We are a spectator while we travel in the train of life.

The years slip by like the landscape when you look through the window of a high speed train. We are a spectator while we travel in the train of life. We might think that we have free will and that our lives and destiny is unfolding as it should. This is only partially true. Every choice we make is founded in the experience and perception data base in our heads. The quality of our choices cannot be wiser than the quality of the knowledge software that we use as our operating system. Choices we make are often based on old and outdated knowledge and dogma that our great grandfather passed on to us, his offspring. Our religious, political and race perceptions are predominantly based on ideas and philosophies formed a long, long time ago. Who manufactured the God perception that you treasure and pray to daily? Primitive man developed a perception of some kind of invisible God that punish or reward them. These defective perceptions and superstitions are still used today. You are the one that reward and punish yourself with the choices you make. The law of cause and effect initially confused as a tool used by God still operate perfectly today. Today might be a perfect day to get off the high speed train of life that run on the rails of superstitions and perceptions. You are not a helpless victim. You are the choice maker my friend. You reap the rewards of the better quality choices you make and experience discomfort for the less acceptable choices. See things as they are and stop looking at your life through the filters of superstition. The force called God by many need nothing from you.

 Rene

 

The heart of understanding? When things begin to fall apart and you begin to see what’s really going on.

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When you look deeply into the nature of this thing called life and begin to understand what life is and the way the mind works, you will come to realize that in fact your happiness does not depend on any outside circumstances, events or people. This is the core realization. This is the heart of this understanding. When things begin to fall apart then you begin to see what’s really going on, you will discover that the happiness you seek is an internal event, an internal experience. And that this internal experience has nothing to do with all the things you were programmed to believe your happiness depended on! And this is why I say this is the good news… because it means you’re free! You are free! Your happiness doesn’t depend on anyone or anything… It’s up to you. And there is something you can do about it!

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 Barbara Berger

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Her New Book – More about it here!

https://eagleman6788.wordpress.com/2013/04/26/pre-view-of-my-dear-friend-barbara-bergers-new-book-are-you-happy-now/

 

5 simple yet effective persuasion tactics to build your power to influence and persuade.

Having good persuasion skills has become a necessity in today’s fast-paced world. A large part of your success depends on the cooperation of other people. Influencing them to your way of thinking is now a very essential step in the fulfilment of your goals.

 

Here are 5 simple yet effective persuasion tactics you may use everyday to build loyal and lasting relationships through the power of persuasion and influence.

 

Tactic # 1: You Must Enter Their World.

 
Copy them. Observe how they act, how they speak, and how they think. If they rub their forehead while they think, act like them. If they speak at a clear and slow pace, try to do the same thing. This is called mirroring. In due time, the people you’re mirroring will subconsciously feel more comfortable with you. It’s as if they see themselves in you. However, you must proceed with caution. Do not let them be aware that you are copying them. They might interpret it as mockery and you’ll just get into trouble.

 

Tactic # 2: Meet Their Existing Needs and Desires.

 

People are self-centred. They are initially concerned with their own well-being before others. If you can prove that your proposal will provide more advantageous benefits to them than to your own, then they will probably accept it. If you could focus more on their interests, desires, needs, and expectations, then you would satisfy their cravings for attention. Moreover, it would show that you really care about them. Mutual trust and respect would be established. Satisfy the “What’s In It For Me?” test first, before convincing others to do what you want them to do.

 

Tactic # 3: Provide Them with Compelling Evidence.
 

Explain to them how your ideas or suggestions could be the most effective techniques to implement. Show them undeniable proof that you have the best product by way of testimonials, before and after scenarios, and detailed comparisons against your competitors. Just make sure that all your claims are true and verifiable. Always maintain a good reputation. Be friendly and nice. Smile to brighten up the day. Make a sincere compliment to raise their spirits. Little things like these count a lot. Make them feel that whenever they need help or just someone to look up to, you’ll always be there to lend a hand. They would tend to be more receptive to people that they trust.

 

Tactic # 4: Communicate Wittingly But Clearly.

 
Most people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to be perceived as likeable in the eyes of others. But what if you have to tell something undesirable to your friend, which is just for his or her own good? How can you get your message across without hurting their feelings? Substitute negative statements with positive ones. Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” say “Let me explain.” Instead of remarking “You’re wrong,” say “Permit me to clarify.” Instead of stating “You failed to say,” just mention “Perhaps this was not stated.” There are certain words that affect a person more negatively in comparison with other words that have the same meaning.

