Now that we’ve looked into communicating honestly with ourselves, what does it take to communicate honestly with other people? First of all – as described above – it takes knowing your own mind. But when it comes to communicating honestly with others, knowing yourself isn’t enough. Communicating with others is a skill – but not necessarily a skill we’re born with! Of course some people are natural-born communicators, but most of us aren’t. But even if you weren’t born a communicator, don’t despair – there’s still hope. Fortunately for us, communicating honestly, openly and directly is a skill we can all learn. And in this connection, learning to be assertive is a key factor. So let’s take a look at the idea of assertiveness.
Assertiveness
First of all, what does being assertive mean? Assertiveness means the ability to express yourself and defend your rights without violating the rights of others. It is appropriate, direct and open communication.
Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive. This is a very important distinction so I will repeat it. Assertiveness is not the same as aggression. Some people get the wrong idea and think assertiveness is aggression, but it’s not. Aggression is self-enhancing behavior at the expense of others. Being assertive is just the opposite and translates into the ability to take care of oneself without violating the rights of other people.
Unfortunately, many of us confuse open and honest communication with angry and aggressive behavior – and as a result, we are afraid of saying honestly what we feel and mean. I know I did for a very long time.
It was first when I understood the beauty of assertiveness that I realized it was the key to taking care of myself and communicating honestly and clearly with other people at the same time. I found out that if I could learn to be assertive, it is possible to cope with disagreement and conflict without going to pieces. I also found that being assertive is a firm, yet satisfying way to stand up for your rights without becoming angry or aggressive.
In order to illustrate the difference between being assertive and being aggressive or passive, I’ve developed the chart below.
Passive behavior
Flight Running away Submissive Violating your own limits Criticizing yourself Making yourself wrong Pointing the finger at yourself
Assertive behavior
Balance Point Your own power Staying in your power Minding your own business Taking responsibility for yourself Standing up for your rights Self-power
Aggressive behavior
Fight Attacking Dominating Violating the limits of others Criticizing others Making others wrong Pointing the finger at others
This chart shows that there is a balance point between the extremes of passive and aggressive behavior – and this balance point is assertive behavior. When you are assertive, you are staying in your own business and standing up for yourself and your rights. When you are passive, you run away from conflict and make yourself wrong. When you are aggressive, you attack and make other people wrong. The two extreme points – passive and aggressive behavior – correspond to the classic ‘fight or flight’ reaction pattern. The balanced position is assertive behavior – and means not going to extremes to deal with the situation but standing firm in your own power.
Your assertive rights
I first became aware of the concept of assertiveness when I read Manuel J. Smith’s wonderful book “When I say no, I feel guilty” many years ago. In his book, he carefully explains the concept of assertiveness and explores many of the underlying beliefs we have that prevent us from expressing ourselves clearly and from taking care of ourselves.
In the book, he presents a list of what he calls our 10 assertive rights. I include the list for you here because it is such a revelation. For more details, please read his book. It’s a true gem.
“Assertive Rights
1. You have the right to judge your own behavior, thoughts, and emotions, and to take the responsibility for their initiation and consequences upon yourself.
2. You have the right to offer no reasons or excuses to justify your behavior.
3. You have the right to judge whether you are responsible for finding solutions to other people’s problems.
4. You have the right to change your mind.
5. You have the right to make mistakes – and be responsible for them.
6. You have the right to say ‘I don’t know’.
7. You have the right to be independent of the goodwill of others before coping with them.
8. You have the right to be illogical in making decisions.
9. You have the right to say, ‘I don’t understand’.
10. You have the right to say, ‘I don’t care’.
You have the right to say no, without feeling guilty.” From “When I say no, I feel guilty” by Manuel J. Smith
Expressing yourself assertively
So how do we express ourselves assertively? What does it mean? Here are some of the main things we need to be aware of and remember when we practice expressing ourselves in an assertive manner. (And remember, learning to be assertive takes practice. You have to keep trying – again and again!)
First of all, when you disagree with someone, state your position or point of view as clearly as you can. No need to get upset. Be kind but firm. But don’t expect the other person to agree with you! Being assertive doesn’t have anything to do with winning arguments or being right. Being assertive is about honestly expressing your point of view and taking care of yourself. It’s not about winning and losing. So state your position clearly – and be willing to hear the other person’s point of view. When you have stated your position, don’t expect the other person to agree with you. He or she probably won’t.
