Having good persuasion skills has become a necessity in today’s fast-paced world. A large part of your success depends on the cooperation of other people. Influencing them to your way of thinking is now a very essential step in the fulfilment of your goals.
Here are 5 simple yet effective persuasion tactics you may use everyday to build loyal and lasting relationships through the power of persuasion and influence.
Tactic # 1: You Must Enter Their World.
Copy them. Observe how they act, how they speak, and how they think. If they rub their forehead while they think, act like them. If they speak at a clear and slow pace, try to do the same thing. This is called mirroring. In due time, the people you’re mirroring will subconsciously feel more comfortable with you. It’s as if they see themselves in you. However, you must proceed with caution. Do not let them be aware that you are copying them. They might interpret it as mockery and you’ll just get into trouble.
Tactic # 2: Meet Their Existing Needs and Desires.
People are self-centered. They are initially concerned with their own well-being before others. If you can prove that your proposal will provide more advantageous benefits to them than to your own, then they will probably accept it. If you could focus more on their interests, desires, needs, and expectations, then you would satisfy their cravings for attention. Moreover, it would show that you really care about them. Mutual trust and respect would be established. Satisfy the “What’s In It For Me?” test first, before convincing others to do what you want them to do.
Tactic # 3: Provide Them with Compelling Evidence.
Explain to them how your ideas or suggestions could be the most effective techniques to implement. Show them undeniable proof that you have the best product by way of testimonials, before and after scenarios, and detailed comparisons against your competitors. Just make sure that all your claims are true and verifiable. Always maintain a good reputation. Be friendly and nice. Smile to brighten up the day. Make a sincere compliment to raise their spirits. Little things like these count a lot. Make them feel that whenever they need help or just someone to look up to, you’ll always be there to lend a hand. They would tend to be more receptive to people that they trust.
Tactic # 4: Communicate Wittingly But Clearly.
Most people, if not all, would like to be accepted and to be perceived as likeable in the eyes of others. But what if you have to tell something undesirable to your friend, which is just for his or her own good? How can you get your message across without hurting their feelings? Substitute negative statements with positive ones. Instead of saying “You don’t understand,” say “Let me explain.” Instead of remarking “You’re wrong,” say “Permit me to clarify.” Instead of stating “You failed to say,” just mention “Perhaps this was not stated.” There are certain words that affect a person more negatively in comparison with other words that have the same meaning.
Tactic # 5: Agree with Them First…
Nothing could be more pleasing to the ear than hearing someone else say that you are right. In this case, be prepared to let other people know that you respect their opinions. You may add your comments at the end, but acknowledge them first. Say: You’re right, although … Great suggestion, however … I agree with your opinion, however … I would feel the same way if I were you, although … I understand your situation, however … Reassure your counterparts that the decision made will benefit both parties. People need to feel that they have made the right choice.
Imagine seeing better by thinking differently. That’s a vision with a future, according to Harvard University psychologist Ellen Langer.
Eyesight markedly improved when people were experimentally induced to believe that they could see especially well, Langer and her colleagues report in the April Psychological Science.
Such expectations actually enhanced visual clarity, rather than simply making volunteers more alert or motivated to focus on objects, they assert.
Langer’s new findings build on long-standing evidence that visual perception depends not just on relaying information from the eyes to the brain but on experience-based assumptions about what can be seen in particular situations. Those expectations lead people to devote limited attention to familiar scenes and, as a result, to ignore unusual objects and events.
In perhaps the most eye-popping of Langer’s new findings, 20 men and women who saw a reversed eye chart — arranged so that letters became progressively larger further down the chart, with a giant “E” at the bottom — accurately reported more letters from the smallest two lines than they did when shown a traditional eye chart with the big letters on top. All volunteers had normal eyesight.
These results reflect people’s expectation, based on experience with standard eye charts, that letters are easy to see at the top and become increasingly difficult to distinguish on lower lines, the researchers suggest.
Participants who said they thought that they could improve their eyesight with practice displayed a bigger vision boost on the reversed chart than those who didn’t think improvement was possible, but only for the next-to-smallest line. Both groups did equally well at reading the smallest, topmost line.
Another set of experiments included 63 members of the Reserve Officers’ Training Corps at MIT. Eye testing determined that their vision ranged from below average to excellent.
An experimenter told a group of 22 cadets to assume the role of a fighter pilot while operating a flight simulator. During this exercise, participants tried to identify letters shown on four plane wings of approaching aircraft. Each wing contained one of the bottom four lines of an eye chart.
