Learn Psychological Judo to Cure Your Relationship Mistakes

Have you ever tried to change someone’s behaviour? I’m quite certain you have!

When you tried to get someone to do something different, how did it go? What did you say? What did you do? How did the person react?

I’m guessing it didn’t go so well. Firstly, the person probably didn’t change. Secondly, things probably got worse as the person became angry, silent, or defensive towards you.

You not only tried to assert yourself and persuade the person to your way of thinking, but you probably pushed them further away from where you want them to be.

It’s frustrating, isn’t it? The most common communication barrier people use in this situation is giving advice.

They try to send a solution to help the person. They think they’re doing the person a favor by giving advice, but all they’re really doing is making the person feel frustrated for having received the solution.

We hate receiving solutions from people because of four reasons:

1) We lose control. The other person takes the reigns in our life as they control what we should be doing. No one likes being controlled because it impedes on their freedom. It is a fundamental human need to be in control of one’s life.

Some psychologists actually say the more a person is in control of his or her life, the more happy he or she is. Powerful people lead others without controlling so they have freedom to make their own choices.

Give people control. Lead. Stop pulling people behind you. Begin leading by doing. You’ll be surprised at who follows.

2) Creates inferiority. A side-effect of having control over someone is the feelings of inferiority in the advised person. When we lose control of ourselves, we feel like a lesser person. We seek to feel important, but solutions and advice prevent people from fulfilling this important need.

3) The problem is not that obvious. Humans are complex creatures. Even our simple processes are complex. Giving solutions to someone sub-communicates that your solution to their problem is so obvious that they are stupid, incompetent, and inferior.

Aeschylus, an ancient Greek playwright in 500 BC, said: “It is an easy thing for one whose foot is on the outside of calamity to give advice and to rebuke the sufferer.”

When you are tempted to send a solution to someone, you must acknowledge to yourself that you don’t know the whole story. Even when you think you know the truth, you probably only know one side of the story. Why?

This leads us onto the fourth reason people hate receiving solutions from others.

4) People are oblivious to the truth. Human behaviour, and everything we experience, is like an iceberg.

An iceberg’s visible tip is 10% of the entire iceberg because the ice’s density is less than the sea water’s density. The remaining 90% of the iceberg is below the water’s surface, not visible to the common eye. How the 90% of the iceberg is shaped cannot be determined by looking at the iceberg’s tip.

We are icebergs. Everything we do is icebergs. This can be a double-edged sword.

On one side, most people never concern themselves with understanding the 90% of a person or story that remains hidden to nearly everyone. They prefer to focus on themselves, stick with what they know, and never seek to fully understand people.

On the other side is tremendous potential to connect with people in a way they’ve never connected with someone before.

NOW READ THE FOLLOWING

If you want to influence a person, you must first earn such person’s respect and trust.

http://www.mindpowernews.com/current.htm

PICTURE:

http://newworkplace.wordpress.com/2013/05/02/when-workplace-bullies-claim-victim-status-avoiding-the-judo-flip/

 

The Divine Matrix by Greg Braden – Review.

The Divine Matrix by Greg Braden

Almost universally, we share a sense that there‚ more to us than meets the eye. Somewhere deep within the mists of our ancient history, we know we have magic and miraculous powers within us. From the time of childhood, we fantasize about our ability to do things that are beyond the realm of reason and logic.

Gregg Braden has spent over 20 years studying spiritual and religious texts and is considered by many an inspired spiritual teacher. Most people interested in spirituality are already familiar with his previous works like ‚ The Spontaneous Healing of Belief‚ Awakening to Zero Point‚ The Science of Compassion‚The Isaiah Effect‚ and ‚The God Code.

The special message contained in Braden‚ new book, The Divine Matrix is that we are not observers but creators of our own personal worlds, and we have the power to transform our lives by gaining a better understanding of our relationship to all-that-is, learning how to listen to its messages, and learning to communicate with it in its own language.

The Divine Matrix is divided into three parts. Part I Discovering the Divine Matrix: The Mystery that Connects All Things‚ examines and combines ancient wisdom with recent breakthroughs in quantum physics to give us an understanding of this net of energy that contains all.