When the other person has stated their position, don’t be afraid to repeat your own position or point of view again, kindly but firmly. When you see or hear that the other person does not agree with you, don’t attack or criticize him or her. Just stay in your own business and repeat your own position.
Remember – you are responsible for your feelings and opinions about the matter. The other person is responsible for his or her feelings and opinions about the matter. Each person has a right to his/her feelings and opinions.
It’s also important to remember that you don’t have to offer explanations or excuses for your choices, opinions, beliefs or behavior. (You might want to explain but you don’t have to. Remember you have the right to be you!)
In most disagreements, the best possible outcome is what I would call a ‘workable compromise’ – in other words a solution that both parties can accept. So it’s not a question of right or wrong or of one person winning and the other losing. It’s more about finding a way to deal with the matter that both people can live with.
It is also important in disagreements to show the other person that you hear them and understand their feelings. You don’t want to make the other person wrong just because he/she doesn’t agree with you – and you don’t want to make yourself wrong either. But you do want to acknowledge the other person’s point of view and feelings. This is the respectful, yet assertive way to be.
And finally, remember you don’t need to agree with the other person to find a workable compromise. Once both parties understand each other’s position, it can be much easier to find a solution that both parties can accept.
So to summarize, here are the main points to keep in mind:
– State your position as clearly as you can.
– Be kind but firm.
– Don’t expect the other person to agree with you.
– Be willing to hear the other person’s point of view.
– Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself, kindly but firmly.
– Don’t attack or criticize the other person.
– Stay in your own business.
– You are responsible for your feelings about the matter.
– The other person is responsible for his/her feelings about the matter.
– You don’t need to offer explanations or excuses for your choices, opinions or behavior.
– Show the other person you hear them and understand their feelings.
– Don’t make the other person wrong just because he/she doesn’t agree with you.
– Don’t make yourself wrong (or criticize or excuse yourself).
– Remember, you don’t need to agree with the other person to find a workable compromise.
Things you can say
When you are having this kind of discussion, here are some good ways to acknowledge the other person’s point of view while maintaining your own rights, position, and point of view. You can say things like:
– I can totally understand how you might feel that way and I still…
– You could be right and I still…
– I can understand your point of view and I still…
– I really appreciate your feelings (point of view) in this matter and I still…
– I am inclined to agree with you and I still…
– I totally sympathize with you and I still…
– I appreciate your thinking of me and the answer is still no.
The feeling of personal power is key in all interpersonal relationships. Many people are not very clear about what assertiveness is and how it differs from aggressiveness. One main difference is that aggressiveness is about power over other people, while assertiveness is about being able to assert our rights and stand up for our thoughts and feelings while respecting the rights, thoughts and feelings of others.
Passive people habitually submit to other people’s dominance play, do not have clear boundaries, and are constantly being invaded by others. They tend to avoid conflict by not expressing their thoughts and feelings, avoid any sort of confrontations even when their basic rights are involved, which leaves them feeling – and being – victimized. At the same time, anger builds up in them, so when they do speak up, they tend to do it in an aggressive, attacking and blaming way rather than a constructive, solution-oriented, assertive way.
Aggressive people, on the other hand, attempt to impose their will on others, do not respect other people’s boundaries and are invasive and coercive. Aggressive people may get their way with some people at first, but in the long-run they alienate others, create a lot of stress in their social, family and work environment, experience a lot of failures in all interpersonal relationships and end up having no social support and feeling isolated and victimized themselves.
Somewhere in the middle stands assertiveness which is a way of communicating and behaving that respects the rights of all relationship partners. Assertiveness requires honesty, directness, self-confidence, knowing what your rights are and being able to defend them in positive, constructive ways. Learning to act more assertively will increase your sense of efficacy, of having an impact on your environment, your chances of having honest, straight-forward relationships, your chances of getting your needs met, will improve your ability to make your own decisions and get more satisfaction out of life.
Assertiveness is based on two important traits: relatively good self-confidence and good communication skills.
Self-confidence is built through our experience of effectiveness in the world. This effectiveness can be measured in many areas of experience, like academic or professional achievement, physical or athletic abilities, social and personal relationships, etc. Self-confidence is built from the inside out, meaning that we don’t expect others to provide us with self-confidence but we build it by giving ourselves credit for our strengths, virtues and accomplishments.
Good communication skills involve being a good listener as well being a good speaker and being able to appraise a situation in a cool-headed, non-defensive or fearful manner . Assertive communicators have developed some specific skills for standing up and speaking up for themselves. They have fewer conflicts in their dealings with others, and their needs are more frequently met, so they feel happier and more in control of life situations. Most people desiring to become more assertive start from a passive behavioral baseline and require quite a bit of practice in assertive communication skills before they can see any change in the power balance between them and other people. So start slowly in the beginning, and gradually practice more and more assertive communication skills.