Another 20 cadets performed the visual task while pretending to fly a plane in a simulator that they were told was broken. Ten other cadets read a motivational essay before the exercise. A final group of 11 cadets didn’t use a simulator but practiced eye exercises that researchers described as capable of improving eyesight before taking an eye test.
Vision improved substantially for nine of 22 simulator pilots compared with none of those who pretended to fly, two of 11 eye exercisers and one person in the motivational group. Simulator pilots did so well relative to the others because they more thoroughly adopted a mind-set of being real fighter pilots with presumably superior vision, the researchers posit. An initial survey of ROTC members found that they attributed particularly good vision to fighter pilots.
Simulator pilots with below-average vision displayed the biggest jumps in visual performance, perhaps because they had more room for improvement, the researchers suggest.
These results suggest that if eye exercise programs designed to improve vision work for some people, it’s not because of any physical effect on the eyes or brain. Such regimens “may be effective because they prime the belief that exercise improves vision,” Langer and her colleagues write.
Mind-set may boost visual performance without sharpening vision itself, comments psychologist Daniel Simons of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign.
Experimental manipulations in the new study, such as reversing the arrangement of an eye chart, may have made volunteers more willing to guess when they felt a bit unsure, Simons says. Such guesses stand a good chance of being right, in his view.
Here are a few tips about discussing sexuality with your kids, and a few things you should know:
When is the right time to discuss sex with your kids? Truth is, it’s never too soon. Body parts and all. If a child learns to be ashamed of their body, this can lead to body image issues later in life. Or even shame around sexuality.
Be positive about all bodily functions. Meaning, when you’re changing a diaper, don’t say “OMG, that stinks!” There’s nothing to be ashamed of about something that’s just a part of every day life. It sends a bad signal
If you catch your kid in what a professional would call, “self-stimulation,” DO NOT push their hand away or punish them for their exploration. I actually caught my boy exploring once, and my comment to him was, “That’s normal behavior, but it’s private behavior, so if you want to continue, you’ll have to go into your room for that, buddy.” You know what he did? He got up, walked out, went into his room, and slammed the door! Not a word of a lie! That’s my boy! He was 3. But seriously, don’t make your child feel this is shameful behavior.
How does a baby get in your tummy? A good answer would be to explain that when a man and woman love each other, and get married (yes you may say that or not), the man puts his penis in a woman’s vagina, and his sperm fertilizes her egg, and a baby then grows. WWWWWHHHOOOOOO!!! Screeching breaks!!! But really, you could absolutely say this. However, a suggested age is not before grade 2-4. So, I say, use your judgement and go accordingly. That may be over-share for some. But if they ask you to confirm it as truth, then you have the right to confirm that.
And finally, be open and available. Let them know that whatever questions they have, no matter how private, or how silly it may seem, you are ALWAYS there to listen. Remember, you don’t want your kids learning about sex from someone else. Let it come from you. Shake off the worries, and get talking. And please, MONITOR THEIR WEB SURFING BEHAVIOR. This is a biggie.
We tend to postpone our happiness because we have been conditioned that we can only be happy when we achieve a specific objective. The unpredictability of the times that we are living in make life a very painful experience for individuals with this frame of mind.
I once asked a young man in his mid twenties what would really make him happy? He responded and said, “I would love to retire and live in a small cottage close to the sea.” It was difficult for me to comprehend the long postponement of this young man’s happiness and then asked him, “What will make you really happy in your work?” He stared through the window for a while and then said, “I will only be really happy when I become managing director of the company that I work for.” You might think that this young man showed a lot of ambition, but I diagnosed him as a chronically unhappy boy.
It is good to have long-term goals, but it is better to learn to enjoy each step of your journey. Only when you learn to enjoy the current moment will you achieve real contentment.
Happiness is not something that you need to strive for or that must be handed to you by someone else. Happiness is something that must be allowed to escape from your heart. Happiness is the ability to experience happiness notwithstanding what happened in the past or what might happen at some future date.
If you knew that you have only one month to live, will you be able to enjoy every last second before your date with fate? If you are a person that is truly happy you will make the absolute best of the final hours of your life. You will give and receive love unconditionally. You will not waste time to accuse others of past mistakes that they made. What you will do is to live life to its fullest. Why then do we need to know that we will die soon before we actually live the final hours of our lives? Live each day as if it is your last on this planet and see what difference it will make. Stop looking for happiness from some outside source. Happiness is already in your heart; all you need to do is to release it.