Part II, The Bridge Between Imagination and Reality: How the Divine Matrix works‚ describes in great detail our ability to connect with and re-program the matrix to mirror more desirable effects on our lives.

Part III, Messages from the Divine Matrix: Living, Loving, and Healing in Quantum Awareness‚ teaches us how to listen to the Matrix and how the Matrix reflects our emotions in the relationships we form with others and with our world.

WHAT IS THE DIVINE MATRIX?

Braden describes it as a field of energy, which provides the container as well as a bridge and a mirror for everything that happens between the world within and the world without. He also invites us to look at the Divine Matrix as a cosmic blanket, which is many layers deep and is everywhere and all the time. Braden tells us that from a quantum perspective, everything in existence from an atom to a whole planet can be thought of as a disturbance in the fabric of this space-time blanket. In the Vedas, this blanket is the unified field of pure consciousness‚ that bathes and permeates all creation. According to Hsin-Hsin Ming (the Taoist Faith-mind Verses) it‚ described as the essence which is the container of all experience and the experience itself.

Combining the wisdom of our oldest traditions with some findings of quantum physics, Braden concludes that there are three principles that govern the Matrix:

1. Everything exists within the Divine Matrix and everything is inter-connected.

2. The Divine Matrix is holographic, which means that any portion of the field contains everything in the field.

3. The past, present and future are intimately joined. As a container of time, the Matrix provides continuity between the choices of our present and the experiences of our future.

OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DIVINE MATRIX

We connect to the Matrix, not by thought, but through the language of emotion. Our feelings of love, hate, fear, forgiveness etc. are actually instructions that program the Divine Matrix. Within this emotional communication and connection to the Matrix lies our power to bring healing, more joy and peace to our lives. According to Braden, the Matrix can be thought of a huge computer into which, through our beliefs, feelings and emotions, we program commands that produce the results we see in our lives.

In Part III, Braden provides us with 20 keys to conscious creation which if studied, understood and applied can help us greatly in getting in touch with our miraculous potential to heal and create joy, love and peace in the world.

THE TWENTY KEYS OF CONSCIOUS CREATION

Key 1: The Divine Matrix is the container that holds the universe, the bridge between all things, and the mirror that shows us what we have created.

Key 2: Everything in our world is connected to everything else.

Key 3: To tap the force of the universe itself, we must see ourselves as part of the world rather as separate from it.

Key 4: Once something is joined, it is always connected, whether it remains physically linked or not.

Key 5: The act of focusing our consciousness is an act of creation. Consciousness creates!

Key 6: We have all the power we need to create all the changes we choose!

Key 7: The focus of our awareness becomes the reality of our world.

Key 8: To simply say that we choose a new reality in not enough!

Key 9: Feeling is the language that‚  to the Divine Matrix. Feel as though your goal is accomplished and your prayer is already answered.

Key 10: Not just any feeling will do. The ones that create must be without ego and judgment.

Key 11: We must become in our lives that we choose to experience as our world.

Key 12: We are not bound by the laws of physics as we know them today.

Key 13: In a holographic every piece of the something mirrors the whole something.

Key 14: The universally connected hologram of consciousness promises that the instant we create our good wishes and prayers, they are already received at their destination.

Key 15: Through the hologram of consciousness, a little change in our lives is mirrored everywhere in our world.

Key 16: The minimum number of people required to a change in consciousness is the 1% of the population.

Key 17: The Divine Matrix serves as the mirror in our world of the relationships that we create in our beliefs.

Key 18: The root of our experiences may be reduced to one of the three universal fears (or a combination of them): abandonment, low self-worth, or lack of trust.

Key 19: Our true beliefs are mirrored in our most intimate relationships.

Key 20: We must become in our lives the very things we choose to experience in our world.