 

Tactic # 5: Agree with Them First…

 
Nothing could be more pleasing to the ear than hearing someone else say that you are right. In this case, be prepared to let other people know that you respect their opinions. You may add your comments at the end, but acknowledge them first. Say: You’re right, although … Great suggestion, however … I agree with your opinion, however … I would feel the same way if I were you, although … I understand your situation, however … Reassure your counterparts that the decision made will benefit both parties. People need to feel that they have made the right choice.

By Michael Lee
Author of How to Be an Expert Persuader

 

“Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.”

 “Gratitude is a vaccine, an antitoxin, and an antiseptic.”
John Henry Jowett

If you start practising now, you could be grateful by Thanksgiving. Not only that, your marriage could improve, you might be exercising more, feel less depressed, sleep better, have a healthier heart, more life satisfaction, and increase your chances of living longer.

This may sound like a late-night ad that comes with a free set of steak knives (…and that’s not all!), but a growing body of research shows that gratitude is truly amazing in its physical and psychosocial benefits. The benefits are so great, in fact, that it’s a wonder “gratitude gyms” aren’t already being franchised.

Robert A. Emmons, PhD, professor of psychology at University of California, Davis, pioneer in the research on gratitude and one of the leading scholars in positive psychology, is author of Thanks: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier.

What makes gratitude the “magic ingredient” is that it takes us outside ourselves so that we can see how we are part of the larger, intricate network of sustaining relationships — relationships that are reciprocal.

In one of his first studies on gratitude, conducted with colleague Mike McCullough at the University of Miami, Emmons randomly assigned participants one of three tasks. Some were encouraged to feel gratitude indirectly, others to be indirectly negative and complaining, and a third group to be neutral.

Every week, participants kept a short journal. They briefly described either five things they were grateful for that had occurred in the past week, or the opposite, five daily hassles from the previous week that displeased them. The neutral group was asked to list five events or circumstances that affected them, but they were not told to accentuate the positive or negative. The results of this study at the end of 10 weeks:

• Participants in the gratitude group felt better about their lives as a whole and were more optimistic about the future than participants in either of the other control conditions—a full 25 percent happier.

• They reported fewer health complaints and even spent more time exercising than control participants.

• They had fewer symptoms of physical illness than the other two groups.

• The gratitude group exercised 1.5 hours more than the hassled group.

In a second study by Emmons, people were asked to write with daily frequency about things for which they were grateful or when they experienced gratitude. There was evidence that the daily intervention led to greater increases in gratitude than did the weekly practice in the first study. The results showed another benefit:

• Participants in the gratitude condition also reported offering others more emotional support or help with a personal problem, indicating that the gratitude condition increased “pro-social” motivation.

A third study on gratitude was conducted with adults having congenital and adult-onset neuromuscular disorders (NMDs), with the majority having post-polio disease (PPS).

• Compared to those who were not jotting down their blessings nightly, participants in the gratitude condition reported more hours of sleep each night, spending less time awake before falling asleep, and feeling more refreshed upon awakening.

• The gratitude group also reported more satisfaction with their lives as a whole, felt more optimism about the upcoming week, and felt considerably more connected with others than did participants in the control condition.

Gratitude versus Depression

The participants weren’t the only ones believing life was better. According to the researchers, “Spouses of the participants in the gratitude condition reported that the participants appeared to have higher subjective well-being than did the spouses of the participants in the control condition.”

Several studies have shown depression to be strongly inversely related to gratitude. The more grateful a person is, the less depressed they are. The more depressed, the less likely one is to feel thankful for life. One researcher, Philip Watkins, clinical psychologist at Eastern Washington University, found that clinically depressed individuals showed significantly lower gratitude (nearly 50 percent less) than non-depressed controls.

One reason may be that people who are grateful tend to show a positive recall bias (conjuring up many more pleasant memories than unpleasant ones) when asked about past life events, just as depressed individuals show a negative recall bias when asked about past life events. Watkins suggests that gratitude may help alleviate depression for three other reasons:

• Gratitude might increase a person’s potential for enjoyment of benefits and “the benevolence of the event.”

• A grateful attitude may provide useful coping skills for dealing with losses and other stressful events, such as appreciating important things that we have previously taken for granted.

• A grateful approach to life can increase one’s focus on their benefits in life.

Marriage: the 5 to 1 ratio

Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington has been researching marriages for two decades. The bottom line of all that research, he concludes, is that unless a couple is able to maintain a high ratio of positive to negative encounters (5:1 or greater), it is likely the marriage will end.

With 90 percent accuracy, Gottman can predict, often after only three minutes of observation, which marriages are likely to flourish and which will probably flounder. The formula is that for every negative expression (a complaint, frown, put-down, expression of anger) there needs to be about five positive ones (smiles, compliments, laughter).

So, what’s the best way to create a positivity ratio? No surprises here. Gottman suggests practicing gratitude in marriage and having a goal of counting at least five blessings for every one complaint.

Gratitude and heart health

How about the healthy heart benefit? University of Connecticut psychologist Glen Affleck’s research showed that the explanation a person fashions for why he or she has had a heart attack has implications for future cardiac health. He and colleagues at the Department of Community Medicine and Health Care found that cardiac patients who blamed their heart attacks on others were more likely to suffer another heart attack within the next eight years. On the other hand, perceiving benefits and gains from an initial heart attack, including becoming more appreciative of life, was related to a reduced risk for subsequent attack.

In a study at Duke University Medical Center, 3,000 patients with significant blockage who were more socially isolated were substantially less likely to say they count their blessings by comparing themselves to less fortunate others. The benefit of gratitude extended even to people who had heart transplants. At the University of Pittsburgh, a study of 119 heart transplant patients found “thankfulness and appreciation as an aspect of religious faith was positively related to their perceived physical and mental health at one year post-transplant. Thankfulness also was predictive of greater compliance with the medical regimen and of fewer difficulties with diet and medications.”

Optimism and longevity

Can gratitude really help you live longer? Ample evidence suggests that hopelessness and despair can adversely impact the endocrine and immune systems, even hastening death. Conversely, being an optimist may help reduce your risk of dying from heart attack and other causes. A recent study at Mayo clinic found evidence suggesting that pessimists live shorter lives than optimists. People who scored high on optimism (measured on personality tests 30 years before) had a 50 percent lower risk of premature death than those who tested out as being more pessimistic.

A Dutch study reported that “optimistic” elderly men and women had a 55 percent lower risk of death from all causes and a 23 percent lower risk of cardiovascular death than pessimists.

One of the most direct links between gratitude and optimism is shown in the “Nun Study” by David Snowdon, professor in the Department of Neurology at the University of Kentucky Medical School. In his now-famous research, Snowdon found “the more positive emotions expressed in the life stories of these nuns (contentment, gratitude/thankfulness, happiness, hope and love), the more likely they were to still be alive six decades later.

By Drs. Blair and Rita Justice / Source: Health Leader

 

Time is the greatest equalizer.

Time is the most precious value we have. Time is the greatest equalizer of human beings. If we don’t ant to admit his and to treat time with respect then we will only have to lose. It doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, healthy or sick, you will only have 24 hours a day either way, and you should try to use them wisely.

Most of the times, we waste our time and energy worrying and thinking about things like how to win more money and how to leave a better life. Well, when we do this we usually forget about the most important think – the time to live our life in. A wise man will always tell you: “You can always make more money, but you can never buy more time”.

How many times are we aware of the ways we invest our time? And the word “investment” is the most accurate because the way we choose to spend our time is a true investment in ourselves and our own lives. And you will never find the true value of time in the way people around you act and talk.

People usually spend time for hours in front of the TV, or they spent a lot of time browsing the net with no purpose whatsoever. Some of us even try to steal more time with the cost of many healthy sleep hours. If you wake up earlier in the morning just to smoke a few cigarettes and to fill your self up with coffee so you won’t feel sleepy it doesn’t mean you won quality time. Also, inefficient work or spending more hours at work that you have to is equal to borrowing your life to someone else.

Everyone always says things like: “I’m just counting the hours to go home” or “I wish it were Friday” on a Monday and so on. These are just signs that those persons usually waste their time. If you organize our time efficiently and if you choose to do only activities that motivate us somehow, then we will find ourselves able to work everyday without feeling tired or sleepy.

At any moment that you just let time pass by you think about what Romans said: ”Carpe Diem” – it has a great meaning for our everyday life, it means “Live the day” or better said “Organize your day”. Make more time to analyze the way you invest or waste your time. And never forget that you can’t tell anything about tomorrow so “Carpe Diem!”

By: Ken Charnly