The fear that something might be wrong with you is causing you to search for happiness in all the wrong places. Your beliefs that something or someone else will make you happy move your attention away from “here” to a place or destination away from yourself. It activates the perception that the “now” (current situation) is not the place where you will find happiness and that you can only expect happiness at some future time at a different destination or location.
Most of us are always busy pondering our “next step” and forget to appreciate what we already have. People search, struggle and strive, but never really arrive at their desired destination because they cannot get past the feeling that something is missing. I have met so many people that find it impossible to enjoy the present moment, the present company or their present partner because they feel that there is always still something missing.
The reason for this is because most people think that happiness must arrive from a source outside them. This perception is at the root of feelings of unworthiness and unhappiness. Most people are waiting for their friends, partners, children or employer to make them happy. This self-enforced feeling that something is missing and that happiness will mystically appear do not only put themselves under constant pressure, but also cause a lot of discomfort to the other players in his or her game of life.
I am convinced that you have met many individuals that are constantly unhappy. Such people also tell endless stories how people have let them down or how they have been taken advantage of. In short these people love to play the role of a victim and enjoy the moments of attention that it provokes in their listener. The problem with people with this disposition is that they are unable to see the whole picture. They look at things selectively and only see the things that will confirm and support their negative point of view.
When a happy person looks at a wonderful sunset he or she will allow themselves to be swept away by the kaleidoscope of colours and shadows. They might even experience a moment of deep respect for the creator. The habitually unhappy person will also look at the sunset, but will not even see the amazing play of colours. He or she might still be upset because his or her partner arrived late for their appointment.
I often tell people that you must not only listen to music, but feel the music as well. When you become a person that live your life in the now you usually become optimistic and appreciative. Unhappy people live in the past or the future. They usually drag trainloads of bad experiences with them. They find it impossible to let go of past failures and setbacks. They also cannot stop worrying what might happen in the future. While you are still busy congratulating them with their new job they will already speculate about things that could possibly go wrong at some future date. I am sure that you might think that this type of person should be classified as a perpetual pessimist, but I see people like this everyday. In fact I do not know a lot of people that I would classify as happy. When you take a careful look at all the things we do and strive for you will discover that our yearning to be happy is behind most of our actions and decisions.
A man that cannot find enough compassion in his heart to forgive is a fool. We all make mistakes, but the fool continues trying to convince everybody that he is flawless. When you master the art of forgiveness you enter a safe harbour and gain peace of mind. An energy bubble surrounds each one of us. This energy field is charged by your predominant focus at any given moment in time. People can sense when anger, grief or revengeful thoughts are trapped in this energy field. You need to sanitise this invisible energy bubble that accompanies you wherever you go if you want to improve your health or lifestyle. Letting go of the past is a good place to start. The key to a clear energy field is forgiveness. Not only forgiveness of other, but of yourself. Do not allow your past to hold you at ransom. Forgive yourself unconditionally and get on with the game of life. Even if the mistakes that you made in the past shook the world in its foundations you still need to put them behind you. Remember you are not the mistakes that you made. You are not your history. Let go of the past or unconditionally accept the current mediocre role or position that you are in. You cannot cross the bridge of life if you continue to keep your one foot on the yesterday’s side of the bridge. If you want to cleanse yourself you will have to forgive yourself unconditionally. You must see past mistakes as stepping-stones. There is nothing you can do about past mistakes and poor choices that you made. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Be gentle with yourself. Only when you can become your own best friend will you begin to make real progress in life. If you want to forgive a person for what he or she has done to you, you will need to erase his wrongdoings or no real forgiveness can take place.
Next time you stand in front of a mirror, ask yourself what is awesome about you. Then smile at yourself. Not a pathetic, subservient “please appreciate me” smile, but a smile that says: “Damn this is cool, life is awesome and you, my dear, look hot.”
I have to admit, I wasn’t even planning to attract any girls on that day. But I suppose after you learn about women and seduction long enough, and practice it, it just comes naturally. It was a cold Saturday, and I was at an American airport, about to fly back to Canada. I was checking my baggage and making random conversation with the dude next to me when a lovely young brunette walked up next to us. She ran her credit card through the check-in machine and then dropped it on the floor.
“Thank you!”, I said joyfully before I picked it up and handed it back to her.