Undoubtedly, Gregg Braden is a great spiritual thinker and visionary of our times. Like many of his contemporaries he also tries to bridge science with spirituality. In part, this is in response to modern man‚ need not to take things on faith, but have his faith backed up by scientific evidence. In The Divine Matrix, Braden attempts to link quantum physics to metaphysics and spirituality. Does really such a link exist? The average lay person, would still have to take Braden‚ scientific ‚Äúevidence‚ on faith. The more scientifically oriented reader would tend to consider the link very tenuous and the evidence presented to prove it, arbitrary and sketchy.

Quantum physics is a highly complex science firmly rooted in reason and logic. Metaphysics, on the other hand, is deeply rooted in feeling, emotion, intuition and faith. Braden attempts to blend reason with intuition in his effort to broaden our understanding of our world. How successful and convincing his attempt is, is up to the discerning reader to decide.

This Review was written by Ismini Apostoli.

 

Compilation of 50 amazing quotes about success – “The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbours.”

PICTURE ABOVE SOURCE – http://www.jameskurtz.com/the-secrets-of-success-in-graphic-form/

A great quote is like a double-shot of inspiration straight to your brain. Here’s a compilation of 50 amazing quotes about success.

Contributing authors include Edison, Einstein, Picasso, Twain, Mandela, Nightingale, Churchill, Peale and other greats. Enjoy.

Top 50 Best Quotes About Success

1. “We become what we think about most of the time, and that’s the strangest secret.” Earl Nightingale

2. “There are two types of people who will tell you that you cannot make a difference in this world: those who are afraid to try and those who are afraid you will succeed.” Ray Goforth

3. “If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work.” Thomas J. Watson

4. “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.” Pablo Picasso

5. “Create experiences that leave you in awe, for these will be the highlights of your life.” Ryan Blair

6. “Failure is not in your vocabulary; rather, you convert all working experiences, be they positive or negative, into fuel for future success.” Anonymous

7. “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absense of fear.” Mark Twain

8. “Repetition is the father of learning, I repeat, repetition is the father of learning.” Dwayne Michael Carter

9. “Top Achievers are improvisors, not perfectionists. If you want to create more success in your life you have to move forward not knowing all the answers.” Douglas Vermeeren

10. “Weak people talk and do not act, strong people act and keep quiet.” Eliphas Levi

11. “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

12. “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” Robert Collier

13. “All success in life, whether material or spiritual, starts with the thoughts that you put into your mind every second of every minute of every day. Your outer world reflects the state of your inner world. By controlling the thoughts that you think and the way you respond to the events of your life, you begin to control your destiny.” R. Sharma

14. “The only thing that can stop you is the doubt that you carry in your mind.” Chae Richardson

15. “Unfortunately, there seems to be far more opportunity out there than ability. We should remember that good fortune often happens when opportunity meets with preparation.” Thomas Edison

16. “Thinking should become your capital asset, no matter whatever ups and downs you come across in your life.” Dr. APJ Kalam

17. “I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.” Thomas Jefferson

18. “Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always some one to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising to tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has it’s victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

19. “How you see the world first determines your attitude, and then your attitude determines how the world sees you.” Mark Amend

20. “As soon as you realize that you don’t need anyone to make it in life. That’s your first step towards success.” Vusi Ndlovu

21. “Win as if you were used to it, lose as if you enjoyed it for a change.” Anonymous

22. “The starting point of all achievement is desire.” Napolean Hill

23. “All progress takes place outside the comfort zone.” Michael John Bobak

24. “You may only succeed if you desire succeeding; you may only fail if you do not mind failing.” Philippos

25. “There are some things you can’t learn from others. You have to pass through the fire.”Norman Vicent Peale”

26. “Successful entrepreneurs are givers and not takers of positive energy.” Anonymous

27. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood” Stephen Covey

28. “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit at home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” Dale Carnegie

29. “When in doubt, act boldly, as if it were impossible to fail. In essence it is.” Steve Pavlina

30. “If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission.” Anonymous

31. “When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

32. “An object at rest tends to stay at rest, an object in motion tends to stay in motion.” Isaac Newton

33. “The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have.” Norman Vincent Peale

34. “The great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

35. “Capital isn’t scarce; vision is.” Sam Walton

36. “Failure defeats losers, failure inspires winners.” Robert T. Kiyosaki

37. “Nobody talks of entrepreneurship as survival, but that’s exactly what it is.” Anita Roddick

38. “Action generates motivation; not the other way around.” Mark Amend

39. “Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill

40. “I’ve been blessed to find people who are smarter than I am, and they help me to execute the vision I have.” Russell Simmons

41. “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, he turned into a butterfly.” Proverb

42. “There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” Nelson Mandela

43. “Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do.” John Wooden

44. “Don’t wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful.” Mark Victor Hansen

45. “Whenever you see a successful person you only see the public glories, never the private sacrifices to reach them.” Vaibhav Shah

46. “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” Albert Einstein

47. “Success belongs to those who believe in the power of their ideas.” Michael Irwin

48. “Most of our obstacles would melt away if, instead of cowering before them, we should make up our minds to walk boldly through them.” Orison Swett Marden

49. “When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all of your thoughts breaks their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be.” Patanjali

50. “The number one reason people fail in life is because they listen to their friends, family, and neighbors.” Napoleon Hill

By Spencer Lanoue / Source: Inventor Spot

 

What many of us never knew/understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning/past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment.

Most of us sooner or later discover that we have two forces that course through our veins. We automatically vacillate between the “upper” and “lower” limits of this force on a moment to moment basis. The UPPER end of the pole of this system is called the “ACTION” zone and the “LOWEST” end of this pole is characterized as the “NON-ACTION” zone. The feelings generated by thoughts, events or for that matter everything and everyone we encounter decides the quality of the output we intend using to deal with the matter at hand. The mistake we make is that many of us think that we are at the mercy of this so-called automatic reaction patterns that endlessly flood our minds and hearts daily. We jump with joy and run like the wind when good feelings are generated by the thought or event that we are confronted with (ACTION) or shut down and retreat into a dark place in our minds (NON-ACTION). What many of us never knew or understood is that there is no need to remain a victim of our historical conditioning or past mistakes. All that is real and valid is our current moment. We can if we decide to take control act in an appropriate and powerful manner notwithstanding the threat and feelings of doubt that we might be confronted with. You are part of a universal force that caters for evolution on a moment to moment basis. Call this force God my friend if it will make you feel more comfortable. This force is fair and allows every living thing in the universe to evolve, grow and expand notwithstanding his or her history. You can make a fresh start on a moment to moment basis. You are allocated 86400 new moments in any given day where you can make a fresh start. There is no need to fear failure or hide in the “NON-ACTION” zone. The NON-ACTION zone is a place where you become stagnant and RESIST risking the possibility of getting hurt or disappointed. The choices you make decide the quality of the outcomes you experience daily. Very few of us understand that not making a choice is actually also a choice that you make. You choose NON-ACTION and RESISTANCE and give up control.

 

Spend some time today to probe why you have this reluctance to take action. What is the cause of the resistance deep inside you that is preventing you from being the best you that you can ever be? Now make a list of all the things you will do if you knew that you cannot fail. Make a list of everything that comes to mind. Think it and then ink it. I will continue this series tomorrow.

 

Rene

NEED TO TAKE A SHORT “TIME OUT” SO YOU CAN COMPOSE YOURSELF OR RE-CHARGE YOUR BATTERY?

 

You formed perceptions about virtually everything early in life and faithfully, but mostly subconsciously repeat the same standard actions and reactions while at work or play.

http://xeniagreekmuslimah.wordpress.com/2011/06/20/life-is-a-gift/

Did you ever sit for a moment and contemplate how your life unfolded the way it did?

 

Did you ever sit for a moment and contemplate how your life unfolded the way it did? You ended up in a certain job, attended certain schools and a specific church while you socialised in a particular community. You formed perceptions about virtually everything early in life and faithfully, but mostly subconsciously repeat the same standard actions and reactions while at work or play. You felt more at home with certain people that came from a specific ethnic or social group or language. You opened up to those that you felt safe with while you ignored, avoided or even shunned individuals that failed to make the grade according to your entrenched value system. The point that I am making is that you formed specific perceptions and belief systems early in life and diligently stuck to the blueprints that you fixed in your head. The only times you possibly questioned your belief system was when something happened that caused you serous discomfort. The pain and doubt that a specific incident or event caused you may have stopped you in your tracks for a while, but you more often than not returned to the “tried and tested” when the scars healed or when the problem faded.

What we often forget is that each person on this planet including those on our playing field of life (friends, family, strangers etc.) went through the same “programming” cycle. A person for example that grew up in China, Egypt or for that matter any other country on this planet formed their own set of perceptions and belief systems as well. They for example went to a different church or temple and prayed to a God with a different name. They dress differently and see life from a totally different perspective. They eat different food and dance to different music. There is a tendency in all of us to cluster together with those that seem to have the same value and belief systems than us. We thus end up with societies, tribes and nations that come together in united groups that work, play, go to war and pray together.

A person that for example grew up in a certain religion tends to support such religion for the duration of his lifetime.

 

A person that for example grew up in a certain religion tends to support such religion for the duration of his lifetime. The values, rituals and dogma that they were taught from early childhood usually remain their fixed guide until they at the end of their life put their heads down for a final time. It is thus surprising that many of us are under the impression that we have some moral duty to recruit or convert individuals that don’t have the same religious convictions than us. We feel that we must “save” these individuals with their different perceived Devil inspired ideas and ideologies. We in all sincerity feel obligated to attempt to convince these “lost souls” that our specific saviour and God is the only way that can ensure a safe passage to a peaceful afterlife. Some of us even have the audacity to warn these “lost sheep” that hesitate to dump their entrenched religion and their current saviour or God that they are setting themselves up for a horrific afterlife where they will be toasted forever. We might be zealous in our attempt to rescue those that sit with a totally different set of religious convictions, but forget that they have been indoctrinated just like us that their deity is the way to a successful afterlife. I hope you can see how silly this mode of thinking is when you keep in mind how all of us come though different childhood indoctrinations. It is thus arrogant to the extreme to expect anyone to simply abandon his deeply entrenched religious convictions and follow you like a sheep to your chapel or temple.

The more he read, study and researches the various superstitions and rituals the less sense they make to him.

 

I want you to keep the above in mind when we look at individuals that start waking up from their historically indoctrinated hypnotic sleep. This person starts questioning the many superstitions and dogma that he has been programmed with since childhood. The more he read, study and researches the various superstitions and rituals the less sense they make to him.  This person might think that there must be a religion somewhere that might have answers to his many questions, but he soon realise that most religions have the same superstition based foundations. They might have a different God perception, deity or style, but turn out to be the same dogma and rituals wrapped in a different package. The discovery that you cannot make the confusion go away by simply joining a new religious group often fill such individual with lots of pain, anxiety and doubt. Some that experience doubt about the God perception that he grew up with or that he read about in his Holy book become atheists. Waking up is a real test for those that develop a desire to make sense of life, death and the reason why we visit this plane.

A person that woke up and begin to question the validity of his belief system is usually treated with disdain by his previous “brothers and sisters”. He is often driven out of his church by a zealous pastor and some of his previous fellow believers. There is no place in conventional religion for those that ask questions and require clarity to the many so-called “truths” written down by God inspired authors. This person soon reaches a stage where he can no longer listen to the same old dogma and finally stop attending these indoctrination sessions. He is usually soon stripped of his old friends and even family. Waking up is a lonely path for “free thinkers”.

Stripping off the fear that you might offend God or that you might have made a terrible mistake gradually fade and is replaced with wisdom and insight.

 

I believe that all of us come to earth to learn and experience. I also believe that we come to this dimension to wake up to our true identity and to set ourselves free from indoctrination. It might initially be a painful experience, but nothing can provide you with more joy than the knowledge you gain when you begin to grow spiritually. Stripping off the fear that you might offend God or that you might have made a terrible mistake gradually fade and is replaced with wisdom and insight. Each person wake up in his own unique way and will find it difficult to join a spiritual group that provide all the answers to his many questions. Our original yearning to be part of a group can lead us from one religious trap into a fresh spiritual trap that might turn out to be even worse than the one we escaped from. I mentioned above that we come to this zone to learn. Each one of us is at a different level in our spiritual evolution. It will thus be silly to join a single group that boast with their own in-house guru. Many spiritual seekers end up getting sidetracked by the endless range of cults that prowl the streets looking for the vulnerable and confused. I suggest you become still and allow the perfect self at your centre to guide you in your quest for growth and understanding. Knowledge set you free. Breaking away from the sustained influence of a specific religious dogma or one of the many cults can be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Rene

SO YOU SAY YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. JUST SIT BACK AND RELAX AND ALLOW THE SOLUTION TO COME TO YOU

 

Unlock your POWER today! Learn now questions can change a a meaningless argument/dispute in a rational conversation.

There is no other characteristic that can provide you with more power and progress than a positive frame of mind and confidence. I am not talking about ego based confidence here. Ego based confidence is nothing more than role playing. Ego based illusions of confidence usually spring a leak when confronted with a serious obstacle. Confidence is an invisible force that supports you and guides you when the shadows of fear cling to you like old stale smoke. Confidence is something deep inside you that allow you to confront any person or situation in a calm and mature manner notwithstanding a strong desire to run for the hills.

When they construct a building they introduce tons and tons of steel into the concrete structure that will support the building when completed. Confidence is something stronger than steel. It is embedded deep inside and assists you to look adversity in the eye while you remain calm and rational.

I used the word rational because a careful search for the reason why many of us lack confidence is that we do not remain rational when we are faced with challenges and obstacles. We allow our minds to manufacture monster movies in our heads that predict horrific outcomes should the perceived threats that we are confronted with gain the upper hand. We see and experience ourselves in a pain producing, helpless and vulnerable state. Our hearts beat like a drum while our subconscious minds send out waves of urgent messages that recommend that we leave the area urgently.

The above reaction is a standard reaction and is described as the “fight or flight” responds. The above describe the flight reaction. Our subconscious mind might on the other hand select a different coping option and instruct you to fight like a wounded tiger. Both these reactions are more often than not irrational and based on a “jump to conclusions” mode of thinking. It is usually nothing more than a cocktail of chemicals dumped into our system. Our ancestors found that they were forced to act decisively when confronted by a tiger or a dinosaur. They were forced to either run like the wind or fight for their lives. We are still stuck with the same mechanism. We still today apply the “fight or flight” mode of operation when we feel threatened. The problem we are faced with is that the world changed and most of our reactions are no longer based on this old and outdated reality.

How can we override these “automatic reaction patterns”?

We must stop living our lives on a reactive basis. We must stop “jumping to conclusions”. We must detach, even if it is for a few seconds from the strong desire to slip into the “fight or flight” mode. How can we take decisive and rational action before we assessed the current perceived threat? This article is about confidence. You can only become confident when you know what you are dealing with. You need to ask questions and gather as much information as you can before you take action. The biggest percentage of the threats that you are confronted with is not even close to the rubbish that your sub-conscious mind dish up for you daily. The reactions you feel is nothing more than a false alarm caused by the pre-programmed reactions that ensured survival to your ancestors. The key is thus not to do or say the first thing that comes to mind. Compose yourself and gather quality information before you take action. You might feel that a confident person will fight the perceived threat or run like the wind. I can assure you that you just learned a top secret used by the real confident individuals and heroes that you admire. Let us look at a few of the other secrets that brave individuals mastered.

Ask the golden question – “What is the worst that can happen?”

Fear of the unknown drain huge volumes of energy out of your system. Most of us want to live in a predictable world. The sooner you understand that life is not fair and will never be predictable the quicker you will master the art of rock solid confidence. Acceptance of the worst case scenario will immediately reduce your stress and anxiety. I am suggesting a true and realistic evaluation of the perceived threat at hand. You must stop wasting valuable energy on a phantom outcome that might never reach maturity. You must take action on the stuff that you have control over and manage the elements that you have less control over. You must accept “what is” and then take decisive action.