Here are a few tips on what communication skills you need to develop and practice:
Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation. This way you communicate a self-confident and honest message.
Be specific and direct about what you want, think or feel. Practice making statements like “I want to..”, or “I think…”.
Learn to say “no”.
Use your body language to emphasize your words. When making a demand or a request, stand up straight and speak in a loud and clear voice.
Don’t get personal or over-emotional when you feel your rights are being violated. Comment on the person’s behavior rather than attacking the person. Use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements that sound like accusations. Feel free to say, “I don’t like it when you yell at me” or “I don’t appreciate not being treated fairly”. Asserting yourself this way balances the power between you and the other person. Once you comment on the inappropriate behavior, don’t forget to request the more appropriate behavior that you would like to take its place, like, “I would like you to be on time when we have a date”.
Learn to reward people for positive behavior and establish a positive cooperative spirit in all interpersonal relationships.
Choose the right time and the right place for resolving issues, making sure that the other person is emotionally willing to start a conversation. Otherwise, whatever you have to say may be forgotten or overlooked.
Express your opinions honestly and do not hesitate to have a different opinion from that of other people even if those people are significant to you or in a position of authority – you still are entitled to your own opinions. “Own” your message, acknowledging that you opinion comes from your own perception of the situation, and your own frame of reference. If no agreement can be found that respects the opinion of both parties, then you can “agree to disagree” on the specific issue.
Practice leadership skills like making overtures to other people, offering positive suggestions to peers and colleagues in a positive, friendly, cooperative spirit, and supporting your own opinions, suggestions and proposals with clear and convincing arguments.
Ask for feedback. Encourage others to be clear, direct and specific in their feedback to you. This way, many misunderstandings in the conversation can be easily resolved and you also convey the message that you equally respect the opinion, feelings and rights of others as much as you respect your own.
Reward yourself every time you manage to overcome your fears and habitual passive reactions and are able to formulate an assertive response, regardless of its effect on the other person or the situation.
The important thing is that you keep practicing and reinforcing your assertive communication skills, rather than your initial effectiveness. It may be a new way of communicating for you, so it may take some time before it feels natural, but the more you practice your assertive communication skills, the more confidence you will gain and you will find out that not only is it really easy, but it’s also very effective.
Does your cat or dog have a soul? What about a flea?
In the last century, science has undergone several revolutions, with profound implications for answering this ancient spiritual question.
Traditionally, scientists speak of the soul in a materialistic context, treating it as a poetic synonym for the mind. Everything knowable about the “soul” can be learned by studying the functioning of the human brain. In their view, neuroscience is the only branch of scientific study relevant to one’s understanding of the soul. The soul is dismissed as an object of human belief, or reduced to a psychological concept that shapes our cognition and understanding of the observable natural world. The terms “life” and “death” are thus nothing more than the common concepts of “biological life” and “biological death.”
Of course, in most spiritual and religious traditions, a soul is viewed as emphatically more definitive than the scientific concept. It is considered the incorporeal essence of a person or living thing, and is said to be immortal and transcendent of material existence.
The current scientific paradigm doesn’t recognize this spiritual dimension of life. The animating principle in humans and other animals are the laws of physics. As I sit here in my office, surrounded by piles of scientific books and journal articles, I cannot find any reference to the soul or spirit, or any notion of an immaterial, eternal essence that occupies our being. Indeed, a soul has never been seen under an electron microscope, nor spun in the laboratory in a test tube or ultra-centrifuge. According to these books, nothing appears to survive the human body after death.
While neuroscience has made tremendous progress illuminating the functioning of the brain, why we have a subjective experience remains mysterious. The problem of the soul lies exactly here, in understanding the nature of the self, the “I” in existence that feels and lives life. But this isn’t just a problem for biology and cognitive science, but for the whole of Western natural philosophy itself.
What we have to understand is that our current worldview — the world of objectivity and naïve realism — is beginning to show fatal cracks. Of course, this will not surprise many of the philosophers and other readers who, contemplating the works of men such as Plato, Socrates and Kant, and of Buddha and other great spiritual teachers, kept wondering about the relationship between the universe and the mind of man.