The three of us laughed, and the guy chimed in: “Guess drinks are on her today!” He was right. She bought me a drink later. Lesson learned: Be in a good mood when you approach women!
Many ways of doing the same thing
You see, I’m sure that many people would have done the same thing I did in that situation: picking up her card for her is a matter of courtesy and politeness. But doing it with a bit of cockiness, with fun, helps a lot! The classic male reaction would have been to either say nothing, or “here you go”, while handing it back. She would have forgotten about you the second she turned her back. She did not forget about me, though. I was lucky enough to be on the same flight with her, and when I arrived at the gate, it was only logical to find her and sit next to her. I walked straight up, asked her to take her stuff off the seat next to her and sat down.
Try a smile in the mirror
You know, it’s funny. A smile seems so effortless, you may wonder what difference it can really make. We’re talking about moving a couple of facial muscles, what, a centimetre? I still catch myself wondering how it can have such an impact on others, when I don’t even feel much different (any more) whether I smile or not. But when I talked to that girl at the airport again, it was with a coy smile and boy did it make a difference. “So, you still got your credit card?”, I asked – casually, while putting my bracelet back on, that I had to take off at the security gates. She laughed again. “Yeah…”
Next time you stand in front of a mirror, ask yourself what is awesome about you. Then smile at yourself. Not a pathetic, subservient “please appreciate me” smile, but a smile that says: “Damn this is cool, life is awesome and you, my dear, look hot.”
Have fun with the girl!
From there, I went into a normal conversation with that girl. What she was up to. Where she was heading. Feeding off her responses, staying with what she was saying. At the same time, in my head, I pictured myself as a cool guy talking to a fun person. Believe me, that’s something I had to practice for a long while before I actually had it down! In the past, I used to picture myself as a common peasant, having stumbled upon the unique opportunity to talk to an unattainable princess. No, man. Not helping.
These days, the girl’s my buddy. I assume she’s cool, fun, and I talk to her that way. I didn’t get to sit next to airport girl on the plane, but when we reached our destination, we had some time to wait for our connecting flights. Guess who bought me a drink then.
They’re there to have fun with
The universe puts girls into your way all the time – they sit next to you on the bus, they stand in line with you at the supermarket, they hang out on the lawn of your college campus. Learn to relax and change your perspective: these are normal people, not angelic princess aliens. And what’s more, there’s a good chance they’re fun! Think of your fun buddies. How do you talk to them? You’ll easily find something to open a lovely girl with: a ring she’s wearing, the colour of her hair (does it match her eyebrows? If not, it’s probably dyed), a piercing. Now, you’re a sociable guy. You want to make conversation. Pass the time. Be friendly. So be enthusiastic when you approach women – they’ll thank you for it, and before you know it, there’s another number in your cell phone.
Everyday you make a thousand choices. You choose what to wear, where to go, who to meet, what to eat and what to do. MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, YOU decide WHAT TO THINK. One thing is sure and that is that your day will not be better than your thoughts. ...................
Just close your eyes for a moment and see if you can visualise this open toolbox and if you can see the hundreds of tools that are neatly placed in this toolbox. Now look if you can see the maker’s name on these tools. The creator of these tools (thoughts and perceptions) is you. You created thousands of thoughts and perceptions (tools) about everything since your childhood. ..................
When confronted with any situation or problem you reach into this toolbox and take out what you think the most appropriate tool would be and then attempt to fix the problem. It is estimated that your mind thinks at least 2,500 thoughts an hour. Every thought that you think is a tool (perception) that you have that you imagine would work best under specific circumstances. This thought process continues day and night and will do so for the rest of your life. .....................................
I am convinced that we think ourselves to a standstill. We never stop playing with these tools in our toolbox and can hardly ever really relax for a while. If we are not faced with a problem or task that needs completion we still continue to take out these tools and mentally rehears and contemplate how we will use them should something that we fear become a reality. ............................
We are forever thinking and scheming and never become still and tranquil inside. Our bodies might seem relaxed, but deep inside our heads this thought process continues churning around. What I am most worried about is that most of the tools that you have in your toolbox are very old and outdated. .......................
Many of the opportunities, problems and obstructions that you face daily cannot be repaired while you are using old and outdated tools. If you take a modern mechanic’s toolbox and you place the toolbox of a mechanic of fifty years ago next to it you will find that there are major discrepancies. When you are confronted with something that needs repair and you do not have the right tool for the task at hand it can be very frustrating. We usually improvise and try using some other tools and hope that it will also get the job done. ........................