Make your own movie that show how you overcome and succeed.

I explained earlier that your sub-conscious mind produce horror movies when you are faced with a perceived challenge. You can use this same powerful method, but produce a movie where you are the hero that slaughter the dragon and gallop away into the sunset, successful and victorious. Your mind does not know the difference between an actual event and something vividly imagined. That is why you act and react the way you do when your sub-conscious mind dish up one of its horror movies for you. Visualise, as often as you can how you manage and overcome the problem or adversity. What you see is what you get. You will find that this method will give you confidence and all the energy you need to stand up to anything that life might throw at you.

You must accept “what is” if you want to be confident and decisive.

The biggest mistake we make is that we fail to accept the reality of the current moment. We leak valuable energy when we play the role of a victim and moan and groan what could or should have been. No progress can be made until we accept what we are dealing with. Accepting the harsh reality of “what is” triggers confidence in most individuals. I have seen many average timid individuals that transformed into confident and decisive problem solvers the moment they accepted reality. They showed leadership abilities that astounded their friends and family. Accepting the worst case scenario and “what is” usually stops us from participating in frantic activities that serves little or no purpose. It might astound you to read that acceptance and non-action is often the way to take control.

Find a role model that inspire you

You will be amazed when you begin to emulate the confident behaviour that you see in individuals that already act and react the way you would like to act in similar circumstances. Take public speaking for example. Most of us fear public speaking and become very tense when we need to address groups. You will find that your confidence get a massive boost when you emulate an outstanding motivational speaker. Become that person for a while when it comes to confidence, but retain your own unique personality.

Use the method – How would I act or react if I knew that I would succeed?

What would you do if you knew before hand that you just cannot fail? I found that the “as if” method is very powerful. You can boost your confidence if you begin to speak, play, act and react “as if” you are outstanding in what you do. Hesitation is a serious deal breaker. Doubt and fear hand your opponents the winning edge. Learn to ask questions. You will be amazed how a question can disarm a person that think he has the upper hand. A simple question like, “What leave you with the impression that your information is correct?” can stun your opponent. Another question like, “Are you sure that the conclusion you made of the matter at hand is factual?” A question that I find extremely powerful is, “How would you feel and deal with this matter if you discovered that you came to the wrong conclusion?” Avoid asking questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no” responds. Can you see how questions, any question can change a meaningless argument into a rational conversation?

Ask yourself – “Why am I making such a big deal out of this thing?”

We tend to amplify things when we have an overdose of adrenaline rushing through our system. We become hyper sensitive and over-react on many occasions. We sometimes explode with rage or feel rejected and defeated when someone defaults on a promise or do something that we think minimised our self-image and self-esteem. I can assure you that the biggest percentage of all perceived threats or obstacles vanishes when you stop pumping negative energy into them. The best and most confident thing you can do on many occasions is to do absolutely nothing. Take note of the matter at hand and then if it is not a matter of life or death put it on hold until you have more information or when it becomes more urgent. Look back and you will see that many of the things that you feared turned out ok for you. You are still functional and did well to date. I in fact found that many of the biggest problems that I faced in my life turned out to be the best thing that could ever have happened to me. I learned valuable lessons and moved on.

You must stop talking to yourself in a negative and destructive manner.

We are constantly talking to ourselves. We must not allow our negative and destructive “inner voice” run our show for us. We are in control and must dictate how things will be done. The “inner voice” that causes you so many problems and constantly warns you of impending danger is nothing more than your ego based software. You allowed this silly voice in your head to take on a persona of its own. You even began to believe that it is who you are. What most of us forget is that the voice in our head is nothing more than a cluster of perceptions that we formed since early childhood. Many of the fears expressed by the voice in our heads are nothing more than a perception that we formed when still a child. We cannot let this inner child dictate how we should live our lives today.

Follow the above tips and you will be astounded how your confidence grows in a relative short period of time. You can be brave and confident when you start living in the moment and handle each moment on its own merit.

Rene