Recently, biocentrism and other scientific theories have also started to challenge the traditional, materialistic model of reality. In all directions, the old scientific paradigm leads to insoluble enigmas, to ideas that are ultimately irrational. But our worldview is catching up with the facts, and the old physico-chemical paradigm is rapidly being replaced with one that can address some of the core questions asked in every religion: Is there a soul? Does anything endure the ravages of time?
Life and consciousness are central to this new view of being, reality and the cosmos. Although the current scientific paradigm is based on the belief that the world has an objective observer-independent existence, real experiments have suggested just the opposite. We think life is just the activity of atoms and particles, which spin around for a while and then dissipate into nothingness like a dust funnel. But if we add life to the equation, we can explain some of the major puzzles of modern science, including Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle, the double-slit experiment, entanglement, and the fine-tuning of the laws that shape the universe as we perceive it.
Importantly, this has a direct bearing on the question of whether humans and other living creatures have souls. As Kant pointed out over 200 years ago, everything we experience — including all the colors, sensations and objects we perceive — are nothing but representations in our mind. Space and time are simply the mind’s tools for putting it all together. Now, to the amusement of idealists, scientists are beginning dimly to recognize that those rules make existence itself possible. Indeed, experiments suggest that particles only exist with real properties if they are observed. One point seems certain: the nature of the universe can’t be divorced from the nature of life itself. If you separate them from each other, reality ceases to exist.
We are more than the sum of our biochemical functions. Even the tiniest flea is an incredibly complex living creature, with mouth-parts adapted to feeding on the blood of your cat or dog. They have long legs that allow them to jump up to 13 inches (200 times their own body length, making them one of the best jumpers of all known animals). They have little eyes and antenna, and possess sensory cells that transmit messages to the brain. In fact, they possess all the structures that coordinate sense perception and experience (they can even be trained to perform amazing tricks).
Whether person or flea, the experimental findings of quantum theory suggest that the content of the mind is the ultimate reality, paramount and limitless. Without consciousness, space and time are nothing. From this viewpoint, by virtue of being a living creature, you can never die (see “What Happens When You Die?” and “Is Death the End?”). And the same thing goes for your little dog, too.
Voltaire, the great enlightenment writer and philosopher, once said, “Nobody thinks of giving an immortal soul to a flea.” Now, nearly 300 years later, the mass of accumulated scientific evidence suggests we may have to.
Robert Lanza, M.D. has published extensively in leading scientific journals and has over two dozen medical and scientific books, including “Biocentrism: How Life and Consciousness Are the Keys to Understanding the True Nature of the Universe.” You can learn more about his work at www.robertlanza.com.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
Some days you’re the piegon; some days you’re the statue.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
There is a saying that ignorance is bliss. This might be true for some, but it is as far as I am concerned the root cause of most of our suffering, pain and anxiety. Accepting life, people, religion, politics, perceptions, choices, rules and laws at face value imprisoned the mind of mankind. Looking at anything in life from a single perspective is the lazy way out. Seeing and experiencing from a limited range of perspectives have shackled man almost since its inception. Primitive man could not read, write or decipher the range of threats that confronted them and were forced to turn to priests and other individuals for guidance. This disposition provided a wonderful opportunity for those that claimed that they understood to take over control of their followers minds. The initial flimsy net that these opportunists wove gradually grew stronger and more sophisticated.
You will later see how this initial ignorance created an ideal vehicle of enslavement for those in control. Mankind have been kept in a state of ignorance since the beginning of time by greedy power hungry individuals, groups and organizations. Primitive methods of pain, pleasure and hope were used to restrain the masses. Man experienced fleeting moments of pleasure while they blindly obeyed the “commands” of these controllers. Thousands of written laws, spiritual and otherwise came into being over the years. Those that remained subdued and subservient were praised and rewarded while anyone that questioned anything faced the intricate range of pain that these controllers could bring to bear on them. They were cruelly tortured in the dark ages when they questioned anything to do with religion or the state.
Mankind became the slaves of the controllers. They were carefully manipulated to let go of a fair percentage of their hard earned income. The state took their pound of flesh while the religious leaders demanded at least ten percent of all income earned as well. The system sucked in mankind to such an extent that only a handful of individuals over the years showed the courage to point out the deadly trap that we find ourselves in up to today. Do you grasp that the slaves of this system not only police the deadly system on behalf of the controllers, but breed their future slaves when they produce children? I can write a fairly substantial book on this subject matter, but believe that you can see what I am addressing in this document.
My plea is that everyone make it his or her business to get rid of the veil of ignorance that is responsible for most of their anxiety, pain and lack. You might have noticed that I post a very wide range of perceptions daily on an endless range of subjects. My motivation is that I want you to look at stuff from many different perspectives. Nothing is as it seems. I will continue to write on the endless range of methods used to keep us ignorant if I get a fairly acceptable responds on this post.
Our difficulties are largely due to confused ideas and ignorance of our true interests. The great task is to discover the laws of nature to which we are to adjust ourselves. Clear thinking and moral insight are, therefore, of incalculable value. All processes, even those of thought, rest on solid foundations.
The keener the sensibilities, the more acute the judgment, the more delicate the taste, the more refined the moral feelings, the more subtle the intelligence, the loftier the aspiration–the purer and more intense are the gratifications which existence yields. Hence it is that the study of the best that has been thought in the world gives supreme pleasure.
The powers, uses and possibilities of the mind under the new interpretations are incomparably more wonderful that the most extravagant accomplishment, or even dreams of material progress. Thought is energy. Active thought is active energy; concentrated thought is a concentrated energy. Thought concentrated on a definite purpose becomes power. This is the power which is being used by those who do not believe in the virtue of poverty, or the beauty of self-denial. They perceive that this is the talk of weaklings.
The ability to receive and manifest this power depends upon the ability to recognize the Infinite Energy ever dwelling in man, constantly creating and recreating his body and mind, and ready at any moment to manifest through him in any needful manner. In exact proportion to the recognition of this truth will be the manifestation in the outer life of the individual.
IF YOU CONTINUE TO DO THE SAME THING YOU WILL GET THE SAME RESULTS EVERY TIME. IF WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS NOT WORKING OR GIVING YOU THE OUTCOME YOU DESIRE, CHANGE YOUR APPROACH, FOCUS OR PARTNER.
I find it quite astounding how certain people continue to bake the same old cake using the same old defective recipe in the game of life. They hope, pray and yearn for success, but are confronted with repeated disastrous outcomes every time. They try positive thinking and meditate under waterfalls before they bake, but the results remain substandard until the defective recipe is modified or a new one is found. Nothing is going to change until they make a purposeful decision to replace or repair the recipe that they are currently using.
It is often amazing to see a person in love runs into a brick wall time and again in hope that the next contact with the wall will be less painful and bloody. It is sometimes pathetic to see how a tainted lover hopes that his partners will suddenly grow courage, commitment and loyalty between the let downs and painful contacts with the wall. When you confront such person about his confusing behaviour he often claims that his encounters with the wall are actually a sign of his persistence and bravery. He is often convinced that the love of his life will magically change if he runs into the wall long enough.
What we fail to understand is if the outcome of any of our actions do not bring us our desired outcome then something needs to be changed. A decision needs to be taken to face the reality of the situation. New plans must be made or current plans need to be adjusted. Most of us often hate to face the reality and the cold, hard facts of a situation or person.
If you for example get involved with a partner in business and discover that he or she is a crook or taker you will have to make a choice sooner or later about this relationship. It could be fatal if you avoid making the vital decision to end such relationship. If you hope that the person will suddenly change from a crook to a loyal and fair friend and partner you might need a few intense sessions with a trained psychologist.
The best way to test if your recipe is working is study what you are getting from a specific relationship or action. If you discover that you are always getting a raw deal or walk away the loser you might need to do some serious decision-making.
I WILL CAREFULLY STUDY WHAT I GET FROM MY ACTIONS, FRIENDSHIPS, AND PROJECTS. IF I OFTEN END UP WITH A BAD DEAL I WILL STOP AND RE-EVALUATE MY POSITION OR SITUATION!
You must stop or modify something if you discover that any of your actions makes you feel bad or land you in trouble. It is usually time to make critical decisions if you feel drained, used, abused, fleeced or in pain in any relationship or project that you are busy with. It is peoples’ fear of change or the unknown that cause them to remain on the sinking ship.
I have consulted with an endless number of battered wives that hope and pray that the monster that they are married to will have a change of heart. They hang in and hope that the magic of decades ago will return to their relationship. I can categorically state here today that not one of these abusive monsters ever change permanently. They usual change for days or a few weeks and then carry on where they left off. Just look around you and see if you can count the number of people that really changed from a crook, abuser, opportunist, or loser to an angel of the light on a sustained basis. You might be surprised how few fingers you need of your one hand to count them all.
Individuals with a strong ability to influence understand that if things continually fail to turn out as anticipated some drastic life changing decisions need to be taken.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 