When you are faced with a problem you need to select the right tool for the task at hand. If you do not have the tool in your toolbox it can complicate your life. What most people seem to ignore is that it is sometimes better not to reach for your toolbox when faced with a problem. Sometimes you need time to pass or need to leave the problem with its rightful owner. How well you use your tools is usually reflected in the world you see around you. What would you do if you were faced with any or all of the following? .........................
You get a flat tire on your way to an important customer or meeting. You can fall apart, develop a migraine and think that life is against you or you can take out the right tools (patience and reality) and take care of the problem in a relaxed manner. ........................
You have been working on the computer for hours and suddenly lose all your work. You can drop dead with a heart attack; think that God hates you or you can take out the right tool (sanity and reality) and begin over and this time remember to make a backup of your work. ....................
A lover or wife possibly cheated on you. You can go crazy and get an assassin to take out the potential threat to your relationship, think that you are a failure or you can take out the right tool (no fear of loss) and get on with your life. .......................
When you have the right tools in your toolbox it makes life a lot easier. The choices we make are vital in our lives. The more quality choices we make during any given day the higher the probability of success and peace of mind. ................
I suggest that you equip your toolbox with the best tools you can lay your hands on. It is important to upgrade if you discover that one of your tools are outdated or that a more modern version is available. How would you react if your TV packed up and a technician that obviously knows very little about electronics arrived at your house with only a sledgehammer and a few other primitive tools in his toolbox? I am sure that you will send him away and find someone better qualified and equipped for the task. .....................
You might sometimes be like this incompetent and poorly equipped technician indicated above if you do not often update your tools (thoughts) in your toolbox. You can also have all the right tools in your toolbox and never use them because you are afraid that you might make a mistake. ..................
You must remember that happiness and success is always just one thought (tool) away. You should remember when you find it difficult to cope with something that one new tool (thought) could change your life. One fresh thought and one new idea can change your life from pain and suffering to success and peace of mind. ........................
You are today what you were programmed with yesterday. The choices that you make on a moment-to-moment basis decide your fate and future. You can never feel or perform better than the ongoing thoughts and feelings that you allow to occupy your mind! .......................
The mistake we make is that most of us live our lives on a reactive basis. We start and complete our day in a reactive state of being. Something comes to our attention via our five senses or via a thought in our mind. We automatically slip into the “role” that we created for ourselves many moons ago. We act, react and experience the same feelings and emotions that we embedded with our scrip at its inception. We do exactly the same when new stimuli push the previous “drama” off the stage in our minds. We sustain this reactive mode of thinking until we finally go to bed at night. Most of our days are made up of a tapestry of “roles” that we played in our own colorful way. It is important to understand that nothing is going to change until we do something different. We cannot repeat the same old recipes and expect a different outcome. ....................
You can use the “Portable Life Skills Wisdom” book to develop a range of appropriate scripts that you can use when you are faced with a problem or project that need your attention. You will if you apply the scripts in this book find that you no longer run your life on a reactive basis. The new scripts will help you to live your life in the moment. You will become more realistic. You will treat each event on its own merit. How do you do this? ......................
The Process ....................
Read the first message in your book. Write it down if at all possible. It will assist you to absorb the data provided. Now sit back and close your eyes and visualize how you will apply the specific message in the various areas of your life. See yourself on the screen of your mind using the message in all your day-to-day activities. It is important to attempt to feel and experience the benefits that this new mode of thinking will bring into your life. Do this for ten minutes. Then open your eyes and begin to apply the wisdom on all occasions where appropriate in your activities on that given day. ...........................
Proceed to do the same with second message etc. in your book tomorrow. You will upload almost a thousand powerful recipes if you sustain the process indicated above. You can in less than three years upload a powerful “tool” system that will serve you for the rest of your life. This can be a life changing experience if you apply it daily. You will discover that the ten minutes you invest daily will upload countless new strategies into your subconscious computer. Build a successful and happy life. The key however is action. You can have the best tools available to man and still fail if you don’t use them daily. Wishing you the very best with this endeavor. .............................
Daily Support System (This Blog) ................
You not only have the massive key ideas in the book that you can use when appropriate you also receive daily posts on a wide range of subjects that will expand this system to a level never offered before. Visit this blog daily for fresh new ideas with a sprinkle of historical wisdom that stood the test of time. ..........................
Rene
PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE 