time ago.
You are constantly redefining yourself and your future with every thought of your mind. You are constantly talking to yourself and this inner dialogue should be managed properly and directed towards your own success, victory achievements and accomplishments.
Your most important conversations are those you conduct yourself. Self-talk governs your emotional state, which in turn affects your mental and physical well-being.
What is self-talk?
Self-talk can be most simply defined as what you say or think to yourself, either silently or aloud. Silent self-talk is commonly referred to as your thoughts, but it’s actually a silent conversation that you hold in the privacy of your mind.
You are thinking all the time, day and night, 24 hours a day. In fact, psychologists estimate that the average person has 20,000-60,000 thoughts per day. Every thought either moves you towards your goals and the person you hope to become, or it moves you away. No thoughts are neutral. Every thought counts.
Unfortunately, approximately 90 percent of your thoughts today are repeats from yesterday and the thoughts you have today are repeats from yesterday and the day before, and the day preceding that.
This is the primary reason why effecting permanent, positive improvement in your life tends to be such an uphill challenge.
The human mind loves the status quo and, if not trained otherwise, it will feed you a constant repetition of old ideas. Those old thoughts, like and automatic pilot, will keep steering your life in the same direction it has always gone.
Among the most powerful influence on your character, personality, and attitude is what you say to yourself and what you belief. Every single moment of every day, you are either talking yourself into or out of success.
You are constantly redefining and reinventing yourself and your future with every thought on your mind. It’s a scientific fact that your thoughts race through your mind. It’s a scientific fact that you are constantly talking to yourself, and this inner dialogue, or self-talk can and must be controlled if you are to maximize your potential.
Positive self-talk
You must make the shift from reactive thinking to proactive thinking. You must stop working for your mind and instead, enlist your mind to work for you. Remember, your self-talk tends to work against you unless you are aware of it.
Use it for your own goals and ambitions. A belief is a collection of subconscious thoughts which represent what you consider to be the absolute truth about any given situation or condition in your life. It’s a feeling of absolute certainty.
Your beliefs are literally hardwired, primarily through repetition, into neural pathways within your brain. Incoming data from your senses travels along these pathways on its way to interpretation in the brain.
You must feed your mind like you feed your healthy body. You eat wholesome food to have a thought to have a healthy mental outlook on life and work.
Try to apply the following exercise to eliminate negative self-talk.
* The first step is to determine the number of negative statements you make to yourself during a day. Place two jars in your workspace – one filled with coins, the other empty. Every time you have a negative thought, transfer a coin into the empty jar. At the end of the day count the coins – are there more coins in the negative – thought jar than in the other one?
* The next day list 28 negative things that you think about yourself – for example, “I’m not good with computers.” Take 28 index cards (one for each day of the next four weeks) and on each card write a positive version response to it – for example, “I can take a computing course if I want to.”
* At the start of each day take one card and put it where you will see it often. Whenever you see your card, read it to yourself five times.
* At the end of the four-week period, repeat the first step. This time there should be fewer coins in your negative – thought jar.
Your are changing
At this very moment you are changing! Nobody stays the same for any length of time. You are continually and constantly changing in the specific direction that your thoughts and goals lead you.
You are what you are and where you are because of the dominating thoughts you have allowed to occupy your mind.
Practical examples
Wrong
‘I handled that badly’ ‘I forgot what to say again’
Better
‘I need to handle things betternext time.
‘In future I need to remember to say…’
Get rid of excuses
Many people hold themselves back by making unjustifiable and largely untrue excuses to themselves. Such as
* ‘I can’t
* ‘I am unable to because…’
* ‘I haven’t had the right education’
* ‘I am not assertive enough’
* ‘I suffer from poor health’
* ‘I am not lucky’
* ‘I am never in the right place at the right time’
* ‘I did not go to the right schools’
* ‘It is my family background’
* ‘I was born under the wrong birth sign’
Anybody can find an excuse for almost anything. In building confidence, never, make an excuse. Excuses do hold people back from goal achievement.
Try to eradicate from your thinking and speaking vocabulary like “I can’t” and “I am not” and replace them with, “I can” and “I am”.
Remember, your brain is a storage area – what you put in, you will be able to get them back. Replace the negative insertions with the positive.
More examples
Instead of Consider: I have a problem, Here’s an opportunity to, If I can meet this challenge.
Instead of Consider: I am not good at, I am getting better at, I am learning to, I have discovered that.
Instead of Consider: I failed to, Here is what I learned from, The lesson on that project is, I realized that, I discovered it is not.
Typical self-talk
* It is impossible.
* It is very difficult to cope.
* I will probably spend the holidays and weekends in the office.
* It is too much. I am expected to take on everybody’s….
* I have to handle left over jobs.
Constructive self-talk
* I will manage.
* Let me phone the office and ask if an alternate arrangement can be made.
* I can keep my other appointments anyway.
* I will call Mr. X and tell him my position and apologise.
* Such things can happen to anyone at times.
Self-talk will lead to personal belief system
The total accumulation of data involving everything that has ever happened to you in your life is referred to as your personal belief system. It serves as your frame of reference as you continue to experience new things in life and work and represents the total “Programming” of your mind.
When a mahout takes over a baby elephant, he first chains it by a hind leg to a stake. The baby, of course, tries to break free, but it can’t until the mahout comes and releases it. After a while, it believes that if cannot get free unless the mahout releases it, and soon, it does not even try.
When this baby grows into an adult elephant. It still retains the same belief and that is why even a huge and powerful elephant can safely be tied to a weak stake with a light chain. If it actually tried, it could get free in one wrench. But it does not believe it can and doesn’t even try.
A number of our beliefs operate in a similar manner. They are acquired when the circumstances were appropriate, but they tend to persist even after circumstances change, and what is more, we tend to evaluate new circumstances in the light of the old belief.
Beliefs shape our actions
Beliefs shape our actions. They make the rules and boundaries within which we operate. Once beliefs are formed. It is not only difficult to change them. It is also difficult to recognize them as beliefs.
We begin to think we just know about something – I just know I will fail, I just know I will lose, or more positively, I just know I will win. These gut feelings are actually our acquired beliefs.
Beliefs can be about anything and the most important beliefs are our self-beliefs: what we believe to be true about ourselves and our capabilities.
When faced with any situation, project or responsibility, we do a quick summing up in our minds about our abilities and what is required to handle the situation. The end result of this summing up is the belief (or lack of it) that we can handle the situation.
Our self-beliefs can be extremely stubborn and the mind tends to rationalize outcomes in keeping with the beliefs we hold. For instance, if you belief in your ability to do a certain task successfully and you fail, the mind rationalizes that we failed because of someone else’s mistakes or uncertain, market conditions or lack of support.
On the other hand, if you believe that you can’t do a certain task successfully and yet succeed at it. While you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome, you will soon start attributing the success to luck or chance or another’s help. A belief once formed is always stronger and whatever happens after. Is interpreted in the light of that belief.
This tendency to believe out beliefs has important implications. Obviously, there is no harm done if our beliefs are positive. But if they are negative, they can hold us back throughout out it.
If for some reason a person believes that he cannot make money or that he can’t get a promotion, or cannot draw or play a musical instrument, that belief will hold true for him throughout his life unless he actively takes steps to question it.
YOUR ABILITY TO COMPOSE YOURSELF CAN MAKE YOU OR BREAK YOU. THE WAY YOU WALK AND TALK AND PRESENT YOURSELF WILL DECIDE THE LEVEL ON INFLUENCE YOU EXERT!
Very few people understand the powerful role their composure plays in everything they do and how they feel. You can never act in a positive manner if you go around with a troubled look on your face, slumped shoulders and whine in your voice. How can you think and act in a positive manner if your whole demeanour is that of a loser or fader? What you think is displayed in the image you project to the people around you. I have never seen a person with a negative attitude and poor self-image go up to any rostrum to receive first prize. I have never seen any person with the image of a bird with a broken wing sell like a champion. I have never seen a parent with the image of a bullterrier win the love and respect of his own children. What you project activates chemicals in your brain that will either fuel your passion or dowse the fire in your heart.
How can you expect to feel, act and be positive if you project an image of a dog that got one too many hiding? The point I am making here is that you have the power within you to turn you negative feelings around by simply adjusting your composure. When you feel down and defeated, pull back your shoulders, lift your head and take a few deep breaths. Look life and people straight in the eye. This will immediately trigger positive chemicals in your brain. The dark clouds will lift from your brain and stop smothering your creativity and passion.
This might sound too simple to be worth much, but just try it the next time you feel down and defeated. You will be amazed what power is locked up in your brain that will be unleashed when you use this method. You will discover that the sun will push away the dark clouds of despair and the feelings of gloom that kept you imprisoned in a mental torture chamber will dissipate. You will begin to act in a manner conducive to winning again. Please remember that you cannot think or act in a positive manner with an image that remind you of a helpless child.
I NOW HAVE A TRIGGER MECHANISM THAT I CAN USE IN MOMENTS WHEN I FEEL DEFEATED, OUTCLASSED OR DOWN.
If you want to exert influence, you will have to look at the image that you project while at work and play. People treat you the way you project yourself. People, will use and abuse you if you go around with the image of a defeated man. You will feel exactly what you project. People do not follow losers and cry babies. They latch onto winners and people that make them feel safe and protected.
Will you put your life in the hands of a doctor that project an image of insecurity and hesitation? Will you invest money with a person that presents you with an image of an illiterate person? You must never forget that life is a jungle out there. If you show any sign of weakness or vulnerability, the vultures, and scavengers of life will appear like magic.
In nature the weak always becomes the victim of the strong. When a kudu feels ill or appear injured, the scavengers will target and devour him. In life, it is the same. When your head and shoulder go down you lose your zest for life. Your tone of voice drops to a whisper or whine and your feel drained and tired. Remember the trigger to get you out of this frame of mind is to reverse the process.
Lift your head and shoulders. Take a few deep breaths and walk like a person with a mission. You will be pleasantly surprised how quickly you feel in control again and how much fresh new energy will begin to pump through your body and mind.
I discovered a long time ago that many individuals change dramatically when they obtain some form of certification or empowerment. Example – Take a young man from your neighbourhood and provide him with a uniform and a ticket book and let him loose on the motoring public. It is often astounding how these props change this young man from a likeable and friendly person into a merciless hostile law enforcer that seems to think that he achieved something spectacular. I found that many teachers tend to talk to parents as if they are talking to a student taking a class with them. They talk in slow deliberate sentences while they ever so often double check if the parent understands what they are telling him/her. They tend to talk down to people while they maintain an interrogation tone of voice. It is horrific to see how some individuals soon after their registration as a mental health care worker create the impression that they can diagnose everyone that comes into their office at the drop of a hat. They slap labels on adults and children that they often carry with them for the rest of their lives. You will discover that all the examples that I gave above can be traced back to our habit of the allocation of access codes to certain individuals to our minds. Our traffic officer sometimes hardly passed a range of tests and in this manner gained access to the world of law enforcement. He can however now make you jump through hoops for him. The teacher can make the life of your child a living hell if you in any way make her look bad. Mental health care workers can destroy your relationships, marriage or cripple you for life when they wave their access card (certificate on the wall) and stick you in a box with some impressive label (diagnosis). They can be the cause that your child is downgraded to a school for “problem” children. Mental access cards allow anyone with an apparent qualification or status to play God in your life. These individuals include from the guy that repair your washing machine to the politician that make laws in parliament. Please note that I am not for a moment claiming that any of the examples used is a general trend. The point that I am making is that the access that is allocated to some individuals can put them in a power position that can impact heavily on anyone that don’t have the same standing and status in society. Remember you have the final say. A certificate, label (manager, supervisor, officer etc.) still do not automatically allow anyone to put your in a subservient role.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 