People feed on each other emotionally, physically and socially.

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The most powerful way to develop your self-confidence is to stop looking at life through a “pink” filter system. You must see people, family, friends, strangers, business and religion in a realistic and stripped down manner. The first thing you need to do is to answer a very simple question. The question is – what is the real intention (agenda) of this person or institution? You need to dig deeper and uncover the real agendas and intentions, not the often bullshit masks and camouflage presented as bait.

They for example might not really care as much as you think they do about saving your soul. Their real intention might be your money or the free hours you will spend “selling” their cause (books or ideologies etc.). That friendly politician might not care a fuck about you, your future or your family, but will tell you whatever you will be prepared to swallow to get your vote. I don’t want you to become paranoid and see a conspiracy in every shadow.

All I am suggesting is that you make it your business to find the source reasons why a person, company etc. is attempting to connect with you or sustain their connection with you. You might think that this guy is buying you flowers and sending you romantic message on your phone because of your wonderful personality and blue eye. His only goal might be to get you into bed and chalk up one more victory in the pecker department. Awareness is the key to success. Ask questions and probe until you fully understand what or who you are dealing with.

We need to become realistic if we want to uncover why we often end up the victim. The following might sound cynical, but you do not really have a massive supply of true friends that will die for you. Most friendships and for that matter even relationships are built on a parasitic* foundation.

People feed on each other emotionally, physically and socially. You will often be dropped like a hot potato once you are depleted of whatever a person was feeding on. Set yourself free by expecting nothing from nobody. Appreciate life and your relationships on a moment to moment basis.

Rene

parasitic*

 

Usually, although parasites harm their hosts, it is in the parasite’s best interest not to kill the host, because it relies on the host’s body and body functions, such as digestion or blood circulation, to live.

 

SOURCE

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You can’t be self-righteous/obsessed with control – do what’s best for your relationship

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Every one of us has an irrational and destructive emotional side to our personality. This dark side can sabotage your relationship in an insidious way.

Below are the most common characteristics of what Dr. Phil calls “bad spirits,” and how they can impact a relationship.

You’re a Scorekeeper
Competing can quickly turn a relationship into an ugly battle of one-upmanship. How can you possibly be a winner if it is at the expense of making the person you supposedly love a loser? Solid relationships are built on sacrifice and caring, not power and control. Competitiveness can drain the joy, confidence and productivity out of any relationship.

You’re a Faultfinder
There is nothing wrong with constructive criticism if it is designed to improve the relationship. But it can often give way to constant faultfinding — in which you obsess over the flaws and imperfections rather than find value in your partner. Get off your partner’s back and you may see your partner moving toward you. 

You Think It’s Your Way or the Highway
If you’ve always got to be right, then you’re ready to fight till the end. No truer words were ever spoken, says Dr. Phil; you will fight to the end…the end of your relationship. You can’t be self-righteous or obsessed with control and do what’s best for the relationship at the same time.

You Turn Into an Attack Dog
When you get in an argument, do you have a killer stare, a harsh tone and hurtful words? Attack dogs may experience short-term gain, but the target of the abuse becomes filled with bitterness and resentment. While it’s easy to fall into viciousness, it’s much harder to repair the resulting consequences. 

You are a Passive Warmonger
Instead of fault-finding or engaging in character assassination, these toxic partners try to thwart their partner by constantly doing that which they deny they are doing — in such an indirect way as to escape accountability if they are confronted. A passive aggressive person is as much of an overbearing controller as the most aggressive, in-your-face person you could imagine — only they do it insidiously and underhandedly. 

You Resort to Smoke and Mirrors
Because you lack the courage to get real about what is driving the pain and problems in your relationship, you criticize your partner about one thing when you’re really upset about another. What is real never gets voiced, and what gets voiced is never real. The real issues will eventually burst forth in a torrid way.

You Will Not Forgive
When you choose to bear anger at your partner, you trap yourself in pain and agony — and the negative energy can crowd every other feeling out of your heart. If you wallow in resentment and refuse to forgive and move on, you will tear up your own life and your relationship. You can’t change the past but you can deal with the resulting feelings and hurt by truly forgiving. 

You Are the Bottomless Pit
Are you so needy that you constantly undermine your chances of success? Can you never get enough satisfaction, love, attention or appreciation? Your partner will be frustrated by never seeming able to “fill you up.” We all want reassurance, but an insatiable appetite for it never gives your partner any rest. Free yourself from the internalized sense of inadequacy, and find other ways to feel your self-worth and value.

You’re Too Comfortable
If you’re in a comfort zone, you are failing to meet your responsibilities in the relationship. You aren’t contributing, you aren’t stimulating, and you aren’t energizing. If you don’t make a move, it becomes easier and easier to stagnate.

 
You’ve Given Up
When so many bad spirits crowd your life, you cannot imagine there being any way out. You become so forlorn, lonely, isolated, negative, cynical and far from your core of consciousness that you believe you are trapped. Be strong enough to confront your problems instead of giving up.

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Read more at the link below:

http://drphil.com/articles/article/22

 

Why do women cheat? indeed a very good question.

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That is indeed a very good question, why do women cheat? There are a number of reasons and they are not just down to their partner either. Some women will cheat no matter what you do (short of locking them at home) and some have more honest (if you can say that) reasons behind their infidelity.

When asking why do women cheat? It is necessary to ask if you are making your lady feel wanted and appreciated. This certainly extends to a sexual context too and many women find sex a very effective mood booster. If you are allowing the excitement to slip in your relationship then you must put some passion back into it. This can be in terms of surprise emails or kissing in public. Whatever it is, women will always want to feel wanted and special. If they lack this then don’t ask yourself why do women cheat?

Another aspect to the why do women cheat intrigue is as an exit strategy. Some women may wish to sleep with someone else as an easy way of breaking up the relationship. Others find the boredom of everyday married life a real drag and go in search of some excitement. Sex in the same place with the same partner and in the same positions is really, really tiresome and many women search greater levels of excitement. You need to inject some excitement with romantic ideas and spontaneous passionate demonstrations.

Women are really quite emotional creatures and they have certain emotional needs that you have to address. Why do women cheat seems to place the guilt on women but if you are not supporting them enough then you may be just as guilty. It may not always be at the very forefront of your mind but do try to consider the feelings of your partner and talk about them too. Even though it so often happens when women cheat, the answer to why do women cheat isn’t always even focused around sex. Sex simply has a strange ability to make a woman feel emotionally more secure.

The answer to why do women cheat is not always the fault of their partners. Sometimes a woman can be more thrill seeking and many just love to be bad. This is not the fault of their partner necessarily although some extra excitement can be a good thing in any relationship. You cannot let yourself think that settling down into some kind of normality and never cheating will keep a woman happy. Women can also use infidelity as revenge for infidelity on their partners behalf so don’t give her reason to do this.

There are many possible answers to the question of why do women cheat but you can make it as unlikely as possible. You can keep her interested by avoiding the monotony of day to day life and share feelings. If you show her where she belongs, she isn’t going to wander. It’s really a simple case of understanding what women actually want.

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A lot more on this subject at the link below.

http://www.ismywifecheatingblog.com/why-do-women-cheat/

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